Lizzie's solution, according to Gatecrasher (late pass for us, but it's worth it!), is to drag Vince to all the fanciest Fashion Week events to be photographed with celebs. That's one way to go. Or:

• Get Plastic Surgery—It's useful not only for repairing the facial damage inflicted by a crazed, teeth-gnashing cannibal hooker, but also for subtly altering your look so that people who spot you in the future don't immediately point and say, "Hey—isn't that the guy who got arrested for fighting a cannibal hooker?"

• Flee the Country—Uruguay, Gambia, Micronesia. We've just named three of the dozen or more nations where ShamWow and SlapChop infomercials have not so saturated the television broadcasts that you could not take two steps without being recognized as that ShamWow guy—the one who had the bloody confrontation with the cannibal hooker.
• Become a Hermit—Throughout history, many of the holiest men on earth have made the decision to take to a cave on a windswept hillside, isolating themselves from society in order to meditate and get closer to god. This is also an effective way to isolate oneself from the prying eyes of the public and media, who are always eager to pigeonhole you as "The guy with the cannibal hooker problem." Although we have to be honest: God is not so great on forgiving cannibal hooker fights, either.

[Pic: Getty]

Let's dip back into the galley that just keeps on giving: here the Lizzie character, Jennie, asks the Zac character to go buy teenage Asian porn at a Times Square sleaze mart in the middle of the night. Young 20-somethings buying porn after midnight?! It's shocking. They'll turn into Gremlins! And seeing this movie will turn teenage girls into coke-riddled sex fiends. OMG, they'll want to go into PR!

Click the images if you want larger versions.

When we last checked in with former Grubman assistant Robert Rave's tale, "Jennie" was dressed to the nines and doing lines at 6 in the morning. We can all imagine what happens between there and the end: She acts bitchy, the boy assistant balks, celebrities are nastily name dropped, kiddo gets some balls and decides to quit. And it is our imagination, because we still haven't read the thing. We're thinking Andy Sachs shit, basically.

So, what do we get, then, at the end? A recreation of Grubman's signature moment: crazed attempted vehicular poor-people-icide! And she targets the narrator and his friends, specifically. They're outside a nightclub or something...

And that's how it ends OMG, who dies??? Who lives?? We'll never know!!

Spin is big and thick and getting a roll out from St. Martin's next month, but really the first few pages of the prologue tell it all. A blowed-out, little-black-dress-clad, ogre-handed orange menace named Jennie blowing lines at 6am while complaining about black people. Seriously! Take a look for yourself! The fictional Robert wakes up one morning to the following scene:

Click on each image to make larger

Um, brutal! Be afraid Mr. Rave, be very, very afraid. We can't wait to get to the part about some sort of horrible "accident" outside a Hamptons nightclub.

See you at the book party, Rob. If you make it that long.

• Births: SUV stunt driver and PR lady Lizzie Grubman gave birth to a son, Jack, yesterday. He was weighed, had his claws banded, and was taken to the nearest Legal Seafoods. [Page Six]

• Deaths: Not an actual death, thankfully, but Samantha Who?—the should be a lot more charming than it is Christina Applegate sitcom—has been put on indefinite hold. It's replacement? 2-hour episodes of The Bachelor. [RI] Higher education might be dying with everything else. Brandeis Univeristy, outside of Boston, is discussing cutting faculty and increasing class size. [US News]

• Marriages: Ohh, what a hip couple! Fred Armisen, the strange-character-maker Saturday Night Live actor, is engaged to Mad Men actress (currently starring on B'way in Speed-the-Mercury-Poisoning) Elisabeth Moss. M.Ward will perform the ceremony and then everyone will go for corndogs and Vinho Verde in some abandoned factory along the Gowanus canal, strung up with white Christmas tree lights. [Us] And another marriage ends. Kelly Rutherford, the beaming angel mother Lily on Gossip Girl, has won the right to take her child to and fro while filming her show in New York and dissolving her marriage in Los Angeles. [Us]

A female companion of the rapper told officers that Brown last week filled a prescription for 40 pain pills, but had only taken five of the pills up to yesterday. Brown told police that he had taken the balance of the pills last night. The woman, who has been identified as Lizzie Grubman, Brown's publicist, also told responding officers (RO/S) that she observed Brown(identified in the report as "comp," or complainant) put two pills in his mouth, which she tried to retrieve by placing her fingers in his mouth.

My. We'll let you know when we get to the bottom of this unconfirmed rumor of Lizzie's lifesaving mouth-prying heroics.

[HHBoard]

• Lenny Kravitz thinks the rumor about him having an affair with the wife of Yankees star Alex Rodriguez originated with his conniving, now-fired manager. A furious Madonna, meanwhile, is trying to muzzle the same wife's lawyer for insinuating she had "an affair of the heart" with Alex.
• Two women came forward to talk about their affairs with Rodriguez, and someone else claimed he wore a fake moustache to cheating spots so as not to be recognized. And to look extra sexy. [Daily News]
• Kirsten Dunst totally hooked up with the DJ at Beatrice. ZOMG. [P6]
• Publicity monster Lizzie Grubman is expanding into management, to make more money. Twenty percent off the top! [Post]
• The new editor of Art In America is so gauche. Not only is he redecorating with "garish pop colors," but also with a sculpture of some rapper. Or maybe the whole thing is a statement? (There goes my shot at blogging for Art In America.) [P6]
• This Yankees announcer either has really gross food habits or, more likely, he pissed of Page Six and they couldn't find any real dirt. [P6]
• The Jimi Hendrix sex tape has been proven real, according to the co-chairman of porn purveyor Vivid Entertainment, because no one could prove it was a fake, despite a cash prize and everything. The woman who "authenticated" it is getting a cut of the profits when the $40 video comes out in the near future. Word on the street is that Lenny Kravitz is behind the whole scheme. Such a troublemaker. [R&M]

Hey Sweetie,

I am emailing because I am working with YRB Magazine who is in the process of shooting their Fall Fashion Issue, and we would love to feature YOU in it!! This year we figured we would do something a bit different and over-the-top to ensure it is the most glam issue of YRB to date. We are hosting a blow out event in conjunction to this fashion photo shoot titled, "HOW YOU ROCK IT" ...
The spread will showcase the hottest upcoming fashion trends while YRB is assembling an array of notable New York influencers who we find embody street couture. Basically a diverse cast of tastemakers, artists, press, music makers, move shakers, creatives, beautiful people and all-around cool kids who are fashionable yet edgy and have made a solid name for themselves in the circles they run with.
For the photo shoot we will have racks and racks of clothing and designer labels, where invited guests will be asked to come by (camera-ready / hair & make-up will be on hand for touch-ups), and style themselves out in an original outfit they choose and feel best represents their personal style. Guests will pose in front of a white seamless backdrop to be photographed by one of the country's leading photographers for a spread in the Fall/September issue. The finished product will include a photo and stat sheet allowing YOU to plug new projects.
As this experimental fashion shoot goes down we have set up a chill lounge to serve as an "adult playground" for our guests. We have graffiti and tattoo stations posted where artists will be on hand doing complimentary work, in addition to video game consoles throughout the venue. A variety of notable DJs will be spinning during the event, & drinks and food will be served.
The event and photo shoot goes down on June 25th from 7pm to 11pm at the Red Bull Space located at 40 Thompson. Please save the date and reply ASAP if YOU would like to take part of this so we can confirm space in the magazine! This is guaranteed to be the hottest and most exclusive events this summer...

Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you! Xo

How NOT To Throw An Event - Funny bloopers R us

Ding. Lizzie Grubman Is Done — Well Done! [TMZ] [Photo: Tana Lee Alves for Wire Image]

Hamptons Happenings [LI Exchange]

How will Ms. Grubman fill all that space? Fortunately, she and her husband are with child.

When [the unit's seller] Ms. Iseson was asked if she knew why the inimitable Allen Grubman had bought her apartment, she said: "His daughter Lizzie, who lives next door, is breaking through."

So many birth jokes, so little stomach for them.

Anyhow: Iseson, a real-estate agent herself, says the deal went rather smoothly, since the buyer's agent approached her directly — she wasn't selling to begin with. But that's not going to stop a Grubman from backing up into those walls and running over that unit.

Lizzie Grubman's Big 'Break Through' [NYO (2nd item)]