The role of Levi is played by relative porn new comer Casey (one name, like Liberace), who actually looks quite a bit like Johnston—they're both very pale, have silly tattoos, and have that handsome, vacant stare that makes us weak in the knees. The biggest difference is that Casey has been doing some serious crunches and is not afraid to show his peen to the camera unlike our boy Levi.

Chris Steele, the head honcho over at Jet Set, gave us a description of the movie, "It is a parody and the story follows our character Levi from his Fleshbot award, to his Peanut commercial, to his Vanity Flair photo shoot, flashes back to his days as a hockey player in Alaska and finally to his spread in Play Dude." The movie will be available in February or March. Of course we just feel bad for the real-life Levi: someone is already stealing his gay porn thunder.

This is the first set of photos that the magazine is releasing on their website. All but six are in black and white and several show his bare bum, but none show what is in front, though he is posed in a shower obscuring his famous baby maker with a towel. It's all very classic beefcake, with a handful of shots on a Manhattan rooftop, and the rest in all wet and wild in the shower. He looks very sexy, though his body doesn't look as worked out as you might think, especially after all the hype about the time he's been spending in the gym. More pictures to come next week. We can't wait to hear what Sarah Palin has to say about this over the weekend.

• Last time we heard from Mitch Winehouse, he was talking about daughter Amy's hot new rack. Now he's explaining the real reason for Amy's trip to the hospital last weekend: "It wasn't because she had a cold. She's fine, she just had a little [points to his chest] leaky something or other." Does that really happen? Brand new breasts just spring a leak? I was always under the impression you had to be skydiving into ice-cold water or boxing Layla Ali to apply enough force to bust one of those open, but then, Wino has always been somewhat impervious to the laws of physics. [Sun]
• 
  
• Demi Moore was totes photoshopped on her ragingly hot W cover. [fig.1] But, despite the overwhelming evidence, she's still denying it! [fig.2] Mrs. Ashton Kutcher retweeted several fans' defenses of her weirdly photoshopped hip, cheering "I have no hips!" and "I love the pic and can only say I wish I had good lighting like that following me around all day!! Haha" and "i am in the skinny side lately." [HuffPo]
• 
  
• Levi Johnston went to GQ's Men of the Year party and no one gave a crap about him. Apparently Hollywood isn't as into Ricky Hollywood as ol' New York is, probably because their sense of irony is weaker. [HuffPo]
• 
  
• Everyone's still mad at Kate Moss for saying "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" a couple days ago. Now activists are pulling the mommy card, since Moss has a seven-year-old daughter. Moss' modeling agency stands by her, though they are suddenly reminded why the Kate Moss policy was always "look pretty, don't open mouth." [Us]
• 
  
• John Kerry has rushed to daughter Alexandra's defense regarding yesterday's DUI arrest, and seems cautiously optimistic about his daughter's fate, since she was under the legal BAC limit and was pulled over for expired tags. TMZ says "it's unlikely prosecutors will file charges," which probably has nothing to do with My Daddy the Senator, but then again, it probably doesn't hurt. [TMZ]
• 
  
• Out editor Aaron Hicklin got pissed at Adam Lambert for faking straight too many times, and Lambert is pissed right back. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, the American Idol star says Hicklin "really crossed a line," took statements "out of context," and unfairly pigeonholed him. "Not every gay man is the same gay man," Lambert said. "It's just sexuality." That's right, nobody can take your sexuality away from you, other than marketing executives with big plans for making your album go platinum with teen girls. Anyway, now that we've entered the "critical discourse on the nature of human sexuality" phase of this story, I'm officially jumping ship. Get back to me when you date someone interesting or make a sex tape, Adam. [EW]
• 
  
• Tina Fey's nefarious plot to destroy NBC continues. At an Ad Council gala the 30 Rock star joked, "NBC is sadly the fourth-place network; actually, we're in ninth place if you count the radio stations ahead of us right now." The crowd laughed uproariously and as it slowly dawned on a room full of NBC-Universal executives that they might not be in on the joke any more. [P6]
• 
  
• For her seventeenth birthday, Miley Cyrus dressed up as Julia Roberts' character from Pretty Woman, A.K.A., a whore. Jesus Christ, Billy Ray, rein in your daughters. [P6]
• 
  
• Top fashion model Daul Kim, a 20-year-old from South Korea, was found dead yesterday in her Paris apartment in an apparent suicide. Kim shot video diaries and had a popular blog. Her last post, dated the day before her death, read "say hi to for ever." [P6]
• 
  

Figures 1 & 2

At the awards it went down thus:

the PR man told Tank that Page Six boss Richard Johnson wanted an introduction. Tank responded, "We're not talking to them. No pictures, nothing." The PR man conveyed the message to Johnson. "He just wants to say hi," Mr. PR pleaded with Tank. But Tank had made up his mind: No Levi for Johnson. "That's fine," said the Page Six editor before heading back downstairs.

But it clearly wasn't fine. Today, under the headline 'Levi Johnston a prima donna' is a very unflattering story about the young Playgirl model displaying diva-ish behavior at JFK and snubbing, of all people, Jason Alexander of Seinfeld to get on a plane first. The end line is brutal:

We wish Levi would just zip it up and head back to the Alaskan oil fields.

Hell hath no fury like an eminent gossip columnist scorned.

• Lady Gaga and Beyonce made a music video! It's for Beyonce song Video Phone. It alludes to Reservoir Dogs, Beyonce wears a Zorro mask and carries an assault rifle, and Gaga wanders around looking totally normal. All in all: Headtrip. Also, between this and her own video, Gaga's been showing a lot of her very, um, vampy face lately. Is it part of her campaign to convince us that she is a tranny? [fig.1, below] [MTV]
  
• 
  
• Nicole Kidman had an awesome time with her baby weight because it gave her boobs: "They're not very big, my boobs, so they just became normal size. I loved it! I felt very Woman," she told Ladies' Home Journal. But here's the thing: ShowBizSpy quotes Nicole's quote in LHJ, but when I went to LJH's website, I couldn't find the passage! It is possible that boring Nicole's boring yammering about Keith Urban caused my eyes to glaze over, rendering me temporarily illiterate during my attempt to read the profile? Does the pregnant-boob quote really exist? Inquiring minds want to know. [ShowBizSpy] [LHJ]
• 
  
• Levi Johnston dressed up as the Unabomber after his tragically not-penis-showing Playgirl shoot yesterday, but he messed up the disguise by choosing a hooded sweatshirt that said ALASKA on it. [fig.2] There are only two Alaskans in all of New York this week, and one of them is Sarah Palin, and to be her you'd have to have tits, so we know it's you, Levi, you cannot hide. UPDATE: I am informed that Levi's shirt in fact reads ALASKAN BREWING COMPANY, the beer of choice for rugged Alaskan frontiersmen. [TMZ]
• 
  
• Brangelina are designing snake-inspired jewelry for charity. The line—entitled The Protector—features silver baby spoons, an eggcup, a tooth box (eery?), and diamond-encrusted pendants and rings, all themed with coiled snakes. The proceeds will go to child education in wartorn regions, where snakes sometimes reside, but sterling silver eggcups rarely do. [ShowBizSpy]
• 
  
• Adam Lambert wants more tattoos, but he doesn't have any ideas what to ink on his body next. It's the perennial conundrum of ostentatiously "unique" vapid people: an insatiable desire to express oneself, but no dust bunnies worth expressing in one's empty little head. [ShowBizSpy]
• 
  
• This is horrifying: Tila Tequila (93 lbs, 4'11") has submitted photographs of her black-and-blue bruised arms as evidence in her lawsuit against ex-boyfriend and NFL star Shawne Merriman (280 lbs, 6'4"). Naturally, TMZ has compiled them into a gallery, along with pictures depicting the enormous size difference between these two humans. The San Diego County D.A. never filed criminal charges against Merriman, which makes the whole case even weirder. [TMZ]
• 
  
• Spencer Pratt went on a Twitter rampage yesterday after his and wife Heidi Montag's interview with Al Roker was cut from The Today Show "due to a change in the show's schedule," according to a spokesman. Roker and Speidi sparred months ago when Al called Spencer a "jerk" on the air and Heidi almost cried. Among Spencer's myriad raging tweets: "WEATHERMAN I thought you were out of town today getting your stomache stapled again?" and "is it true you have been married 6 times? I'm sure all your wives left you when they realized you were abusive to women! Sicko!" I really hope whoever cut Speidi did it for the express purpose of pissing Spencer off, because the effect was pretty glorious. [NYDN] l
• 
  
• Aaron Carter owes more than one million dollars in back taxes, which is apparently why he cried so hard when he got kicked off Dancing with the Stars. How can he possibly owe this much money? There is no way he's even earned that much money in his life, is there? [TMZ]
• 
  
• Janet Jackson blames Dr. Conrad Murray for her brother's death, because he "was the one administering" the fatal propofol. She also says she found out about Michael's death after her assistant saw it on CNN and called her, which is testament either to the brutal speed of 24-hour media or the callousness of Jacko's inner circle for not calling his family members sooner. [NYDN]
• 
  
• Signs of the apocalypse: Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) says Carrie Prejean should run for political office, because she "has the ability to draw crowds and if she has a strong message to go with that, who knows what she can do? She has star power which can open doors." [TMZ]
• 
  

  Figure 1
  

  Figure 2
  

Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio has released a statement blaming Levi's manager Tank Jones. "He did not give 'full-frontal' as his manager Tank Jones reported he would. We're thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity."

That is very sad news indeed. Playgirl had one job to do: get a photo of that famous hockey stick and it failed to do so. Maybe ironically-named photographer Gregory Weiner couldn't make an intimate connection with his model and convince him to bare all. Maybe Tank Jones was trying to keep him covered to protect his client's image. Maybe Levi just got shy at the last minute and couldn't go through with it.

Still, after all the hype Tank created about how "fearless" Levi is and how he was ready to show us everything, we feel very let down and a little bit lied to. Tank was totally the madam that said we would have the full run of all the girls in the house, but when we arrived, all we got was a scratchy hand job from a buck-toothed cross-eye in a closet.

That said, we still can't wait to see the pictures.

[Illustration by Steven Dressler]

The entire press release is below, but first, some, uh, "highlights":

• The headline, or whatever you'd call it in this case: "Playgirl Levi Johnston shoot "in the can" says Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio" He wishes.
  
  
• Johnston was put into three "different scenarios" that are "accentuating" what Nardico referred to as his "(natural) athletic qualities, movie star looks and natural sexiness." So, what? A hockey rink, a horse stable, and an oil rig, right?
  
  
• Wrong! They decided against the hockey rink because it wasn't "intimate" enough. But remember, he will still have posed with a hockey stick.
  
  
• Apparently, Johnston was self-conscious about the shape he was in "due to all the traveling" he's been doing, but was lots of fun on the second day.
  
  
• This, from some Playgirl marketing person: "...We were talking in the greenroom about gay categories: bear, cubs and Levi asked what his type would be-we decided a twink, but older, so we anointed him a 'twunk'." I just, I have no idea. I have no idea.
  
  
• "Playgirl is planning a line of Levi Johnston condoms, a DVD of the week with Levi, and a return to celebrity interviews in the now quarterly magazine." There were also jokes made about how Levi should've used a condom before. Except, not, because then he wouldn't have his cock in full view in Playgirl.
  
  
• Levi said Palin's invite to dinner was bullshit, or "a nice gesture but she didnt [sic] mean it".
  
  
• The best part: "As to just how much Johnston showed during the shoot, what exact specifics of the shoot are, Playgirl subscribers are going to have to wait for the late November release of the pics on Playgirl.com." Yes, because none of us can surmise that Levi only has one thing Playgirl's readers want to see, and it's not his SAT2 score.

The release is fairly spastic and insane. The best is that it comes from Daniel Nardico Productions, and Daniel Nardico is quoted in it several times. So he interviewed himself. Bizarre, but okay. Also, Johnston drew his hand for an AIDS charity, wonderful. But here's the part that gets to me:

"He's just a simple guy, thrown into a situation, making the most out of it and seemingly enjoying himself. From my time with him, I'd say his first priority is Tripp", adds Nardicio.

Maybe he is. But the overwhelming sentiment I got from the Fleshbot Awards where Levi accepted some crazy penis trophy was "sad."

A lot of people found Levi's presence to be just plain sad. Here's this guy, he's in the big city, surrounded by big city people who are fascinated with him. Why?

Is it because of his inextricable link to one of liberalism's biggest enemies? Or the sexual freedom he represents by embracing his current status as a boyish sex symbol in the pages of GQ and Playgirl? Or is it because this all carries some kind of strangely ironic, trashy cachet, as if to tell the rest of America, conservative, liberal, or otherwise: this person who got a girl pregnant, who's now become a New York media darling, we can do this. We can choose these people and this kid who's otherwise just a good looking teen dad, we've opened up the waterways of fame for him. And we have! Or maybe it's just that nobody even moderately famous has been so enthusiastic to show their penis to everyone else. Right now, Levi Johnston has the most famous penis since Lady Gaga, who had the most famous penis since Dirk Diggler. That said, listen to the audio. He does sound a little morose. And sadness runs deep.

Whatever it is, Levi's in the driver's seat of a very fast car, and so far, he's rounding the track at a very fast pace. Here's hoping the kid'll slow down and hop out soon. If he crashes, it's his fault, but it's just not something anyone wants to see, you know? He seems like a nice kid.

Daniel Nardicio Promotions
November 14, 2009
For immediate release

Playgirl Levi Johnston shoot "in the can" says Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio

Yesterday Playgirl finished it's much hyped shoot of Sarah Palin babydaddy "son-in-law" Levi Johnston in 3 locations in NYC.

The shoot featured Johnston in 3 different scenarios accentuating his natural "athletic qualities, movie star looks and natural sexiness" says Nardicio

"he expressed some concern that he wasnt in as good shape as he was a few weeks ago, due to all his traveling" states Nardicio, "but we found him to be in great shape, playful, and on the second day particularly, really fun."

Johnston took time to outline his hand for LifeBeat Aids Charity, and to do a few interviews throughout the grueling day, with both Entertainment Tonights Fran Weinstein and Playgirl Editor in Chief Nicole Caldwell.

Johnston spoke of how Palin was "full of it" during Oprahs interview (to air Monday, and ET will tape Johnston watching it) and Palin's half hearted invite on Oprah to Thanksgiving dinner was "a nice gesture but she didnt mean it".

Nardicio spoke at length with Johnston during the week and found him to be a "man of few words, but when he spoke, it was usually funny, or adorable even".

The locations of the shoot were the Cooper Square Hotel, photographer Greg Weiner's studio in the East Village and Eagle's Nest studios on West 30th street. "We decided against the hockey rink as it was so public, not intimate enough" says Nardicio.

As to just how much Johnston showed during the shoot, what exact specifics of the shoot are, Playgirl subscribers are going to have to wait for the late November release of the pics on Playgirl.com

Nardicio and Johnston developed somewhat of a rapport, and the openly gay promoter and Playgirl Marketing guy states: "we were talking in the greenroom about gay categories: bear, cubs and Levi asked what his type would be-we decided a twink, but older, so we anointed him a 'twunk' ".

"He's just a simple guy, thrown into a situation, making the most out of it and seemingly enjoying himself. From my time with him, I'd say his first priority is Tripp", adds Nardicio.

As to who is next for Playgirl, Nardicio answers: "I've been speaking to a few people, but of course this will be a hard act to follow. Re-envisioning a classic brand takes some planning, and we still have a lot to do with the Levi material. But this experience with Levi has opened some great doors for Playgirl to get guys who were impossible to get before." "Suddenly guys who would never consider PG are coming up to me and saying 'Make me a Levi' " adds Nardicio.

Playgirl is planning a line of Levi Johnston condoms, a DVD of the week with Levi, and a return to celebrity interviews in the now quarterly magazine.

"we're already hearing the Johnston condom jokes- about how he should have used them before."

Starting Monday November 16th, Entertainment Tonight will be showing background footage from the shoot, debuting pics from the shoot, and interviews with Johnston, Tank Jones (Johnston's manager) Nardicio, and Levi's workout leading up to the shoot.

Levi has fielded offers this week for press, Howard Stern, Joy Behar Show and The Daily Show.

Oh, fuck it, fine. Here. This one's for the "ladies."

lllustration by Steven Dressler. Bottom image via Getty]

1.) Chris Brown loves women.
He appeared on The Wendy Williams Show today to continue The Remorse Tour '09.

2.) The Unveiling of Charla Nash
Charla—who had her hands and face gruesomely torn off by her friend's pet chimp—was interviewed by Oprah this week. Her eyes were lost in the attack, so she hasn't seen what she looks like.

Also, while I generally love primates, the one who attacked Charla looks like an asshole.

3.) Slade's smiley

4.) Ben Affleck's cameo on Curb Your Enthusiasm
If you blink, you'll miss him.

5.) Tabloid stars collide

On The Insider this week, Jon Gosselin was giving Levi Johnston some "parenting advice." Earlier in the week on the same show, he went into some detail about his responsibility as a parent.

And he also talked shit on Kate's hair and kissing skills.

6.) Speaking of hair…
This kid has been suspended from school for getting an elaborate design shaved into his head. He is not allowed to return unless he shaves the rest of his head. His parents are supporting his "freedom of expression." Judging from the way he speaks, this kid needs a lot more school, and a little less expression.

7.) Men blame everything on our periods!

8.) This:

9.) Stephanie Pratt is growing on me.

10.) "It's important for women to stick together."
Faux-minism is not the answer for tackling double standards, when you don't even know what "double standards" are.

In an interview he just finished with Playgirl editor-in-chief Nicole Caldwell, Levi says of the invite, "You could tell by her laugh she was full of it." The petition to come over for some turkey was part of a segment the former Alaska governor taped for an Oprah episode that airs Monday.

Levi also that it was a "nice gesture, but she didn't mean it" and if he went, it would be "awkward." He also tells Entertainment Tonight, "Either she's telling a little spoof here or she's going to ask me in the next couple of days. I couldn't care less to go with Sarah Palin, but I want to be with my kid. It would probably be a little weird. It would be uncomfortable, but I'd go for my son's sake."

Well, between Levi's upcoming issue of the magazine and Palin's book, we think that a Thanksgiving dinner together (promptly followed by a food fight) would be just the photo op these two need to keep their prolonged dance of death going.

Johnston's first mistake was personally snubbing Richard Johnson at the Fleshbot awards on Wednesday at the Box. Today's Page Six item has a distinct whiff of revenge about it. The Post reports that Johnston and Tank Jones tried to get nightclub M2 to pay them $3000 to show up that night. When that didn't work they asked for $1800. And were finally offered a round of soft drinks.

The Daily News has a very sarcastic tone today too. A Gatecrasher piece takes a line Johnston told them at the Box - that he'd like to see the memoir he's working on made into a movie - and responds thusly:

Johnston, it seems, is undeterred by the fact that he has yet to finish writing the tell-all tome, decide on a title or even find a publisher.

The rest of the item is no less passive-aggresive. At least he can always go back to the Palin household, according to Sarah in this clip from her interview with Oprah:

Watch CBS News Videos Online

• 1. The Republican National Committee Is a Ponzi Scheme Palin says McCain charged her $50,000 to be vetted, and the RNC promised it'd pay her back when they won. Obviously, she was not reimbursed. Also obviously, McCain's camp denies this claim.
• 
  
• 2. Ethics Complaints Are Expensive At the time of her resignation as Alaska governor, Sarah's legal bills had reached $500,000.
• 
  
• 3. She Didn't Want the Clothes Also expensive: Her family's $150K makeover wardrobe, which McCain's staff forced them to buy—against their will!—for their debut. Sarah says the price tags flabbergasted her, and that she was told the clothes were "part of the convention."
• 
  
• 4. She Hates Katie Couric Palin "writes at length" about Katie Couric, who is biased, "badgering," and ignorant. Biggest Couric surprise: the McCain camp hired Katie's stylist for Sarah.
• 
  
• 5. Mostly, Though, She Pities Katie Sarah Palin's infamous interview with Couric was given out of pity, because Sarah wanted to do the ratings-averse female anchor a favor. Also, campaign aide Nicolle Wallace (the scapegoat for Palin's $150K shopping fiasco) said Couric would identify with her as a "working mother."
• 
  
• 6. She's Naming Names Speaking of campaign scapegoats: Mark Halperin reports that Palin names the campaign aides she thinks undermined her on the trail. Smart money's on Wallace and Steve Schmidt getting dragged through the mud.
• 
  
• 7. Her Literary Taste Tends Toward the 7th Grade Palin's favorite books are middle school classics The Pearl by John Steinbeck and Animal Farm by George Orwell, the latter of which she considers an uplifting political story. If those pigs beat the odds, so can I.
• 
  
• 8. The Campaign Handled Bristol's Pregnancy Wrong Palin says she rewrote the first public statement about her daughter's pregnancy, but the McCain campaign kept her "bottled up" and used their original statement instead. She found out when she heard a news anchor reading it on TV. She thought the campaign's statement inappropriately glamorized teen pregnancy.
• 
  
• 9. Levi Who? Most conspicuous absence: Levi Johnston, who is not mentioned even once in the book, including Palin's retelling of events at which he was present.
• 
  
• 10. No Flipping to the Back Second-most conspicuous absence: an index, which Halperin says is "subtle revenge on the party's Washington establishment, whose members tend to flip to the back pages and scan for their own names." This is possible, but I'm much more inclined to believe that her editors plumb forgot that this peculiar, vapid woman they were working with is an actual politician, who actually interacts with important people, and slipped into Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul mode by accident.

• 
  Update: AP's copy of Going Rogue wasn't an advanced copy—it was a leak!

lllustration by Steven Dressler

He did a remarkable job of not saying much. At 8:15 the party had barely begun at the downtown hotspot, known for its strict velvet rope and the racy performances on its main stage, the gregarious Tank Jones and his brother Marvin (in the role as Levi's trainer) were some of the first people to arrive. They installed the one-time human campaign prop at a table in the corner of the balcony so that several PR people could start the parade of press. The rest of the venue was practically empty, but everyone was clustered around Levi.

As the Observer's John Koblin interviewed Playgirl's spokesman Daniel Nardicio about the future of the magazine, the Levi interviews started. Everyone made way for a camera crew from Entertainment Tonight, which has exclusive access to Levi for all the behind-the-scenes action for the photo shoot that is taking place right now (if everything goes according to schedule). We didn't get close enough to hear what they asked during their ten minutes with Levi.

As they clear out, there were more print interviews to do. Michael Musto came by to say hi, but he interviewed Levi at his hotel earlier. I asked Musto if he was a good interview. He said yes, but agrees that it's hard to get him to say much. Jo Piazza from CNN came in and taped a few second with the Johnston crew. Before she started her interveiew, Tank said he's not answering questions about Sarah Palin or about suing for custody of Tripp, Levi's son with Palin's daughter Bristol. Then he flirted with her a little bit as she squeezed in next to Levi to ask her questions. Most of the questions were the same all night: How is this different from Alaska? What is he going to show? Is he ready for the shoot? Does he know that he's a gay icon? Will he do more porn? What does the future hold?

Levi always answers with the fewest words possible. This may make him appear a bit dim, but it seems a smart move for a guy who's standing around a bunch of people paid to turn any utterance he makes into "news." With the reporters gone, he quietly joked with Tank and Marvin.

When Piazza was done, he joked a bit with Nardicio, teaching him how to tuck a dollop of chew under his lip. "Don't you throw up on this table!" Tank chided. A PR person came by and said there were more interviews to be done. "I know. This isn't my first rodeo," Levi said. Another reporter sat down, this one from People. They knew to send a pretty girl.

When she left, the PR man told Tank that Page Six boss Richard Johnson wanted an introduction. Tank responded, "We're not talking to them. No pictures, nothing." The PR man conveyed the message to Johnson. "He just wants to say hi," Mr. PR pleaded with Tank. But Tank had made up his mind: No Levi for Johnson. "That's fine," said the Page Six editor before heading back downstairs. After he left, Tank complained about a Page Six item accusing Levi having a small dick and thus afraid to do any full-frontal shots: "That's not true!"

There was a break in the action and a PR girl brought by the trophy Levi will receive later in the evening: an 11-inch dildo made of silver. Everyone at the table laughed nervously and made jokes about how Levi isn't going to accept a dildo. Levi returned his trophy to the nice lady and said, "I can't believe I just won a giant silver dildo." He and Tank conferred and decide there can't be any pictures taken of him holding it, so they plan to have Nardicio take the stage with him and hold the award.

Then the photographers arrived. In groups of two, they came by the corner, their flashbulbs blinding in the dark club. Levi knew to look directly into the camera and then occasionally look away to blink. He didn't look like he was having any fun. When all that was over, he passed some time ogling the scantily-clad go-go dancers down below. Tank said, "Those are all real women right? I don't want to look if they're not real women." Another laugh. Nardicio tells them that they're all real women. I pointed out that there were definitely some drag queens in the mix. "That's OK, I didn't want those ones anyway," Levi responded. He told me that he hadn't had any time to go out and party while in New York City. "It's been all work. I'm all about business," he says. "But I like New York more each time I come here." What does he think about this event? "It's different," is all he'll say.

As the show starts, Gawker alum Joshua David Stein showed up asking questions for New York magazine. It was getting loud, the house was full. Tank informed him they'd do an interview later. Levi leaned over the balcony to watching the award ceremony on stage and performances by the likes of boy/boy/girl aerialist trio Mantryx. When the intermission came, the crew decided to go outside for some air.

Out on the sidewalk, it is a whole different scene. Dressed in identical tuxedos like they all went shopping at the same men's store earlier that evening, they moved as a unit. Flanked by two enormous black men, Levi wasn't easy to approach. That didn't stop the reporters. Kelefa Sanneh from the New Yorker came up received a stern lecture from Tank about not asking about Palin or custody. Sanneh started his round of questioning but was cut off by the arrival of two 20-something guys who made up TMZ's camera crew. They'd been tailing Levi and his crew ever since they arrived in New York and seemed almost like old friends. Sanneh backed off, to avoid getting captured by their camera. TMZ doesn't care about restrictions and they began asking about custody and Palin. Tank demurred. "Come on, you know better than that."

While Tank was distracted by dealing with the TMZ mess, Jacob Bernstein from The Daily Beast snuck up and peppered Levi with questions and scribbled furiously in his notebook. A male-female duo from Hollywood Life sidled up and began asking their own questions and with a Flip camera. After the questions, the Hollywood Life crew each took their picture with Levi. With Levi alone again, Sanneh came back for a second attempt at an interview. This time, though, he talked more to Tank that Levi. It's easy to go that direction, since Tank is a gregarious quote machine while Levi answers everything with about three words.

Levi was scheduled to accept his award as soon as the ceremony restarted after the intermission. The PR girl shadowing him told him and Nardicio to go hang out at Nick Denton's table so they'd be right next to the stage. but there isn't any room at the Gawker Media overlord's table. Levi headed instead for socialite Tinsley Mortimer's table where photographers eagerly snapped the unlikely pairing. Joshua David Stein returned for his promised interview, but Levi said he needs clear it with Tank. Stein rebutted that Tank had already cleared it, but Levi — who either didn't remember, didn't care, or simply wanted to protect himself — turned him down again, this time a little more firmly. Marvin stepped in and said they'd talk to Tank and do the interview later.

Levi asked who he needs to thank in his speech which he obviously hasn't thought about until then. Nardicio told him to thank Fleshbot and The Box. Levi added that he should also say something about the upcoming issue of Playgirl and to tell people to buy it. He is all business.

When his award was announced he and Nardicio went on stage where Levi successfully avoided being photographed with a big silver dildo. His speech was exactly what he planned: He thanked Fleshbot and The Box and then told everyone to buy his issue of Playgirl.

After leaving the stage, he meets up with Tank and Marvin and they head out the door. He has to get up early to work out before his big shoot. Our colleague Irin over at Jezebel got her questions answered about the type of ladies Levi likes and JDS eventually got his interview, making poor Richard Johnson the only person denied the chance to exchange banalities with the man of the hour. Levi, like he said, was all about business, and last night his business was spectacle.

Top three photos by Hee Jin Kang, bottom by GuestofaGuest

Levi, in the spotlight, where he is most comfortable.
Remember, Levi, perspective can make anything look huge.
Burlesque legend Dirty Martini (right) wants to be the next lady to have an affair with Jude Law (center) who attended with his wingman.
The Baroness, Dante Posh, Darenzia, and a lucky lady hold court before the awards start.
A close-up of the magical 11-inch Fleshbot Award dildo trophy made by njoy.
Even show producer Lucy Sexton's T-shirt got into the sexy spirit.
Joanna Angel, Jessie Lee, and Wendy Crawford watch the show with a very happy gentleman.
Joey Arias tells jokes before giving a lifetime achievement award to stylist Patricia Field.
Porn power couple Lorelei and Jiz Lee.
Ben Neighbor's cradles another man's sex toy after accepting the award for "Sexiest Artist" on behalf of Paul Pope.
Jonathan Ames gives us fisherman realness.
Yeah, we'd look too.
Patricia Field arrives to get her dildo trophy.
Senorita es bonita. Who's that girl?
Daniel Nardicio makes out with his boyfriend, Chris.
It looks like someone took a picture of the sexy, frenetic aura of the evening.
Ceremony co-hosts John Cameron Mitchell and Justin Bond.
Who wore it better?
MTV's Tony Disanto.
Patricia Field was really working that fox.
Comedian Patrice O'Neal (left) was not laughing last night.
Tony Disanto, Michael Hirschorn, and Jacob Weisberg keep a booth warm.
Lloyd Grove and Summer Rej were suitably amused.
Thanks for the party, Nick Denton (right). We wonder if the Post's Justin Rocket Silverman needs a nap like we do this afternoon.
Porn star and "lion of Chelsea" Michael Lucas made himself at home.
Chrises Wilson and Tennant battle it out for naming rights.
Jacob Weisberg wanted to move to Prozac Nation with Elizabeth Wurtzel.
Sessa Johnson wasn't snubbing her husband Richard like some Alaskans. Tinsley was laughing. We're not sure why. Maybe someone made a Levi's Johnston joke. Never heard that one...
Jane Boon has a secret for husband and Time Inc. EIC Norm Pearlstine. We bet it has to do with porn.
Molly Friedman told Neel Shah she'd try to get a Levi Johnston quote for Page Six.
Tinsley takes partying very seriously. Just ask Sessa Johnson.
John Cameron Mitchell watches too much gay porn.

It seems plausible - how much spare cash can a quarterly online-only magazine have lying around? (UPDATE: Playgirl point out that they're relaunching and are back in print on December 2 with the Levi issue.) And Neel Shah of p6 knows Matt Levine of the Hotel on Rivington pretty well. Perhaps they'll find an accommodating Howard Johnson instead. They want to keep the shoot "elegant", after all.

Update: Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio has issued a statement firing back at the Rivington for trying to drum up press:

The reason we offered them below market is because i saw the space and it was banged up looking. They wanted an outrageous amount of money for a space that I thought would be nice but was, during daylight hours when we planned on using it, looking pretty used.

So i figured we could photoshop out the smudged windows and scuffed floors and make it look nice. But i'm not paying top dollar for it.

As per usual, Page Six was wrong and The Rivington was trying to get a little press out of it.

Today he told The Insider, "At the end of the month I'm going to file for joint custody of Tripp." You can watch the episode tonight! As for the Palin family, he continues saying that they make it difficult for him to see his son.

He tells The Insider that his current arrangement is, "Not working. I'm done. It's going to have to go to court. They just finally pushed me over the edge."

And why shouldn't Levi have custody of his kid? Sure, he's going to put his hockey equipment in the pages of Playgirl but that's not any worse than Sarah Palin pimping out her family to get elected. Levi might not be the brightest bulb, but he has demonstrated he can do what it takes to provide for himself and his son. Also, with the Vanity Fair article and all this Playgirl hubub, he's proven that he is not afraid of the Wicked Witch of Wasilla. Levi will do what is right for Levi, and for that he deserves a gold star, a kiss on the cheek, and an exploding fist bump with fireworks.

We can't wait for Sarah Palin's official response. It will probably sound something like this: "You should never give a baby to a nasty dirty gay who will star in pornography for homosexuals. He will probably wrap Tripp's Christmas presents in naked pictures. Then he will take him to a death panel where he and Barrack Obama will engage in demonic rituals. Who would want their for their grandchild? If I allowed my daughter Bristol to speak, she would say the baby is much safer here with us. We wrap him in rainbows and let him ride a unicorn to school!"

Good luck, Levi. You're gonna need it.

• Carrie Prejean's mom saw her sex tape when Miss California USA's lawyers screened 15 seconds of it to get Carrie to drop her $1 million lawsuit against them. According to TMZ, "Carrie's mom was in shock—instantly turning sheet white as she watched her daughter give herself a hand." This story just gets grosser and grosser. [TMZ]
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• Levi Johnston and Jon Gosselin posed for photos in Times Square, leading to the horrifying-but-inevitable-question that I suspect they wanted us to ask: Is Jon going to pose for Playgirl, too? He fits that special niche of being really high-profile without having a shred of class or dignity, so I wouldn't be surprised if Playgirl went after him. He'd probably pretend like he was considering it so as to soak up as much penis-related attention as possible, but ultimately he wouldn't follow through, because dude just doesn't have the bod, and he's painfully aware of it. Now that he's off the show and on his way to eight child support bills per month, he can't afford the necessary cosmetic procedures he'd probably want to pull it off, either. [NYDN]
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• Today is the day of the Gossip Girl threesome. The Parents Television Council is going into conniptions while The Daily Beast celebrates with a guide to a bunch of other televised three-ways, which really just serves to remind us how prude TV was until Nip/Tuck came along. That show is a systematic assault on American values. I'm not even sure what American values are, just that they are the antithesis of Nip/Tuck. [LAT] [TDB]
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• After last week's success with secretly recorded phone calls with ex-wife Dina, Michael Lohan is now trying to sell "secret recordings" of Lindsay and wants $100,000 for the unbearably creepy package of what will likely amount to nanny cam footage plus a spot of homophobic commentary from the Papa Lo. Ex-wife Dina's making legal threats, but Radar struck a deal where they get the tapes for free, but pay some undisclosed sum for the interview. [P6]
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• The Jackson kids helped install wheels on a legless dog, because manmade alien-robot hybrids have always made them feel at home. [TMZ]
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• Speaking of Jackson kids: Jacko daughter Paris, age 11, has the same hairstylist as Madonna, Britney Spears, and J.Lo. She went last week with her brothers, where an onlooker said "their complete lack of emotion meant it was like watching three robots." Paris had her fingernails painted black. Cry for help? [ShowBizSpy]
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• Kristen Stewart thinks Twilight co-stars Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner would make "great husband[s]," which is code for "cute, but totally boring lays." [ShowBizSpy]
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• Victoria Beckham is starting a modeling agency, which we can only hope 'n' wish 'n' pray will join forces with the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency and specialize in toothpick-sized trannies with severe faces and a predilection for painful-looking clothes. In the glorious event that one of their managers is reading this and takes my advice (I WILL PAY YOU $$$) (BUT NOT THAT MUCH) I'd like to declare right now that I've got my money on Janice for the inevitable Dickinson-Beckham catfight. Girl is scrappy, although I wouldn't put it past Posh to go below the belt. [ShowBizSpy]
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• The Brits are exporting a new poptart! "VA-VA-voom singer Katherine Jenkins" supposedly gets more press than Madonna and is coming to New York to "do some Christmas shopping, meet the press." But wait! A Google search reveals that the "Marilyn Monroe-ish" Jenkins is actually a classically trained mezzo-soprano whose favored tunes are sacred arias glorifying God (see below), not rhythmically snorting coke off the toilet seat in Peaches Geldof's apartment, which means she will never fill the hole in my heart that Amy Winehouse used to occupy. Page Six, why do you toy with me so. [P6]
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