Yesterday we gaev you a preview of Prospect Park West, Sohn's upcoming book about four Brooklyn mommies behaving badly. One of the ladies is Melora, a Hollywood actress who moves to Park Slope, so the narrative is peppered with fake stories about real celebrities. Melora and Hudson fight over a part, Lucy Liu calls Melora a "fucked up woman," Maggie Gyllenhaal is her mortal enemy (her's too?) and Alec Baldwin steals her therapist. Do you think some of them will guest star when Sarah Jessica Parker turns this into a series?

The Post dutifully called the publicists of the celebs involved. Most wouldn't comment, one never heard of the book, and Alec Baldwin's harried publicist, happy that his client didn't call anyone a pig in a voicemail again, says Baldwin doesn't care about Sohn's made-up tales, adding "It doesn't sound like such a good book."

But at least Sohn is fun enough to add a bit of sizzle to her novel. Today the New York Times fills us in on the new trend in chick lit: books with heroines who are weathering the economic meltdown.

Framed as cautionary tales, these books introduce female characters compelled to "face facts, raise funds and watch out for themselves," said Elizabeth Beier, who edited The Summer Kitchen. "They're not just vicariously experiencing other women's getting and spending," she said. "They are taking charge of their own identities; they are actually doing something, and that always makes more involving fiction."

God, that sounds as boring as reading Ruth Madoff's inevitable indictment. We'd much rather read some fake bullshit about famous people than some fake bullshit about the formerly rich trying to turn their lives around. That's why we pick up the Post every morning!

• Tonight: the Met Costume Institute Gala! But "the Trinity"—Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, and Christy Turlington—will not be there! Why? Because they hate Kate Moss! And because they all have various other good excuses, probably, or at least Christy is out of the country filming a documentary or something. Also basically no one is going to this damn gala! Not Karl Lagerfeld, Dolce, or Gabbana! But still, Page Six says even though no one is going it will still be a wonderful Gala, the most beautiful one in history. They are so conflicted this morning! [NYP]
• Madonna probably won't get her second Malawi Baby. Where were we just reading about how Josephine Baker just bought a bunch of "orphans"? New York or something? Anyway. They all turned out fine! Now random dudes in Malawi are giving quotes to the tabloids. Alert Thomas Friedman. [DailyStar]
• John Mayer blah blah girlfriend blah blah fuck John Mayer. Also: acrobats! [NYDN]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal married famed Swiss actor Stellan Skarsgard. No, wait, Peter Sarsgaard, whoever the fuck that is. She is changing her name to "Maagie Gaalenhaalsgaard." Also: "Originally posted Monday May 04, 2009 08:30 PM EDT" Is... is that possible? How hungover are we? [People]
• Some lady told her friend to "keep away from the lecherous old guy" at a club in the Meatpacking District. Breaking! Oh, wait, the "lecherous old guy" was Salman Rushdie. Whatever. This never happened. [NYP]
• Some woman claiming to be USA Today founder Al Neuharth's lovechild can get her letters published in Page Six. [NYP]
• Sugar Ray is getting back together, and some Page Sixer has an attitude about it, as if she doesn't still know all the words to "Fly" and that one that sounded just like "Fly." Still no word on Smash Mouth, Len, or LFO. Well, there is probably plenty of word on what they are up to, but who wants to look? At some point, we'll just turn on the radio and find out. Chilled out summer jams forever! (FYI no one buys records or listens to the radio anymore. Sorry, Mark McGrath and dude from Smash Mouth.) [NYP]
• "GEORGINA Bloomberg keeps galloping on in her quest to make the US Olympic equestrian team in 2012." Ugh. [NYP]
• Sad things are happening in Los Angeles. [NYP]

We can't tell if this is some attempt at a wink-wink "Modest Proposal"-type deal, or just the rantings of a communist, but the Huffington Post apparently thinks that Stephen Gyllenhaal's poorly constructed thoughts, like Jim Carrey's views on vaccines, are worthy of our attention because he fathered two very pretty people (he's like a reverse Meghan McCain). Gyllenhaal wants Madoff freed. Why?

It's just not fair. He's a scapegoat, a distraction on the world's financial stage where the real sleight-of-hand-Ponzi-magic goes on unabated. Two trillion dollars — give me a break — you think this is the end of it? It's only the tip of the real looming Ponzi-scheme-iceberg which Bernie only mirrored on a tiny scale and that we're gonna sooner or later titanically hit.

Gyllenhaal describes himself as a poet. He is not! Here's some more metaphor mash-up craziness:

But nobody in Washington is prepared to point out the Emperor's nakedness because they're all pretty much in each other's pockets (not a pretty thought when you consider they're all naked as well) and appropriately terrified that once the imaginary silk and satin confidence game is shown up for what it is there'll be hell to pay and I suspect hell, being what it is, ain't gonna be taken in by no Ponzi scheme.

What? How can people be in one anothers' pockets? Would one person be in one pocket, which would then be inside another person's pocket? While they are naked! While we're at it—how do you titanically hit something?

Gyllenhaal's bio says he is "unqualified to write for this blog except that, as a citizen of the US —hell, as a citizen of the planet— he has as much right to speak his mind as the next person." Having a right is not the same thing as a qualification, Stephen!

Marie Claire's is of course only the latest message to illustrate the perils of forgetting to put addresses on the Bcc: line instead of To:. Fox News' Susan Estrich and Mediabistro's Laurel Touby have similarly embarrassed themselves.

But Marie Claire included some A-listers among the usual stew of New York media people. Their email addresses are now overexposed! Time for new GMail accounts or whatever! Which is easy enough, but reconfiguring iPhones and BlackBerrys could waste literally days, collectively!

A partial list of victims:

• Tina Fey
• Ashley Olsen
• Maggie Gyllenhaal
• Rachel Weisz
• Lindsay Lohan
• Jeremy Piven
• Oliver Platt
• Sandra Oh
• Sean Avery
• Nina Garcia

Keep them in your prayers!

EleanorRigby's new line beats the original, Long Lost Wilderness Plane Crash Survivors Found, Instantly Fêted.

Boomp3.com

At the kick off event of L.A. Spring 2009 Fashion week, Dark Knight star Maggie Gyllenhaal was put to work as a wardrobe malfunction preventive specialist. In other words, Gyllenhaal had the difficult task of checking model and their outfit to make sure there was nothing poking out or the potential to poke or pop out while on the runway. Gyllenhaal said, “Nothing ruins a good fashion show like an unnecessary dash of lady business.”

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

HiredGoons' new line beats the original, Maggie Never Realized Just How Much Shorter Than Jake She Was.

Being the party of closet kinky bastards (how awesome is it that their convention is in the Twin Cities, right?), they're presumably familiar with Gyllenhaal's rich filmography. And, as we all know, Neil Patrick Harris is the gay who makes the straights feel totally comfortable.

Word to the wise: outside of the Distilled Spirits Council party, skip the official bullshit and get wasted at the damn CC Club or something.

Our favorite part of the clip as a whole? Letterman doesn't hesitate to a) request a closer look at Maggie's gorgeous legs, or b) attempt to hide his interest in what one does "for pain like that." We're, as always, impressed by Dave;s trademark method of wrapping perviness in a cute, toothy, smiley and lovable package.

• THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN [CBS]

I told a little story about Heath's iPod. Whenever we went into the trailer we'd say "Whose iPod is this?" Because it would always be some wacked-out music nobody had ever heard of before. And it was Heath's. And that iPod has since become a symbol of Heath and his friends pass it around to each other, download the music and then pass it on.

Eckhart has obviously strayed from the Hollywood line on copyright— downloading music from someone else's iPod is clearly infringement. But a blithe diffidence to piracy isn't the only way Eckhart's form of mourning shows how the mass culture has been infected by Silicon Valley.

A number of cases where bereavement meets technology have arisen over the last few years, such as the father of a American soldier who died in Iraq but couldn't get into his son's email account because Yahoo refused to allow access, or the numerous tributes left for the dead on their social network profile pages.

Ledger was only 28 when he died, on the cusp of the generation often called "Millennials." If he was anything like his peers, he must have defined himself in part by his taste in music. It's only natural that friends would go through his music collection as a way of getting a sense of the man they lost, with a song they enjoyed together providing a poignant point of shared experience.

But for those who already carefully craft their playlists the way my generation once obsessed over mixtapes, it puts a whole other layer of meaning onto your selections. I can see asking myself before synching with iTunes, "Will my friends appreciate the irony of including Journey's Greatest Hits if I get run over by a bus and all that's left of me is this iPod?"

Eckhart's recollection of Ledger suggests we can be known by our silicon — that we don't go to heaven as much as upload our digitized lives to the clouds. It is a view of our mortality that the programmers of Silicon Valley would be entirely comfortable with: Ashes to ashes, bits to bits.

Follow the jump for their respective two cents — mostly spoiler-free for even the most casual followers of the film, and naturally among the finest criticism available anywhere online.

STV: We should probably go into this acknowledging that the film is review-proof and completely saturated with things too interesting to spoil.
STV: That said, I just thought it was pretty good.
SA: I thought it was excellent!
STV: Yeah, yeah, fine. It's fitfully brilliant, but so heavy-handed. Did I miss something?
SA: Nope. This was the summer 2008 superhero movie for people who enjoy feeling awful, and thinking about feeling awful, and expressing what makes feeling awful so gosh darn wonderful.
STV: Iron Man this is not.
SA: It's misanthropy porn. It's also the bluest superhero movie I've ever seen, in every sense of the word.
STV: Right. From the start, too — those billowing blue flames, the Hong Kong horizons, Gotham at night.
STV: And yeah, everyone's depressed as hell.
SA: But that said, I don't think a single scene passed by that I didnt feel worked. And it was a long movie.
STV: What about the story? I was lost.
SA: The story was fine. Corrupt city government. Crime infested streets.
SA: It was sort of The Departed with bat-gadgets.
STV: But the Joker shows up wanting a piece of Teflon goombah Eric Roberts, the Russians, the blacks, and a Hong Kong money-laundering syndicate.
SA: Its the Mafia Olympics!
STV: Even if Gotham City is totally corrupt, it's the most equal-opportunity corruption in history, which I guess should be commended.
SA: Speaking of the Joker, what did you think of Heath?
STV: Heath was annoying.
STV: It's not his fault. Nolan couldn't rein him in.
SA: I was prepared for him to be annoying, but I actually really enjoyed him.
SA: I mean, its The Joker! This isn't a portrait in subtlety. You want hyena cackles!
STV: But look — and this is my problem with the whole movie: The audience is overwhelmed with moralizing.
SA: Yes, I'll agree it got bogged down in speechifying.
STV: The Joker is the default "Man, this world is fucked" mouthpiece, but his actions — just his very look — defy the monologues, the hamminess.
STV: He needs an origin story like the Burton Joker, right? Who the hell is this guy?
SA: Yeah — their not committing to his backstory was a strong choice, but I'm not sure it really helped them.
SA: But I think they were trying to say, "What does it matter where he came from?" Like, what does it matter where any psychopath comes from? He's chaos. But then you have no psychological in, so he's less interesting.
STV: Alfred the Butler touches on it: "Some people just want to watch the world burn."
SA: Yeah, but that doesn't satisfy dramatically.
STV: Even that was kind of overbearing.
SA: Nolan was reaching high with this. He obviously wanted the monologues.
STV: He's a great director, though, right? I mean, this film looks, feels, sounds amazing.
SA: That's why your quibbles don't bother me. This is his ride, and it's spectacular, and if he wants his speeches about human nature, I'll listen to them.
SA: He chose great actors to deliver them.
STV: But he's so much better at subterranean truck chases and high-altitude kidnappings. I want overturned big rigs!
SA: Well, luckily there's tons of those. And 180-degree, wall-flipping Bad Pods.
STV: And the Bat-Blobile. What was that? The Batmobile was a hulking blob of scrap on wheels.
SA: It was batass.
STV: OK, give me one-line summaries of the following actors' performances: Christian Bale.
SA: Obscene caller voice.
STV: Aaron Eckhart.
SA: Boringly delicious!
STV: Maggie Gyllenhaal.
SA: Made the most of the whiny token female.
STV: Michael Caine.
SA: Should have let him out of the fluorescent Batchamber more.
STV: He's basically a cockney Jiminy Cricket serving breakfast. How about Morgan Freeman?
SA: If God and Q had a kid.
STV: Gary Oldman.
SA: He gets swallowed up in it. He's one of the best actors ever.
STV: I think he's the best thing about it.
SA: Is he?
STV: He's a guy pulled 15 different ways, very flawed, vulnerable, and at his best when things are out of his control. He gets to work when shit hits the fan, while everyone else just sort of... talks.
SA: What did you think of Batman's voice?
STV: I didn't quite get it.
SA: Me neither. It was silly.
STV: He never closes his mouth when he talks, either! It lets all the air out of the big, portentous balloon.
STV: Is Heath Oscar-worthy?
SA: He'll definitely get a nomination.
SA: I sort of think the movie itself deserves a Best Picture nomination. It's just so ambitious and epic and so expensive-looking.
STV: This movie is going to make a fortune, right? I'm calling $140 million for the weekend plus $2 billion in damage caused by rioting fans worldwide.
STV: And I am a believer in IMAX.
SA: Oh, definitely. Those scenes were so cool.
STV: Bad format for preachy screenwriter moralizing, excellent format for hospital implosions and 10-minute chase sequences.
SA: OMG — that hospital. Yeah, I really loved this movie.
STV: It's not bad. I'll stick with Iron Man.
SA: Iron Man was fun; this was a nice compliment.
STV: The Dark Knight: Nihilism for the whole family.

“’I found myself, six months after having a baby, in my underwear, getting my picture taken.’ She says she was ‘a good 20 pounds heavier’ after Ramona's birth in 2006 — and the lingerie helped her feel sexy again...’It made me feel so good.’”

Though Maggie admittedly looks hotter than she ever has in the photos (a closer look below), her manly bareback rider brother Jake didn’t “feel so good” after seeing the 12-foot version at an airport recently...

As Us says, "She didn't realize 'how scrutinized' she'd be for showing so much skin. 'My brother called me and said, "I'm in Heathrow, and there's a 12-foot picture of you upside down in a negligee." People are really rough on you when you do things like that.'" Not only is this admission understandable, it's also very media savvy. After all, can you imagine how much shit we all would've given Jake if he admitted that his big sis looked "hot" in lingerie?

[Photo credits: Agent Provocateur]

• MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL: JAKE TEASED ME ABOUT POSING IN MY UNDIES [Us]

Earlier: Maggie Gyllenhaal Nursing Pix Spark Momtroversy

• A."Of course, in Hollywood, "hanging your boob out of your clothing for all to see" is just fine, as long as there is no baby to feed. You see more boob at the Oscars than when most mothers breastfeed."
  
• B."I think breastfeeding in public is just fine as long as it is done modestly. Just hanging your boob out of your clothing for all to see is a bit tacky. Isn't that why they make such cute covers now so moms can nurse in public stylishly?"

• If your answer is B, then congrats, you are a big jerk and also the worst kind of tool of capitalism. Of course, for the scant few of you who are looking at this as less of a femiladyist issue and more of a picture of a movie star's tit, here is a fetish site for you, now please go there and leave us alone. I am mostly just talking to the person who is always emailing us about posting rackier pix of the 'Toos. Emily

  Maggie Gyllenhaal Nurses In Public [Babble]
  Image via Celebrity Baby Blog

Gyllenhaal is being tapped to play D.A. Rachel Dawes, the love interest to Bruce Wayne/Batman (Christian Bale). In the first movie, Dawes was played Katie Holmes, who, like Gyllenhaal, is repped by CAA. But reps for Holmes said she was unable to reprise her role because of scheduling conflicts. [...]

"I'm extremely excited to work with an actress of Maggie's caliber, and she's a great addition to the cast as we continue our story," Nolan said.

As they have maintained since the beginning, Team Holmes is still clinging admirably to their "scheduling conflicts" story as the sole reason Holmes wouldn't reprise her highest-profile role to date, though we suspect the conflicts in question are of a different variety: Say, the kind that arise when a proven director, who has managed to reinvigorate a faltering studio franchise with massive profit potential, decides he might be able to work more efficiently by hiring an ingenue who comes fully equipped with an emotional range, and minus any lingering stage-spouses constantly reminding them to "speak from your diaphragm, Kate...and try to keep your mouth closed when you kiss Christian, just like you do with me!"

• Gyllenhaal steps in for 'Dark Knight' [THR]

In today's episode: Jake Gyllenhaal; Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard; Christina Ricci; Selma Blair, Allison Janney, Kristin Minter; Billy Zane; Paula Abdul; Snoop Dogg; Christian Slater; Jimmy Fallon; Seth MacFarlane; Tyson Beckford; Eric Dane, Matthew Rhys and Dave Annable; Cisco Adler and Justin Chambers; Mike Tyson and Russell Simmons; Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz and Danny Masterson; Rachel Bilson; Mr. T; Kevin Connelly; Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley; Scott Weiland; Jena Malone; David Denman; Mark-Paul Gosselaar; Greg Grunberg; Sally Struthers; Drew Brees; Wallace Langham; Ruth Williamson and Nic Harcourt.

· thursday night, feb 8: Jake Gyllenhaal @ the pinkberry on melrose. was with the standard blonde hottie that seem to inhabit the place.

· 2/11 - Saw Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard with new baby Ramona in tow at the Rose Bowl Flea Market. They were every bit the cool, calm, collected hipster couple you'd expect them to be. They blended in with the crowd - but oooozzzed an air of coolness that permeated over the Rose Bowl. Love them.

2/12 - Billy Zane at Sweet Lady Jane with a women. They rolled up in a Merecedes-Benz rented from Enterprise. Billy looked a little on the skinny side - maybe he wanted to bulk up with some delicious baked goods.

· An absolutely smashing Christina Ricci in full formal red-carpet garb in the lobby of the Century Plaza Hotel about 2p Sunday (before presenting at the Grammys).

Celeb sightings at the WGA Awards at same location: Selma Blair (blond dye job ages her), Allison Janney (tall, striking) and Kristin Minter, who was desk clerk Randi on ER for a while (looks like a cross between Rena Sofer + Debi Mazar).

· 2/7 Saw Paula Abdul, wearing a white blouse, jeans and cute brown boots, and ex, Dante Spencer at Book Soup. Who knew she could read, guess its true you can't judge a book by its cover. She was holding a hard back— Suite Franc...(couldn't see the rest) he was still browsing. That boy has hotness written all over him. Date or casual meeting, I don't know but let's give a hand clap for geek love.

· Century City Twin Towers- Stood behind Snoop Dogg + 2 homies on the escalator on the way down to the sub-parking lots. Might be meeting with lawyers (re: pot bust at Burbank Airport) in my building, or agents in the new CAA building

· 2/10- I saw Christian Slater on Sunday afternoon with a couple kids (guess they were his) outside the Brent-Air pharmacy. Looked like a normal guy out with his kids on a Sunday afternoon...that is if your family normally travels in a town car with a driver standing at attention outside the car waiting.

· Friday Feb 9. Saw Jimmy Fallon walking down Wilshire at Beverly Dr around 11. Possibly coming out from a meeting at Imagine or maybe The Firm? Either way he looked very rumpled and like he hadn't showered for the (or any) occasion in quite a while.

· Two random sightings in same vicinity:

2-10, around 6 p.m. Glass-ceiling shattering black male supermodel Tyson Beckford, hanging out on the sidewalk outside what seemed to be his friends' little clothing store on Melrose and Martel. Looking as hot as ever, he joked with some kid with a basketball walking by that he wanted to take him on.

2-11, around 11-midnite: Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, flanked for most of the night by two hot-tish chicks, sitting in the corner of The Village Idiot. Or as Peter Griffin would say: "In fact, this reminds of the time the guy who does my voice had two hot chicks on either side of him at The Village Idiot..."

· Caught Ringside at the Roxy last night (2/8) and since Balthazar Getty is in the band, a few celeb sightings are usually in order. Last night didn't disappoint as Balt's "Feast" co-star Eric Dane (aka McSteamy) and "Brothers & Sisters" co-stars Matthew Rhys and Dave Annable were all in attendance. All seemed to be incredibly laid back and although Matthew and Dave didn't get much attention, Eric graciously posed for pictures with many an adoring fangirl. Did I mention the tight white t-shirt? Good tunes, hot boys - not too shabby for a Thursday night.

· Sunday 2/11...leaving a 4.30 showing of Norbit at the arclight. Mike Tyson and Russell Simmons....I guess wonderland rehab centre lets you out to watch movies. I dared someone to shout 'rapist' and then run....but his face tattoo scared me. Russell seems to have traded up from Kimora Lee.

· Last night at Teddy's......... Ashlee Simpson clad in a midnight blue strapless dress fawning all over a scruffy band dude who friends kindy imformed me was Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy (what? I don't listen to so-called indie rock targeted at teen girls)...Leonardo diCaprio looking low key amongst the crowd in his patented baseball cap... Danny Masterson (sans Bijou) sporting a seriously thick beard and a plaid shirt he probably swiped from THAT 70's SHOW wardrobe holding court for his buddies at a prime table.

· At the Roxy on Thursday, Feb 8th a few celebs gathered to watch Ringside and some crazy Russian band, both of whom were pretty entertaining. Hanging out in the VIP section, my friends and I spotted Cisco Adler of extreme hangy ball fame on one side of room and Pete Wentz of internet peen fame on the other side. Wentz was briefly accompanied by a permanently petrified looking Ashlee Simpson. I'm only 5 feet tall but both Pete and Ashlee looked pretty small to me while Cisco just looked like he had a bad case of the 1970's. One of the actors from Grey's Anatomy was there too, but we didn't notice him until a gaggle of girls came up and fawned all over him. A friend of mine whispered 'Isn't he the plastic surgeon who works with McSteamy?" (Justin Chambers) which definitely sounds way dirtier than it should.

· Approx. 7 pm Check Out line Gelsons on Hyperion in Silverlake

Rachel Bilson of O.C. Fame in the very next check out lane. My sharp eyed girlfriend spotted her. She was buying groceries including a dozen eggs. She was tiny and cute with a canary colored coat on. She seemed friendly to the check out people. No one seemed to recognize her. She pushed a cart out with her groceries to her car. This has been my best celeb sighting in quite a while. It sure did make my night.

Also T.J.'s Silverlake right before the Rachel Bilson sighting I was at Trader Joes across the street from Gelsons. ( I had to go to both Trader Joes and then Gelsons due to a lack of tarter sauce at Trader Joes. They don't carry it any more?!) In any case I am pretty sure I was behind Mr. T in line or maybe it was just some random black guy. I am not really sure.

· Yawn - Kevin Connelly at Equinox We-Ho this past Saturday, approx 5pm. Walking up the stairs with a group of guys looking EXACTLY like I'd imagined him to look in person. Kinda short and delicate, unassuming but with a slight cockiness validating Eric in full.

· Saw AVRIL LAVIGNE at YQUE! in Los Feliz. She was with her husband (Deryck Whibley) and some other losers. She bought Nag Champa and paid for a it with her black AMEX card. Then she got a little annoyed when the sales guy asked for her ID...

· 1pm - Hugo's, Sherman Oaks. Scott "yes I'm a rock star" Weiland exiting. He looked drunk.

· Just saw Jena Malone at the Beverly Center. We were waiting for the elevator on the 2nd parking level with a ton of people. Jena was getting frustrated with her guy friend for not catching the right elevator. We finally got on one and i had the fortune of being packed in right next to her. She's really friendly and we chatted about how claustrophobic we felt. Shes super thin but quite striking.

· Last night (2/11) my theatre-going companion and I sat next to David Denman (Roy on The Office) and a friend, taking in the play "Dogeaters". He seemed very serious and earnest, and I gave him kudos for the multi-culturalist entertainment choice. He also looked nowhere near as hulking as he seems on the show...but then, we all know about that "TV adds 10 pounds of hulkingness" cliche.

· Saw Mark-Paul Gosselaar at Lucky Baldwin's 7th Annual Belgian Beer Festival on Saturday night in Pasadena. My girlfriend pointed him out, and he blended right in with a group of dudes which I presume was his entourage. I would've preferred Kelly Kapowski. Good to see he's at least got good taste in beer.

· Greg Grunberg from Heroes (the thought-reading cop) was at Pottery Barn at the Topanga Mall in Woodland Hills (of all places) with his family on Sunday afternoon. He's thinner in person, too, I might add.

· I was at Pulp (hipster card store) on La Brea on Saturday afternoon looking for a cute birthday card and I noticed a short, obese older woman browsing nearby. Didn't register until she opened her mouth to complain about the price of the Valentine's Day cards ("Don't you have anything less expensive?") and the high pitched squeal made me realize right away that I was standing near none other than the esteemed Sally Struthers. Confirmed when one of the salespeople called her "Sally." She got the star treatment there, which is a little mind-boggling but, I suppose, reassuring in the sense that Sally Struthers will always be taken care of. She seemed exuberant and nice (other than the bitching about the cost of greeting cards, but hell, they're expensive) but also in dire need of makeup and a flattering hair style. Anyway, for the cost of one of those greeting cards, you can feed a starving orphan in Africa.

· Mon. 2/12, 9:25 pm I saw Nawlins' 'Aints QB Drew Brees at United terminal in LAX, fresh back from the Pro Bowl in shorts, flip flops, standard-issue QB visor, and his arm in a sling. Poor guy!

· "Larry Sanders'" former assistant, Wallace Langham, leaving the Home Depot in Hollywood @ 10PM Thursday, 2/8. Carrying what appeared to be a few lightweight bags, but looked like he was getting some help from a couple of clerks. He needs help with that?

· Friday, 2/9, 3pm. Hollywood. As I turned right from Wilcox on to DeLongpre, I spotted a tiny silver sports coupe (I think it was a Mercedes) waiting to turn left from DeLongpre on to Wilcox. Inside it was the unmistakable presence of Mrs. Grubman (Ruth Williamson) from Nip/Tuck. I so wanted to scream something out the window at her about a cautery tip or Christian Troy, but my brain misfired before I could do it. She looks exactly like she did on the show.

· Saw Nic Harcourt from KCRW at Starbucks today at Bundy and Santa Monica. Trailing along were his 2 kids and a double D blondie wearing a "meet me at MySpace" T-shirt and complaining about how sweaty she was from keeping up with the kids. Uh, maybe someone a little more age-appropriate and kid-friendly next time, Nic? Love the KCRW but prefer the "New Ground" show to Morning Eclectic anyway!