Oh, come on, if you can't buy Ecstasy, meth, ketamine, etc. in douche-y Chelsea clubs, where can you buy them? Today, the city shut down Chelsea's M2 UltraLounge and its sister club, Pink, for being club drug hubs.

In the cat-and-mouse game that is New York's smoking ban, the cat just got a sweet new asymmetrical haircut. The Health Department is deploying "younger and hipper-looking" inspectors to snitch on New York's coolest clubs. The sketch comedy potential!