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New York, 4:40 AM
Fri Dec 18
46 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #madeupthings more →

    America Scared to Tell Wife It's Unemployed, Just Sits in Park All Day

    Numerology: Bullshit

    Aspiring Young Whites Found in Neighborhood Full of Same

    Three Disparate Events Prove: Civility Is Dead

    Womankind's Imaginary Feud With Ashley Dupre

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    College Rankings Totally Made Up

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    10/29/09

    In reply to America Scared to Tell Wife It's Unemployed, Just Sits in Park All Day
    Madame, identify yourself. I was walking through a store with one of my kids when I culturally profiled a woman -- I identified her as a likely reader of Gawker. As we passed her, I said "Gawker" loudly. Her ears twitched and her head rotated 180 degrees; she began to track us. As we searched for aisle G1, which didn't exist, she pushed her cart up to us and offered to help us find the food coloring we were looking for. We gave up a little too soon, but there she was, pushing her arm through the sprinkles to the back of the shelf. She came up with the last box. I was so impressed I jokingly asked for her card. She said she didn't find food coloring professionally -- that in fact she was a producer. We all smiled our awkward smiles and then off we went to the register. And there she was, still with us, pushing her cart alongside, letting us know that she was stalking us, but in a cute way.

    Was this an authentic Gawker Stalker in the wild? (If you read this, leave me a reply just for fun). #recessionomics
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of depardoo depardoo
    10/29/09

    In reply to America Scared to Tell Wife It's Unemployed, Just Sits in Park All Day
    Is that the Hipster Grifter in the top right-hand corner of the photo? #trendwatch
     Reply
    depardoo was starred depardoo was unstarred
    Image of sfBirdie sfBirdie
    10/29/09

    @depardoo: Not every asian is the HG! Plus, she has too long of hair. #trendwatch
     Reply
    sfBirdie was starred sfBirdie was unstarred
    Image of depardoo depardoo
    10/29/09

    @Conchie Birdie:

    Wait, are you saying that not every Asian is the Hipster Grifter?! #trendwatch
     Reply
    depardoo was starred depardoo was unstarred
    Image of sfBirdie sfBirdie
    10/29/09

    @depardoo: Are you saying that every Asian is the Hipster Grifter? #trendwatch
     Reply
    sfBirdie was starred sfBirdie was unstarred
    Image of depardoo depardoo
    10/29/09

    @Conchie Birdie:

    If I didn't know any better, I might suspect you of humorlessness. But I know better. #trendwatch
     Reply
    depardoo was starred depardoo was unstarred
    Image of sfBirdie sfBirdie
    10/29/09

    @depardoo: Oh, doo, I know you know better. I think you may know me better, too.

    I wish I knew where I was going with this but, like many things, I don't.


    Speaking of the HG, I kinda wish she wasn't locked away so we could have some more fun Hipster Grifter tales to talk about. No more hotdog jokes, no hallways, no beards... it's a little bleak without her around.
     Reply
    Edited by sfBirdie at 10/29/09 4:57 PM sfBirdie was starred sfBirdie was unstarred
    Image of depardoo depardoo
    10/29/09

    @Conchie Birdie:

    I have to admit that I found her story fascinating. Very little compares to it. #trendwatch
     Reply
    depardoo was starred depardoo was unstarred
    Image of MyNameIsChris MyNameIsChris
    10/30/09

    @Conchie Birdie: But wait... we can at least agree that all Asians look alike, right? #recessionomics
     Reply
    MyNameIsChris was starred MyNameIsChris was unstarred
    Image of romulus romulus
    10/29/09

    In reply to America Scared to Tell Wife It's Unemployed, Just Sits in Park All Day
    If you look at the LAT piece, you'll see that the 38% figure represents roughly 26,000 individuals and is a comparison with the 2007 figure. Which means the homeless have been slipping quietly out the back door over 48 months or so. One wonders where they went, of course, unless one actually lives in Southern California. Down there, everyone is just happy that they're gone. #trendwatch
     Reply
    Conchie Birdie promoted this comment romulus was starred romulus was unstarred
    Image of sfBirdie sfBirdie
    10/29/09

    @romulus: Yeah, well they're all up here, so thanks. #trendwatch
     Reply
    sfBirdie was starred sfBirdie was unstarred
    Image of TheBusinessGuy TheBusinessGuy
    10/29/09

    In reply to America Scared to Tell Wife It's Unemployed, Just Sits in Park All Day
    What this country needs right now is Shirley Temple and the Department of Amusement she helped the government create in the classic Stand Up and Cheer. Everyone would feel oh so much better! #trendwatch
     Reply
    TheBusinessGuy was starred TheBusinessGuy was unstarred
    Image of pony_express pony_express
    10/30/09

    @TheBusinessGuy: Or a remake of The Gold Diggers of 42nd Street, that film always makes me happy. #recessionomics
     Reply
    TheBusinessGuy promoted this comment pony_express was starred pony_express was unstarred
    Image of TheBusinessGuy TheBusinessGuy
    10/30/09

    @pony_express: A very anal correction: there is the movie 42nd Street, and then there are Gold Diggers of Broadway (a forgotten 1929 musical), followed by a series with Gold Diggers of 1933, 1935, and 1937. Thanks for reading. Now I will go back to alphabetizing my vinyl record albums and lining up my pencils after sharpening them all to the same length. #recessionomics
     Reply
    TheBusinessGuy was starred TheBusinessGuy was unstarred
    Image of Airvault Airvault
    10/29/09

    In reply to America Scared to Tell Wife It's Unemployed, Just Sits in Park All Day
    Ugh! I hate those days waiting in the park! You see all the same people and you have to keep acting like you've got some place nearby and that's the reason why you're always in this Walgreens. #trendwatch
     Reply
    Airvault was starred Airvault was unstarred
    Image of LA0811 LA0811
    10/29/09

    In reply to America Scared to Tell Wife It's Unemployed, Just Sits in Park All Day
    That yogurt story is about an event that occurred in 19991. #trendwatch
     Reply
    m4ximusprim3 promoted this comment LA0811 was starred LA0811 was unstarred
    Image of m4ximusprim3 m4ximusprim3
    10/29/09

    @LA0811: Holy shit. How did they get news from the future? #trendwatch
     Reply
    m4ximusprim3 was starred m4ximusprim3 was unstarred
    Image of SidAndFinancy SidAndFinancy
    10/29/09

    @LA0811: Yeah, and I'd do it again, if I had the chance. One of the country's best, maybe. #trendwatch
     Reply
    SidAndFinancy was starred SidAndFinancy was unstarred
    Image of LA0811 LA0811
    11/02/09

    @m4ximusprim3: I cannot reveal my future sources. #recessionomics
     Reply
    LA0811 was starred LA0811 was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    10/29/09

    In reply to America Scared to Tell Wife It's Unemployed, Just Sits in Park All Day
    Well of course... first we had "discouraged workers" that began to disappear from the rolls, now we've got "discouraged homeless." #trendwatch
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of Smitros Smitros
    10/29/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: Those aren't homeless, those are Free Range Citizens. #trendwatch
     Reply
    Smitros was starred Smitros was unstarred
    Image of m4ximusprim3 m4ximusprim3
    10/29/09

    @Smitros: Please stop using such derogatory verbiage! We refer to ourselves as "Non Tethered Inhabitants" #trendwatch
     Reply
    m4ximusprim3 was starred m4ximusprim3 was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    10/29/09

    @Smitros:

    Doesn't it look like the lady in the photo is attempting to feed him like a duck? #trendwatch
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of Smitros Smitros
    10/29/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: Now that you mention it, yeah. Some people just don't recognize opportunity when it comes and knocks. #trendwatch
     Reply
    Smitros was starred Smitros was unstarred
    Image of goetz goetz
    10/29/09

    In reply to America Scared to Tell Wife It's Unemployed, Just Sits in Park All Day
    The homeless just aren't homeless anymore. They have taken to the internet to steal all the newspaper jobs. It's the Homeless Cycle. #trendwatch
     Reply
    goetz was starred goetz was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    10/28/09

    In reply to Numerology: Bullshit
    Oh, thanks. Way to kill my new "blogerology" subscription service based on when your first post went up. #bullshit
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of AEchinoderm AEchinoderm
    10/28/09

    In reply to Numerology: Bullshit
    Come on, numerology totally makes sense. Once, a friend of my ex-wife's mother, who is numerologist, ran my numbers and she came to the conclusion that I was either an illuminated person who would go on to do great things or a dark influence in the world. So close it's spooky. #bullshit
     Reply
    raincoaster promoted this comment AEchinoderm was starred AEchinoderm was unstarred
    Image of themediatrix themediatrix
    10/28/09

    In reply to Numerology: Bullshit
    I knew numerology was bullshit when I was about 13 years old. That was when ELLE magazine decided to drop part of the formula for it's regular numerology forecast in the back of the magazine.

    Originally, you had to add the digits of your birth year together, then add your birth month and birth day, then apply the digits from current month and year. The idea was to keep adding until you got a single digit and that was what you looked up to see your month forecast.

    Because you had to use the current month, the number would change.

    But I guess that was too complicated for the readers of ELLE, because when one year, they were like: meh, just use the month and day of your birth.

    Oh, okay. So all this fucking math I've been doing to find out if the neighborhood hottie was into me was for nothing? Thanks a lot ELLE. I could have been flirting with that wasted time. #bullshit
     Reply
    themediatrix was starred themediatrix was unstarred
    Image of Mr. Praline Mr. Praline
    10/28/09

    In reply to Numerology: Bullshit
    42, bitches. 42. #bullshit
     Reply
    Mr. Praline was starred Mr. Praline was unstarred
    Image of OliversArmy OliversArmy
    10/28/09

    In reply to Numerology: Bullshit
    "Numerology is totally fake and made up and based on nothing except the ease with which it can be employed to fool uneducated people."

    True. To fool educated people it is simply renamed economics.
     Reply
    Hamilton Nolan promoted this comment Edited by OliversArmy at 10/28/09 2:47 PM OliversArmy was starred OliversArmy was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    10/28/09

    @OliversArmy: most deserved instant starring in Gawker history! #bullshit
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of snugbug snugbug
    10/28/09

    In reply to Numerology: Bullshit
    PS: Fun Fact: The number 13 gets its ominous reputation from the fact that there were 12 original apostles of Jesus, and Judas Iscariot was the 13th. #bullshit
     Reply
    snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred
    Image of crotchety crotchety
    10/28/09

    @snugbug: I think there were 12 and 11 after Judas' death. #bullshit
     Reply
    snugbug promoted this comment crotchety was starred crotchety was unstarred
    Image of snugbug snugbug
    10/28/09

    @crotchety: Thanks for the correx, I wrote this in a hurry and fudged the facts.

    Let me try again: There were 12 original apostles +Jesus = 13. Since one apostle (Judas) turned out a traitor → 13 = unlucky number. #bullshit
     Reply
    snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred
    Image of snugbug snugbug
    10/28/09

    In reply to Numerology: Bullshit
    This is a proper opportunity to revisit scorn upon one of the silliest thrillers in the history of cinema: Joel Schumacher's The Number 23, starring Jim Carrey in one of those ill-fated "dramatic performances" that never quite work out for him. The premise is that any and all numeral combinations ultimately add up to the sacred sum of 23. #laughriot [gawker.com]
     Reply
    Edited by snugbug at 10/28/09 1:48 PM snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred
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