bringmemyTofu's new line beats the original, "Nice Sweatshirt..."

feistykate's new line beats the original, "Paper Bag? Should I Be Carrying a Paper Bag? Where Can I Get a Paper Bag??"

• While you were merely voting and watching television or whatever, Kirsten Dunst was personally investigating the voting process, in North Dakota. She was asking America why it's terrible at voting, and hoping the answer has nothing to do with movies. [Daily Star]
• Oprah Winfrey on Obama's speech, post-cry: "I was so, so, so excited and then just sort of a calm came over me." [Insider]
• Jessica Alba was impressed that John McCain dealt with racial issues in his concession speech; Harvey Weinstein called Obama's win "a great day for America;" Obama Girl Amber Lee Ettinger "burst into tears" when the race was called for Obama. As though she had a choice. [R&M]
• It's not an entirely happy morning in America: Lesbian heiress Courtenay Semel lost her allowance. [P6]
• Miley Cyrus is already gearing herself up to just say "NO" to unreasonable posing requests from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Including anything involving bedsheets. [Entertainment Weekly]

Dunst is tagging along with filmmaker/real estate scion Jacob Soboroff as part of his Why Tuesday? campaign — videotapes of which are to be fashioned into their documentary about America's lag in voter participation. In other words, what she really wants to do is direct:

"The older you get, it makes you feel more and more responsible for the power you have, especially being in the entertainment industry ... and how delicate and important it is to use that power to influence people in a positive way," Dunst said. [...] "I feel totally honored and was really proud to vote, and have never been so proud to vote in my entire life."

Great! But North Dakota? Soboroff said he wanted to see if its policy not requiring voter registration — the only such law in the nation — is a "best practice or ... a worst practice." Forget their documentary; this is clearly a job for our Election Day PrivacyWatchers. The first legit sighting from Bismarck gets an "I Voted With KiKi" sticker and executive producer credit on our own forthcoming doc, Defamer Decides: The Motion Picture. Get stalking!

• Kirsten Dunst in North Dakota for vote documentary [AP]

Boomp3.com

After enjoying a delicious meal at popular restaurant Bossa Nova, actress Kirsten Dunst was dealt a parking ticket by the cruel hand of fate. Dunst intitally shrugged it off fine, but upon further inspection became slightly miffed. There was a small note attached to the ticket that read: “Thanks a pantsful for putting Cameron Crowe in movie jail. I hope you can sleep at night."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Sporting her finest cut-offs, Spider Man trilogy star Kirsten Dunst stopped off at a Early Voting facility. After she walked out of the voting booth, Dunst did her best Palin Dance to celebrate her decision to rock the vote. Dunst quickly added, “I may be doing the Dance, but it doesn’t mean that I voted for her. Although, I would love to see Tina Fey have all that work.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

More partying photos after the junst!

[Photo credit: X17agency.com]

• Bleary-eyed Kirsten Dunst parties hard in Hollywood... just months after leaving rehab [Daily Mail]

• Anderson Cooper's great-great-grandfather, Cornelius Vanderbilt, held as a slave cousin now owns the plantation where Michelle Obama's great-great-grandfather, Jim Robinson once worked. Cooper's cousin has invited Obama to visit her ancestor's grave. (CORRECTION: CNN said Obama's ancestor did not work for Vanderbilt. [R&M]
• Apparently trusting her awful, awful romantic instincts, Jennifer Aniston decided to resume hooking up with John Mayer, on both coasts. And apparently in an airplane. [National Enquirer]
• Following his instincts to sacrifice even a hot, gainfully-employed Italian boyfriend to his perpetual bonfire of narcissistic drama, Marc Jacobs ogled his rentboy ex Jason Preston, who has a new man. Or at least that what's the Post's tipster wants us to believe. [P6]
• Eight months after rehab for, uh, depression, Kirsten Dunst was photographed trashed in a Los Angeles bar called the "Rubbish Bin." She should have asked Tom Arnold for a good sponsor when she had the chance! [Sun]
• Lauren Bush, niece of George W., on Obama: "He seems like a strong leader." In W magazine, no less. [P6]
• Tina Fey said she won't keep impersonating Sarah Palin if John McCain wins the election. In that case, "I'm done... And by 'I'm done' I mean I'm leaving Earth." [Daily News]
• Gerard Depardieu's 37-year-old son died suddenly of pneumonia while filming a movie in Romania. [Mail]

Oct. 1
"Just saw Whitney from the Hills at Delicatessen on Prince & Lafayette. Looked like she was filming her new "reality" show as the film crew took over an hour to set up."

Sept. 27
"Saw her at the corner of 17th & 5th, I was on my cell asking where City Bakery was. She stopped to tell me it was one block up and said, 'Sorry, I overheard you asking, and it's just one block up.' She was super sweet and much shorter and tinier in person, but still really pretty even without make-up."

Sept. 14
"Gold Bar / Sunday night (1am monday morning), Whitney and Lauren from The Hills."

Sept. 13
"Saw Whitney Port of 'The Hills' at La Esquina on Kenmare last night around 10pm. She was eating with friends, all very normal looking and there were no cameras, bodyguards or anything. She was super sweet and friendly as I said approached her when I was leaving. Told her she was the only redeeming character on the show and she repeatedly said 'thank you'"

Sept. 10
"Whitney Port from The Hills at the W Hotel on Lexington and 49th street at 2pm. dont know if your care about this chick, but she is staying here."

Sept. 5
"I saw Whitney from the Hills at Mercer Kitchen today (9/5) around 1pm. She was wearing leopard print SHORT-shorts that you could see straight up when she walked up the stairs to leave. I ran into her in the bathroom as well where we had a short convo. She is much thinner in person than I imagined. And prettier. Amazing skin. She said she was going to be in NYC for a while. Hills spoiler??"

Real or fake, the lady is suddenly everywhere. And yet we've managed to completely miss her. Maybe it has something with our never leaving the house.

Hiiiiiii Whittles!!!!

Images: Left & top right via Bauer-Griffin, bottom right via Splash

Boomp3.com

While the US economy remains in an explosive state, some Americans — like Kirsten Dunst— have begun to look for a second job to supplement their lifestyle. The How to Lose Friends & Alienate People star recently apply for a position as a greeter at a local Wal Mart Super Center. Dunst felt like she’d be perfect for the position because she’s a total people person and enjoys making people feel at home. Dunst even practiced greeting people at the premiere for Hound Dog. Dunst said, “It’s not a life or death situation that I get a second job. I would like a second job and I want to fully prepare for my interview. I can actually say that I have greeting experience instead of lying about it on my resume.”

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

• Anne Hathaway broke up with Rafaello Follieri by speakerphone, saying, "you were the love of my life." Then he was arrested while she went to promote her movie in Mexico. Seeya, let's stay friends 'k?! [Us, Vanity Fair]
• Wait, Ivanka Trump is friends with Google co-founder Sergey Brin? [P6]
• OK! got to work buttering up Sarah Palin with the "gossip" that the Republican VP candidate's daughter Bristol is engaged. Eat your heart out, Us Weekly. [OK!]
• Do not cut off Alec Baldwin with your limo, inconsiderate rich person! [P6]
• Mary-Kate Olsen demanded to sit between two Gossip Girl stars at a fashion show. [R&M]
• Jennifer Aniston's awkward drink with Brad Pitt? She was originally planning an even-more-awkward dinner! Now she's consoling herself with Scottish actor Gerald Butler.
• Jay-Z invites reporters to event, forbids note-taking or tape recording. This way he can credibly claim to have been misquoted! [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson plan to get married in the next six months but, contrary to other reports, are not planning to have a baby.
• Kirsten Dunst isn't dating Justin Long and never was. Officially. [Us]

This week's installment also includes: Clint Eastwood, Jerry Seinfeld, Ryan Phillippe, Kirsten Dunst and Justin Long, Farrah Fawcett, James Woods, Dane Cook, John C. Reilly, Lauren Conrad, Ellen Pompeo, P. Diddy (twice in the same night!), Jared Leto, Kevin Federline, Sandra Oh, Seth Green, Balthazar Getty, Pete Wentz, Briam Baumgartner, Zachary Levi, Ciara, Adam "Seymour Butts" Glasser and more.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 21
· Sitting in a booth at the recently re-opened Fab's on Van Nuys Blvd in Sherman Oaks at 8pm, Mr. "Hey, Spike Lee, Shut Your Pie-Hole" himself, CLINT EASTWOOD, speaking in hushed tones while dining with Sinatra's favorite opening comic, Tom Dreesen. I couldn't hear if Clint said to the waiter, "Go ahead, make my Chicken Marsala." Even at 93 [Ed. Note: He's actually only 78], Clint looks like he could kick some serious butt.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 22
· It was celeb night on Friday 8/22 at the AMC theater at the Century City Mall. Spotted PETE WENTZ standing outside with friends. His hair is flat ironed to oblivion and he is short, almost alarmingly so. Kept his hoodie on the whole time. Jessica's pregnant sister was nowhere in sight.

Then, a few minutes later, ELLEN POMPEO (that's Meredith Grey to you) walked by hand-in-hand with her hubby. Super skinny and wearing gross, skin tight white jeans, white shirt with trashy sky high black heels. They were in a rush which made her look like she walks funny because she clearly couldn't handle those heels. We decided she was dressed like a Staten Island prostitute.

We decided to hold out a few more minutes on the hope we would spot an elusive A-lister. And before we knew it, PUFF DADDY walked by sans entourage! He is indeed puffy. Mr. Mogul needs to get back to running marathons for charity. He was wearing sunglasses. At 10:30pm. And he was texting while walking briskly. Who says men can't multi-task?

· Equinox West Hollywood. PUFF DADDY (again!) makes his entourage wait in the juice bar while he grabs a steam.

· JUSTIN LONG and KIRSTEN DUNST were spotted Friday night at the Dragonfly, checking out the show Point Break LIVE! She sat behind him w/ her girlfriends, but Justin kept turning around to talk to her & see her reaction to the craziness onstage.

·Bristol Farms, West Hollywood, 5:30PM (ish). Looking determined to get out and towing a tow-headed child: RYAN PHILLIPPE. Taller than I would have expected, and beefier (but by no means tall). I don't know if he's moved to the neighborhood but the shopping cart was brimming. In case he is, a word of advice: I know it's technically West Hollywood, but the look you should be going for should be more "Daddy out shopping for groceries with my kids on Beverly" and less "Out shopping for a Daddy to buy my groceries on Santa Monica".

SATURDAY, AUGUST 23
· He's not a household name, but with 33 film and 40 television credits, let's just say I was surprised to see SEAN WHALEN selling blenders at the Burbank Costco on Saturday, miked up, dressed in a white lab coat and white paper hat. He usually plays nerds, but now he's extolling the virtues of raw food smoothies. Ouch.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 24
· Sunday night at the Radiohead show. Saw SANDRA OH with several dudes scrambling to get to their seats. She looked flustered, yet excited. Also saw SETH GREEN in line between songs waiting for beers. He was sporting a trucker hat and has a big, shaggy red beard. He looks like he belongs under a bridge waiting for three billy goats gruff.

Lastly, also saw BALTHAZAR GETTY near the beer line between songs, wearing douchey skinny jeans and chomping on cigarettes. Dude looked like he was having way too much fun, like he'd just ditched his wife and kids for a hot chick who likes to bang while only wearing a sailor's hat. Oh, wait...

· As I approached the cool 'n' groovy Santa Monica/Fairfax Whole Foods, I saw two paps outside aiming their lenses into the store. Store security blocked their view. I heard someone say, "She's the one in orange," and then noticed LAUREN CONRAD in a cute orange summer dress, casual hair, grinding her own peanut butter near the bulk grains. No, she did not have an assistant to pour in the peanuts and press the button for her. When I left she was checking out, the paps were lining up, and the Whole Foods security guys, looking vaguely energized, were preparing to escort Ms. Conrad to her vehicle.

MONDAY, AUGUST 25
· Monday night, Radiohead at the Bowl. After briefly encountering JARED LETO (dressed a bit like Shia in Indiana Jones) on the concourse leading a small scuzzy posse around and claiming that he had extra seats, I was surprised to see him all alone in the pool circle up front where I was seated (second row, yo!). Jared apparently ditched his "boys" and tried a bum rush to get up front as the lights went down. Multiple security guards stopped him and he immediately went into "Don't you know who I am?" mode. At first it was high-larious, but then it became a bit pathetic. And then it became a lot pathetic. He just would not give up. It didn't matter. They hauled him away just before the band came out and killed it.

I'd like to believe that Radiohead hates Jared's stupid fucking band and the noise pollution he calls music as much as I and everyone else at the show does, and that they ordered security to remove him from their immediate vicinity, but more than likely Thom Yorke has never heard of 30 (Minutes? Miles? I refuse to google.) to Mars. To Thom, it was probably just another dumb asshole without a ticket getting the boot from the front. Which is exactly what it was.

·Saw JAMES WOODS on 8/25 on Burton Way near Raffles L'Ermitage Beverly Hills. He was on the phone and completely plugged into it. Looks pretty good for a man his age. No sign of his 20 year old girl anywhere.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 26
· Comedy Antichrist DANE COOK was at Crunch. His name was on the marquee at the Laugh Factory across the street, so I'm guessing it was some sort of pre- or post-show routine. If you imagined that he'd work out in a backwards baseball cap and muscle shirt, thereby confirming your image of him as a superannuated, doughy-faced, overgrown frat boy - you'd be correct.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 27
· Two fun (separate) sightings. Saw Kevin (BRAIN BAUMGARTNER) from Scrantonicity (and, yes, The Office); and, Chuck (ZACHARY LEVI), from, well, Chuck at the Studio City Starbucks. Both taking meetings around the corner at the NBC/Universal building? Kevin wearing shorts, Chuck driving a gas-guzzling Chevy Tahoe. Bad choices, boys.

· Eyed R&B sensation/masturbation fantasy CIARA placing a to-go order at the El Pollo Loco on Sunset and Crescent Heights around 4:40pm. Body was insane.

· I was walking back to my office from Rick's Tavern yesterday around 8:35pm going South on Main St when, lo and behold, JERRY SEINFELD was walking the opposite direction. He was with a group of like 3 or 4 friends and looking casual but good. Hoodie and glasses and admiring the motor bikes parked on the street.

· Saw Seymore Butts (born ADAM GLASSER) in the Miracle Mile Marie Callender's today. No cameras, no nudity, no sex acts being performed. But seriously, I saw Seymore Butts!!!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 29
· Walking through the hallways of a building deep in the heart of Toluca Lake around 3:30pm is FARRAH FAWCETT. Farrah raised her head to look me in the eye with a a look that said "Yes I am Farrah Fawcett and don't talk to me" Farrah had heavy duty perfume situation going on that wafted in the hallway well after she left the building. Christie Brinkley is about the same age as her but Farrah looks like she has been through the ringer and had a rough, rough hard drinking, hard partying, heavy tanning life. Use sunscreen, kids. Use Sunscreen.

· Not sure if KEVIN FEDERLINE is a real "sighting" but we saw Father of The Year at Malibu Seafood on Friday. Did not look overly douche-y. Was with a few guys, both whom I recognized but neither that I could place.

· We saw JOHN C. REILLY out in Dublin's (as in, Ireland) posh south side last Friday. We couldn't remember his name right off. We called him "Not-Will-Ferrell". He didn't seem to mind.

[Photo Credit: X17]

Boomp3.com

A medical professional must have been on hand at the Chateau Marmont to keep popular silver screen star Kirsten Dunst from busting a gut. The Spider Man star was laughing uncontrollably at the antics of Mac pitchman and ex-flame of Drew Barrymore, Justin Long. Dunst was thoroughly impressed by Long's comedic culinary consumption antics, even going as far as to say that Long is way funnier than "that Charlie Chaplin dude." Long reveled in the attention, even going as far as to moonwalk a piece of chicken into his mouth.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.