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Posts Tagged “

kennedys

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bad press releases

Kennedys Tangentially Involved in New Website

Ameritocracy is some new blog site widget internet social networking community aggregator or something, in which people vote on things other people say and decide if they are relevant. Whatever, it's terrible. But there's a Kennedy involved! A real-life Kennedy! They had a launch party with two Kennedys! Robert Kennedy Jr and Robert Kennedy III! (Note to the Kennedys: there are other names.) Those Kennedys showed up because Bobby III is their "outreach director." And also because if there is one thing members of the Kennedy family know about, it is getting ahead in "a meritocracy." (Do you see what they did there?) Attached is the press release celebrating this revolutionary new website. Maybe they can hire Robert Kennedy IV as their proofreader?

12:16 PM on Thu Jul 3 2008
By Pareene
367 views, 9 comments

Latest by PandoraSpocks: @if_i_only_had_a_heart: No, I'm saying he's an asshole. The president is a moron -- big difference. Laura Bush accidentally killed another teenager when she was driving a car -- she was not under the influence, she was in an accident. Michael more »

ted kennedy

Ted Kennedy Has a Brain Tumor

Massachusetts Senator-for-life Ted Kennedy, recently hospitalized after a stroke, has a malignant brain tumor. Kennedy, who's been in the Senate since 1962, when both two of his brothers were alive, is 76. No word on how advanced or aggressive the tumor is, or what his course of treatment will be, but he's basically got between one and five years left. Enough time to see Bush out of office, hopefully. Best of luck. [NYT]

1:51 PM on Tue May 20 2008
By Pareene
2,887 views, 84 comments

family matters

Will Illegitimate Mystery Kennedy Endorse Obama?

Page Six says Vanity Fair found an illegitimate son of John F. Kennedy out in Canada somewhere. His name is Jack and he "bears a strong resemblance to the 35th president assassinated in 1963." But Teddy strong-armed Graydon Carter and they killed the story! Except Vanity Fair says it isn't dead, so much as waiting on some sort of proof beyond resemblance and hearsay. Page Six, unfamiliar with such quaint niceties, is understandably unconvinced. [NYP]

10:19 AM on Thu Feb 7 2008
By Pareene
2,436 views, 35 comments

the politics of failure have failed

Obama Will Change America Right Back To 1960

The 60s are back! Thanks to the candidate for change! Attached, Barry Hussein's new TV ad, set to run right here in New York City—which is briefly important again, did you hear? Barack Obama knows America is sick of the same old ways of doing politics. They're tired of dynastic families remaining in Washington for generations. He knows also that everyone loves the Kennedys! At least, most of the Kennedys. The dead ones mostly, plus the ones we don't see too much of, like Caroline. It was so nice of those Kennedys to adopt Barry and make him one of the family! Just like Brad and Angelina! Or maybe he's infused with the spirit of JFK himself, like Suri Cruise! (The Times notes that the spot references the moon landing, which NIXON did, while leaving out the Bay of Pigs. Seriously? You thought they'd include the Bay of Pigs? Why not a drugged-up Marilyn Monroe getting double-teamed by the President and the Attorney General too!) The full ad is below, watch and pine for the black and white America you don't remember but it seemed pretty awesome. More »

1:00 PM on Wed Jan 30 2008
By Pareene
4,137 views, 153 comments

Latest by Furious George: @Mediahohoho: I'm the only person on this thread who's used a single fact or cited a single source (and yes, we can play the "waaaa! your source doesn't cooounnnntt!" game all day; it's the last refuge of those too stupid more »

congressional crack-ups

John Sweeney Schools Us In How To Drink, Drive And Screw Simultaneously

Trainwreck and former New York congressman John Sweeney was charged with a DWI last night. He was not charged separately for having a 23-year-old woman on his lap at the time of the accident—but all in due time! In the last two years, the 52-year-old Sweeney has been through a nasty-ass divorce; caused the stranding of hundreds of skiers when he crashed into a tree at the bottom of a resort; been accused of domestic violence; gotten lit at an upstate fraternity; been embroiled in several ethics scandals; and lost his congressional seat. Guy's taking on the entire Kennedy family single-handed.

5:10 PM on Mon Nov 12 2007
By Maggie
2,077 views, 28 comments

Latest by n/a: Top 10 Reasons John Sweeney Was Driving Drunk! 10. Serving as Designated Driver for lobbying firm interns9. Returning home from late night Gillibrand fundraiser8. Was actually canvassing area roadways looking for intoxicated drivers7. Returning home from mandatory fraternity meeting at Union more »