• The way we live now: Everyone has a sex tape, but nobody thinks his sex tape counts. Creed frontman Scott Stapp says a tape of him and Kid Rock getting blow jobs from groupies on a 1999 tour bus shouldn't count. What's more, things got totally awkward between the Christian rocker and not-Christian rocker after their simultaneous orgasms: "He adds that he and Rock used to be friends, but 'haven't sat down face to face since the incident.'" [P6]
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• Jon and Kate's divorce is nearly complete, having finished a binding arbitration this weekend wherein Jon relinquished primary custody of the kids, meaning Plus Eight only have one parent left to evade before they begin their second, much happier lives as the new boxcar children. Apparently Jon brought a bouquet of long-stemmed roses to the divorce arbitration, probably because he heard the paparazzi would be there. Kate rejected the roses, despite Jon's lawyer saying "This has been called the real-life 'War of the Roses.'" As far as I'm concerned, only two good things have come of this relationship: (1) the word "mantrum" (2) Christian Siriano being forced to reevaluate his hairdo [TMZ] [NYDN]
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• Katie Holmes took Suri to see The Lion King last night, and if X17's photos are any indication, then Suri was either (a) scared of the scary animals (b) tired from staying up late (c) terrorized by the flashing strobes of skeezy paparazzi who yell her name and take her picture everywhere she goes. [X17]
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• An explosion of female overtook Robert Pattinson at the Bowery Hotel bar this weekend! The poor, beleaguered actor whose movie just earned hundreds of millions "wouldn't even look up as [his fans] walked by," either because they scare him or because he is ashamed that his only claim to fame is playing an old, undead guy who never got laid. [NYDN]
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• Zac Efron's career goal is to star in a remake of The Graduate, but if he can't get cougar tail, he'll settle for Daniel Craig. "I'd love to be a Bond baddie," Zefron squeaked. He also says he's really glad that Robert Pattinson is distracting "female attention" away from him. Between this and Pattinson's admission that Zefron leaves him speechless, females should really be beside the point here. Make out already, you two! [ShowBizSpy]
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• Ms. Universe 2008, Dayana Sabrina Mendoza Moncada, just hired a New Jersey lawyer to get her American citizenship. American reality television welcomes you with open arms, Dayana. [P6]
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• A dapper Susan Boyle touched down at JFK yesterday and will perform live on today's Today show, where she will inevitably sing that one same song, which is her melodic version of Miss Havisham's old wedding dress. [ShowBizSpy]
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Dane Cook first posted the link to this photo, which was then re-tweeted by Jeremy Piven:





Yes, the boys were "nailing down 2am Vegas style" and the conversation leading up to the moment captured in the photograph probably went something like this:

Piven: Dudes! You guys look fucking fresh rocking the Fedoras on your domes. I should've brought mine!

Cook: That's alright bro, you look pretty damn fresh without one. Must be the sushi.

Rock: (Snickers) Yeah brah!

Piven: Hey fuck both of you assholes! NO SUSHI JOKES TONIGHT! Okay?!

Rock: Somebody sure is sensitive!

Cook: Dude, we promise not to toss out any more sushi jokes if you just text Paris and get her over here so we can all run a train on her tonight.

Rock: Dude, I fucking love running trains! One time, me and the dude from Creed...

Cook: Yeah, yeah we know.

Piven: I told you guys, she got back together with her boyfriend Doug.

Rock: So! Screw that guy. He can stand in the corner and watch.

Cook: What about Bai Ling?

Rock: Ah, yeeeeaaaaahhhh!

Piven: No, I've got a better idea — let's post a pic on Twitter and we'll reel in some local Twitter whores with it.

Cook: You're a fucking genius Piv. Seriously — You. Are. A. Fucking. Genius.

Piven: Alright, everybody get in close and strike your best Mt. Douchemore pose. Ready, 1...2...3

And the rest, as they say, is history.

• Rumors are swirling that the fairy tale love affair between Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds might be coming to an end. There have been numerous reports of ugly public spats between the two of late and now it appears as though a recent fight just prior to Comic-Con caused Reynolds to cancel his appearance because he didn't want to be around his delicious wife. Scarlett reportedly got so mad that she ripped off her wedding ring and threw it at him or something. And now the producers of Green Latern are pissed at Reynolds for canceling the promotional appearance over a fight with his wife. Now, I don't usually give two shits about celebrity breakups, but these two potentially breaking up makes me kind of sad, which is sad in and of itself I guess. [Update: Reynolds' reps at 42 West contacted us and say this tale, first reported by FoxNews.com, and say that he was never going to go to Comic-Con so there was no appearance to cancel: "The story you have posted about Ryan Reynolds is completely untrue. Warner Brothers never planned to have Green Lantern as part of their panel at this year's Comic Con and Ryan is in Europe shooting a film."] [Fresh News]
  
  
• Why are the men of America shunning America's deformed-thumbed walking Halloween costume, Megan Fox? According to a few men's magazines (probably staffed by gay males), the mens are tired of the Megan Foxes. Personally, I'm torn on Megan Fox. I go back and forth a lot, but after seeing her humble, witty, self-depreciating appearance on Letterman a couple of weeks ago, I want to cuddle with her and eat blueberries and watch Silver Spoon reruns on TV Land. Just saying. [Daily News and Asylum]
  
  
• Bar Refaeli is getting over Leo DiCaprio by boning a "Brazilian playboy" named Ricardo. Yep, that sounds about right. [Page Six]
  
  
• The ridiculously beautiful Kate Beckinsale celebrated her 36th birthday out on the town in LA with Eva Longoria and Victoria Beckham. [Sun]
  
  
• Marilyn Manson has had enough of scumbag journalists saying bad things about him and he took to his Myspace page to issue a threat to all of them—If they write anything bad about him, Marilyn will eat their hearts in a teriyaki stir fry. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jay-Z got a huge book deal to write a tell-all autobiography and detail his past drug-dealing and womanizing and all that kind of stuff. [Mirror]
  
  
• Kid Rock is not a fan of Twitter. When asked what he thought about it he replied, "It's gay." Yep, Kid Rock is right again, and yes, I do have a Twitter account, so I can say that. [Page Six]
  
  
• Poor Paris Hilton is all broken up about the sex tape that made her dumb ass one of the most famous people in the world. She claims that she was betrayed and blah, blah, blah, but I think she was in on it. I could be wrong. [Sun]
  
  
• Michael Chabon is taking time off from writing books to launch an anti-circumcision campaign or something. [Page Six]
  
  
• Mischa Barton was all smiles as she returned back to work yesterday after a stint in a psychiatric ward. [Daily Mail]

• Tensions ran high at Inauguration festivities when two former allies clashed. Ageless rock lady Sheryl Crow apparently had an awkward run in with her beautiful old boyfriend, the angelic Kid Rock. [P6]
• J. Lo and her faithful, eternal mummy manservant Marc Anthony had to push through crowds to get to an Inaugural party. With, like, regular people. The first great injustice of the glorious new regime. [P6]
• James Taylor, a lovely man, was wearing a hat and sunglasses at a Sunday night concert. It's because he fell and hit his head and needed stitches on his forehead. The incident involved a hotel room and a wooden parrot. [P6]
• Bloomberg was there. He got moved into a nicer section than he'd originally been given. Surprise. [P6]
• All the celebrities, all of them—Cher and Rihanna and Shakira and Elvira and Pyrex and Josh Groban—were in DC. Someone called it "the new Hollywood," which is true, but only for yesterday. Now DC returns to its rightful position, as the old Atlanta. [Politico]
• Urrsher thinks Obama is "old school." That must that Obama is "means nothing anymore" because "old school" means nothing anymore. [Reliable Source]
• All the celebrities somehow knew where the best restaurants in DC were. Beyoncé had a po'boy and Courteney Cox had sweet potato fries and Dustin Hoffman had mini cheeseburgers and shared one with the people next to him. They must have a Not For Tourists guides or something! Or maybe they just know. [RS]

Image, of Heather Graham, via Getty

Kid Rock: We're pretty sure there was only one reason why the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape was ever released: to prove (to someone, we don't know who) that these two a) have (or at least had) groupies and b) have received oral sex. We're pretty sure we didn't need to know either of those things — but hey, that's the world of celeb sex tapes for you.

Joanie "Chyna" Laurer: Female pro-wrestlers don't get nearly enough attention in the press—though we're not really sure that the kind of attention that Chyna's sex tape generated was really appreciated by her fellow female wrestlers (can you say "inch-long and thick-as-a-pinkie clitoris with a corona resembling the head of a penis"?).

Amy Fisher: Given that Amy Fisher's biggest claim to fame was shooting someone in the face, it is, perhaps, a little odd that she followed that up with her very own sex tape. Then again, Amy's criminal career was spawned by an affair she had with the much older Buttafuoco. When she was a teenager. And seriously, how hot does "Long Island Lolita: Caught On Tape" sound? (Related, but vastly less hot: the Joey Buttafuoco sex tape.)

Verne Troyer: Next up in our list of unlikely pornstars is Verne Troyer (better known as "Mini-Me."). Though Troyer didn't take too kindly to his time in the spotlight, we feel the release of his sex tape was actually a bit of a public service. Firstly, it taught us all that, no matter how different you may look, there's always someone out there who'll be willing to love you (and commit it to tape!). Secondly, it gave us all a very, very detailed lesson in how not to kiss.

Gene Simmons: And speaking of KISSing (ha!): you can't spell sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll without sex. And no one knows that better than KISS front man Gene Simmons, whose all too brief career in adult entertainment we were more than happy to analyze.

Dustin Diamond: If you'd told us, as kids, that Screech of "Saved by the Bell" fame would one day be the star of his very own sex tape, we probably would have run screaming from the room (well, after having you explain what, exactly, a "sex tape" was). That reaction wouldn't have been so far off: Dustin Diamond's last ditch effort to reclaim the spotlight was pathetic at best—but at the same time, isn't the whole pathetic grasp at fame thing the whole point of a self-released sex tape? (Oh, and also: Dirty Sanchez.)

Jenna Lewis: Screech wasn't the first "celebrity" to cash in on a "stolen" sex tape: that honor goes to Jenna Lewis, better known as Jenna from "Survivor," who raked in over $70,000 (and extended her fifteen minutes of fame) with her very own sex tape.

Kim Kardashian: And then, of course, there was Kim Kardashian's romp with R&B star Ray J. We never really figured out why Kim was supposed to be a celebrity, but at least she managed to make it with someone with at least a little bit of cred. And, for that matter, Kardashian managed to rake in a decent amount of money, too (much as she denied that she had had any part in the tape's public launch).

Colin Farrell and Nicole Narain: Given that Colin Farrell and former Playboy Playmate are two people we'd actually want to see get it on (as opposed to, well, many of the people who made this list), we were largely convinced that their rumored sex tape had to be a hoax. Yet somehow, it wasn't! See, sometimes the powers that be really do listen to our prayers.

Paris Hilton: Paris's tape hits the top of our list not so much for its quality (it's shot in night vision, for one thing, and Paris was never much of performer) but instead for its cultural significance. Before her flirtation with amateur porn, Paris was just a D-list party girl and hotel chain heiress; post-"One Night in Paris," she was a full-fledged C-list celebutante with her very own reality show. Using a sex tape to eke out a modicum of fame and launch oneself into the spotlight? Brilliant. (Oh, and there's also the matter of Paris's sexploits hitting the newswires the same day that Fleshbot launched—five years ago today! So maybe we're a little sentimental? It happens.)

Bonus Scandal! Dita Von Teese: Lovely Dita didn't so much make a "sex tape" as star in some arty lesbian fetish porn—but hey, the video was hot enough (and the scandal hyped up enough), that we had to include it somewhere. It also wins points for generating one of the best headlines ever seen: "Dita Von Teese had sex with a shoe." She sure did.

There's no one big reason. This WSJ report lists several:

• ITunes, with few exceptions, requires that songs be made available separately. Some artists see their albums as one piece of work, and don't want them dismantled.
• Their handlers believe they can make more by selling complete albums for $10 to $15 than by selling individual songs.
• Apple isn't willing to sell songs for more than 99 cents. Most record labels see higher prices as critical to increasing revenue.

Irving Azoff, the manager of numerous high-profile acts including the Eagles, says that a few years ago he presented the band with a financial analysis showing that their royalties to date from iTunes sales were far lower than anyone expected.

Guitarist Glenn Frey did some back-of-the-envelope math of his own. "His comment was that it amounted to 39 minutes on stage in Kansas City," Mr. Azoff recalls with a chuckle.

Ha, and you know they don't pay much in Kansas City! Now there's a budding backlash, as some record labels look for ways to return to the days of selling entire albums, which are much more lucrative than those singles that iTunes mandates. Kid Rock managed to sell 1.7 million copies of his latest album without iTunes, on the strength of his godawful execrable derivative single, "All Summer Long." Christ.

Of course, you shouldn't forget who the main alternative to iTunes is: Wal-Mart, where rock and roll lives. So here's what will happen: iTunes will continue to dominate, but slowly lose market share to other players in the digital music space. Downloads are here to stay. Wal-Mart will continue to dominate the market for people who desire CDs of horrible, trite songs like "All Summer Long." When the CD market totally dries up, Wal-Mart will figure out how to dominate the digital space and become a major competitor with iTunes. One day far in the future, some brilliant young person will figure out how to translate the business sensibility that made indie record stores great onto the internet. Till then, bow to iTunes and like it.

[WSJ]