Distinguished Gawker alum and longtime desert dweller Ken Layne is now editing the quarterly publication Desert Oracle, which you can subscribe to here. Ken Layne is himself an oracle.
Memorial Day's Real Heroes Are These Loser Tea Party Candidates
Aerial drones and roving robots have taken over the work of America's fighting forces. The remaining humans in the military are mostly concerned with Wiccan worship, transgender issues, and health care controversies at the Veteran's Administration. Maybe it's time to start honoring some real heroes on Memorial Day:…
Heart of Blandness: A Walking Tour of Silicon Valley
Walking is the only pleasant form of traveling by land. You need no special equipment, training, money, e-tickets, antidepressants, or Twitter followers. Whatever clothes you're wearing will do fine; a hat and shoes are optional. When I've got a few days to spend somewhere, I spend them walking around. So I spent a…
Paranoid Burlesque: William S. Burroughs At 100
Life is maddening and dull. People are treacherous. It is impossible to have any peace without being lonesome. Our species fell into a trap of words and routines. William S. Burroughs was born a century ago today, made many detailed complaints to the Management, and died in 1997.
California Is Finally Getting a Real Weekly Magazine
A new weekly magazine called California Sunday was announced this morning, and reaction was immediate and joyous. The very creative business idea is to put the print mag inside the state's biggest Sunday papers, while having all the websites and apps that are exciting to new-media people but can't charge Sunday paper…
America Is Now Importing Air Pollution From China, Too
America sent its manufacturing to China, but the pollution is "coming back to haunt us," according to a new study. The jobs and economic growth remain on the other side of the Pacific. This seems like a pretty bad deal, overall.
Fisherman Swept Out To Sea Trying To Save His Ice Chest From Waves
A man fishing on the beach alone at Point Reyes National Seashore was swept out to sea and killed on Monday. Witnesses said the fisherman was trying to retrieve his ice chest, which was pulled off the beach by the surf.
Catching Up With Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Martin King—he hasn't used the "Dr." or "Luther" or "Jr." for decades now—is living proof that even legends can get tired of being legendary. Pacing his spartan office at MSNBC's studios at Rockefeller Center on a dreary Wednesday in mid-January, King is pecking a text message back to his daughter about dinner plans…
As California Burns, Hot Dry Weather Predicted For Entirety of "Winter"
Here's some terrible news to mark the beginning of permanent fire season in California: It's going to stay like this, hot and dry, until May. The Climate Prediction Center says winter will come and go without the usual winter storms that provide the snowpack that provides all the water people use. Fire conditions will…
Utah Man Can Finally Dump Wife and Children By Going To Mars
When a man looks at his wife and four (!) children, what he really sees is the black iron prison surrounding him. How does he break out? In the case of Utah dad Ken Sullivan, the answer is the same red planet that has inspired humanity throughout history. Mars!
The Restaurant Put the Fork and Knife There In Hopes You Might Use Them
Of course you should use silverware when you're eating dinner at a restaurant that has provided silverware, right there next to your non-paper plate. Nobody believes otherwise. But here's our important new populist debate about whether New York Mayor Bill de Blasio is too fancy because he used a fork and knife to eat…
Snowy Owls Leave Arctic To Invade Frozen America
In normal times, the arctic bird of prey known as the Snowy Owl stays up north, feasting upon the flesh of lemmings. But these are not normal times, so the owls have come south with the terrible arctic weather. "They are just absolutely everywhere and there's a lot more coming," says an expert who knows about the owls.
Americans Love "Bigfoot," Couldn't Care Less About Actual Wildlife
Americans love myths. We love ghost stories and the "American Dream" and "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps," and we especially love the idea of Bigfoot. This is the only reason why the same backwoods drifter can claim he found two different Bigfoot monsters and make the news for each of them.
Appreciate This Beautiful Freezing Snow Nightmare While You Can
It seems there's a bit of inclement weather on the East Coast, and also around the Great Lakes and the Midwest and (who knows?) maybe even Texas and the South. Please enjoy your blizzards and Winter Wonderland, because snow and cold are beautiful things, and one day you can tell your starving children living…
Except For Dinner Last Night, I Haven't Had a Drink This Year
Alcohol plays a large role in everyone's life. We use it to clean our many wounds, and we add certain percentages of the stuff to our gasoline, within certain states where that's required by regulations. Some of us even drink alcohol, for pleasure or otherwise. But you can count me out of that last group. For all of…
2014 Is the Year of the Seven-Toed 3D Pornography Beast
On this New Year's Day in America, 2014, the nation's typists ("thought leaders") are required to use their long-dormant psychic abilities to designate the next 12 months as the Year of Something or Other, whether that be "accidental mass suicide" or "wearable automobiles" or "raccoon-sized talking spiders." Such…
The Year's Very Worst Words Are So "Problematic"
Language is wonderful and language is alive, but language is also a form of psychological assault—especially when everybody suddenly starts using awful new terms and phrases just because everyone else is doing it, on Twitter. We are not so naive as to think we can "ban" this or that word, because "ban" is one of the…
The Year We Racially Profiled Saint Nick: 'Zat You, Santa Claus?
Ho ho, it seems we're spending this Christmastime deciding what color skin Santa Claus is allowed to have. Gather 'round the Yule log on your smart phones, younglings, and watch the old bigots on the permanent Naughty List try to invent another make-believe crisis of complexion. What race is Santa Claus? Well, if they…
The Federation of Black Cowboys Is Closed For Renovation
To reach the Federation of Black Cowboys headquarters at Cedar Lane Stables, you take the A train for about an hour out of Manhattan to the Grant Avenue station in Howard Beach, walk a mile past park-and-ride lots and construction sites and a truck selling Polish sausage, then look for the wooden rail fencing around…
