Finally, The World Is Spared Another Show About Lawyers

Hipster movies are made, as are ones about the depraved world of small town Texas. Which are sorta hipster in their own right. Bad news for David E. Kelley, which is good news for us. More »

Kevin Costner Knows Where That Ice Cream Is Going: His Thighs!

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Jimmy Kimmel Reports Back For Awards Duty

· Jimmy Kimmel will return to host his fifth American Music Awards in November; confirmed musical guests include Pink and the Jonas Brothers, who will honor the institution with a Grobanesque medley of songs by influential winners like Kris Kross, New Kids on the Block, Kool and the Gang and many others. [AP] More »

Ay yi yi: inspired, perhaps, by the evocative mashup that is The Dark Cock, Disney has decided to retool its controversial comedy Beverly Hills Chihuahua into an empowering political fable worthy of Manohla Dargis. No longer simply a slapstick stereotype-fest, it's now the story of a lone chihuahua birthed Athena-like from the head of Kevin Costner and thrust into that most awe-inspiring of responsibilities: casting a vote to decide the fate of the U.S. presidential election. After two hours of sturm and drang (and the advice from his precocious liberal daughter), will he make the right choice? Spoiler alert: after a persuasive lobbying from surrogate Tinkerbell, he picks Paris Hilton. [Beverly Hills Chihuahua]

August Blahs Hit Hard as Scummy 'Mummy' Threatens Bat-Superiority

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to new hits, misses and dead ends this weekend at the movies — and considering our sudden passage into the August filmgoing doldrums, we could use all the guidance we can get. Still, Batman's dark shadow stretches into its second week while another, stinkier franchise will do all it can to vanquish The Dark Knight at the box office. Meanwhile, we fear for Kevin Costner, have a film-festival darling in mind for this week's Underdog pick, and have a bleary-eyed glance at the latest DVD releases as well. As usual, our opinions are our own, but they're also essentially failsafe, so read them and weep! Literally! More »

If Kevin Costner Backs It, But The Movie Is 'Swing Vote,' Will They Come?

Perhaps it's due to all those episodes of Behind the Music we watched back in the day, but we've always assumed that no matter how big a fortune a megastar may amass, he or she will eventually waste it all on hookers or blow. Not so, apparently, for Kevin Costner: though far removed from his Waterworld earning power, he's socked enough in the bank to still be worth over $20 million. Unfortunately, he spent that $20 million self-financing the dire-looking comedy Swing Vote. Says the LAT: More »

Touring the Exotic Public Restrooms of China, With Your Host Conan O'Brien

Viewers who tuned in Wednesday to Late Night With Conan O'Brien were treated to very special vacation slideshow by Mummy 3 star Maria Bello, who, during a recent visit to China, skipped the Great Wall and the Forbidden City in exchange for the more fantastic tour of Misconceived Bathroom Placards. It's not just the mangled English ("handicapped" = "deformed") and malaprops that make the show-and-tell special, however. Just take a moment to enjoy O'Brien's play-by-play, abetted by headlining guest Kevin Costner's awkward sidekick chuckle. If it's not enough to make you forget Andy Richter, it's at least enough to make you forget this man once won an Academy Award. In any case, we genuinely wouldn't mind if they revived this segment every week. [NBC]

Kevin Costner Reduced to Stealing Mediocrity From the Dead

A disturbing revelation has come to light today about Swing Vote, Kevin Costner's election-year opus about the alcoholic schlub on whose shoulders the entirety of presidential politics rests via some fluke of electoral nature. It's about as disappointing as its midsummer dumping implies, writes NY Post critic Lou Lumenick, but that hardly seems as unexpected as his observation that the whole film rips off is an "uncredited remake" of a 1939 John Barrymore film called The Great Man Votes: More »

Fox Planning 'Prison Break: Chicks In Lock-Up Edition'

· Why does it take the threat of a strike for people to start cranking out the truly genius ideas? Fox has ordered a script that could generate a Prison Break spin-off set in a women's penitentiary, a project that would be perfect for Michelle Rodriguez once she concludes some previous obligations. [THR] More »

After seven months of suffering through the unrequited love of their favorite actor, the proprietors of If I Blog It, They Will Come finally entice Kevin Costner to visit their online shrine to the Field of Dreams star. Tears are shed and new friendships are forged in what will doubtlessly prove the feel-good link of the day. [If I Blog It They Will Come]

More Bad Movie Accent Fun

· This list of 13 isn't the first time we've seen someone try to determine the worst fake accents in movie history, but we think it's a debate always worth revisiting, even if Keanu Reeves in Dracula can never be beaten. (Not even by Costner in Robin Hood—and as you can see in the clip above, that guy was horrible!) [via BoingBoing] More »

Your Apathy About Live Earth Is Destroying Our Planet

· Dennis Hopper, Nathan Lane, Kelsey Grammer, Stanley Tucci, and George Lopez join the cast of Swing Vote, the "populist" comedy in which a presidential election hilariously rests on Kevin Costner's ballot. [Variety] More »

Kevin Costner Not Done Peopling The Earth

Sure, pressing one's extremities into wet pavement outside the Chinese Theater provides a certain level of immortality for an aging movie star hoping to leave something behind besides Walmart bins full of marked-down copies of The Guardian, but there's nothing quite like the doughy, powder-scented palpability of a freshly sired newborn to fully reinvigorate one's faith in one's own enduring legacy: More »

Forbes List Of Costliest Divorces Provides Handy Guideline For Next Generation Of Discarded Hollywood Starter Wives

As far as major milestones on the great playing board of the Celebrity Game of Life go, nothing quite matches the divorce in terms of pure, spectator deathsport value. Forbes, always at the ready with some variation of a list of famous people and their mindboggling fortunes, now presents the Most Expensive Celebrity Divorces. A drumroll, please, as we reveal the top ten: More »

Stalk of the Town: Kevin Costner in 'Waterweight'

The time: 9:30 p.m. More »

Kevin Costner Sues Promoter For Failing To Make World Care About His Shitty Band

Because no aging actor's tumble into middle-age and the looming specter of obsolescence is complete without the forming of a musical vanity project available for booking at your next wedding, bar mitzvah or corporate event, it should surprise no one that Kevin Costner has a band, dubbed, for maximum movie star name recognition potential, the Kevin Costner Band. Spoiled perhaps by the white-gloved treatment to which he is accustomed from the LA-based Hollywood agents and managers handling his film career, Costner is suing the East Coast music promotions company he hired for failing to put his signature Costner sound on every iPod in America: More »

Ryan Seacrest's Refrigerator Secrets

In honor of Zodiac, the long-awaiting release from director David Fincher opening today, the LAT has a little fun by taking some of America's other legendary serial killers and playing one of Defamer's favorite parlor games, "casting the CBS movie of the week." (Only in this case, it's something more akin to "casting the $85 million Paramount/Warner Bros. co-production.") Some of their choices are mind-numbingly obvious (gee, we guess now that you mention it, Vincent Gallo does kinda look like Charles Manson), and some we just don't really see (we're not getting Green River Killer from Kevin Costner, sorry. He always gave us more of a Scott Thompson-vibe.) But one pairing was so inspired, it instantly chilled us to the bone: Forgetting for a moment that Dahmer was about a half-foot taller than his red-carpet-stationed doppelganger, something about the glassy-eyed smile, the boyish good looks, the laid-back, charming demeanor that lulls you into a state of trusting complacency, instantly said to us "human pancreas in an empty Blue Bonnet margarine tub." More »

Kevin Costner Locked In Legal Battle Over His Kevin Costner-Themed Casino

Besides owning the bragging rights to the title of "co-star of the second-highest-grossing Ashton Kutcher vehicle currently in theaters," Kevin Costner also has a significant stake in the Midnight Star casino in South Dakota—a pit-stop on the way to Vegas where Clark W. Griswold-types can drag their families and enact lifelong Old West gambling fantasies before loading up on souvenir fleeces and Costner DVDs in the gift shop on their way out of town. Costner is now attempting to squeeze out his two business partners, who may only own a grand total of 6.5% of the business, but who are making the buyout as painful as possible: More »

Disney Spares No Expense In Building Kevin Costner's New Waterworld

On the eve of the release of The Guardian, the cinematic event that will finally provide the moviegoing public with the Kevin Costner/Ashton Kutcher grizzled veteran/pretty hotshot pairing they've long clamored for, the LAT details the incredible lengths the production went through to ensure that its doggy-paddling stars seemed like they were battling sufficiently realistic waves. Sensing that the treacherous, water-wing-shredding conditions of the Magic Mountain wave pool might not adequately mimic the churning waters of a hurricane-stirred Bering Sea, Disney decided to build its own, enormously expensive wave-generating apparatus: More »

Stalk of the Town: In His Defense, She Looks at Least 23

The time: 1 p.m. More »

The Upside Of Costner

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Generations Of Fans To Compare Their Head Sizes To Kevin Costner's

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Flack Assures An Indifferent Public That Kevin Costner's Marriage Is Intact

Perhaps fueled by reports of his unsuccessful, alleged solicitation of a happy ending from a masseuse, and the auto-administered release that followed, there has been a recent uptick in rumors that Kevin Costner and his wife Christine's marriage will result in a decidedly unhappy ending. Not so, says Costner flack Paul Bloch, who released a carefully (and copiously) worded denial: More »

Short Ends: Costner Exposed As Alleged Self-Massager

· Remember the story about the anonymous Hollywood "superstar" accused of taking matters into his own hands (or to use the French term, "rubbed one out") after his shocked masseuse refused to administer a happy ending? A British tribunal ruled that it's OK to reveal that Kevin Costner is the alleged knuckle-shuffler, yet offered no legal correction to the misapplication of the term "superstar" to the actor. More »

Remainders: Kevin Costner Officially the St. Andrew's Perv

• A UK court rules that it's OK to publicly confirm that Kevin Costner is the actor accused of exposing himself to a masseuse at St. Andrew's. Welcome out of the closet, buddy — hope you enjoyed what was left of your career, 'cause that shit's over. Er, more over than it was before today. [Times UK] More »

Defamer Real Estate: Seacrest Buys Confirmed Bachelor Pad

This weekend's LAT Hot Property column reported the sale of Kevin Costner's Hollywood Hills spread to American Idol Ryan Seacrest for $11.5 million, a passing of the luxury real estate baton from fading movie star to inexplicably popular, general-use TV host. A brief rundown of the estate's features: More »

Kevin Costner's Laptop-Stealing Wedding Hairdresser Fesses Up

A hairdresser hired for Kevin Costner's 2004 wedding and accused of stealing the actor's laptop computer has finally admitted his guilt:
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Gossip Roundup: Baby-Making With Jann and Matt

• A possible ingredient list for the impending child of Jann Wenner and his boyfriend, Matt Nye: Jann's sperm, petri dish, Nye's sister. Mix until the batter is smooth and supple like a young Adonis. [Page Six] More »

Movie Magic Transforms Kevin Costner And Ashton Kutcher Into Heroes

In the big screen pairing none of us wanted, but are getting anyway, Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher have begun filming The Guardian in North Carolina, a movie that finally lets Costner return to his heroic, waterlogged roots:
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Kevin Costner, The Wedding Hairdresser, And The Case Of The Purloined Powerbook

You pray everything will go perfectly on your wedding day, but some things are hard to plan for. And don't think being a movie star makes you immune: The Smoking Gun posted a police report recounting the events leading up to the arrest of a devious, thieving hairdresser skulking around Kevin Costner's 2004 nuptials: More »

Kevin Costner and the $8 Million Conversation

If your movie is set, the old adage goes, on a baseball diamond, golf course, or postapocalyptic, sea-covered Earth, then the Kevin Costner is your go-to leading man. Certainly that's what producers at Ascendant Pictures were thinking when they entered into a verbal agreement with the grouchy, divorced actor to play the "grouchy, divorced" lead in their new golf (well, at least golf-related) picture, Taming Ben Taylor. But when they called off the production, Costner got extra-grouchy: More »

Kevin Costner's Pleat-Snake

Earlier today, a reader forwarded us a link to this picture (link not safe for work) of Kevin Costner's "bulge," and maybe we're a little unpracticed in the art of schlong-spotting (though we can spot a nipple through two inches of opaque cocktail dress at a range of thirty feet, look how hetero we are, etc etc), but we're totally at a loss for what we're supposed to be looking for here. If anything, we think we left off a couple of arrows. More »

Short Ends: Tour Tara Reid's Chocolate Factory

· In telling USA Today about her new E! show, Wild On Tara, Tara Reid makes an unfortunate comparison: "You're going to see the people and the country and events and things we do. I feel like Willy Wonka, and I'm taking you into the chocolate factory. It's a classy show." Please, if you're going to tour Reid's chocolate factory, wear the proper protective gear. We'll let her have the last word: "When people see this show, they'll say: 'We've been picking on this girl for 10 years for no reason. She makes everyone around her have a good time.'" More »