Charlotte and Sarabeth mention this mysterious "antidote" that their friend Sean Parker, "who invented Napster, who just sold his business for like a billion dollars," carries around in a syringe at all times. First question: WHAT'S THE ANTIDOTE FOR?

LOLCAIT: "Sarabeth Palsy."

They say they're not lesbians, only business partners. But aren't business partners the new lesbians?

"No, business PARTERS are the new lesbians."

The girls claim to have saved a deer that had been hit by a car—through the energy of their healing touch. What other superpowers do you think they have?

"Well, it's really crazy, but they can taste things through their tongues... Also, they have the awesome ability to simultaneously "have" jobs and not have jobs. All at the same time."

Total names dropped in interview: only 3. Ability to heal baby deer with energy alone? Priceless.

[Photo: Glenn Glasser for NY Mag]

Jessica Joffe

There's something very Elle Woods about Natasha. What do you think was the subject of her (video?) admissions essay?
Something wild, crazy and different: like consumption. Not the disease.

What does Natasha keep in her bag?
Her 20 other bags, of course.

What will Natasha's final business plan project be in her
Entrepreneur 101 class at Harvard Business School?
Building the largest pair of quilted sunglasses to fit into the Stratus.

Natasha's self-professed specialty is consuming. What are some of her other specialties?
Since Natasha is still pairing diffusion line D & G with collection Vuitton, I would hope that she focuses and improves on her special skill rather than squandering her talents in other 'sectors'.

Faran Krentcil

There's something very Elle Woods about Natasha. What do you think was the subject of her (video?) admissions essay?
Natasha filmed herself walking in a plaid Burberry bikini to illustrate her knowledge of checks (and balances).

What does Natasha keep in her bag (hello, Faran!)?
Inside Natasha's massive bag is Natasha's midget cousin, Roy Mitra.

Roy is a Rhodes Scholar from Wisconsin. He is 3'4 and curls up easily in that huge Vuitton.

Roy's mother promised that if he hid inside Natasha's bag and whispered answers while she took her GMAT, Natasha would get him into Butter on a Monday night...

What will Natasha's final business plan project be in her Entrepreneur
101 class at Harvard Business School?
Alas, Natasha will drop out of Harvard Business School to start her own nail polish company, Womanicure. They only make pink colors, which are named for characters on The Hills. She'll make millions.

Natasha's self-professed specialty is consuming. What are some of her other specialties?
At 1 pm every Sunday, Natasha performs a monologue at Essex House during brunch. It is called "why men are intimidated by my accessories." It lasts the length of a Slimfast and two Diet Cokes, and ends when Roy climbs out of Natasha's bag to ask Natasha's brunch partner — a blonde iBanker named Ginny who wears Gucci sunglasses as a headband — on a date.

Ginny says no, and then the monologue continues — until Dana Vachon walks into the restaurant, and suddenly, Natasha falls silent...

Matthew Schneier

There's something very Elle Woods about Natasha. What do you think was the subject of her (video?) admissions essay?
Judge for yourself: http://youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA.

What does Natasha keep in her bag?
A Lexus.

What will Natasha's final business plan project be in her Entrepreneur 101 class at Harvard Business School?
It's a sad day here in Gawkerland as the last-ever Looking at the Look Book comes to a drowsy close. And sadder still for me, who created a mini-cottage industry of relentless LB commenting — 7 times at last count! Since Natasha is likely too busy consuming to think entrepreneurially, I want to offer her my newly-available services. Surely there's some business plan we can coauthor that will speak both to her needs (reserving couture pre-season; accessory maintenance; private equity management) and my talents (obeisance; wordplay; napping). I'm half-asleep with excitement about this new venture! Natasha, call me!

Natasha's self-professed specialty is consuming. What are some of her other specialties?
Christian charity, humility, and poverty. Just kidding, of course. Who needs other talents when you've got consuming?

Natasha Mitra [NYM]

David Lê, television enthusiast, volunteer

Why is Alice holding her hair all funny-like?
It's been 80 degrees outside and her scalp is COOKIN under that coonskin. Girlfriend just needs to let her business catch some breeze!

Why don't British people don't like red hair?
Pardon my British, but methinks this lady is a nut. The real question is why she thinks Americans do like red hair, and consequently why she dyed
her wig-piece like Ronny McD. Redheadedness is a lifestyle choice
Americans simply will not support.

Since Alice won't describe her style, why don't you do it for her...
Two parts Howard Stern (hair, accessories); three parts Shirley Maclaine
(face, coloration, wardrobe). I think the blouse may have come out of Shirley's trousseau. That or, more simply put: Carrottop, in drag, as himself. In a few years, we'll all be doing it.

Michael Gambale, legal assistant bitch

Why is Alice holding her hair all funny-like?
Nose-twitching witch, Samantha Stephens was a sell-out to the domesticated life. Her mother, Endora's only hope was that her bubbly, red-headed daughter, Alice Lane aka Ginger Puff, would become her successful independent witch, using her fiery locks to cast spells of permanence. Unfortunately, Ginger Puff endured years of adolescent torment and much to her mother's chagrin escaped London and married a Lehman brother.

Why don't British people like red hair?
They do. Contrary to Ginger Puffs claim, it had nothing to do with her red hair as such but her freakish displays of witchcraft. I mean, please, being a pimple-faced dork is one thing; being a witch is another.

Since Alice won't describe her style, why don't you do it for her...

I don't. I just put on things that I like. I wouldn't want to be trendy, but not being trendy seems to be trendy at the moment.

Right, sure, I bet Amy Larocca was *pleased* with that answer! Who wouldn't once Puffy Rouge raises her Frizzes and cackles like a mad chicken. No, what she meant to say was that her look was derived from a google image search using the phrase, 'untrendy trends that are trendy' and came up with a flamboyant ensemble only Agnes Moorehead would love.

Molly Finkelstein,"God it's hard pretending I actually do something"

Why is Alice holding her hair all funny-like?
It's just like, about experiencing the color (colour) to its maximum potential. Of course, that's not her natural color, but once upon a time it was, and really, what does "natural" even mean in nowadays? If babies can come from the sperm of a young male "artist" looking to get some cash for his stash combined with the egg of a lesbian and then placed in the uterus of the lesbian's life partner, and that works out for all parties involved—except probably the guy, who now runs the risk of his future kids unknowingly having incestuous relationships with their secret two-mommies-raised half-sibling—and the baby comes out into the world with three natural parents and no diseases to speak of, why can't Alice experiment with definitions? Plus, holding her hair up accentuates her roots, which, by the way, look brunette to me.

Why don't British people don't like red hair?
The "fear of the ginger" dates back to the early sixteenth century, when Henry VIII's fourth wife, Anne of Cleaves, actually did give birth to a male heir—an albino male heir. Anne, knowing that her husband, who religiously lounged by the Thames in the nude "to prevent tan lines," would be disgusted their pale son, sought out the wisdom of the best medicine man in England. Well, she couldn't actually find the medicine man because she stopped off at the pub to get a pint and because she thought maybe someone there would have an idea or, at least, some bronzer. Needless to say, several pints of Strongbow and a forty of Olde (then, Newe) English later, Anne and the local gents had figured out a solution for her pasty son, Alistair. They mixed a big barrel of Bloody Mary and plopped baby Alistair in it. He emerged with skin red as Henry when he overdoes the tanning oils, but also, with freakishly crimson hair. Thus was born the first ginger child. Anne brought the scarlet baby to Henry who was so afraid of his devil child that he immediately beheaded them both.

Since Alice won't describe her style, why don't you do it for her...
Honestly, I've been living in London for the past couple months and people really dress like that. Well, girls half her age. And she better be wearing ankle boots. I swear I saw that rainbow shirt on sale for thirty-five pounds at a vintage store in Notting Hill. Did I say Notting Hill? I meant Camden Markets. Oh, but no one would draw attention to their gingerness, unless, of course, they were Ginger Spice. Oh wow, I just got why they called her that.

Redheaded Makeup Artist Alice Lane [NYM]

Kimmy Gatewood, writer/comedian "The Apple Sisters"

What does Peppino think of Robert?
Peppino is sick and tired of Robert paying him in cheese. He thought it was cute at first. Now, it's just insulting.

What does Robert wear when he runs? And what's his jogging route?

According to the IBDWRL (International Best Dressed-While-Running-List):

"Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays Robert enjoys a jog through Central Park, in a running shorts (tailored) and a tank top (proportional). Tuesday and Saturdays, Robert runs to the TGIFridays on 42nd Street in an evening gown."

Says Robert, "On this journey, you have to know when to stop and go on to the next thing." What's the "next thing" for Robert?

(found on a piece of paper in Robert's jacket)

"My Journey" by Robert

Begin-à——Fat hippie—à——Skinny Jeweler—à——-Busty Latina—-à——Second
Life Furrie——End.

P.S. from Kimmy - I hope Bob considers ballet. Have you seen that turnout?!

Sam Biederman, "writer"

What does Peppino think of Robert?

He doesn't think; he's a tailor.

What does Robert wear when he runs? And what's his jogging route?

If you really want to know the truth, he wears oversized camo print cargo shorts and a raggedy T-shirt that reads XXXXL PROPERTY TIFFANY ATHLETIC DEPT. By "jogging," he means walking slowly, which he does twice daily between the door of his apartment and the car that takes him to work, once in the morning and once in the evening. He does not jog from the car to the entrance to Tiffany's, instead he's transferred to a sedan chair and carried into the building. (He changes into his work clothes in the elevator.)

Says Robert, "On this journey, you have to know when to stop and go on to the next thing." What's the "next thing" for Robert?
Draping his head in a Liberty print and eating Peppino whole, like an ortolan.

Sam West, Onion News Network writer

What does Peppino think of Robert?
"Now here is a man about town! But enough about me: Peppino! Here comes Robert Rufino. He's the Cassius Clay of arrogance, in that he has an alliterative name, and is arrogant. I guess he'll want to 'use' me again."

What does Robert wear when he runs? And what's his jogging route?
Rufino, a traditionalist, wears no clothing while he exercises, just like the Olympians of old. In the winter months he dips his hands, feet and head into a vat of that kind of chocolate sauce that hardens immediately, in hopes of keeping warm.

Cassius Clay liked to keep it short and sweet, which is why he would knock all of his opponents out in one punch or refuse to continue fighting. Likewise, Rufino can't stand being "on the pave," as he calls jogging, for more than 20 minutes. So he's got a set routine: he'll "pave it" straight to Peppino's, knock him out in one punch and sashay back to his jewelry shop, where he'll close the deal with the tenth grader who has been waiting 20 minutes to buy a low-end silver necklace for his abusive girlfriend.

Says Robert, "On this journey, you have to know when to stop and go on to the next thing." What's the "next thing" for Robert?
He'll sell another silver necklace and a MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE engraved silver charm bracelet to the same kid over the next couple of years for the same abusive girlfriend, god damn it. Also he will change his name to Muhammad Ali.

Impeccably Groomed Tiffany VP Robert Rufino [NYM]

Jon Friedman, writer/comedian, host of The Rejection Show

What does Janice Su's front look like?
I couldn't help myself and actually looked Janice Su up on the Internet and was able to see exactly what she looks like. I'd describe her here perfectly but I don't want to get... Su-ed. Thank you! (You're very pretty Janice, why do you want to hide under a dinosaur top? I was a student once too, and yes these can be very angsty times. If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to put on a dragon suit and face the other way...but you'll make it through. Things will get better Janice. Believe in yourself.)

What do Janice and her doll talk about?
Janice: Are they still there?
Doll: (silence)
Janice: I think they're still there.
Doll: (silence)
Janice: They're definitely still there.
Doll: (silence)
Janice: I love you.

What do Janice and her doll wear to when they summer on Nantucket?
Janice and her doll wear matching handmade brontosaurus leg pants (capris) with upper body werewolf fur shirts (not itchy, no sleeves), Frankenstein side-neck bolts, peach bald caps (with horns) and circular black eye paint (won't run) in the summer.

Giulia Rozzi, writer/comedian

What does Janice Su's front look like?
Her eyes have that "Cindy Brady looking vacantly into the video camera when she was on the kids quiz show" stare. She has three scars above her right eyebrow from failed attempts at eyebrow rings back in 1997. She got braces later in life and is just now exploring the wonders and joy of getting elastics to match holidays (unfortunately since spending all her cash on the doll she hasn't been able to see her orthodontist since October, so she's still rocking the orange and black. It's okay though, nobody notices. I mean really, NOBODY notices.)

What do Janice and her doll talk about?
Well when they aren't silently spooning ( which is like ALL the time!) the doll is always bragging about how he is made from the reaction of a diisocyanate with a compound containing at least two active hydrogen
atoms, such as a diol or diamine, meanwhile Janice is always yammering "Whatever, I mean I didn't even want to go to prom. It was probably stupid anyways!" and " Ya huh making out with a doll does too count as going to first base!"

In the mornings there's always a flirtatious race to the toaster oven and wouldn't you know that darn doll wins every time prompting poor ol' Janice to put one hand on her hip, the other hand pointing and coo-ing "Heeeey Leggo my Eggo!"

Once they had a heated debate about adding some new pals to their duo.
The doll suggests that Andy Barclay and his cute little friend would be an ideal choice for a double date but Janice wanted to save up for a $1400 cubic zirconia encrusted cardboard cut out of her dad. They eventually settled on the $21.99 "Tori 9021HO" blow up doll. As we speak, Janice is sewing them all matching California Raisin costumes.

What do Janice and her doll wear to when they summer on Nantucket?
JLo style khaki onesies with lobster belts and Tevas. When it gets chilly at night they wrap themselves up in shame and despair.

Naomi Leibowitz

What does Janice Su's front look like?
The loneliest person in the world.

What do Janice and her doll talk about?
Masturbation aids don't talk.

What do Jance and her doll wear to when they summer on Nantucket?
They Bahamavention. This is awkward.

Jenny Slate and Gabe Liedman, comedic duo

What does Tre design?
If you own a harpsichord, but also think Elvira is a classy lady, then you'll be at one with Tre's designs—a subtle collection of punk-rock flapper-gear for the 24-hour tranny.

Is that raccoon tail on his bag an homage to his Southern upbringing? What other cultural signifiers can you find in Tre's ensemble?
Tre loves to blend a million different cultural signifiers in every outfit. He'll give you a Matrix coat, Pirates of the Caribbean necklaces, and a shellacked Zelda Fitzgerald jerrycurl—and it's all the same to him:
"...you should never change who you are. Even if I walk down the street and get a lot of "What the fuck is that?"—I just smile, I keep on walking, and keep on doing it, because no one's ever going to get it if I don't..."
We think the raccoon tail is definitely an homage to his southern upbringing, but also his resolve to just 'keep on walking'—even if there's a feral raccoon attached to your purse. Just keep walking, til the whole damn thing rots off. You're almost there girlfriend!! Tre fancies himself a chameleon, which we think is a stretch. This dude would have as good of a chance blending in anywhere as Imus would have on America's Next Top Model.

What do John Howard Knight I and II think of III?
They'd be rolling over in their graves to know that III only includes a corset in his nighttime look. How can you call yourself a John Howard Knight and have the audacity to let your body flop around uncorseted all day long?! Chivalry really is dead, even for southern boyz.

Matt Oberg, comedian

What does Tre design?
Casual wear for tomorrow's villain on the go. He is also about to release a
line of evil change purses. They can all be considered gothic because that
is what Tre's style is.

Is that raccoon tail on his bag an homage to his Southern upbringing? What other cultural signifiers can you find in Tre's ensemble?
The raccoon tail is not an homage at all, it is attached to the raccoon he keeps in that bag. "Some people think raccoons are dangerous, but they just don't get it". The necklaces are an obvious nod to Mr T. Tre pities the fool that has fingers on his gloves.

What do John Howard Knight I and II think of III?
They are proud of his gothic style. They wish that he would stop letting Paul bully him. They are worried about who will tighten the corset when it proves too much for their arthritic hands. But mostly they are all "We're just happy that when he wakes up his hair's already done".

Sarah Burns, actor, writer, Tre-aholic

What does Tre design?
Seriously, what doesn't Tre design? Think about it. Tre's out there, every day, rain or shine, going like the Hammers of Hell, corseted, Betty-Boop-hair-helmeted, dragging that giant bag filled to the brim with raccoons helping people "get him". I know. The shorts over tights, the boots, the countless silver necklaces...GOD ...it's straight out of the KMFDM Fan's Guide to Going Out, but that's just old Tre, throwing us a curveball. Tre doesn't care. He doesn't even notice. He's on a mission. You could probably jump on his back and he wouldn't even flinch. When he's focused, forget it. I bet he is out there right now and people, the ignorant fools that we are, are like "Oh, his style is goth," or "What the fuck is that?" It makes me so mad. And Tre, he's just smiling, he's just walking because he HAS TO. Because if he didn't, and forgive me if I get emotional here, if he didn't PEOPLE WOULDN'T GET IT. So when you ask "What does Tre design?" I say Inspiration. Self Respect. Duty. And fishnet crop-tops.

Is that raccoon tail on his bag an homage to his Southern upbringing? What other cultural signifiers can you find in Tre's ensemble?
The thing about Tre is: he never forgets. You can wrap him up in cellophane, spray him with silly string and put him on a boat to Madagascar but he would never loose touch with the good ole boy he truly is. Which is why he carries a bag full of raccoons with him wherever he goes. But he's also vintage. Look at him. He totally nails the Joseph Goebbels look. So '40's!

What do John Howard Knight I and II think of III?
Oh please they love it! When Tre comes home, it's like a light goes on in the otherwise dull existence of Chapel Hill. Or should I say Chapel Chill? People fling themselves at him the way only a Pope or a Rolling Stone could tell you about. There is shoving and undoubtedly pushing. Children get trampled. Its pandemonium and JHK I and II can't get enough of it.. Frankly, I think JHK I and II push Tre a little too hard when he comes home. They parade Tre around like the Infanta, poor thing, when all he wants to do is his laundry and eat his mom's tuna mac.

Designer John Howard Knight III [NYM]

Jen Adams, judgmental writer

Catherine Tuck is a design student. What does she design?
Open source software. You wouldn't know it to look at her, but that girl is a Java whiz.

Catherine apparently likes herself more here in New York than in
Brazil. Where do you like Catherine more?
Wait, she's from Brazil? I must have missed that.

I'm going to have to go with Catherine in New York. It helps the rest of us out when there are girls out there willing to fall for guys using the old "Oh my God, bikinis and stuff" line. Really separates the wheat from the chaff, you know?

What does Catherine pack in her back when she jets off to Brazil for the weekend?
She loads up on incense, cheap belts, and little yellow toy taxis so that in the event that she is stopped on the sidewalk by Sao Paulo Magazine, she can preach about how much she prefers NYC street style to the generic Brazilian one, a somewhat ironic rant coming from someone who got caught wearing a five dollar pashmina in front of Forever 21. Of course, I imagine Catherine has been referred to as "kind of a generic Gisele Bundchen" during more than one morning after roundup.

Ben Zelevansky, creator, Unleashed

Catherine Tuck is a design student. What does she design?
Accessories for fashionably oversized sunglasses. Her thesis project is a massive Kevlar-plated glasses case lined with cashmere and powered by Honda's new earth-friendly Integrated Motor Assist hybrid engine. Catherine's work has won the coveted endorsement of Officer Frank Poncherello of the California Highway Patrol.

Catherine apparently likes herself more here in New York than in Brazil. Where do you like Catherine more?

Catherine and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I like her best deep in the Amazonian rainforest, surrounded by dense thickets of mangrove and the chirping of a lonely tree frog. In this lush, exotic locale, it becomes very difficult to hear the slurring, throaty, heavily-accented monotone she calls a voice.

What does Catherine pack in her back when she jets off to Brazil for the weekend?
Oh my God, like bikinis and stuff.

NOTE: Smart travelers like Catherine know not to pack a jacket or wrap... as she ably demonstrates in this clip, a purloined airline blanket is all you need to stay warm, be it here in the big city or in the cozy byways of the Regi o Metropolitana de S o Paulo.

Christina Kallery, dreamer, hack, shoe-collector

Catherine Tuck is a design student. What does she design?
Costumes for romance novel covers with titles like ,Prep School Swashbucklers, Ivy League Sex Pirate, and Lust and Oxfords on the High Seas.

Catherine apparently likes herself more here in New York than in Brazil. Where do you like Catherine more?
In a faraway land free from the dictates of Vogue where she can indulge her muses: CHiPs meets Ralph Lauren at a community theater production of Zoro.

What does Catherine pack in her back when she jets off to Brazil for the weekend?
Burlap blankets in every color of the rainbow and her prized mirrored sunglasses she swiped off the night table after a steamy night with Eric Estrada.

Video Look Book [NYMag]

Jonas Oransky, Independent Contractor

What else does he want to surge in your body?
Is that a dirty question? Maybe some denim undies? Is that fake David Cross?

Says Andre J., " I'm wearing calmness." Where does he buy that?
The kneejerk response to this question involves those years in L.A. But the truer source of calm iscertainly buried in New Jersey. He was socialized in the singular culture which does not boast the biggest malls, but does locate what malls it boasts closest to its ethos heart. As a man who found his own peace deep on the other side of the Hudson, I here testify to the accuracy of that pleasant
world reflected in Mallrats and by Harold and Kumar. Plus, the dead giveaway is that exuberant "put on this earth to be a bodhisattva, to just glow, emanate...peace, pizzazz" bit: that's a verbatim quote from the deathbed of the Hoboken Hero himself, Frank Sinatra.

What does being a muse involve on a daily basis?
Lip-synching! He says it right there. Weird though that he's dismissive of that day job, like artists and actresses who say, "Oh, I wait tables, but y'know only insofar as I pay my way in this real-estate craze." Isn't lip-synching sort of a wonderful thing to do? I've always wanted to be the man behind the man.

Hannah Frank, Muse

What else does he want to surge in your body?
Must you make a mockery of the English language, Andre, just as you do the cold weather? I mean, jeez—you're using "surge" as a transitive verb*? I'm hardly the linguistic prescriptivist, but still—what the hey, man? What gives? Is nothing sacred? Listen up, sir, and listen good: grammar does not take kindly to hot pants.

*Unless he is, in fact, a length of rope. If that's the case, I retract all of my scolding and instead offer empathy. They do not like rope, thread, twine, and the like in New York City.**

**True story: I myself was once a piece of string. It sucked. Sure, I was allowed to drink at any water fountain I fancied, but I had no mouth! I got kicked out of a bar, too. The bartender said, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve rope, thread, twine, and the like here." I left. I cried. I went home. I caught a little late-night teevee. Lorraine Bracco was on Conan. Boy, was she boring! I slept. The following evening I prepped myself for another night on the town. I tied myself into a knot. I watched a few of the VHS tapes I had lying around, like the one where Owen Hart dies and an episode of "The View" from the Lisa Ling era — that kind of stuff. By the time I was ready to leave, I was frazzled and worn out — frayed, even. Nevertheless, I soldiered on. I walked back to the bar and strolled inside like I owned the joint. The bartender was all, "Wow, oh my goodness, what the hell, you look fantastic, holla sista!" I nodded. Then he was like, "I am just so glad you're alive." I sipped my whisky. It was soon last call. The bartender said, "I want to take you back to my place so that I can surge [inaudible] in your body." I politely declined, explaining that I really ought to get home, that it was getting late, that my body consisted of little more than braided cotton fiber, that I had work the next day, etc. "I understand," he said. What an asshole.

Says Andre J., " I'm wearing calmness." Where does he buy that?
The Jerk Store.

What does being a muse involve on a daily basis?
Generally speaking? Meddling in Albert Brooks and Andie McDowell's marriage and sounding remarkably like Radiohead. For Andre? Forgoing nirvana for the sake of us all.

Ritch Duncan, Comedian, Writer, American Hockey Fan

What else does he want to surge in your body?
He? You sure about that? I can't even nail down a race, much less a gender. Ann Coulter took one look at this dude and immediately issued John Edwards an apology. This guy looks like what would happen if the
entire cast of the show "Good Times" was forced to live in one body. They say never judge a book by its cover. That's because it's rare that you find books covered with the same fart-saturated Indian blanket that I got a terrible handjob under at a house party in the 11th grade. He says he wants to surge positive energy into my body. It might be working, as I'm positive I don't want that to happen.

Says Andre J., "I'm wearing calmness." Where does he buy that?
Duane Reade, after his psychiatrist wrote him a change of clothes from his previous outfit, a snappy ensemble he described as "wearing a debilitating panic disorder."

What does being a muse involve on a daily basis?
1) Awake from gentle slumber
2) Say a silent prayer for the soul of the dead prostitute who once
owned your shorts.
3) Show up 45 minutes late for "job" at the Verb Cafe in Williamsburg.
4) "Inspire" the laptop jockeys to work on their "novels" elsewhere.
5) Meth

Look Book: Cheerful Muse Andre J. [NYMag]

Jackie Sibblies, web editor at Topic

We want add a fourth bracelet to Thais' collection. What kind would
you give her?
She's adorable! I would get her a bracelet made out of umlauted vowels.

What does Gia have to say about all this?
Gia is much too cute to speak; she only giggles, and makes spit bubbles in the shapes of baby animals. This could be loosely translated as "I know we're impossibly hip, but aren't I too young for the black-leggings-under-shorts combo?" or "Psssketti!"

Eloise named her turtle Skipperdee and her pug Weenie — what would
Thais name her turtle and pug, respectively?
The turtle should obviously be named after her fave things, but the romance languages have too many words for "pink" and "diamond." Thais would use the language of cinema, naming it "The Production Design for 'Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend' from Howard Hawkes'Gentleman Prefer Blondes(1953)"
The pug? Simply, "tu connais le pug, oui?"

David Roth, writer and contributor to Can't Stop The Bleeding

We want add a fourth bracelet to Thais' collection. What kind would
you you give her?
She's the one in the tights? You want me to make fun of the kindergartner? It's cool, that's actually not a problem. Anyway, seeing as she's already got both the pirate's head and the wish-fulfilling bracelets, I think it's less about what the next bracelet should be than where she gets it. It must be purchased be from a jewelry cart in Paramus Park Mall, after walking around the entire floor plan of said mall. And Pascal has to go with her. That should start bleaching the whimsy out of this children's book
illustration of a family. Also, he needs to wear that hat. Oh, and he must eat something orange from the Manchu Wok upstairs in the food court. Come to think of it, I don't even know if Thais needs to go out
there.

What does Gia have to say about all this?
Good news/bad news on this one. Fortunately, I can read thoughts. Sadly, since I don't speak French or Spanish, it's hard to decipher what's going on in Gia's head. However I do, like the Legrand family,
speak a little bit of Italian, so I can give you a rough summary of some of her thoughts. She thinks that the angle at which she has been photographed, combined with her hairdo and giant baby face, makes her
look like a Hasidic yeshiva student. Also, she wants ice cream.

Eloise named her turtle Skipperdee and her pug Weenie — what would
Thais name her turtle and pug, respectively?
Gaston and Professor Phipps, respectively. Look, I'm just reading the thoughts, Alexis, I can't help it if they're not funny.

Bennett Madison, children's novelist

We want add a fourth bracelet to Thais' collection. What kind would
you you give her?
Ok, so the point of this whole feature is like making fun of these ridiculous people, right? But these are children. What I am supposed to say about children I do not know. One of them is an INFANT. I
hate babies as much as the next person, but really these ones look kind of adorable, and also isn't hating babies sort of pass now anyway? The dad could possibly be an asshole (not into the skullcap
thing personally) but he's pretty really hot, so who cares? I'm a sucker for a man with an infant in his arms.

As for Thais and her bracelets, there is clearly a bracelet rivalry between little Gia and Thais. I can understand that. Thais may have more bracelets than Gia, including her enchanted wish-bracelet, which
counts double, but Gia's bracelet is in the end better because it is solid actual gold. (Playing favorites???) So I think Thais is fixing to steal Gia's bracelet, and I hope daddy has it locked away in some kind of safe deposit box.

What does Gia have to say about all this?
So this started me thinking about my own children. I am planning on getting two someday. They're going to be named Whatevia and Gaylord. (Girl and boy.) They are going to be maybe not as Eloise as these little girls but also really cute. Whatevia is always going to wear a technicolor dreamcoat and lots of ribbons in her hair like the
Braided Man of Ozand Gaylord is only going to wear tails and patent leather shoes and he shall carry a jeweled cane or scepter. I think about it all the time and can't wait. When they are a little older — say, six or seven — I'll take them to Buck-A-Pound and they can pick their own outfits. They can get whatever they want.

I don't know what Gia thinks about any of this. Probably nothing because she is a baby. But she looks pretty happy with the lollipop.

Eloise named her turtle Skipperdee and her pug Weenie — what would
Thais name her turtle and pug, respectively?
Did you know that Tara Reid had a dog named Tequila? (I think.) Probably you did and who cares anyway I guess. I don't know what this child would want to name her animals but I'm glad she doesn't have a
bird, because they can be incredibly jealous and they will literally try to peck your eyes out if you try to go near the man of the household. If you ARE the man of the household, they like you to jerk them off. This is actually true and you would be surprised how many people oblige them. In conclusion, I give Thais and Gia two thumbs up. Dad I give two thumbs way up for being a total fox. I don't really have much mean to say about some hot man and his infants. Maybe everyone else is puking right now from the cloying cuteness of these babies, but personally I am charmed: I have only three bracelets. For one, you can make a wish, and when it breaks the wish comes true, but you can't tell anybody.

Chic Parisian Pascal LeGrand And His Children [NYMag]

Bob Powers, writer

Dorcas is thinking about getting a tattoo. What should she get?
A tattoo is forever. She'd better pick one that will apply to all of the multiple personalities she's created to help her tolerate her miserable dayjob working for headhunters (also known as "having a
breakdown"). So how about "Naked Eartha Kitt Sobbing In A Corner." It'll quiver with sobs every time she slams the phone down after another cold-call hangs up on her.

What kind of jeans does Guenevere, Dorcas's alter-ego, wear?

Nice try at correcting her spelling. It's GWENEVERE [sic].

Dorcas made it clear (did the interviewer have to ask "Am I speaking with Dorcas or Gwenevere now?") that she and Gwenny are exactly the same, except Gwenny "has fun." Pooor Dorcas. She's free, she's
loving, but she can't have a good time unless she experiences an identity dissociation. The woman is hanging by a thread and you want me to dress her up in jeans?

Okay, since she's the fun one, I'll go with Osh Kosh B'Gosh overalls. Assless.

How would she outfit your average investment banker if she had the chance?
Dorcas (no fun) would dress her I-banker in a stiff, musty suit. Gwenevere (imaginary) would dress him in a unicorn pelt and give him a magical staff with which he can summon eagles. Then she'd accuse him of conspiring with the FBI to control her thoughts. The woman is unhinged, s'what I'm saying.

Amanda Melson, comic and writer

Dorcas is thinking about getting a tattoo. What should she get?
I'm thinking a scalp tattoo that says "Hey Vicki at King of Kings Beauty Parlor, tone it down!"

What kind of jeans does Guenevere, Dorcas's alter-ego, wear?
Whatever looks good on her alter-butt? I don't know, is it really cool to have an alter-ego with a name? Dorcas seems like a lot of fun, but if she leaned over the cubicle wall and told me "I'm Gwenevere right now!" I might make some calls. So, I guess ol' Gwennie wears whatever jeans her "therapeutic community" allows.

How would she outfit your average investment banker if she had the
chance?
"Mr. Struggles? Your name is now Zanzibar. You're getting extensions, a knitted man-poncho and a purple Vespa, now get out there and recruit some FUN!"

Isaac Kardon, writer
Dorcas is thinking about getting a tattoo. What should she get?
I recommend a red and black neck-scorpion, and not just because that's the usual go-to tattoo, but because it will reflect her psychotic attachment to the venomous critters. An "I Heart Dorcas" tat might
also be appropriate if she can bear the cruel jeering of heartless middle schoolers and insecure ex-lacrosse players.

What kind of jeans does Guenevere, Dorcas's alter-ego, wear?
Her free spirited alter-ego may be in the market for the very seldom employed but highly underrated ass-less variety of jeans, pioneered years ago by Prince and Yosemite Sam (independently). Though it is
obviously a powerful and provocative statement, it seems like her sassy, no-nonsense demeanor will inure her to the inevitable ridicule that will ensue. Or maybe just some "skinny" jeans, or whatever.

How would she outfit your average investment banker if she had the
chance?
The traditional dark suit, aggressively shiny tie, and overcompensating decisiveness will certainly not be out-of-the-box enough for dear Dorcas' eclectic tastes. Focus groups rejected the idea of dreadlocks and gigantic sunglasses, citing the presence of "altogether too much 'ethnic flava' for a banking environment," so she would probably fall back on snow white skin, white patent leather shoes, candy-striped socks, tweed pants, skinny black tie, and a velour jacket. Add fedora to taste.

Dorcas Meyers, Executive Assistant And Hair Model [NYMag]

Susan Prekel, comic and writer

According to Eric, "ladies tend to like" the beard. What kind of ladies?
The ladies who like Eric's beard are a group known as the legally blind.

Where will Eric live when the "Williamsburgizing" of Jersey City
pushes him out?
Eric will have to move to the mean streets of the Upper East Side where he can avoid encounters with the "fashion-conscious people" infiltrating Jersey City who threaten his precious misconception that he is the only guy who ever thought to don some cords and throw a Nikon around his neck.

Does Eric's jacket have bedbugs?
Yes, Eric's Donnie Brasco jacket was infested with bedbugs and they have probably invaded his home by now. Contrary to what many SVA students tell each other over PBRs, bedbugs are a big deal. What Eric
needs to do is e-mail his friends a picture of his apartment and say, "Figure out how I should get rid of the bedbugs and I'll shave off my beard."

Chris Regan, Comic

According to Eric, "ladies tend to like" the beard. What kind of ladies?
Ladies with an "I (Heart) My English Sheepdog" bumper sticker on their car.

Where will Eric live when the "Williamsburgizing" of Jersey City pushes him out?
He can get something cheap in Deadwood probably.

Does Eric's jacket have bedbugs?
Yes, and occasionally they meet at his ascot for a rumble with the mustache lice.

Elon James White, comedian

According to Eric, "ladies tend to like" the beard. What kind of ladies?
I'm thinking ladies who like smoked meat. Ladies who like the possibility of lice when they lay down with their man. The kind that like to occasionally go protest cruelness against bugs and have a special type of relationship with patchouli oil.

Where will Eric live when the "Williamsburgizing" of Jersey City
pushes him out?
Maybe he'll go live with one of those smoked meat eating ladies who most likely have a log cabin in Vermont. Admittedly he wouldn't have the same access to NYC, but really, does he need it? That's a beard
made for the axing of pine trees. His Arts organization project can be rejected with him living anywhere.

Does Eric's jacket have bedbugs?
No, but I'm fairly sure it has some sort of scent. Gin & disappointment maybe.

Look Book: Eccentrically-Bewhiskered Art Production Designer Eric Harvey Brown [NYMag]

However, intern Alexis has, as per usu, found some people who aren't afraid to impugn the honor of a three year old. After the jump, Jenny Lee, Ophira Eisenberg and Seth Herzog tell little Kaia where she can stick her avocado roll.

Jenny Lee, Paralegal

At a mere three years-old Kaia is "very specific about her style."
How is she going to dress in 20 years?
Oh it's not little Kaia's fault her mother is desperately trying to cultivate an aura of artistic style around her entire family. Is there anything really "specific" about a three-year-old liking pink plastic jewelry and Hello Kitty? (Especially if she's wandering around Koreatown). I used to wear exclusively pink polka-dots and carried a Hello Kitty lunchbox (but I'm also Korean so that isn't really fair.) But the point is, Kaia seems to be on the trajectory of comfortable, happy, heteronormative mass consumerism and I see her as the very edgy 2027 face of Ann Taylor Loft or Casual Corner.

What is Bess's favorite Leonardo DiCaprio movie?
Considering she looks retarded (or bohemian, or funky, or whatever) and her mom used to own a big fat muumuu (I'm sorry, "maternity poncho"), I'm guessing she particularly enjoyed What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

What's Kaia's second favorite restaurant?
Avocado sushi? Does that even count as Japanese? I bet they were actually on their way to their favorite Sizzler for some chicken fingers and a sundae. It's okay, Bess, Kaia's not that precocious, but she's only three. In due time she'll be enjoying fusion dim sum and wearing crazy striped leggings like the rest of us.

Ophira Eisenberg, comic

At a mere three years-old Kaia is "very specific about her style."
How is she going to dress in 20 years?
After 20 years of listening to her mother identify herself through her husband, Kaia will rebel and become what is best described as a bull dyke. Never again will there be inappropriate shoes! The dog hat
will become dog chains, Hello Kitty barrettes will be replaced by owning a bunch of real cats, and instead of sucking on lollipops —well you see where I'm going with this. Good thing she already likes sushi! If we're lucky, maybe she'll even add a consonant to her name.

Or, like everyone else in 20 years, she'll describe her style as global-warming chic — it's a lot of plastic. And crazy.

What is Bess's favorite Leonardo DiCaprio movie?
She prefers Leo when he was just a punk homeless kid on TV in Growing Pains! It reminds her of when she met her husband. Movie-wise she'd have to go with The Man in the Iron Mask - it reminds her of sex with her husband.

What's Kaia's second favorite restaurant?
Ah — It's whatever her mom says it is. Actually it's a toss up between Nobo and Blue Fin, although I've heard she takes her dates to One If By Land, Two If By Sea. Gotham Bar and Grill is eager for her endorsement.

Seth Herzog, comedian

At a mere three years-old Kaia is "very specific about her style." How
is she going to dress in 20 years?
In 20 years she's going to be designing things that remind her 'of being a kid'; Large Animal hats with floppy ears, oversized mittens, or midriff-baring shirts, skinny jeans. OR in 20 years she'll be wearing the skins of actual rhino heads, kitties and rabbits.

What is Bess's favorite Leonardo DiCaprio movie?
Bess probably loves The Man in the Iron Mask — masks are so Peter Maxy!! Or she might like "Leggings of New York." Somewhere, the Hamburgler is pants-less.

What's Kaia's second favorite restaurant?
The same store in Koreatown where she buys her clothes. Her favorite meal is also called "Hello Kitty," and comes with lollipops.

Bess and Kaia Abraham, Jewelry Designer and Preschooler [NYMag]

Tess Lindgren is a Parsons student with bracelets, ribbon-dreds, and an upper lip piercing that doubles as a speech impediment enhancer. How much easier can a target be? Seriously, we've done a full 180 and now we love Tess and are currently looking at tickets to Minnesota on Priceline so that we can hit the same secondhand store that her coat comes from. But after the jump, Intern Alexis has Allison Castillo and Chris DeLuca share their thoughts, which are a tiny bit less charitable.

Allison Castillo, comic and author of The Score

Funny coincidence that Tess shares a last name with New York Magazine editorial director Hugo Lindgren? Or... not?
There are no coincidences in fashion (see Meryl Streep's monologue to Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada, explaining how all our choices are dictated by the fashion cognoscenti). However, if there's any doubt in your mind as to Tess's pedigree, I've uncovered some cleverly hidden clues:
She's a student at Parsons, but she lives in Union Square - Can anyone say cha-ching? Hello, Daddy's money! She's into avant garde music — I repeat, "avant garde." She coulda just said "weird."
Her jacket is from Northern Minnesota - I'm sure there are lakes and lake houses there.
She doesn't wear jewelry on just ONE wrist - She wears it on both! The only white girls who dred anything into their hair are those trying to rebel against their privileged lives — and their famous surnames.

Attack Tess with your wardrobe.
Look out Tess, a pair of Prada pumps are flying at you and knocking that hat off your head! Ouch, those spikey heels really can do some damage...wait, what's this in the back of my wardrobe? Oh, it's that time machine I built. Let's put you in it and send you back to nineteen eighty whatever where your outfit will feel at home.

What should Tess's next piercing be?
What more CAN she pierce? Her eloquence has already pierced my soul...

Chris DeLuca, comic/writer

Funny coincidence that Tess shares a last name with New York Magazine editorial director Hugo Lindgren? Or... not?
You mean nepotism is playing a role here? Damn it! How many opportunities are being taken away from deserving quirky, waifish, attention deprived young ladies who in no way can afford their New York city apartments on their own, because someone just happens to be the quirky, waifish, attention deprived daughter who can't afford to pay for her NYC apartment of the boss?! I want an investigation!

Attack Tess with your wardrobe.
I don't know, I'm looking at what she's wearing and I'm thinking its giving Dr. Seuss wood. Actually, my wardrobe has a number of straitjackets in it, so this may work out for everyone.

What should Tess's next piercing be?
I don't know — when you have a piercing in the middle of your upper lip, how do you top it? I think you have to buy a small dog, pierce its private parts and start carrying that around with you. Either
that, or go internal.

Video Look Book: Tess Lindgren [NYMag]

Earlier: Jeanne Zheng Doesn't Care If There's Blood On Those Diamonds

A spokeswoman said the book would offer"many of our best-loved 'Look Bookers,' many new faces, plus quite a few never-before-published detail shots of both." Amy Larocca's interviews will be in the mix, as well as stories of what happened to interviewees after they appeared in the magazine.

Look it Up [WWD]

Earlier: Looking At The Look Book: You See Your Gypsy

Liam McEneaney, comedian/raconteur

So did Jeanne get the job? Why/Why not?
It depends. If she was applying to be Inspector Gadget, then she
definitely got the gig. Other correct answers include: "Columbo,"
"Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca," and "that pervy guy who hangs out at
the playground and stares too long at the kids."

Jeanne says she would wear "anything that's covered in skeletons."
Find something covered in skeletons for Jeanne to wear.
I think she meant this:

Jeanne claims she and Kimora once "totally connected really well."
What did Kimora think of Jeanne?
Here's how I imagine the interview went down:

JEANNE: I don't really dress hip-hop. I did in high school, but that
was a different time. Now my style is more classy.

KIMORA: You realize that you're interviewing for a job at a hip-hop
clothing line, and you just called it not classy.

JEANNE: Yes, but I'm really self-absorbed and shallow.

KIMORA: OHMYGOD! ME TOO!

JEANNE: Soul sisters!

Catie Lazarus, writer/comedian

So did Jeanne get the job? Why/Why not?
Jeanne said she was worried about showing too much skin at a job
interview, but had no qualms wearing a trench and looking like a
stripper. I don't think Phat Farm will hold that against her, but they
should question how she managed to make both Phat Farm and herself
look bad in a puff piece. Jeanne referred to her own style as "more
classy" than the one her potential employer sells which is about as
tacky as her fawning over Kimora, like they are best friends forever.
Instead of quoting Coco Chanel, famous for making uptight women look
even more asexual, Jeanne had a bevy of Def Jam poets to choose
between who are miserable in their temp jobs. (Jeanne may be joining
them soon enough.....)

Jeanne says she would wear "anything that's covered in skeletons."
Find something covered in skeletons for Jeanne to wear.

Dressing someone in the beauty industry in bones seems like a clich .
With the attention poor little rich models are getting for being rexi,
Jeanne can be a trendsetter by putting meat on her bones. Kimora, who
has confessed to her own weight battle, might not enjoy seeing
high-fat food around the office, but knowing that her ex, Russell, a
vegetarian, won't touch meat and therefore won't go near Jeanne's
knickers should offer some consolation.

Jeanne claims she and Kimora once "totally connected really well."
What did Kimora think of Jeanne?
I don't think Kimora "thinks" about Jeanne, even though Jeanne thinks
they are b.f.f's. The time they met, Jeanne was applying eyeliner to
Kimora, who was nice to avoid getting poked in the eye. "Be nice to
the waiter so he doesn't spit in your food" goes double when you're
getting your face painted and you naturally look like the Joker.

Livia Scott, actor and comedian

So did Jeanne get the job? Why/Why not?
I'm sorry to say that Jeanne didn't get the job because she was
wearing a breast cancer awareness pin. Although Kimora and Russell
split up, she often comes to his office a lot and hates looking at
stuff that triggers a sense of compassion or human fallibility, like
breast cancer awareness pins or the elderly. She'd be put on the
defensive, like, "What the hell is she doing, trying to make me
feel bad because I don't have breast cancer or something? What a
bitch," and Jeanne would have been fired. It's probably for the best.

Jeanne says she would wear "anything that's covered in skeletons."
Find something covered in skeletons for Jeanne to wear.
Yeah, I don't really buy that. Jeanne obviously has a crush on some
guy who is also into pretending that he likes that kind of bullshit (I
bet his name is "Pete" / works in advertising?) and this is her little
shout out to get him to notice her, which he won't because he's a
douchebag. Anyhoo, a cute thing she could wear covered in skeletons
that would also make for a groovy Halloween costume is an issue of US
Magazine or Star or OK! On one side it could say "Jess Gets Thin for
Her New Man" (because Jessica Simpson used to be sooooo fat! Gross!)
and on the back it could be "Janet Is Too Skinny!" which is true, I'm
really worried about her. : (

Jeanne claims she and Kimora once "totally connected really well."
What did Kimora think of Jeanne?
Nope, no connection. Wrong again, Jeanne! : ( But one thought did
cross Kimora's mind, "This chick kinda looks like me, and she
gets to do my makeup... boy is she lucky."

Cosmetics Executive Jeanne Zhang [New York]

Matt Wolf, Filmmaker

Apparently Mica found an earring on the subway and is now wearing it on her head. Is this OK with you?
Found? She's a gypsy. That shit is stolen.

What sort of dance is Mica doing in the photo?
Remember when Aladdin took Princess Jasmine on a magic carpet ride? She's tangled up in the carpet.

De Jesus! What did Mica do for Christmas?
Eat Chinese food and go to the Woody Allen retrospective at Film Forum with her dad Saul Rabinowitz.

Bex Schwartz, Comediator

Apparently Mica found an earring on the subway and is now wearing it on her head. Is this OK with you?
I am torn, truly, between: (a) skeeved out that she's smearing someone else's ear hole boogies into her forehead, and (b) simultaneously slightly thrilled that she is one of the few blissfully na ve New Yorkers who would dangle someone else's earhole-boogie-encrusted earring on her forehead without thinking about hygiene or face grease, or worse, something like anthrax. I hesitate to ruin her beatific Gypsy serenity, but — ahem, that earring came from Wet Seal.

What sort of dance is Mica doing in the photo?
Mica — by the way, in my head, am I supposed to call her "Micah" or "Meeka?" How does she pronounce that shit? — whatever, Mica likes to think she is dancing a modified version of the famed Dance of the Seven Veils, wherein she will remove at least six of the layers she's wearing. That furry scarfthing goes first.

De Jesus! What did Mica do for Christmas?
Mica and her "friend" took their "polymer-clay figures" to the park, where they sold them for 20 bucks a bag. Schwag, man. Total schwag.

Later, she took the train back out to Long Island, washed off the eyeliner, and joined her, like, vagabond family as they said grace over a turkey dinner over at Aunt Rhoda and Uncle Ned's.

Mike Grynbaum, Harvard student

Apparently Mica found an earring on the subway and is now wearing it on her head. Is this OK with you?
How sanitary was the last clothing item/newspaper/significant other you picked up on the subway? I thought so. The real question is whether an unsuspecting reader will pick up this week's magazine and discover that a Gypsy took off with the heirloom they lost on the uptown A last month. Maybe Mica needs a new source of income - with Borat in the air, couldn't she make a killing with those AIDS-curing Gypsy tears?

What sort of dance is Mica doing in the photo?
Mica cultivates an air of mystery. As she puts it, "I have some clothes, and I like colors." So spiritual! This is a dance intended to hypnotize the viewer, specifically photographers for New York. Her slow undulations and carefully composed ragginess scream sartorial success — not to mention, "I fulfill your magazine's non-white-person quota for the week."

De Jesus! What did Mica do for Christmas?
In a perfect world, Mica would spend the holiday watching "Mystery Science Theater 3000," which featured a female robot named Gypsy. If memory serves, this Gypsy consisted of vacuum cleaner parts and a headlight. They would make beautiful kitsch together.

Look Book: Mica de Jesus, Gypsy [NYMag]

Rich Juzwiak, fourfour

As hating is one of my treasured pastimes, I have to choose the
commuter I like least as my "favorite." Marcelo Picalomino is what
happened when Jarvis Cocker did Bushwick 10 years ago, back when
Jarvis was someone to write about and Bushwick was something to do. In
case you haven't noticed, Marcelo is mad ghetto, as evidenced in his
"T-shirt of Tupac Shakur" (not pictured, but mentioned here). A
bookseller and whiteboy 2Pac fan? Literate!

Calista Brill, Disney Princess

In this guts-n-glory battle for my affections the first to fall are
Kathleen, with her trying-too-hard hat and her utterly uninteresting
"totally me" coat, and Marcelo, who is clearly one of the power-mad
Strand employees who never buy my paperbacks (he also apparently
stalks his own girlfriend). They're both assholes, and their clothes suck to boot.

Larry is rockin' a hell of a look, but at the expense of his humanity;
Tonya is inoffensive; and although Ken Cherry's boring duds are
improved by the force of his, uh, personality, the dude works in fucking HR.
Eliminated.

Ruth and Jim emerge justly triumphant, and I refuse to choose between
them. Ruth's sharp, funny ensemble earns her an elevated place in my
heart, and Jim is obviously the boss of me (and you) for ever and
ever.

Kimberly Weeks, Comedian

We could all learn a lot from Jim Harden. Though a man of few words,
it is clear that Jim leads by example. While the other commuters
happily stop to share their fashion philosophies, personal
shortcomings and overwhelming insecurities, Jim snaps us back to
reality to remind us that we all have deadlines, commitments and
responsibilities to uphold. Jim shuns the Look Book spotlight in
order to instill in us the forgotten value of a dollar. However,
perhaps Jim's most valuable yet tacit lesson harkens back to the
Native American belief that no part of an animal should ever go to
waste.

Reasons to Love New York: The Fashion Show Commute [NYMag]

Matteo Borghese, Trophy Dad

What is an "estimable dork"?
The first to go if there's ever a dork pogrom.

Tasha schooled DW in the style department. What did DW "school" Tasha in?
Well, he's a really important writer who runs a writer's residency
upstate, so maybe he taught her how to exploit her parents' country
house in the Catskills in order to feign gainful employment.

What does DW stand for?
Who the hell knows? He was probably named after D.W. Griffith. In
fact, I bet his kids' book, Fundorado Island, is really just a
polemic against carpet baggers and their negro allies.

Why does this couple get so much press?
Who wouldn't want to read The Grand Street News's shocking
expose on their thrilling, scandalous lives? Those sexy ponchos and
blazers! Just thinking about DW and Tasha commuting from upstate to
their beautiful pre-war coop downtown is giving me an erection!

Matthew Schneier, saufstall

What is an "estimable dork"?
An estimable dork cannot be classified singly. However, as we can see
from DW, he may have any of several characteristics: no discernible
neck; an expression veering between giddiness and constipation; more
pockets than an LL Bean catalogue; et cetera.

Tasha schooled DW in the style department. What did DW "school" Tasha in?
The myriad possibilities of contemporary literature (i.e., where to
make out in Barnes & Noble).

What does DW stand for?
Nothing. Though born a pedestrian "Michael," DW has a more writerly
ring to it, so DW changed his nom de plume around the time he changed
his wardrobe. But those rejection letters that begin "Dear DW," still
smart.

Why does this couple get so much press?

Oh, please. The Grand Street News would profile a stop sign.

Lora Grillo DW

What is an "estimable dork"?
The "estimable dork" is a condition affecting aspiring writers with a
profound sense of entitlement. The worthy and, at this time
unacknowledged "estimable dork" author contingent join together at a
holistic learning center in upstate New York, right outside of
Rhinebeck. When on retreat, all "estimable dork" victims spend
countless hours debating the merits of Chuck Klosterman, deliberating
potential names for their unpublished debut novellas and preparing for
the abhorred "author interview." Mastering each stock retort with the
right blend of boredom and humility takes a great deal of practice,
but a preferred response among them reads; "I write fiction about
myself; the character is me, but distorted because I am not capable of
truly capturing myself... I just want to entertain the reader."

A clear sign of estimable dork syndrome is the decreasing visibility
of ones chin (this occurs in both men and women). Scarves are quite
useful when this occurs.

Tasha schooled DW in the style department. What did DW "school"
Tasha in?
DW showed Tasha how to stop worrying and love premature ejaculation.
An unfortunate detail in regards to most male — if not all -
"estimable dorks," is that they lack voluntary control over the
ejaculatory reflux. Understanding and emotional support was the only
way DW and Tasha were ever going to experience sexual satisfaction. DW
educated Tasha that open communication and caring would help things
between the sheets, at least until he is published.

Tasha in turn taught DW how to dress, appear tall in photographs and
say Cuba using the suitable "OO" sound.

What does DW stand for?
Dork Waffle

Why does this couple get so much press?
I think you might be confusing DW with Demetri Martin. A fellow dork
waffle, Demetri understands the merits of scarves, fitted blazers and
trying to appear tall in photographs. However, unlike DW & Tasha,
Demetri doesn't have the stomach for Ethiopian and Moroccan fare.

Look Book: Shopaholic Shoe Designer Alexis MacDonald [NYMag]

Joshua Bryce Newman, boy genius

What did she order at Cafe Gitane?
A pack of Gauloises. Also, the arugula, beets, apple and green olive-walnut salad with
toasted goat cheese croutons. Though without the beets, greens olives,
walnuts or croutons. And with the dressing on the side.

Why didn't Jake photograph her feet for goodness sake!
Of course he did. It's just that getting semen on a memory card can
render some of the pictures in it unreadable.

Why is it that Alexises are always so hot?
It starts with genetics: former cheerleaders turned new MILFs, struck
in the delivery room with the Daisy Buchanan-esque insight that girls
best be "beautiful little fools," christen their daughters Alexis, in
the hopes that they, too, might one day cut third period math
Sophomore year to have unfulfilling and later unacknowledged sex with
the captain of the football team in the back of his SUV.

Then, of course, after nature comes nurture, as there are the special
summer camps, where young Alexises are sent (along with young
Madison's, Lara's, etc.) to learn the fine feminine arts of wearing
tight black pants, halter tops and strappy sandals while wandering the
Meatpacking district at night in the dead of winter, or of feigning
interest in hedge fund managers. That sort of thing.

What advice would Alexis have for a foot fetishist?
That her boyfriend, Jean-Pierre, is watching you. And while he may be
a dirty, skinny, faux-Parisian 'installation artist' living off his
trust fund, he gets jealous easily, and turns violent when drunk.

Rachel Fershleiser, freelancer/Smith editor

What did she order at Cafe Gitane?
Alexis ordered a mocha. She just loves that darling little puppy paw
print! Accessories speak volumes about coffee. Like most of the
Barbizon model and air-quote-designer Gitane clientele, she opted
against an actual meal. Sure, baked feta tastes good for a moment, but
slim lasts — and it's more flattering.

Anastasia had the cous cous.

Why didn't Jake photograph her feet for goodness sake!
You don't understand Jake's art. A quick portfolio perusal reveals he
prefers to capture his subjects out of their element: His John Mayer
isn't preening in a compact mirror; his Elijah Wood isn't
furry-footing through the underbrush. His Al Sharpton isn't even
accusing his Tucker Carlson of suppressing the black vote. Plus he's
squeamish about bunions.

Why is it that Alexises are always so hot?
According to a carefully conducted and rigorously verified Google
search, Ted Danson, Dennis Rodman, and Martha Stewart all have
daughters named Alexis. With genes like those, the girls were sure to
pop out swaddled in sex appeal. Another little-known fact: two-thirds
of Alexises are predisposed to be felons.

What advice would Alexis have for a foot fetishist?
She'd like to tell him to stop staring at her fucking feet before her
jealous boyfriend beats the living shit out of him with something,
let's just say, a little clunkier than a Camper. But who is she
kidding? Her whimpster, shopaholic paramour wouldn't hurt a
tofuburger. Better luck next time, A-dawg.

Jon Boschetto, Urban Monkee

What did she order at Cafe Gitane?
A WWD and a hot toddy. And perhaps another homespun Marc Jacobs knock-off.

Why didn't Jake photograph her feet for goodness sake!
Don't stare into the sun!

Why is it that Alexises are always so hot?
I don't know why but that is very true. I know one who likes to eat
spicy chicken wings with 7-Up. I like this Alexis, but she seems a bit
caught up in her fine jewels and fancy clothes and my shoes for my
taste. My vote goes for another Alexis who also pulls off Rick
Owens/H&M chic. You know who you are, Temperance.

What advice would Alexis have for a foot fetishist?
A foot fetishist might have more advice for her than she for him.
Namely, "Get those doggies out! I need me some toes!" Or
alternatively, "Get your laws off my body!" But that's just
conjecture. He might say both. Or He might be a She, in which case
I've fallen prey to sad, sad heteronormativity. Regardless, I'm much
closer to a Comme des Garcons fetishist than a foot one and must say I
don't know if I'm qualified for such a sort of punditry.

Alexis Goldberg, Now With Stronger Minty Flavor

What did she order at Cafe Gitane?
Nothing. While attempting to order the signature baked feta, she
noticed that her waitress was wearing campers. She was out the door
faster than you can say, "Repetto for Comme des Gar ons."

Why didn't Jake photograph her feet for goodness sake!
Although we understand that "people stare at [her] feet" there is no
explanation as to why they stare. The ambiguity of this
statement tells the discerning reader that they stare not because her
taste in shoes is unparalleled, but rather because her failed attempts
at disguising a raging case of elephantitis of the left foot have
rendered her freakish and carnie-esque (She only knocked UGGs because
they don't come in size fatty).

Why is it that Alexises are always so hot?
A question for the ages, Alexis.
"Alexis", derived from the Greek moniker Alexander, meaning 'helper
and defender of mankind', has a history of being attached to
notoriously attractive women.
(And, of course, yours and mine truly.)

What advice would Alexis have for a foot fetishist?
"Accessories speak volumes. Whenever I meet my slave, I look at their
shoes and I can tell if we're going to mesh. And by mesh, I mean have
really kinky sex. With my feet. My giant freakish feet. Pretty great,
right?"