Lance Armstrong Thinks He Is Voldemort (Both Love Drama)

Lance Armstrong, one of the biggest dicks and frauds in the history of men, is shocked that people cannot forget what a dick and a fraud he is—even now, months after he let his girlfriend take the fall for “partying” and hitting cars. This guy! He literally thinks he is “Voldemort,” the villain in the “Harry Potter”…
Lance Armstrong Drew the Most Painful Card in Cards Against Humanity
What will seven Tour de France victories, one giant doping scandal, and an emergency testicle removal get you? 100 million-ish bucks and one massive trump card in Cards Against Humanity.
Lance Armstrong Says Everyone Should Have Known He Was Doping
Lance Armstrong, the doping-bribing-banned-from-the-sport former hero of cycling, has filed a motion to dismiss in a federal lawsuit, claiming that he didn't defraud his sponsor because the USPS should have known he was cheating the whole time.
The Justice Department has filed suit against Lance Armstrong to recover funds the U.S. Post Office spent sponsoring the fraud of an athlete.
Not Even Oprah Can Save Lance Armstrong Now
There was a time when Oprah Winfrey was the most important voice in America. She created careers with a warm embrace. She ended them with a disapproving head shake. And she selected presidents with arms outstretched.
Australian Library Moves Lance Armstrong's Books to the Fiction Section
A Manly, Australia library is moving all of Lance Armstrong's books to their fiction section, following his admission that he used performance-enhancing drugs and blood transfusions during his historic run of Tour de France victories.
'I Deserve to be Punished, I'm Not Sure That I Deserve a Death Penalty': Lance Armstrong on Coming Clean to His Family, Fans
The final half of Lance Armstrong's interview with Oprah aired Friday. While the first night focused more on the history of Armstrong's abuse of performance-enhancing drugs, tonight focused largely on the impact coming clean has had on Amstrong, his family (including his son Luke who spent years defending his father…
Lance Armstrong Admits to Cheating in Frustrating Oprah Interview
Last night, Oprah aired the first part of her interview with Lance Armstrong, who admitted to her that he took performance enhancing drugs for the entirety of his career. Of course, we already know that Armstrong had all types of blood and substances flowing through his veins during his record setting seven Tour de…
Tufts University voted to rescind the honorary degree they gave Lance Armstrong, one of America's most brilliant minds.
Lance Armstrong was formally stripped of his 7 Tour titles, "banned for life" from cycling, and stoned as a witch today.
Apparently Lance Armstrong Bribes People, Too
Continuing a fall from grace so epic that it rivals the span of, say, the Tour de France, ex-Nike bestie Lance Armstrong is now facing charges of bribery, in addition to allegations that he ran a doping ring among fellow cyclists. If you have not already set fire to your copy of It's Not About the Bike: My Journey…
Take Off Your God Damn Livestrong Bracelets
In 1996, cycling champion Lance Armstrong was diagnosed with cancer. By 1999, he had recovered and made a miraculous return to win the Tour de France. Five years later, the LIVESTRONG charity, which battles cancer, started distributing yellow rubber bracelets emblazoned with "LIVESTRONG" in honor of Armstrong's…
Lance Armstrong Files Restraining Order to get the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency to Ease Up Off His Jock
Cyclist and rubber bracelet artisan Lance Armstrong filed a federal lawsuit and requested a restraining order against the United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) on Monday, to prevent its punishing him for doping violations that could cost him his seven Tour de France titles.
Spanish Cyclist Contador Wins Third Tour de France
Spanish cyclist Alberto "Pistolero" Contador won his third Tour de France in four years today. It was likely totally clean Lance Armstrong's last.
