Scientists using a new form of analysis say that an earthquake south of Los Angeles would cause "stronger-than-expected ground movement" in the city. Since it was already expected that Los Angeles will be totally wiped off the fucking map, we suggest that L.A. residents begin calmly making their way out.
Police Car Transporting the Mayor of Los Angeles Ran Over an Old Lady
Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti was a passenger in a police vehicle that struck and injured a sixty-year-old woman earlier today.
The LAPD arrested Dicarlo Bennett, 28, in connection with the dry ice bombs found earlier this week at Los Angeles International Airport. Bennett, who worked for an airport contractor, was charged with felony possession of explosives near an aircraft. His bail was set at $1 million.
Two Dry Ice Bombs Exploded at Los Angeles International Airport
Police in LA are investigating a bizarre, potentially dangerous crime at the Los Angeles International Airport: For the second night in a row, a dry ice bomb exploded in a secure area at the airport, and authorities found two similar bombs nearby.
Los Angeles Boys Have Eating Disorders Thanks to Channing Tatum
In most of America, eating disorders disproportionately afflict young women, rather than young men. But in Los Angeles, almost as many boys as girls are vomiting and using laxatives to lose weight. What's to blame? Uh... Channing Tatum and Twitter?
Justin Bieber's Neighbor Files Police Report Claiming Justin Bieber Maybe Beat Him Up? (Embarrassing) [UPDATE]
Angry jellybean Justin Bieber is being investigated for battery after a neighbor told police the popstar got physical with him during an argument Tuesday morning, according to TMZ.
Crossfit Bros Are a New, More Dangerous Form of Bro
"I really do feel like it's an organizational-culture thing with CrossFit that breeds that type of asshole."
Wal-Mart's PR Firm Sent This Flack to Pose as a Reporter to Spy on a Pro-Labor Group [Updated]
Wal-Mart is trying to open a new store in LA's Chinatown area. Local labor groups, among others, are challenging the store's permitting. It's a fight with big stakes for Wal-Mart, as it goes right to the heart of the company's strategy of expanding in large cities. And now, one labor group says that an employee of a…
L.A. Schools Decide to Stop Blindfolding Kids
The official fourth grade curriculum in the Los Angeles school system includes one exercise in which students pair up, one of them puts on a blindfold, and the other hands them things, and they describe the things, in order to learn about using all of their senses and whatnot. PERFECTLY REASONABLE. But administrators…
Robert Pattinson Leaves Bar With Mystery New Girl-Lady
Last night Robert Pattinson went to the Los Angeles bar La Poubelle (French for "dirty cheater") and hung out with actress Sarah Roemer, who once worked with his accidental wife Kristen Stewart on a movie. Suspiciously, Stewart was not with them. Did they canoodle?
Mommy Bloggers Need to Shut Up About This Dirty Gay Billboard
Is there anything worse than mommy bloggers? That is a rhetorical question because if you have two firing synapses, you know the answer to that question. Now one of them is all up in arms about a Manhunt billboard that dared to be on the way to her child's school.
America's Nicest MMA Fighters Foil Robbery Nicely
In case you missed this story from last Friday, it will start your week off on an inspirational note: the security camera video above shows Luis Rosales robbing a Los Angeles hotel—and then running into Brent Alvarez and Billy Denney, two MMA fighters who just arrived in town for a fight tournament. A group hug of…
Bumbling SWAT Team Robbed For Its Machine Guns
What is that highly trained squadron of commandos charged with tackling life's thorniest situations and defeating the scariest malefactors in our society, the Los Angeles SWAT team, up to now? Oh just getting robbed for a bunch of machine guns, by malefactors! I guess commando training doesn't include irony…
L.A. Anti-Gang Program Is Paragon of Tragic Absurdity
The city of Los Angeles' "Summer Lights" program, which keeps public parks lit up at night in order to discourage gang violence, is having... mixed results. "A 15-year-old girl was shot in the back and a 19-year-old man was shot in the hand [in an apparent gang shooting] as they were leaving a Summer Night Lights…
The Quentin Tarantino Toe-Sucking Sex Email That Will Haunt Your Dreams
A young woman who works in show business emailed 15 friends last week with a tale about meeting director Quentin Tarantino at a party. She made out with him, took sexy pictures in a photo booth, and watched him whip out his "short," "fat," "nub-like" penis. She then had foot fetish quasi-sex with him, she claims.
Ron Artest is Changing His Name to Metta World Peace
Ron Artest is sick of his name. (Wouldn't you be? Does he look like a Ron? Rons work in accounting, they aren't star forwards for the Lakers.) The LA Times has copies of the legal paperwork filed to officially change his name to "Metta World Peace."
Terrible Los Angeles Murder Gets Lighthearted News Report
While reporting on a gruesome murder in the Mid-Wilshire area of LA, a KTLA news reporter managed to seem cheery and excited, and conducted a charming little interview with a neighborhood eccentric.
Chet Hanks Enjoys Smoking Weed on the West Side
Today is Day Two of the burgeoning rap career of Tom Hanks' son Chet, a.k.a. CHET HAZE. You thought he was all about getting high at Northwestern University? Wrong! He's also about getting high in the fancier parts of L.A.
Golden-Voiced Homeless Man Ted Williams Already Picked Up By Police
Ted Williams, the homeless man who found voice-over work after a video of him speaking went viral, was picked up by police yesterday following a fight with his daughter in a L.A. hotel. The media giveth, and they taketh away.
Los Angeles More Horrible Than Anywhere as Usual
Yes, New York has bedbugs. But Los Angeles has rabid bats. So.
