First, the only reason to declare the neighborhood "blighted" would be to hand it over to the school:

And second, shut up, Columbia:

[Full ruling via NYT]

The historic scene that would lead to the heartwarming act of jurisprudence went down like this: Dave Hackbart was just trying to fucking parallel park in Pittsburgh one day in 2006. Then some other asshole drive pulled up and blocked him from parking. So Dave flicks the guy off, obviously. Then some other asshole driver "objected to the gesture," so Dave flicked him off, too.

Dave don't take shit from nobody.

Turns out the second asshole driver was a fucking cop. So of course cause cops think they're big shit, the pig gives Dave a citation for "disorderly conduct." And of course he's found guilty and fined, cause the courts and the cops are all in the shit together.

But Dave's not just your average sucker ready to bow down and get fucked by the cops like that. No sir. He sued the whole god damn city of Pittsburgh, and, god damn it, wouldn't you know, he fucking won $50,000. Let this be a lesson to every fucking cop everywhere, courtesy of Dave: Fuck you, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Dave will now get fucked by lawyers.

Of the $50,000 settlement, he will get $10,000; the rest goes to his lawyers.

Disclaimer: This theory is posited by Neill's own lawyer, and is probably false. That said! The New York Post has the attorney's intricate legal reasoning:

Hillgardner argued that case law protects mere nude physical activity — like calisthenics and ball-playing — from lewdness charges.

So because Neill was kind of writhing around in a "I look like I'm on so much PCP but actually I'm an artistic nudie model" way, it was protected! Also the lawyer says that the only things ladies cannot legally do topless are sunbathing and "handing out promotional material," so, ladies? Everybody's into art again.
[Pic via]

A new study says Americans spend almost five hours a day in front of the TV. What a bunch of of mindless zombie slobs. Now, continue staring into your computer and DON'T STOP.


Some of America's most prestigious traditional watchdogs of journalistic ethics and independence are now surprisingly amenable to take a check from the government, to support journalism that serves as a check on the government. There's a simple reason for this apparent logical discrepancy: Money talks and bullshit walks, and don't ever let a journalism school tell you different.


And speaking of journalistic independence! The US Justice Department reportedly asked IndyMedia.us to give them information on all visits to their site on a certain day, and to not disclose that they had been asked to do so. It totally didn't work, not even one bit. Everyone can keep on expressing dangerous anti-American sentiments at Indymedia.us.


At Letterman extorter Joe Halderman's court hearing today, one reporter "shouted how does it feel to be on other side of mic?" Haha. Reporters are assholes! We'll all be in court on sex-related extortion charges sooner or later, fellas. Empathy.

Before 1995, according to the Roanoke County Circuit Court clerk's office, Virginia law required a psychiatric evaluation and documented explanation for why a resident needed to carry a concealed handgun. But by the time Hasan applied in October 1995, all that was required was a criminal background check and certification of a gun safety course. For some reason proof of having completed individual infantry training in the U.S. Army (next slide) was not enough for the Commonwealth of Virginia when it came to gun safety and Hasan had to take an NRA course as well. Above is the certificate of completion of an NRA "Personal Protection Course" that Hasan filed with the court. (You can read the entire application here.)

Here is his certificate of infantry training, submitted with the application. It was completed in 1988, when Hasan was 18 years old, which serves as definitive proof that he signed up with the army immediately after graduating from high school. His family has confirmed that timeline to reporters, but Virginia Tech, where he attended college, has said it has no record of Hasan participating in the school's ROTC program, leading some to believe he signed up after college.

Here is Hasan's fingerprint card. According to the application, he passed a criminal background check conducted by the Vinton Police Department.

A photocopy of Hasan's Virginia driver license. Note the address.

Because he is an idiot, Glenn Beck tried in September to shut down glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com, a satirical site that used Beck's insidious "I'm just asking the question" pose to advance the Fark-inspired meme that Beck may have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990, because, well—have you ever heard him deny it?

The proprietor was anonymous at the time, but he's come out of the closet as Isaac Eiland-Hall, a Florida computer programmer who was sick of Beck's posturing and enjoyed funny things on the internet. Beck complained to a WIPO arbitration panel that the site was defamatory and infringed on the trademark he holds over his own name. Late last month, his complaint was denied.

The arbitration panel's decision renders in hypnotically robotic, lawyerly prose a precise distillation of what is wrong with Glenn Beck, and it's worth quoting at length. Here's what Beck's lawyers said about the trademark:

Complainant contends that the disputed domain name is confusingly similar to the GLENN BECK mark.

And here's what Eiland-Hall responded:

Respondent alleges that only a "moron in a hurry" could be confused by the disputed domain name.

And here is the panel's magnificent summary of Beck's rhetorical style and why his site constituted a satire of that style:

Respondent argues that the disputed domain name is a meme that is based on the technique deriving from a comedy sketch performed by Gilbert Gottfried on a Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget during which Mr. Gottfried made continuing references to an unflattering rumor concerning Mr. Saget (similar to the one embodied in the disputed domain name), while requesting that those repeating the rumor cease to do so. According to Respondent, Glenn Beck has used a similar technique while interviewing at least one individual on his news broadcast by making an unsupported assertion about his activities, and placing a burden on the interviewee to deny the unsupported assertion. According to Respondent, this technique places the interviewee in a compromised position regardless of underlying facts.

The best part of the whole affair is that, after Eiland-Hall won at arbitration, he sent a letter to Beck with the site's admin username and password and said, essentially, "Here you go you big crybaby. You can have your precious web site. I don't want it any more."

It bears observing that by bringing the WIPO complaint, you took what was merely one small critique meme, in a sea of internet memes, and turned it into a super-meme.

[snip]

It also bears noting, in this matter and for the future, that you are entirely in control of whether or not you are the subject of this particular kind of criticism. I chose to criticize you using the well-tested method of satire because of its effectiveness. But, humor aside, your rhetorical style is no laughing matter. In this context of this WIPO case, you denigrated the letter of First Amendment law. In the context of your television show and your notoriety, you routinely and shamelessly denigrate the spirit of the First Amendment. The purpose of the expressive freedoms embodied in the First Amendment is not to simply permis the greatest possible scope of expression, but also, in doing so, to also [sic] strive for excellence in the conveyance of ideas. Rather than choosing to strive for excellence and civic contribution, you simply pander to the fears and insecurities of you audience. And in the process, you do then, and us all, a great deal of harm.

[snip]

Now that it is safe, at least from you (for the time being), I have no more use for the actual scrap of digital real estate you sough. I will transfer the domain to you now.

So glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com is no more. But a mirror still lives here, so Glenn Beck still loses anyway, as is his wont.

Here you see a photo of kreteks, the kind of cloves everyone smokes in the USA. See them? They are cigarettes. But Kretek International is now suing the FDA to get them branded "Cigars," because, the WSJ points out, "The wrapper is homogenized leaf, the tobacco air-cured, and the finished product comes in boxes of 12, not 20."

Try this: Take a dozen clove cigarettes and put them in a box. Now look at them again. Have they magically been transformed into cigars? No? Damn it. Well, don't get too upset, hippies. Consider it part of your government-mandated path towards becoming Marlboro addicts. Hey, your lungs will thank you.

Oh. No they won't. But you won't smell like cloves at least.

Well actually you'll smell worse. But you won't be such a hippie.
[Pic via]

At the time, Al Sharpton called for a hate crime investigation. And why wouldn't he? Megan Williams said that she had been "stabbed, sexually assaulted, beaten with sticks, forced to eat human feces and doused with hot water" in a trailer where she was being held captive by white people shouting racial slurs at her. Six people are in prison for the attack (because of physical evidence and their own statements, according to the prosecutor). Now, Williams says she was just trying to get back at her boyfriend, who beat her up. She also says she was pressured by her mother to inflate the case for financial gain.

So: Just another case of race-baiting by Rev. Al! Right? He singlehandedly forced those six convictions into existence! Right? Even though he didn't even get the hate crimes investigation he was asking for? Well. This maybe was a contributing factor to the downfall of the suspects: The two people Williams was living with in the trailer were both convicted murderers, says the NYT.

At the time of the alleged assaults, Ms. Williams was staying at a ramshackle trailer owned by Bobby Brewster and his mother, Frankie Brewster, in Logan County, about 50 miles from Charleston. Mr. Brewster had killed his stepfather at the trailer when he was 12, the authorities said, and served time at a juvenile facility. In July 1994, Mrs. Brewster shot and killed an 84-year-old woman she was looking after, also in the trailer, according to court records. She served six years at a state correctional facility and was paroled in 2000.

By all means, throw out the convictions. Let the people unjustly convicted sue. Hell, fire the prosecutor. But let's skip the "JESSE JACKSON AL SHARPTON PLAYS THE RACE CARD AND IT BACKFIRES AGAIN" bit. (Drudge: "Sharpton pushed WV rape story which turned out to be a hoax..."). Hate crime laws are dumb, but that's not what anyone is arguing about here. They're arguing that Al Sharpton should have known this girl was lying about her charges, even though no one else knew that.
Al Sharpton is not a detective! Although he'd be a funny one. Al Sharpton has many, many cartoonish qualities. But he's also on the right side of most issues. Particularly racial issues. Unlike Drudge, or the New York Post, or most of West Virginia. So, let's all save our valuable breath.
[Pic via]

Stupid lawmen types noticed that LA was becoming overrun with legal weed spots, thanks to a legal loophole, so they tried to put a moratorium on them, and were sued. Meanwhile, cops are kicking in doors and shutting shit down at weed dispensaries. It's not the Feds, dude, it's the locals; specifically, LA district attorney Steve Cooley, a bitch ass scrub who wants to shut down all the weed shops because they are not technically "legal," in California, allegedly. That's right, Cooley: We called you a bitch ass. It's in the first amendment, look it up.

But meanwhile, you know who is on the side of the weed people? A motherfucking judge!

A Superior Court judge concluded today that Los Angeles' moratorium on new medical marijuana dispensaries is invalid and granted a preliminary injunction against enforcement of the ban sought by a dispensary that had sued the city.

Follow the law and stop being illegal against weed!
[Pic via]

Politico's Josh Gerstein caught the news in the list of appeals that the Court declined to hear released this morning. When the Church of Scientology finally settled with the IRS in 1993 after years of litigation and black-bag operations conducted by the church against the IRS and FBI over the issue of whether Scientology was a proper religion—and thus qualified for tax-exempt status—the IRS agreed to let Scientologists deduct the cost of "auditing" from their taxes. Other poor saps in less litigious cults don't get similar allowances from the IRS, so Michael Sklar of Los Angeles sued to get the same standard applied to his own expenses for the religious education of his children.

Sklar lost in tax court and again on appeal, and today's decision by the Court ends his 15-year legal battle. Gerstein says the commitment in the 1993 settlement that allowed the deduction expired in 1999, and its not clear whether the IRS still lets Scientologists get audited tax-free. Anyway—if you pay thousands of dollars to send your kid to a yeshiva, you have to pay taxes on that. If you pay thousands of dollars to have them hold metal cans attached to a battery and tell lies about their past lives on distant planets? Eh, the feds might cut you a break. Why not?

[Video by Gawker intern Yoni Lotan.]

What does some state politico in Maryland have to say to the WaPo about all this?

"if somebody for whatever reason decides this drug is something they want to partake in, they can buy it like they're buying a comic book or chewing gum. You don't even have to be 18. . . . I just don't think you should be able to buy salvia like you'd buy a Mounds bar."

Au contraire grown-up man, because if kids could buy salvia at every single Duane Reade checkout line just like they buy those delicious coconutty Mounds bars then maybe they could be more productive, in terms of making these Youtube videos, which are America's greatest natural resource.
[Don't stop Smokin Smarties either!]

Can we simply state the obvious here by saying: Don't cry, kids. "Flavored cigarettes," what the fuck, really? "Camel Exotic Blends by R. J. Reynolds, which had flavors like Twista Lime, Kauai Kolada and Warm Winter Toffee." How many other, more potent drugs did you have to be on for those flavors to sound appealing when mixed with tobacco, and set on fire?

Tobacco is nasty. It's supposed to be nasty. It is not supposed to taste like various flavors of pie. "Flavored tobacco" is for hookah smokers who spend all day lounging around cafes rather than blazing trails and building railroads and slaughtering native populations.

In other words, good old-fashioned unflavored cigarettes helped make this country great. You can smoke them on a horse (obv.) without everyone for the next ten miles downwind wondering where that distinct Kahlua aroma is coming from. And cloves? Don't even start with that. "Cloves." Come on.

The point is, now kids will go straight to the unfiltered Luckies, and save their "flavoring" for the weed, and for mixing with Everclear. Your health is the most important thing, next to maintaining America's badass rep.

Police (and media) had been staking out the Super 8 motel where Clark was staying; police went in shortly before 8:30 this morning and took him into custody. Since our last roundup of Raymond Clark news yesterday—when, honestly, even the vaguely incriminating things sounded like they could have had plausible innocent explanations—he's now looking a bit shadier. In hindsight. Today's newest factoids:

Clark's Sexual Assault Allegations in High School

In 2003, Clark's high school girlfriend told police she wanted to break up with him but was scared of what he might do. The New Haven police chief has refused to discuss this case so far.

After [a detective] spoke to the two students at the school, the girl went with her mother to the police station to talk to him, according to the Independent.

The girl "wished to tell me of an incident that took place; however, did not want it pursued by this department," Washington wrote. "She stated that she had been having a sexual relationship with [Clark] and that at one time [Clark] did force her to have sex with him. The relationship did continue after that incident; however, she is unsure of what he may do as a result of the breakup."

Clark Explains His Injuries [New Haven Register, NYP]

Sources also told the newspaper that Clark bore bruises, scratches and abrasions on his arms and chest, as well as a mark on his right ear and under his eye.

He said some of the injuries were suffered during a softball game, the others were cat scratches, according to the Register.

More From His Girlfriend's Blog

The NYP dug up a more extended 2008 excerpt from the Myspace blog of Jennifer Hromadka, Clark's fiancee.

"Spring is in the air and this time of year it seems that the rumors pop up more than the flowers (at least that is how it is [at the Yale animal-research center where the two work].) I have noticed recently that my relationship seems to be the focus of a lot of these rumors! . . .

I could be a bitch and give it right back cause lord knows some of the 'people' deserve it but I choose to ignore the rumors and try to keep in mind that the people that are the source are a bit jealous.

The Clark Family [NYT]

[Clarification: This is just information, not incriminating information. Okay.]

Mr. Clark grew up in a rented gray house in a working-class neighborhood of aspirations when a nearby factory was humming. Jim Garrett, 65, who lives two doors down, said the house the Clarks lived in deteriorated as the years went by and the factory closed, and eventually Mr. Clark's parents moved out. They went to a condominium in Cromwell, Conn., north of Middletown, where Mr. Clark's mother works in the Wal-Mart across the street.

The Basics

Yale grad student Annie Le entered a school lab building on Sept. 8 (pictured) and was never seen alive again. She was asphyxiated and her body was hidden in the crawl space behind a wall. Clark worked as an animal tech in the Animal Research Center there. [The lab has been a target of PETA in the past, and it could prove consequential in the case; Clark was found with scratches on his body that he's blaming on the animals he worked with, rather than being from a fighting Le.] Based on 700 hours of surveillance footage, police named him a "Person of Interest." They executed a search warrant on his apartment last night, took DNA from him, and released him. He has not been charged.

One lesson in all this: You could theoretically be totally innocent of a crime, but still find everything you posted online end up in the tabloids. So think before you go too crazy on the internet.

Ray Clark's Digital Trail

Ray had a barely-filled-in Myspace page that he hadn't accessed since 2006. It looks like he just used it for a momentary joke, although he probably now regrets writing that he wants to meet "your mom so I can fuck her." His girlfriend, Jennifer Hromadka, also had a Myspace page, though it's been deleted.

The couple also had a wedding page on The Knot that's been hidden. But according to Hunter Walker, who glimpsed much of Ray Clark's online info before it was pulled, it "says that the couple planned to get married on December 20, 2011 and that they have been engaged since New Year's Day 2008.

The E-Mail Trail [NYDN]

Investigators reportedly zeroed in on Clark in part because of emails he sent to Le.

In the e-mails, Clark is said to criticize Le for not adhering to the protocols for tending the mice kept in the basement as part of her lab's ongoing experiments.
Le is said to have responded in a conciliatory tone, promising to keep to the protocols. Investigators wonder if Clark was not satisfied, if resentment suddenly flared to rage, if as crazy as it may seem this was a case of mice and murder.

His Family's Explanation [NYP]

"He did not pass the polygraph test . . . But of course, they don't always run true anyway, especially when you're nerved up asking so many questions," the sympathetic [family] source insisted.
As for Clark's fresh wounds, "He had scratches on his arm from his cat," the person said.
The source said Clark, whom the family calls "Ray Ray," works at the lab along with his fiancée, sister and her husband.
"But he didn't really know [Le]," the source said.
"She left the area before he left that morning. He'd seen her and said, 'Hi' and kept on going."

Cheating Rumors [NYP]

Ray's fiancee Jennifer Hromadka took to a blog to deny unspecified rumors that Ray was cheating on her.

"My boyfriend, Ray, if you don't know him, has no interest in any of the other girls at [the university research center] as anything more than friends.
"This rumor of a 'fling' is probably the most stupid thing i have ever heard and really is not even worth going into detail about.

What The Neighbors Say [NYDN]

"It definitely freaks me out," said Ivan Hernandez, 22, who lives directly above Clark. "A possible murderer living right under you, that's crazy. I thought he was just a normal guy."
One of Clark's former neighbors in New Haven said he screamed at children and was "very controlling" of his girlfriend.
"Ray was very controlling of his girlfriend," said Anne Marie Goodwin, 40. "He would never let her talk to anyone. I would hear a lot of yelling upstairs."
Clark - a 2004 graduate of Branford High School, who mostly worked with rodents at Yale - "kept a pit bull caged in his apartment," Goodwin said.

Broadcasting & Cable brings the joyous news: Our long national nightmare may be drawing to a close. If only we can re-open this investigation.

"The evidence in this case strongly suggests that CBS had access to video delay technology at the time of the 2004 Super Bowl," the commission said Tuesday in a brief to the Third Circuit Appeals Court in the Janet Jackson Super Bowl Reveal case. The FCC asked the court to remand the decision back to the FCC so it could investigate further its assertion that the violation was "willful."

If a TV network can fudge answers to a governmental body about the availability of time delay technology in a Super Bowl halftime show and get away with it after just a five year investigation, are we really a nation, at all?