The New York Yankees are spending nearly a quarter of a billion dollars on their pitching staff. Let's all say it together, populists: "It is so crazy that people get paid this much money just for playing a ball game. Let's give that money instead to the fabulously wealthy team owners, rather than the players. Only when the issue is swept under the rug like this will we nonsensical populists will be mollified."

And while CC Sabathia is making big money and being fat, is he supporting Jewish delis? Obviously not. Because plenty of Jewish delis have gone out of business lately, especially in Newark, which is not too far for CC Sabathia to travel for a sandwich. Whose fault is this really: The recession, or rich baseball players?

Or Jews?

Speaking of conspiracies: The US Virgin Islands are giving a rum company $1 billion in incentives over 30 years to come make their rum in the Virgin Islands. And all the businessmen are happy and the fat cats are happy and the many people who work in the rum manufacturing industry are happy, but you know who gets hurt? The alcoholics who work in the rum manufacturing industry in the US Virgin Islands. Because of the easy availability of rum, at work. Who is thinking of them?

Also the teetotalers. Their tax dollars are wasted.

And while Jewish deli founders mourn the collapse of their corned beef sales and lushes on the midnight shift at the rum plant take nips of their own destruction, Andy Pettite and CC Sabathia retire to their luxurious Manhattan condos, eating decidedly non-Jewish food and drinking non-Alcoholic beverages and counting their evil money. Money which, if they fucking win another title for once, will be well worth it.
[Pic: AP]

It is the biggest Massachusetts political scandal since Boston Mayor Thomas Menino failed to call A-Rod a fag after a constituent shouted "Yankees suck" last week.

New Hampshire, as we all know, is a lawless, tax-free paradise of cheap hooch, fireworks, and loose women. It is basically the Tijuana of New England. So all Massachusetts residents who live near that porous border regularly drive across state lines, evading troopers and land mines and such, to buy their Irish whisky and bottle rockets.

That's why it is perfectly understandable that State Representative Rodrigues was spotted at a New Hampshire liquor store! Except that Rodrigues, who was driving his Crown Victoria with the Massachusetts House license plate at the time, is a member of the Massachusetts House Ways and Means Committee and he voted for the recent sales tax hike that added a brand-new 6.25% tax on alcohol. For shame, State Representative Rodrigues!

It does suck, of course, that there are no more good ads because everyone is broke and TV networks are forced to sell prime ad time at discounts to the Snuggies infomercial people. But this has also caused them to totally eliminate all standards of any kind!

The Absolut Vodka commercials that aired in Los Angeles and 14 other cities during Sunday night's Grammy Awards marked the first time in years that liquor ads ran in prime time on network-owned stations.

Also crowding the airwaves during heavy viewing hours are infomercials once reserved for the middle of the night and ads touting extramarital affairs and the intimate uses of K-Y Jelly.

Allow us to be the first to toast this development with some drunken extramarital sex! Even the most exclusive precincts of society are not going to be insulated from this downturn in marketing dollars. This is one of the most heartening leads to any story we've read since the economy blew up:

THE perks at Fashion Week are taking a weird turn downmarket. High-powered fashion editors and retail merchants - who in seasons past have hauled off gift bags of Victoria's Secret lingerie, Calvin Klein perfume and Estée Lauder cosmetics - will be treated this year to McDonald's, Budweiser and Jell-O.

K-Y is there, too. We're all fucked. [LAT, NYP]

This South Florida site reports that Malia fled the northeast when tabloids started being all on his jock, and landed in Palm Beach. Where he checked into an expensive hotel accompanied by his "favorite waitress" from NYC [Note: Not the Pink Elephant waitresses shown in the photo at right]. And partied!

“He had a little church button on his collar,” said club promoter Josh Sagman. “He was very concerned that there’d be press photographers at the club.”

First, Sagman said, the man of the cloth ordered a magnum of Perrier Jouet rose for a mere $1,500. Since the waitresses were extra nice, he bought for their own consumption one smaller bottle of “P.J.” plus four bottles of Dom Perignon (the beverage named after a Benedictine monk), at 400 bucks a piece...

“We asked for ID just to make sure we’d get paid,” Sagman said. “He produced a drivers license and a concealed weapons permit.”

You know Father Gregory Malia don't give a fuck it's not your birthday. [Page2Live]

Lushes. But!

Cigarette smoking amongst Mad Men fans is almost exactly in line with the national average! Unless the national average is "four packs of Luckies, chain-smoked on an office couch," that's astounding.

Before:

After:

The obvious solution: Nyce G Strapless Panties. (I'm incredibly proud of myself for working in that product link which I stole from Adrants.)

[Billboard pics: Lee Bey via Huffpo]

[via Copyranter]

[via the Gallery of Graphic Design]

[via Jossip]

[via Adfreak]

When she invited everyone to "come get drunk on my drink!," Froelich tells us, she assumed that the event would have a cash bar. But she found out that it actually had an open bar—which would have amounted to her selling her name in exchange for free booze for her friends. So the Post told her she couldn't go. The liquor-guzzling paper somehow managed to make the right call, and a scandal was averted. Luckily none of this prevented the Voice's Michael Musto from getting his drink on.

An IZZE FROLIC:

Vodka
Sparkling Grapefruit Juice
Lychee and Lemon Juices

Mix. Don't forget to pay.

[UPDATE: Portfolio media reporter Jeff Bercovici notes that he emailed the Post's PR firm on Monday asking about the ethics of the planned party—the same day Musto reports that the paper told Froelich she couldn't attend. Reporters working together to keep each other in line, huzzah!]

The inescapable conclusion: They believe that only gays are fit for modeling! Outrageous. Or maybe it's something else, now that I think about it. Other possible conclusions in the comments, please.

[via MultiCultClassics]