• This has sexy potential. Robert Pattinson describes the glorious moment he first came face-to-face with the man of his dreams, Zac Efron: "He was a really cool guy. That was one of the first times I'd ever been star-struck, but just because his face is so specific, it's kind of surreal." Since I was only able to locate one picture of them together in the history of wire images [fig.1, below], I'm pretty sure they didn't actually bang, but, sigh, let's pretend. [ShowBizSpy]
• 
  
• Former The City star Erin Lucas has a lesbian kiss with Israeli model Adi Neumann in some movie they're in together. [fig.2] "I popped my cherry on camera. How appropriate," said the gay-for-screen-time Lucas. [P6]
• 
  
• Mike Tyson was detained at LAX last night for assaulting a paparazzo. Tyson punched the guy in the face so hard the photog had to be hospitalized. Both parties claimed it was the other one's fault, so the LAPD arrested both. No word the status of either of their ears. [LAT]
• 
  
• Carrie Prejean's ex-boyfriend—the one she sent that masturbatory video to—told TMZ that the former Miss California asked him to lie about the video and say she was an underage seventeen-year-old in it, when actually, she was twenty. And, hey, did he mention he has some other pictures of Carrie that he would like to sell to you, now? Because he does. In one of them, she's kind of showing her butt. [TMZ]
• 
  
• "I feel like I'm in a dream," said awestruck country music nymph Taylor Swift after she became the Country Music Association's youngest-ever Entertainer of the Year. Taylor won all four categories she was nominated in. And her new boyfriend's really cute. Some girls get all the breaks. [LAT]
• 
  
• Lil' Kim skipped a court date and blamed it on a nosebleed. I can't decide if this story is about lying or about cocaine. [TMZ]
• 
  
• Simon Cowell is the highest-earning man on American television, taking home a cool $75 million last year. In second place was Donald Trump ($50 million), who must feel like such a chump sandwiched between Cowell and Ryan Seacrest ($38 million) in the earnings list. [ShowBizSpy]
• 
  
  Figure 1
  

  Figure 2
  

• Hulk Hogan's not saying OJ was right, but "I get it... You're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife... I could have turned everything into a crime scene... cutting everybody's throat." In fairness, Hogan meant a pro-wrestling-style throat-cutting, after which the director yells "cut" and his wife and her lover stand up and start naked fake-blood fights. [P6]
  
• Jamie Foxx went on Jay Leno to beg forgiveness for saying on a radio show that Miley Cyrus should do heroin, turn lesbian, smoke crack and catch chlamydia. We believe his exact words were, "It's been three years since Dreamgirls, please help me unshoot The Soloist in the head. Please?"
  
• Steve Wozniak developed something of an attachment to his Dancing with the Stars partner Karina Smirnoff. Now he's going to walk her down the aisle during her wedding to Masim Chmerkovskiy, who he likes to geek out with. Then, depending on how many cocktails he has, the Apple co-founder may or may not offer a raw critique of the couple's first dance together. [P6]
  
• Britney Spears is either dating her backup dancer Geo, her backup dancer Chase Benz, or a 40-year-old real estate developer who proposed to her in a Subway sandwich shop after meeting her in rehab. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Did you know that Marc Jacobs mailed Lil' Kim every week when she was in prison for perjury? Every week for ten months. [P6]
  
• Michael Jackson somehow convinced Julien's Auction House not to sell all his stuff. It sounds like it's going to end up in some sort of freaky Michael Jackson museum. (As opposed to a non-freaky Michael Jackson museum.) [The Insider]

Enjoy the attempt to figure out who's who—it took us ages before we realize that the cleaned-up, preppie young man to the right was Jackass star Steve-O. It's amazing how a bath, some nice clothes and a thorough airbrushing can turn your ordinary, drug-addicted exhibitionist into someone vaguely reminiscent of a nice college basketball player. Publicity team, you've degaussed your way into our hearts.

• Dancing With The Stars - Season 8 [Zap2It via ONTD]

• Fameball and celebrity spawn Peaches Geldof, 19, was shocked to learn her secret wedding to musician Chester French, 24, may not, in fact, "last forever." In fact it may not last 100 days, pending the results of yet another secret getaway. [Sun]
• Jennifer Aniston wore a tight top to lunch at the Ivy in Los Angeles to basically prove she's not pregnant with John Mayer's baby. Now the celebrity press is saying she's attention starved. Sigh.
• A supposedly gaunt and frail Madonna had a big coughing fit outside a Kabbalah meeting in LA. Alex Rodriguez is said to be thinking about following her on tour to South America.
• If you're going to send Lil' Kim Moet champagne, make damn sure it's the right type of Moet champagne, or she'll send that ish back. [R&M - third item]
• Former Times writer Sharon Waxman counts four affairs at the Getty Museum in Los Angeles. [P6]
• It's not so much that Yale Club members mind their facility being rented for weddings so much as that the weddings are for people from Bronx, if you know what we mean. Oh heavens! [Post]
• Amy Winehouse is thinking on a divorce. [Showbiz Spy]
• Regis Philbin forgot the name of Saturday Night Live's Darrell Hammond as he was introducing him. Hammond is the longest-serving player on the show (not that it did him any good). [OK!]
• Samantha Ronson is being blamed for Lindsay Lohan's decision to pull out of a music awards show in Monte Carlo. Naturally, since a hot guy was involved, it must have been the lesbian. [Sun]
• Here are some pictures of Michael Douglas passed out on his wife. [LA Rag Mag]
• The plot thickened in the Jennifer Hudson family killings. [ET]

I got to Big's bedroom door, turned the knob, and went inside. As soon as I saw a small lump next to Big's large frame, I flew into a rage, ran over to the side of the bed, and pulled back the covers. I grabbed some chick out of the bed and started beating her a—. At some point, the chick's wig came off in my hand: It was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It Lil' Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room.

"So you're not f—-ing her, right?" I screamed at Big. "Yeah, you not messing with her anymore right?"

When they heard the commotion, Cease, D-Roc, and Gutter came running into the room.

"Oh s—-!" they yelled in unison. "It's Faye! How the hell she get in here?"

Big sat up in bed and pointed at Kim, who was standing in a corner of the room, trying to cover her naked body with her hands and while I was still yelling at Big.

"Yo, get her outta here," Big said. They led Kim out of the room and she screamed and cursed the whole way.

[NYDN]

• Obaigbena's plan to clean up Nigeria has been to host annual parties celebrating officials who stand out as examples of good governance. Attendees at his parties include dangerous model Naomi Campbell, foreign presidents, jugheaded political hack Paul Begala, and Bill Clinton.
• "Mr. Obaigbena has also held a mammoth summer concert series promoting Nigeria’s economic and political progress, the ThisDay festival, luring the likes of Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Diddy and Shakira to perform in Lagos."
• "On Aug. 1, it travels to the Kennedy Center in Washington, headlined by Beyoncé and Seal."
• Critics of Obaigbena in his country say all this partying and celebrity shit does nothing for the poor rural Nigerians who need help the most. But he disagrees. “'We have the longest period of democracy in Nigeria, ever,' said the mogul in March, sitting in a suite at the St. Regis in New York."
• "An elegant man with a blunt, chiefly demeanor and a taste for bespoke Lanvin suits, he maintains a home in Lagos, a country estate in Nigeria’s Delta State and a penthouse at the Ritz Carlton in Washington...'I like to live modestly and discreetly,' said Mr. Obaigbena, with no trace of irony."

He also hangs out with Ice-T and Lil Kim. Starving Nigerians, you are now much more popular with celebrities!

[NYT]

video.vh1.com

Lil' Kim Leaves Jail as a 'Hips'-Hop Star [NYP]
Lil' Mom Time and a Lil' Hitch [NYDN]

Lil' Kim Released From Federal Prison [AP]

But we're more curious about the "mistreatment" that the flyer is protesting. How has Kim been mistreated? By the warden removing her extensions? By taking away her fake nails and MAC foundation? By withholding her mink eyelashes and glitter pasties? Better get the ACLU all up in this piece.

Mistreatment for Lil' Kim? [Philadelphia Will Do]

• Chloe is crowned demi-queen of Project Runway; as one eagle-eyed reader noted, her designs resemble some of those featured in the final scenes of Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. Now that the show is done and you're back to being a lonely loser, try getting laid with some tips from former cast members. [Nerve]
• On Laura Albert, the mastermind of the JT Leroy hoax: "It was an incredible show, and most of the credit goes to a punk-rock mom in San Francisco who wrote porn and did phone sex for a living." [Salon]
• The secrets of Us Weekly's bedraggled art staff, one of whom, we suspect, writes all those cute scribbles on the pages — we just love those. [PDN]
• Literary heavyweights like Paul Auster and Daniel Hoffman scramble to lose weight before the Columbia Review's reunion. [NY Sun]
• New Yorkers don't fall for those cutesy Snapple lids. [NYT]
• Lil' Kim is capable of hating something every day for the rest of her life. [Critical TV]
• Turn on your volume, tear a hole in your striped sweater, and apply your eyeliner while listeing to the Emo Song. [YTMND]

[Image via Jen Snow's Flickr]

Press materials, however, promise that Lil' Kim will begin "the physical transformation to becoming Kimberly Jones — peeling off the layers of hair extensions, acrylic nails and stage makeup."

Too bad she didn't peel off those layers of breast implants, too. That would've saved her a lot of leakage in the long run.

'Countdown to Lockdown': Lil' Kim's Guilty Pleasure [WaPo]
Earlier: Bad News for Lil' Kim's Boobies
La Bella Prison: Lil' Kim Gets One Year

Kimberly Jones / 56198-054
FDC PHILADELPHIA
FEDERAL DETENTION CENTER
P.O. BOX 562
PHILADELPHIA, PA 19106

Officials tell us that Kim may only receive a limited amount of mail, but all wigs, glittery pasties, and magic sticks will be accepted.

Earlier: Lil' Kim's 25th Hour