NEW YORK, 4:11 AM, SAT JUL 19 | 45 POSTS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS | tips@gawker.com | RSS
Posts Tagged “

Lasers

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911

Perez Hilton's Dramatic Medical News

Oh noes! Perez Hilton, your favorite blogossip maven and carpeted spiral staircase-haver, went under the knife yesterday. The laser knife. Yes, he's gotten LASIK eyeball surgery so he can finally see clearly without the use of irritating contact lenses and nerdy glasses. And he's recorded a goodbye video on his site, because he won't be back to blergin' until late today. Can you imagine? It'll be a whole day practically without queeny musings on Tony Romo and Britney Spears' former assistant. Kwell dommage. At least we can await a brighter future in which, with his new robotic laser-infused seein' spuds, the Microsoft Paint penises he draws on so many photos will turn into beautiful, stunningly realistic, subtly shaded and textured cocks. "Is that a Caravaggio," some creaky doyenne will cluck. "Oh noooo, madam," her foppish man servant, Brilliams, will reply. "It's a Hilton!" Dramatic goodbye video (featuring the debut of the carpeted spiral staircase!) is here. More »

10:15 AM on Fri May 30 2008
By Richard
2,444 views, 20 comments

Latest by n/a: I want to super downsize him. He is just so ew, just ew. more »

grooming

The Time Has Come For Women To Buy Lasers

After much delay, the future has arrived. Everybody's buying lasers! And, everybody's hairless! If you guessed that these two things are related, you are probably an astute female consumer of laser hair removal services. But now that the world of science fiction is here, you don't have to sit around cold, impersonal cut-rate salons to have some young whippet blast the hair off your body with concentrated pulses of scalding light; you can do it in the comfort of your own home, with no training or safety at all! We can already anticipate the hilarious domestic violence battles that will end with a laser being drawn. Two consumer-targeted lasers, the Tria ($995) and the Silk'n ($800), are about to be launched [WSJ ($)]. Just one slight drawback: these lasers are sexist and racist! More »

9:24 AM on Tue Apr 1 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
7,868 views, 70 comments

Latest by Dorothy: Laser your own balls, then get back to me....if they are still attached and not molten, mutent, lava-like raisens, I'll consider it.@Furious George: more »