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Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum

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Dagrolord
01/07/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
I'm hearing good buzz about Laura Bush's memoir, and a friend who's on the Inside tells me that not only are the memoirs to be titled 'the Stepford Life', but that it's chockablock with grimly ironic ruminations told from a vast royal blue abyss of solarium sorrow.
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HurtsSoGood
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
You have to at least be an interesting person to command Hillary cash. While $1.6 mil is pretty good jack for a book full of Xanax-influenced babbling, it probably represents what conservative media (the same people who publish Ann Coulter's trash) expects to get out of it, more or less. My guess is it will make the NYT best-seller list for exactly one week on the strength of massive bulk orders by the likes of World Nut Daily, and be handed out for free to new subscribers.
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thatblackgirl
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
Has she had work done? Her eyes look bery pulled back.
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thatblackgirl
01/06/09

@thatblackgirl: *very

Sorry, I'm hungry.
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i'm a bottle
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
That's still enough money to keep her in cigarettes and booze.
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
Head for the hills if that faceplate ever falls off and her ears start emitting sparks.
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

@scroll_lock:

Or if she farts (see: South Park: Awesome-o robot episode).
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

@DevilsAvocado: I didn't think she had the anatomical equipment necessary to pass anything other than moonbeams and magnolias!
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

@scroll_lock:

In response to your reparte, all I can come up with (tee hee) are 'butt plugs'. I'm retiring hurt. 'Tis 3.20 am here. But it's been fun, and fab to bump into you in the increasingly obtuse Gawker universe. Be well, Scrolly.
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

@DevilsAvocado: Great as always to see you! Love the jammies, too! XOXO DA
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City_Dater
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
If she would reveal that she's been living in Blair House for the past three years, since her slow weaning off "muscle relaxants" has made being in the same space with W. far too challenging, then maybe I would read it.
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
She will reveal that during Hurricane Katrina, she and President Bush were ignoring millions in peril because "the 700 Club was on!"
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bringmemyTofu
01/06/09

@scroll_lock: "And my big goof of a husband, God love him, just can't get that darn Tivo thingy to work."
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

@DevilsAvocado: Same way she justified her involvement in the anthrax mailings.
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

@bringmemyTofurkey: "Georgie gets so mad he smashed my Hummels and took a razor to my favorite Thomas Kinkade I hung in place of that 200 year old paintin'!"
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

@bringmemyTofurkey: "OOOH, that Pat Robertson makes me want to wear shoes that aren't sensible!!"
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

@scroll_lock:

Mercy killing? Put us all out of her misery?
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

@DevilsAvocado: She wanted to get us to Jesus quicker.
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

@scroll_lock:

But how will Jebus deal with us all en masse, if her plan comes to fruition? That whole 'en masse' arrival at the gates during the Rapture thing confuses me a bit. No... a lot.

Will there be a numbered ticket system? I favour the 'first-come-first-serve' basis. But that can be hard to enforce without a printed ticket distribution apparatus. I still bear scars from the U2 Vertigo squabble.
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

@DevilsAvocado: The Dewey Decimal system shall prevail.
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

@scroll_lock:

Dewey is a fraud. Or so I've been told... 808.101788897 SUTH
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Tremonius
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
Question is, will she read it? Not a given. Remember one of them Trumpets used a publicity campaign to sign an author for the "mystery" she had a contract for and which of course nobody even suggested she would write. And Bill Gates told his monster staff that his own autobio in progress should "sound more like me." And then there's the land of the as-told-to sports bios, and Mickey Mantle's agent. He actually read his own faux-autobio! "I don't say he hasn't started other books, but this is the only one he has finished," announced the helpful pub.

If the librarian is in control, then the book will read exactly like a deposition in a very dull civil matter ...
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
I personally will skip over the boring drivel about standing robotically by her man despite his blowing rails the size of a Buick and go straight to the chapter regarding her insatiable hunger for black men hiking up her Chaus skirt and pulling her hair. I want to know what happened to her mulatto (she'll use the term, thinking it more refined than "high yeller") babies. I also wish to know the details of the high she gets from shoplifting.
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

@scroll_lock:

Judging from that there photo, I'm more interested in the detail of the high she gets from eye-lifting.
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

@DevilsAvocado: One more nip and she'll be staring at the ceiling without raising her chin.
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

@scroll_lock:

One more tuck and she'll be waxing her chin. What Brazilian?
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scroll_lock
01/06/09

@DevilsAvocado: Naturally, she'll try to put a positive spin on how she popped a cap into Vince Foster.
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DennyCrane
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
All I can think of while looking at that picture is Jack Nicholson as the Joker.
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BadUncle
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
Try as hard as I might, I can not imagine her naked. I struggle and struggle - but the image? She's not there.
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GirlyWhirl
01/06/09

@BadUncle:

Why are you struggling to imagine such a thing? You're too hard on yourself... there's some self-hatred there.

Also, maybe she's a Never Nude, and that's why you can't picture it.
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BookishLookish
01/06/09

@GirlyWhirl: I can so see her leaping out of the bathtub to throw a flannel nightgown on as quickly as possible. Also, the bathroom is locked with a really big chain lock so nobody can ever get in.
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BadUncle
01/06/09

@GirlyWhirl: I like to challenge my auto-eroticism. It's like trying to climb K2. Except, in this case, I really do need a sherpa to help with my load.
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Rumpelstilskin
01/06/09

@BookishLookish: And the keyhole is covered!
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BookishLookish
01/06/09

@Rumpelstilskin: Totes.
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Hydroceph
01/06/09

@BadUncle: there's challenging yourself, and then there's just sick. Please be careful.
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GirlyWhirl
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
Laura's memoir questionably opens with her awakening on a flight to Chicago, bleeding from the mouth and face and with no recollection of how she got on the plane. She is sent off to her first bout of rehab where she is forced to quit her beloved booze and crack and undergo a root canal with no anesthesia. Later, while serving time in prison and helpless to prevent the tragedy, the love of her life commits suicide. (Hint: it's not George W.!)

Laura is now claiming she may have "embellished" some details for "obvious dramatic reasons".
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

@GirlyWhirl:

Regards all the aforementioned torture, Girly? Still sounds better than being married to Dubya.
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Rumpelstilskin
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
What on earth could she have to say? She let the men take care of "men's business" while she made the best home she could.
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
This book will not suck big balls.

The only balls being sucked by this good lady formerly known as 'First' will be marble-sized. And furry. Not to mention most likely shattered several years ago by a glancing blow delivered by Dick 'Phallus' Cheney. In the sauna.
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Kobayashi Maru
01/06/09

In reply to Laura Bush's Memoir Worth a Paltry Sum
That's like $25K a page. She should be thrilled.
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