A Mobile, Ala., mom says school officials forced her daughter to sign a contract promising not to commit suicide or harm others after the kindergartner "drew something that resembled a gun," then pointed a crayon at another kid and said "pew, pew!"

As many as a dozen children attending a kindergarten in the western Norwegian town of Sola may have sampled some blood that a teacher brought into class for show and tell.

This qualifies as a bit of a vague, not totally well-established-in-a-statistical-way trend; but the fact that it exists at all for one single person in America is, I believe, newsworthy. Families are taking out tens of thousands of dollars worth of loans in order to pay for private kindergarten for their whelps. That…

Kindergarten can be a difficult transition for a lot of kids. You know what makes it easier? Heroin.

Preschool America has truly gone to seed. Just days after a spate of drunken toddler sightings, a six-year-old Houston boy brought a loaded gun to his school cafeteria. It gets worse: The gun discharged when he dropped it, injuring himself and two other students.

A Tennessee kindergarten teacher punished a student for being messy by telling his classmates to encircle him, "call him a pig and make pig noises." Don't worry—she was suspended for a day!

Donald Trump is still a couple of months from his self-imposed deadline — during sweeps week — on making a presidential candidacy decision. So let's keep humoring him! Today, he pretended to be a birther.

What fresh hell is the fact that this sentence—in New York's cover story about kindergarten meritocracy—is necessary: "The fact is, 4 is far too young an age to reach any conclusions about the prospects of a child's mind."