After Sarah Palin outrages the very last person on earth and a certain newly dead French anthropologist's predictions come to pass, new species will evolve on this planet to cope with ever-changing conditions. These animals might be intelligent enough to foster their own version of society. Perhaps even a society superior to ours according to however one might judge such things.
However, inevitably, the sun will explode and turn Earth into a cinder. Any fragment of humanity that might have existed will be vaporized. All that will remain will be some vestigial Voyager-like exploration spacecraft and radio signals that get asymptotically weaker with each light year they travel.
So really, Umberto Eco's reasons why lists provide us with an illusion of order in nature and immortality are the same reasons we watch "Sex Rehab w/ Dr. Drew" or listen to Kendra Jade ride the Sybian; because we are witnessing what will certainly be the last evidence of humanity. And the gravity of that is undeniable.
30 Red-Hot Sex Secrets! 15 Power Foods That Fight Fat! 10 Fantastic Beauty Tips From Around the World! 5 Ab Moves That Really Work! 1 Way to Convince Yourself That Life Isn't a Great Big Chaotic Mess, Despite All Evidence to the Contrary!
@blix: I always wonder though "aren't there ONLY 5 ab moves"? I mean, how many could there possibly be that don't actually work? And how many could there really be in total.
Is there really some rube out there doing the "180 degree backwards standing ab fold spine breaking crunch"?
1) have myself a real good time
2) float around in ecstasy
3) be shooting star leaping through the skies
4) defy laws of gravity (like a tiger)
5) be a racing car passing by (like Lady Godiva)
6) go go go
7) burn through skies
8) YEAH! (note: two hundred degrees)
9) travel at speed of light
10) make a supersonic man out of you
@forwardmotion: He's a semiotics professor. He's an expert in the science of visual symbols. Visual symbolism impacts our lives in profound ways that we can seldom consciously acknowledge.
1) Get plague booster shot
2) Ravish maiden
3) Fire full-time serfs; go to work-for- hire model
4) Ravish maiden
5) Challenge Oldo of Omvaria to a joust
6) Cancel joust
7) Write checks to serfs
8) Forget to make bank deposit
9) Kill serfs
10) Ravish maiden
@belltolls: You sooo totally invented "Alfred of Alsace." Hilarious! But why not employ an actual real historical character depicted by Umberto Eco in a work of fiction? I.e., Jacques de Molay, the last Grand Master of the Order of the Knights Templar? Here's his list:
1. Vacation on the Isle of Cyprus!
2. Decide the Crusades are stoopid.
3. Have strategically "diplomatic" dinner with Pope Boniface VIII, laugh at his lame jokes
4. Piss off the King of France
5. Get arrested, get tortured GITMO-style, get forced to admit that the Knights Templar are an order of devil-worshiping homosexuals.
6. Defiantly recant aforementioned statements in open trial.
7. REALLLLY piss off both the Pope and the king of France.
7. Get burned at the stake.
8. (Epilogue) When the head of French King Louis XVI was severed by the guillotine during the French Revolution, an anonymous person reportedly jumped on the gallows and shouted, "Jacques de Molay is avenged!"
I am a big fan of Eco's work, and I gotta say I definitely agree with his theory. I don't think lists are the be-all-end-all of human existence, but making lists is one of the things which has actually made my life better.
I've worked with, and against, depression for the past decade, and apart from medication and CBT work, the biggest thing keeping my life on track is the little 3x5 card I keep in my pocket with all my to-do stuff. I re-write the card every night and carry over the stuff I haven't done yet. It's helped immensely, and the satisfaction of checking a thing off the list is a great feeling.
@skt.smth: Smoking in the open air simply taints an already polluted atmosphere. If you want pure, clean air outside of your house, move to the mountains and paint the landscape with your brains. #cigarettes
@Dominant Glee Club: Killing people with my shotgun simply taints an already violent atmosphere. If you want a safe, insulated social environment, move to a place where absolutely no one else lives and paint landscapes to sell on Etsy. #cigarettes
My college tried to surreptitiously ban smoking throughout campus. Luckily, we're not some namby-pamby fey northern liberal arts school; we're a motherfucking southern school with real live frats where people get drunk and nonsmokers smoke, and true red-blooded Americans won't stand for any a' that gay mothering shit.
No, but seriously, I'm glad I can saunter around campus with my cigarette looking super cool and annoying the hell out of all the tour groups and parents behind me.
12/09/09
11/20/09
11/20/09
However, inevitably, the sun will explode and turn Earth into a cinder. Any fragment of humanity that might have existed will be vaporized. All that will remain will be some vestigial Voyager-like exploration spacecraft and radio signals that get asymptotically weaker with each light year they travel.
So really, Umberto Eco's reasons why lists provide us with an illusion of order in nature and immortality are the same reasons we watch "Sex Rehab w/ Dr. Drew" or listen to Kendra Jade ride the Sybian; because we are witnessing what will certainly be the last evidence of humanity. And the gravity of that is undeniable.
11/20/09
11/20/09
#tips
11/20/09
15 Power Foods That Fight Fat!
10 Fantastic Beauty Tips From Around the World!
5 Ab Moves That Really Work!
1 Way to Convince Yourself That Life Isn't a Great Big Chaotic Mess, Despite All Evidence to the Contrary!
11/20/09
11/20/09
Is there really some rube out there doing the "180 degree backwards standing ab fold spine breaking crunch"?
11/20/09
11/20/09
1) have myself a real good time
2) float around in ecstasy
3) be shooting star leaping through the skies
4) defy laws of gravity (like a tiger)
5) be a racing car passing by (like Lady Godiva)
6) go go go
7) burn through skies
8) YEAH! (note: two hundred degrees)
9) travel at speed of light
10) make a supersonic man out of you
11/20/09
1) to laugh
2) to sing
3) everything
4) to move
5) to groove
6) the loving things
11/20/09
11/20/09
11/20/09
11/20/09
11/21/09
11/20/09
Also: I love this, man.
11/20/09
1) Get plague booster shot
2) Ravish maiden
3) Fire full-time serfs; go to work-for- hire model
4) Ravish maiden
5) Challenge Oldo of Omvaria to a joust
6) Cancel joust
7) Write checks to serfs
8) Forget to make bank deposit
9) Kill serfs
10) Ravish maiden
11/20/09
1. Vacation on the Isle of Cyprus!
2. Decide the Crusades are stoopid.
3. Have strategically "diplomatic" dinner with Pope Boniface VIII, laugh at his lame jokes
4. Piss off the King of France
5. Get arrested, get tortured GITMO-style, get forced to admit that the Knights Templar are an order of devil-worshiping homosexuals.
6. Defiantly recant aforementioned statements in open trial.
7. REALLLLY piss off both the Pope and the king of France.
7. Get burned at the stake.
8. (Epilogue) When the head of French King Louis XVI was severed by the guillotine during the French Revolution, an anonymous person reportedly jumped on the gallows and shouted, "Jacques de Molay is avenged!"
11/20/09
11/20/09
11/20/09
11/20/09
I've worked with, and against, depression for the past decade, and apart from medication and CBT work, the biggest thing keeping my life on track is the little 3x5 card I keep in my pocket with all my to-do stuff. I re-write the card every night and carry over the stuff I haven't done yet. It's helped immensely, and the satisfaction of checking a thing off the list is a great feeling.
Thanks, Umberto!
11/16/09
11/16/09
11/16/09
11/16/09
11/17/09
11/17/09
11/17/09
11/17/09
11/16/09
That kid in the picture quit smoking. Today?
(apologies, it [my mac? firefox? gawker?] won't let me upload the photo from my desktop.) #cigarettes
11/16/09
11/16/09
No, but seriously, I'm glad I can saunter around campus with my cigarette looking super cool and annoying the hell out of all the tour groups and parents behind me.
11/16/09
11/16/09