• Jesus Luz escaped Madonna's clutches to walk the catwalk at a fashion show and save some more money with which to eventually buy his freedom. But none of the other models would talk to the Brazilian newcomer, out of jealousy, and instead "were gossiping like catty girls" about how they hated him, so Luz hung his head and walked home to a cackling roundtable of Madonna and her friends Marc Jacobs and Donatella Versace, who each now own a piece of him. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's former bodyguard is contemplating a tell-all book, leaving the couple and their Hollywood friends to wonder what America even stands for if their servants can just TALK about how awfully they were treated and the terrible things they saw, with no repercussions, other than ruinous prosecution by the best lawyers and private investigators money can buy. [Scoop]
  
• Lindsay Lohan went to Hawaii to get over her breakup with Samantha Ronson and have paparazzi ogle "her protruding ribcage and collarbone." For some reason she brought her mother Dina, who encouraged Lohan to "eat more McDonald's," because that's what you eat when you're putting your health first. [Sun]
  
• Two of the Real Housewives of New Jersey have a father-in-law who was in the mob. The show will be postponed indefinitely as viewers and really the entire nation reel in shock at this unexpected mafia connection within Real Housewives of New Jersey. [National Enquirer]
  
• Prom is the latest vehicle through which precocious Dakota Fanning will steal hearts (and/or be a total diva).
  
• A generator went out during Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag's latest "wedding," rendering the animatronic reality-show couple awkwardly frozen for a prolonged period of time. [P6]

• Victoria Gotti didn't realize she was getting a $70,000 memoir advance to dish dirt on her mobster dad John. Or maybe she did, but she never thought HarperCollins would have the stones to demand it back. [Post]
• Woody Allen concedes there are threesomes and lesbian scenes in his movie involving Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson and, but explains they constitute "not even 20 seconds of sex." So... about 75 cents per second at the multiplex? Sold. (Oh, the guy: Javier Bardem.) [Showbiz Spy]
• Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend Samantha Ronson posted a MySpace picture of the couple kissing, then thought better of it and removed the picture. [Perez Hilton]
• Someone found an insurance company insane enough to cover Lohan's forthcoming movie, Labor Pains, a romantic comedy that will fix Lohan's life forever. [R&M]
• Still under a spell cast by Vanity Fair mystic Annie Leibovitz, normally chaste 15-year-old Miley Cyrus hooked up with her 22-year-old backup ancer "Marshall." And there are a couple of pictures. [ThinkFashion]
• Heather Mills, yelling in a New York penthouse about puppy mills and feeling a little victimized herself: "I haven't been up for 24 hours and flew here from London to be ignored!" [P6]
• Designed Tommy Hilfiger is going to be in some sort of Bravo special. [P6]
• Meadow Soprano is moving to LA for some TV work. [OK!]

"NEW YORK, NY - NYC Nightclub owner John "JE" Englebert of Prime nightclub and Suzie Wong Saki lounge is making an offer to Lindsay Lohan that she can't refuse. After feeling bad about the stolen mink coat scandal in a neighboring Manhattan nightclub, JE is offering Lindsay a new $11,000.00 blond mink coat and to settle the model's lawsuit against her.

Lindsay has always been a fixture and a party girl in his establishments and does not want her to catch a cold in this frigid start to the summer.

According to Mr. Englebert, "I know what it's like to have mistaken identity. Many times people take the wrong coat thinking that it's theirs at my nightclubs. I am offering to take Lindsay on a mink shopping spree with me, to have the coat of her choice. My motto has always been, "If the coat fits, buy it."

And while it's early to start making such pronouncements, we'll go out on a limb and say that both Lohan and America Ferrera are looking at Emmy nods for a challenging sequence in which Lohan's character attempts to pawn off an eight-ball onto the show's jolie-laid heroine before their warden/field-hockey-coach Miss Bunt can discover it in the pocket of her cokeshorts. And in other Lohan news, the actress will star in Labor Pains, reports Page Six, "about a young woman who pretends to be pregnant to avoid being fired." It should be a cakewalk for the young actress, as she's been known to visit the old "morning sickness" well more than once when rendered too incapacitated to make it to that day's call-times.

• Lindsay Lohan on Ugly Betty — FIRST PICTURES [JustJared]
• LINDSAY IN LABOR [NY Post]

Last week, Lohan attended a holiday and housewarming party at the Los Angeles home of "Power Lesbian" Jeanette Longoria with Semel, the daughter of Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel, one partygoer told Page Six.

"Lindsay came with Courtenay[sic] to the party around midnight and they stayed for an hour," said our spywitness. "The girls held hands and were with each other the whole time." The tipster added, "Every time I see Lindsay, there's Courtenay[sic]. They are always together."

Lohan's flack issued a perfunctory, "The two are good friends, nothing more," but past quotes from the same publicist have included "Oh my god, I just saw I Know Who Killed Me and it is soooo good!" as well as "Oh my god, I just saw Just My Luck and it is soooo good!" so look for the civil ceremony sometime in June.

• LINDSAY'S GOT A NEW GAL PAL [Page Six]

Lindsay Lohan [... ] was once in the running to be the new face of Louis Vuitton. But after a disastrous Elle magazine shoot two months ago, the luxury line will no longer even lend her clothes.

"Louis Vuitton had sent over some samples for her to wear in the shoot," said a snitch. "Lindsay kept shoving the clothes into her bag, and a stylist's assistant kept getting them out of the bag, only to have Lindsay keep trying to take them. She ended up walking off with a very expensive shirt and some other items - which screwed Louis Vuitton because they were set to go to Vogue, W and Harper's Bazaar for other shoots. They were furious and kept trying to get their clothes back, but . . . Lindsay walked out with them and never returned calls."

We're sure Lohan will clear up this little misunderstanding in a fully adequite BlackBerry screed telling us what we already know: That someone planted the clothes in her bag, like so many insidious little gak grenades. Perhaps she'd be better off staying down at the bottom of the barrel and becoming the fresh face of Forever 21, where she can swipe all the shirts and dresses she can fit into an Escalade and never owe them more than $40 for their trouble.

• Vuitton Vetoes Lohan [Page Six]]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=285825&view=rss&microfeed=true Realizing that perhaps the best way to get in with the good graces of the lap-dance-servicing community was not to send out a Blackberried memo that might later get forwarded to Page Six in which she described them as "all whores . . . xcept for some obviously!" Lindsay Lohan has committed herself to making amends with the hard working Ladies of the Pole:

  "I love strippers," the 20-year-old actress gushed as she entered the famed mammary mecca [Scores] at 12:30 a.m., and launched into a half-hour deejay shift during the club's "Turntable Tuesdays."

  Next, "She got up on the stripper pole and began to dance with the Scores Girls with 400 customers cheering her on," said our source. "Then, she joined her entourage of 15 in the VIP area, and got lap dances from many of the girls, including a special double-dance from two strippers at once.

  "It was hot. But while everybody was drinking, Lindsay was not. It was strictly Perrier for her."

  We were extremely relieved to read that the just over two weeks sober member of Alcoholics Overexposed hadn't given into the many bubbly temptations from France's Champagne region available to her in Scores' plush V.I.P. suites, and instead insisted her double-double dancers pour only Perrier down their pneumatic cleavage in what for one night only would be referred to in the celebrity tea totaller's honor as the "Sparkling Water Room."

  • LOHAN BACK IN POLE POSITION [NY Post]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=224811&view=rss&microfeed=true Visitors to Lindsay Lohan's motel residence might fear that opening the wrong closet could result in an avalanche of white powder rivalling the dynamiting of a Himalayan mountainside, but as it turns out, one would merely be covered in the designer detritus of a rumored $100,000 a day shopping habit. The always-entertaining Life & Style magazine reports that Lohan is aware of her alleged problem and has sought professional help:

  "Her closets are overflowing with things like $8,000 Prada dresses and $2,000 Balenciaga bags," according to her stylist Rachel Zoe. "She has so many clothes, she never even wears some of them!"

  The 19-year-old reportedly has been known to spend $100,000 a day, once allegedly blowing $20,000 in 20 minutes. "I don't want to be the best-dressed person in the poorhouse," Lohan said, reports L&S, which claims that the visits to the hypnotist are already working. During a May 23 stop at Rosasen in LA, she spent a relatively paltry $920.

  Lohan's rep, however, didn't mince words blasting the story. "That is just a bunch of crap," she told The Scoop. "There's no hypnotist. And Lindsay loves clothes, but the idea that she spent that much last year is completely stupid."

  While we understand why Lohan's publicist might want to refute the $1 million figure to combat her client developing an image of being spoiled and wasteful, you'd think she wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the hypnotism angle. Should unpleasant suggestions that Lohan is dabbling in drugs or combating an "eating disorder" surface again, her PR team could plausibly blame an incompetent hypnotist for tampering with her subconscious and replacing a relatively benign shopping urge with a less savory one to consume $20,000 of blow in 20 minutes.

  • Can hypnotist end Lohan's shopping addiction? [The Scoop]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=177725&view=rss&microfeed=true
  When we originally noted that Jared Leto would be playing Mark David Chapman opposite Lindsay Lohan in the upcoming Chapter 27, we figured the chunky Catcher in the Rye-obsessed John Lennon murderer would simply be rewritten as an irresistibly dreamy-eyed, aspiring rock star. But as evidenced in the above set photographs, Leto has clearly taken a cue from George Clooney's bloated and bearded Syriana performance and subsequent Golden Globe win, and has decided to gorge away his gorgeousness into his latest incarnation: Chubby, Oscar-shot Leto. It's admirable that Leto feels his new found flab could add up to industry credibility, though someone should really point out to him that blank-faced, stilted line readings really don't seem any less blank-faced or stilted when delivered from under 30 additional pounds of blubber.

  [Photos: Getty Images]

  • Big douche [Cityrag]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=149309&view=rss&microfeed=true
  In the outside chance you are feeling slightly discouraged with your lot in life, we thought we'd ease matters by sharing the above, inspiring Forbes chart of top celebrity earners under the age of 25. You think you're overworked and underpaid? Imagine living Lindsay Lohan's taxed existence the lies, the infighting, the non-stop performance schedule. You can hardly put a price on a career that bleeds you so stone dry, but if you were to, apparently that price would be $11 million. Paris Hilton, meanwhile, earned a comparatively paltry $6.5 million in 2005, yet some might argue that she had to give up a little bit of herself to make that happen. At the end of the day, however, we hope you don't just see the numbers the low, low age ones or the high, high money ones but instead see the combined achievements of some of the most remarkable young people on the planet. Here's to you, Frankie Muniz; $8 mill hardly seems enough to cover the 22 minutes of happiness you bring to each one of us every week.
  • The World's Best-Paid Young Celebrities [Forbes.com]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=148364&view=rss&microfeed=true In the beginning, God made Lindsay Lohan the Actress, and He saw it, and it was good. Well, it was decent and could carry a Disney remake. But then the Actress begat the Party Girl, which in turn begat the paparazzi-demolishing Truckasaurus we now think of at the mere mention of her name. If we could, we'd like to take you back for a moment, to the primordial stirrings of the event that started it all, as there has been a major development in the case:

  "Based upon the damage sustained to both the victim's and the suspect's cars it appears that, although the suspect was most likely driving carelessly when he collided with the victim's car, it was not an intentional assault," Los Angeles Deputy District Attorney William Hodgman said regarding the allegation that photog Galo Cesar Ramirez had deliberately plowed his minivan into Lohan's car.

  Fret not, Lindsay. This one may have slipped away, but we promise you, the next paparazzi you ram your Mercedes into at full speed will not walk. Literally. Severe spinal cord trauma is funny that way.

  
  

  • Lindsay Lohan's Photog Cleared of Crime [People]
  • Previously: Lindsay Lohan s Paparazzi Demolition Derby [Defamer]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=145761&view=rss&microfeed=true Lindsay Lohan may have decided the time has come to put down the mirror and cleverly fashioned dollar-straw and settle down for her first marriage, finding her Mr. Temporarily-Forever in the blank-faced, boylicious embrace of current beau, Jared Leto:

  She s crazy about Jared, a friend told Life & Style Weekly. She says it would be great to run away, get married barefoot on the beach and shock everybody.

  Another pal says that Lindsay says she has met the man of her dreams, and adds that Leto has encouraged her to eat healthy foods, which has helped her bring back her curvy figure. But friends are reportedly telling Lohan to take it slowly with Leto, a notorious ladies man who has dated Cameron Diaz, Scarlett Johansson and Ashley Olsen.

  Lohan s eagerness to wed is supposedly not just because of her fondness for Leto but also because of her ire at Paris Hilton. She s angry at Paris for hooking up with Mary-Kate Olsen s ex, Stavros Niarchos, says the friend. Olsen and Lohan are buddies. Catching a husband would be a poke in Paris eye.

  As Lohan enacts the various phases of her all-consuming (and, some might say, completely nonsensical) Machiavellian Paris revenge fantasy, we imagine Leto remains blissfully ignorant of his lover's ulterior motives. Besides, who has room left over for things like doubt and suspicion when 98% of your conscious hours are filled with the stinging regret of bad career choices? Playing a lovelorn gay-in-a-toga who spouts lines like "You're everything I care for and by the sweet breath of Aphrodite I'm so jealous of losing you to this world you want so badly" ain't exactly a rocket ride to the peak of A-list Mountain, after all.

  • Will Lindsay Lohan and Jared Leto wed? [MSNBC]
  • Previously: Lohan And Leto Kill John Lennon [Defamer]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=136297&view=rss&microfeed=true The suffocating demands of fame, it seems, have taken a terrible toll on Fox News' favorite son, Bill O'Reilly. In fact, he's so psychically drained by the constant scrutiny that comes with being among the world's most recognizable "big personalities" (coughassholecoughcough) that he's even starting to identify with—-no, it's too horrible to say! Just read it yourself:

  As O'Reilly puts it, here are the facts: There are death threats. He has to hire bodyguards. He can't check into hotels with his family. People on the street with cell phones are stealth paparazzi, capable of snagging a picture one minute, then posting it on the Web the next. He adds that during the past year he's had to "even get more stuff to make it more difficult for people to get through the wire. Who wants to live like that?" [...]

  "I don't need to do the show anymore [and] I'm as famous as I need to be. I don't like being famous. ... I can't take my family and stay in a hotel, so what good is it?

  "You have to worry about who's looking at you - are they taking your picture? Did you curse at this guy? If you nudge somebody's bumper, are they going to sue you for $80million?

  "I never felt sorry for people like Lindsay Lohan in my life. I thought they were dopey little movie stars. Now I feel sorry for those people. That poor little girl is 19 and can't leave the house without some idiot doing something."

  Soon enough, O'Reilly will learn to stop fighting against fame and embrace it like his teenage inspiration. Everything will seem so much easier once he gets a huge sets of tits bolted on, suddenly drops thirty pounds, and loses hours at a time crammed into a Spider Club bathroom stall with a couple of his closest gal pals. Yes, that will all be nice, but his first real taste of freedom, when he finally feels utterly, deliciously alive, will come that first time he hears the satifsying crunch of his bumper slamming into an SUV full of paparazzi, $80 million lawsuits be damned.

  • What's hate got to do with it? [Newsday]
  ]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=131737&view=rss&microfeed=true