The California GOP Assemblyman came up on our radar yesterday, when a video surfaced of him bragging about his oozy trysts with a female lobbyist.

After reading over his lewd, yet unbelievably fascinating, remarks, we didn't expect him to have much dignity about the whole thing, but he's surprised us, for he resigned today.

I am deeply saddened that my inappropriate comments have become a major distraction for my colleagues in the Assembly, who are working hard on the very serious problems facing our state. I have come to the conclusion that it would not be fair to my family, my constituents or to my friends on both sides of the aisle to remain in office. Therefore, I have decided to resign my office, effective immediately, so that the Assembly can get back to work.

A successful political resignation, such as this one, has three components. First, an acknowledgment of improper conduct, as seen in his admission "inappropriate" remarks. Second, it's good to mention a familial discussion. Voters want to at least pretend familial obligations — not public shaming — played a role in a once respected lawmaker's departure. Finally, and most importantly, a scapegoat, preferably, as seen above, the fact that the gossip and snickering has become a "distraction" from public duties.

So, hats off to you, Duvall, you sick braggard. Now, what will become of the lobbyist, Heidi DeJong Barsuglia, who, as Duvall recalled, loved describing how he dripped out of her. Ew!

Again, Sanford was informed that a South Carolina paper was set to publish details they'd uncovered about the affair, including those hilarious emails, prior to his press conference, but looking back at other politicians who acted defiantly after being caught equally red-handed doing things they shouldn't have been doing, Sanford's emotional mea culpa was, well, kind of refreshing. When watching the entire thing, it was hard not to feel some twinge of sympathy for him, no? Especially when you look back at the four guys in this clip for a reminder of the absolute worst way for politicians to handle getting caught doing things they shouldn't have been doing.

In yet another twist in an increasingly bizarre tale, Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina, considered by many to have been a potential candidate for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, it appears as though Sanford may be lying about where he's been during the four days that have passed since he was first reported missing.

On Tuesday, sources told News 4's Nigel Robertson that a state vehicle is missing and was tracked down, not to the Appalachian Trail, but to the Hartsfield-Jackson Airport in Atlanta.

Sources told Robertson that a federal agent spotted Sanford in the airport boarding a plane. Robertson was told that the governor was not accompanied by security detail.

Sanford has been out of reach for more than four days, including Father's Day.

Sawyer has emphasized that the governor was hiking on the Appalachian Trail and that it wasn't something the staff or Jenny Sanford were concerned about.

But sources told WYFF News 4 that the federal agent who spotted Sanford saw him at the Atlanta airport, which is about 80 miles from the start of the trail.

WYFF News 4 has not yet confirmed where the plane was going or how the governor got to the airport, but it is clear there are two very different stories.

When the poor saps on his staff were asked if they were sticking by the earlier "he's hiking the Appalachian Trail" story, they issued a "no comment," which of course confirms what we've all been thinking is the truth at the bottom of this—Mark Sanford is off having glorious gay Republican sex orgies with Lindsey Graham, Charlie Crist and Larry Craig.

Sources Question Governor's Story [WYFF]

indieWire and the other outlets that picked up the story misconstrued the timeline of the events, making it sound like Nathan Lee, the film critic whose review was censored, didn't know about the alterations before the story went up. That is not true: he knew NPR would only run a bastardized, censored version of his review, without the names "Larry Craig" and "Charlie Crist," when they informed him of this fact a day after the piece was supposed to go up. At which point Lee asked that his byline be removed and a disclaimer attached.

That seems like a relatively unimportant detail, considering that the larger point—that NPR is proving the film's argument that media outlets are complicit in the hypocrisy of closeted conservatives—but it was apparently worth it to NPR's management to keep this story alive, so the record has been corrected.

And this is still the record: despite plenty of speculation on the sexuality of random pop culture figures, NPR refuses to mention that Larry Craig—who was arrested for soliciting sex from a man in a public restroom—might be gay, in the context of a review of a film about how media outlets refuse to mention that lots of people who legislate against homosexual rights are secretly gay, themselves.

Here is some material from the film Outrage, about how those repressed closeted gay Republicans are totally great at immoral filthy gay homosex.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

The movie retells the wonderful Larry Craig story and apparently really nails Florida governor Charlie Crist, who had to marry a woman because he was dumb enough to think he'd be McCain's VP. It is called OUTRAGE because a descriptive non-'generic political documentary' title doesn't look as good on a poster, or something. (Oh, wait, we get it now. Clever!) It screened at Tribeca and everything! It is directed by Kirby Dick, who did the pretty awesome This Film Is Not Yet Rated and lots of other movies we have not seen, like the Derrida one, the priest abuse one, and Showgirls: Glitz & Angst.

The film is executive-produced by Clinton friend Chad Griffin, which made Politico all excited. If they really wanted to win the morning they'd at least mention some of the film's targets beyond the well-known Larry Craig. They include:

Virginia Rep. Ed Schrock, former NJ Governor Jim McGreevey, Mark Foley, former NYC Mayor Ed Koch, 2004 Bush/Cheney campaign manager Ed Mehlman, former GOP National Field Director Dan Gurley, former Arizona congressman Jim Kolbe, former Louisiana congressman Jim McCrery, and current congressman David Dreier

And Shep Smith! So, no surprises here to anyone who reads the blogs, or who's ever traveled in DC media circles, and lots of semi-closeted journalists (besides poor Shep) are left out, along with closet cases who don't vote against the gays (following the Frank Rule) and ones for whom there just isn't actually evidence, but still: this will be a pretty awesome movie, probably. We endorse it.

Craig may never have uttered the words "wide stance" himself; that phrase came from a police report filed by Minnesota airport police officer Dave Karsnia, in a summary of Craig's explanation after his arrest. So let's relive this great moment in criminal history:

Image via Foundshit.com)

Justin Hemminger, the political coordinator for the button maker, said:

"When our designer sat down to make this button, he positioned his mouse pointer over a photo of Larry LaRocco. This particular designer uses a fairly wide pointer arrow, which may have been in contact with a photo of Larry Craig."

Almost as good as Craig's excuse.

In this age when everyone, or at least half of everyone, is divorced, we accept that marriages are complex institutions that no one knows how to operate. We're used to political marriages falling apart. But what we're sick of is political wives pretending everything is okay.

Remember how Dina McGreevey seemed not to mind that her husband was a philanderer fag Gay American [Sometimes things come out harsher than we meant! —ed] at the first press conference? That strategy didn't really work, because it turns out, she really did care quite a bit. And back in the Gennifer Flowers era, Hillary Clinton also did the stand-by-your man routine, and defended Bill on 60 Minutes. It was the first of many lies the Clintons would tell us about their marriage. Suzanne Thompson, Larry Craig's wife, is still playing make-believe, but we know the tell-all book will be out by the time Larry Craig leaves the Senate. The thing is, holding your husband's hand and embracing him after the press conference is sort of like popping a pimple. It might give off short term satisfaction, but ultimately, it will create a scar.

In our own way, we're sort of pissed at Eliot Spitzer, too. We thought he was better than the rest of New York politicians. Like, you, we may be able to forgive him over time. But for our sake, don't act like everything is all right, because between you and him, and the State of New York and him, it's just not.

XOXO,
Gawker

Be Nice
Remember how Hugh Grant cheated on his then-girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley with a Sunset Boulevard Prostitute? Neither does the rest of America, because Grant went on the offensive soon after the charges were brought against him. Appearing on Jay Leno, Grant was contrite and honest about seeking a prostitute, saying, "I think you know in life what's a good thing to do and what's a bad thing, and I did a bad thing. And there you have it." Things are different for a career politician and family man than a caddish actor, to be sure. But an appearance on NY1 apologizing for his actions could help his follow-up consulting career.

Be Honest
Before Jerry Springer was a musical or a talk show host, he was a politician. When he ran for Governor of Ohio, he also went on the offensive, apologizing for his actions in the clip above. Of course, that strategy didn't work out so well for him politically, but did lead to a successful media career. If Spitzer wants out of politics and anything else high brow, he could be candid with his history with prostitutes, and parlay that into a successful media career.

Pretend Nothing Happened
Larry Craig went wide-stance, refused to resign and is still recruiting interns. This is the likely route for Spitzer. In his speech, he didn't lie, but he didn't directly admit to seeing prostitutes. All he said was that he "acted in a way that violates my obligations to my family, and violates my or any sense of right and wrong." Spitzer has more time, and power, than Craig to make up for this scandal. He can play the move on card and make the most of the next two years.

Andrew Sullivan in The Atlantic: "It was excruciating. Beyond embarrassing. Extraordinarily painful..."
Rachel Sklar at Huffington Post: "Exclusive and excruciating...Oh gosh...uncomfortable to watch..."
Paul McLeary at CJR: "painful"
The New York Times: "excruciatingly embarrassing"
Carpetbagger: "unusually awkward"
New York's Daily Intel: "quietly uncomfortable"
Washington Blade: "cringe-inducing spectacle"

Lauer has been alternatively dragged across the coals and praised for his interview strategy, but our own favorite soundbite came from Doug Elfman in the Chicago Sun-Times, who asked the Today Show host, "Did you ask him why he's a big liar?"

Lauer's answer? "That's not my job... My job is to ask middle-of-the-road questions and let the audience judge for themselves." Well! Uh, good job?

A side note: Those of you interested in sabotaging a coworker's computer today should do a Google search with the following search terms: "larry craig" "painful" and "excruciating." The Internets says you're not old enough to go there! My eyes!

[A men's bathroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. A white spotlight passes from right to left across the stage, illuminating each stall. In each case, the door opens briefly to show the occupant.]

FIRST MAN
Why am I here?
Isn't it clear?
I had gas
It was severe

SECOND MAN
It's not an interesting story
I won't use the lavatory
On the airplane. It's disgusting.
This is, too, but I'm adjusting.

THIRD MAN
I like to read
OK! magazine
This way I can do it
Without being seen.

FOURTH MAN
Close the door, please
Privacy's the rule
When you are dropping off
Kids at the pool

[The fifth man, who is bathed in blue light, is SERGEANT DAVE KARSNIA of the Minneapolis-St. Paul Police Department.]

SGT DAVE KARSNIA
Oh, well, I have much to say
But I cannot say it
I am a policeman
I have a badge but can't display it

I'm here to respond to claims
Of public sex in these facilities
It's not a plum assignment, true
But these are my responsibilities

[A man enters the restroom and stares into SGT DAVE KARSNIA's stall to see if it is occupied. He enters the adjoining stall. After a few minutes, he taps his foot.]

SGT DAVE KARSNIA
Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
That's how the old song goes
Tap your foot three times if you want bathroom sex
That's the code that everybody knows

I'll bide my time
I'll just stay put
I'll wait for him
To slide his foot

[The man stops tapping his foot and slides it closer to SGT DAVE KARSNIA's foot until the two shoes come into contact. The man's hand appears under the stall divider.]

SGT DAVE KARSNIA
And there's the hand
It's not exactly a surprise
The public-restroom crowd
Likes to advertise

[SGT DAVE KARSNIA arrests the man. It is Senator LARRY CRAIG (R-ID).]

LARRY CRAIG
I was sitting in this bathroom stall
In Minneapolis-St. Paul
Maybe my hand brushed against the wall
It wasn't like I said hello

I was sitting in a private place
A contented look upon my face
Now you've dragged me into disgrace
I'm a Senator, you know

SGT DAVE KARSNIA
You sent me a signal, sir
Don't say that did not occur

LARRY CRAIG
This scenario that you're relating—
What are you insinuating?
It was just my left foot tapping
I'd suggest that you're entrapping

SGT DAVE KARSNIA
Senator, your foot brushed mine
That had to happen by design

LARRY CRAIG
When sitting on the throne
My wide stance is well-known
I take up the whole stall
Please don't tell Roll Call

SGT DAVE KARSNIA
The hand that has your wedding band
Appeared to make a crass demand

LARRY CRAIG
I was minding my own business
Reaching for a piece of paper
Your incompetence reduces this
To a Keystone Cops-like caper

SGT DAVE KARSNIA
Embarrassing, embarrassing
In nearly every other sting
The men I've caught accept their disesteem
Why is your defensive posture so very extreme?

You might think it's Senatorial
But if I were to be editorial
Or even prosecutorial
I'd say to do whatever you can
To buck up and take it like a man

This incident will bring you
The wrong kind of renown
I can see the headlines:
"Red-Faced Senator Goes Down."

[The other stall doors fling open. The other men sing in unison.]

OTHER MEN
Your refusal to be honest rankles
We all have our pants around our ankles
But we just came here to use the toilet
It's a place of peace. Don't spoil it!

[LARRY CRAIG pleads guilty. Amazingly, SGT DAVE KARSNIA and his department do not leak the story for more than two months. When it breaks, LARRY CRAIG first denies the charges. Prominent Republicans speak out against him.]

MITT ROMNEY
It fills me with disgust
To think that I extended trust
To a moral reprobate
His decisions desecrate
The America I love
If we ever meet again
I will wear a rubber glove

[Journalists, including MIKE ROGERS of blogactive.com, reveal that they have heard about LARRY CRAIG's rendezvous for years.]

JOURNALISTS
One man came out
And talked about
A secret assignation
He enjoyed with the Senator
In a stall at Union Station
Another sent some emails
They included many details
With physical description
I laughed at the transcription
Of the tape of the arrest
At Craig's defensive posture
And his feeble protest.
I had what I needed
And so I proceeded.

[Conservative commentators, including SEAN HANNITY, walk a delicate tightrope, condemning LARRY CRAIG while still trying to link the story to Democratic hypocrisy.]

SEAN HANNITY
If he led a double life
And if he then misled his wife
He should resign from government
He isn't fit to represent
The citizens of Idaho
If he lied, then he should go.
And yet, and yet
Let's not forget
Jim McGreevy, Marion Barry
Hart and Condit, Barney, Gerry,
Sandy Berger, Rostenkowski
Hillary Clinton and how she
Engineered her shady business
If this isn't a witch hunt, then what is this?

[LARRY CRAIG is at home. The entire scandal has given him terrible stomachaches. He is on the toilet.]

LARRY CRAIG
I sit here in my solitude
All my friends have gone away
My political career is screwed
My family is in disarray
My colleagues won't forget this
And then there is the capper:
No more Minneapolis
My whole existence, down the crapper.

[LARRY CRAIG stands. He is washing his hands when the seat of his toilet goes up, imperceptibly at first and then clearly. The TOILET begins to sing.]

TOILET
Larry, Larry
Don't be so contrary
You were trying to have your fun
Now do what needs to be done

Stand up and take your medicine
Or resign as a result of this affair
I tried to tell you that before
But my voice was muffled by your derriere.

[LARRY CRAIG follows the advice of his TOILET and announces that he will resign, though his spokespeople continue to insist that the issue remains open pending the Senate's ethics investigation. The next morning, LARRY CRAIG looks in his bathroom mirror and begins to speak to himself.]

LARRY CRAIG
My own decisions caused it
I was too long in the closet
There shouldn't be such shame attached
Every man, if cruelly scratched
Will show a hidden aspect
Behind his public being
The man that I am seeing
Is not the man in whole
Hypocrisy is common among men who are driven
I leave it to my voters.
This is the speech I should have given.

[LARRY CRAIG goes out into the hallway. He hears a faint voice coming from the bathroom.]

TOILET
Larry, Larry
I misjudged you at first blush
You're braver than I thought
Now please come back and flush

Ben Greenman is an editor at the New Yorker and the author of several books of fiction. His latest book, A Circle is a Balloon and Compass Both, was recently published.

Previously: Fragments From 'Bonds! The Musical'

"It simply defies reality," said a Senate GOP aide. "You can't make this up even if you are heavily medicated. The American people heard from Larry Craig that he would resign, and using the word 'intent' as a back door doesn't work with them."

Craig reversal angers GOP colleagues [Politico]

pleaded guilty earlier this month to misdemeanor disorderly-conduct charges stemming from his June arrest by an undercover police officer in a men's restroom at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

• IdaMO
  
• Grabbin' the Gavel
  
• Tom, Dick, and Larry

  Oh whatever, like you could do better. Oh, right, you could! Have at it.

  Drudge Report