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New York, 1:35 PM
Sun Nov 29
12 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/25/09
11/25/09
11/25/09
Their only defense? The shit-farm we call a culture here in the United States. What are these kids nursed on when it comes to cultural values, so that no matter what good-faith effort a beleaguered parent makes, they are riding into a stiff headwind? Reality TV, Extreme Anything, and the blind hope that some day you may get to make a sex tape that is bought by TMZ. The American Dream has become a national nocturnal emission, replete with a cold and scuzzy residue that no amount of turning away will relieve.
Or not.
11/25/09
I would consider that statement extremely hard to substantiate -- what parent is going to admit to it? Thus you're left with what you've observed about parenting...95% of which takes place behind closed doors.
So your statement probably has meaning only to the extent that you've shared living quarters with a large and representative sample of families. And if that's really what you're claiming you've done, then I'm quite interested to know more details.
11/25/09
There are too many tentacles to this octopus to go into here. The fact that a parent can't or won't admit what I observe of their behavior doesn't absolve them of it. And you may claim that the fact that I observe this behavior in them doesn't necessarily make it so, either, but I have one thing you don't--stark circumstantial evidence that nobody's home, literally and figuratively, these days when it comes to performing the tasks that a parent is charged with.
Things like disciplining a child, socializing them, helping them understand that when they are out in public, there is a different standard of conduct they are held to, because, guess what? Society requires it. And when that standard isn't met, society is diminished. It literally unravels.
Maybe you don't see any of the signs I am referring to. Then again, maybe you live on another planet and ride a unicorn. But because you doubt me, next time you're out and about, look around for a family that functions as it should: one where the members are loving, respectful, engaged by each other, and act like members of a group that recognizes itself by the way they act. Then maintain that vigil, and see how long it is between the time you saw the first group that met that standard and the time you noticed the second one.
Best of luck.
#tips
11/25/09
11/25/09
#tips
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#tips
11/24/09
11/24/09
Everybody except Basket is over 13 in the works of Gertrude Stein.
No, not a spelling error.
11/24/09
But I digress...
I do appreciate what has to be the most literate response to something I have ever said here at Gawker. Truth to tell, you have now shamed me into going back to get my PhD, which will no doubt enable me to comprehend the full scope of your insights.
Gracie mille!
#tips
11/25/09
#tips
11/25/09
#tips
11/24/09
11/24/09
11/25/09
11/24/09
Sorry, but no. She's just a whiny, spoiled little bitch.
Do you really think that 13 year old girls are incapable of showing respect to their parents or acting like decent human beings? I was never like this, nor were any of my close friends at that age, nor was my sister.
I think the real problem here is that we, as a society, raise a bunch of pouty, self-indulgent little beasts and then give them a pass because "they're just kids."
11/24/09
11/24/09
11/24/09
It's really not uncommon for girls that age to reject dad's love and/or friendship, and I'd imagine it'd be particularly hard for the girl to care what he's saying when he's not around at all. I'm betting in her 13 year old, un-nuanced mind, she thinks "really? you want to pretend you care about me, but I only see you 4 times a year? Back off jerk."
11/24/09
11/24/09
But even as a 13YO, I understood that my parents were my parents, and they loved me, and that there were certain things that once said could not be unsaid. I don't have the healthiest relationship with my parents today, but I still understand those things which I feel like is the thing that keeps me able to look past their flaws.
I mean, I'm so over some of the attitudes girls/women are told are okay to have towards men from such a young age. If it's not "my father was never a real father!" than it's "my father wanted me to be his little girl forever!" I know when you're a 13YO girl, men seem like another species who have languages and agendas and ways that are foreign...that's why it's important to try to build a relationship with the one man who doesn't have a fucking agenda. Where does she get off (in her little ignorant and immature way) questioning her father's masculinity? Cause that's what the "that's gay" stuff is about, right- "you're not a man!" Fuck that. Like she would know the first thing about losing your home and marriage and half your paycheck to people who may never love you ever again.
I know some parents suck and I don't think people should just sweep that under the rug, but I feel like this whole teen-adult generation has this attitude like, it's parents jobs to ensure that they make their kids happy enough to not want to cut them off when they're 21. Like, almost every other person I know is estranged from one of their parents. And I wonder how these people would feel when they're 45 and parents themselves and want to connect their kids to grandma and grandpa, and Papa was like, "eh, no thanks..."
11/24/09
That's not to say she'll never outgrow it, or that this particular case doesn't have some extenuating circumstances we don't know about...I just think that our society is generally to accepting of inconsiderate, disrespectful and selfish behavior from children (who then turn into inconsiderate, disrespectful and selfish adults - or at least, they often do).
11/24/09
2 weeks + 3 weekends + living several hours away [not =] regularly seeing them. There are clearly some issues in this family we're not aware of and it's too easy to assume it's all her fault.
Can he see them more often, thus reducing the need for this long distance relationship? Can the parents sit down with her together and talk this out--and listen to her? Bring in a neutral party like a family counselor? Does he understand that some teens do not appreciate parents showing up in their social/communication space, that they seem pathetic when they think they are hip?
The fact is she's 13 and dealing with divorce. Why does the responsibility to being the adult fall to her?
11/24/09
11/25/09
He has to drive to see his damn kid. Boo hoo. And when she refuses to blow bubbles at him and allow him to treat her poorly, he takes to the internet to whine about it. Publicly.
Stand up fellow the dad is, all right.
Tween daughter should be tonguelashed for resorting to calling her father ghey because not only is it disgusting to use ghey as an epithet but it's mind-numbingly uncreative. Father needs to be slapped upside the head with a sock full of common sense and stop acting like the phucking child in that relationship.
Damn - parenting isn't an easy job but people have a way of making it a lot harder than it has to be.
/rant
11/25/09
11/25/09
11/24/09
(Don't laugh. Notwithstanding that little episode with Knute the Knife Thrower, the Bearded Lady and I have been very happy together.)
11/24/09
11/24/09
11/24/09
If she answers, you've done a good job.
11/24/09
[www.theonion.com]
11/24/09
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11/24/09
11/24/09
Like whenever we see obviously young children posturing by their lonesome, when they're selling candy ("I'm not selling candy for no basketball team."), dancing and doing tricks in dirty jeans and t-shirts, or riding in a group when it's clearly school hours. We usually just roll our eyes. Perhaps we shell out a dollar, but really we don't take into consideration that it isn't safe, that they are still babies, really, and that they should be protected, and not disregarded as the "culture" of subway travel.
I know, we as adults should be asking questions of the kids, but that could be dangerous too. Perhaps ACS really needs to start working with transit, so that we stop looking at independent children as merely annoyances, entertainment, or "par for the course."
11/24/09
11/24/09
Like someone said further downthread - it probably didn't seem so unusual to the people who were on the train for 10 minutes. And I think most people spend their time on the train reading or zoning out.
When you've got lots of people crammed in a small space, it's the only real alternative. I prefer when people ignore me on the train - it's an acknowledgment that we're involuntarily in each other's personal space and we're trying as much as possible not to intrude.
If he was sitting up napping, with headphones on, he probably looked like every other teenager on the train.
Yes, it's a very sad story and I do think the parents are having a hard time trying to figure out what to do. His mother says as much. He was diagnosed with Asperger's only a few years ago.
Were the people on the train heartless? No, probably not. Clueless? Sure.