After ejaculating 5 million barrels of oil into the Gulf of Mexico, BP doled out $750 million to state and local governments in a panicked attempt to seem less evil. The states, being dutiful stewards of the environment, directed the money to cleanup and mitigation. Kidding! No, they spent it on the Doobie Brothers…

Skinner, a Florida gym teacher who, in the 1960s, harshly cracked down on long hair and other hippieisms, died today. Skinner inspired a group of rebellious students to rename their band after him, calling it Lynyrd Skynyrd. Skinner was 77.

Bob Dylan has been recording a Christmas album featuring songs like "O Little Town of Bethlehem" and "Here Comes Santa Claus," according to two websites. His career trajectory does seem about at that regrettable stage. The precedents are sad.

Beyonce showing up to watch her sister Solange perform at the J&R Music Fest in City Hall Park ... Chace Crawford leaving his trailer on the set of Gossip Girl ... Jennifer Aniston shopping for jewelry at Fred Leighton ... America Ferrera dressed up as a softball player on the set of Ugly Betty ... Kid Rock performing…