In a great victory for freedom and democracy, the DOD has announced it will require all boot camp recruits to use their shoe allowance to buy only American shoes! And in a great victory for socialism, they'll only be able to buy one company's ugly government-subsidized shoes.

Great American pot-stirrer patriot Glenn Beck has finally discovered his purpose in life: to make jeans. Like so many great homophobes before him (see also: none), Beck has gone and opened himself a fashion house.