• The Mirror is claiming that Michael Jackson had a fourth child—a 25 year-old Norwegian named Omer Bhatti. Bhatti bears a striking resemblance to Jackson and was seated on the front row with Jackson's family at his funeral in LA a couple of weeks ago. [Mirror]
  
  
• In the Bruno movie Brittny Gastineau says some really mean things about Jamie Lynn Spears. Now she's saying it was all a big joke. Haha! [Page Six]
  
  
• Marc Anthony became a partial owner of the Miami Dolphins yesterday. JLo will hit the training room to teach some of the players the secrets to ridiculous glute development. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Ruth Madoff wore ripped jeans and a baseball cap on a flight to North Carolina to visit her beloved swindler husband Bernie. [Page Six]
  
  
• Billy Joel has apparently found himself a rebound bang—former Young and the Restless actress Alex Donnelley. [Page Six]
  
  
• Britney Spears' LSU football-loving father Jamie thinks that Britney is all healed in her mind and ready to be left alone to handle her affairs on her own, something he's been doing since she lost her mind her a while back. [Daily News]
  
  
• Kiefer Sutherland and his girlfriend are just making out all over town, running their hands all over each others' naughty bits and just about having sex in front of mothers with their children. Gross. [Page Six]
  
  
• If you happen to interview Sienna Miller, be sure to avoid asking her any questions about her affair with Balthazar Getty, lest you be called a douchebag. [Sun]
  
  
• Mischa Barton's recent breakdown may cost her a role on a fall television show about supermodels she was scheduled to star in. [Sun]

• A Malawian court turned down Madonna's request to take a three-year old girl home to America with her, saying she'll have to live in the country for 18 months if she wants to adopt. Which is totally unfair, because before the singer divorced her husband, broke up with lover #1, ditched boytoy #2 and tried to fill the hole in her heart with a new "orphan," they totally let her adopt some other kid, what's his name, David, without making her live in stupid Malawi, and he's already the best dancer in her troupe and excellent with the Guy Ritchie voodoo doll. [Mail]
  
• MSNBC hired TV news lawyer Carlos Watson, who is black, and the rest of the staff are already whining that it's a terrible affirmative action thing, like they work at Fox News or something: "He's black, and they want to have a more multicultural appearance on air... But... at whose expense?" [P6]
• J. Lo was going to divorce Marc Anthony, but he swooped her off her feet again, and swears he changed for real this time, no more being a player while she's stuck at home with her twins, security brigade and creepy Scientology friends. To ensure this doesn't happen again he'd like to impregnate her repeatedly. She'll think about it! [Gatecrasher]
  
• An apparent stalker allegedly tried to break into Jamie Foxx's hotel room three times in 9 days. He kept saying he was Beyonce's producer. AKA Hotel in Philadelphia doesn't sound like it has the best security. [CBS3]
  
• A direct descendant of George Washington, John Augustin Washington V, smashed an English banker over the head with a vodka bottle, sending him into a coma for five days. The Post says this is "not presidential" behavior and "the apple fell far from the tree." True! It's not like the original George Washington went around aggressively hurting Englishmen. [P6]

• Tensions ran high at Inauguration festivities when two former allies clashed. Ageless rock lady Sheryl Crow apparently had an awkward run in with her beautiful old boyfriend, the angelic Kid Rock. [P6]
• J. Lo and her faithful, eternal mummy manservant Marc Anthony had to push through crowds to get to an Inaugural party. With, like, regular people. The first great injustice of the glorious new regime. [P6]
• James Taylor, a lovely man, was wearing a hat and sunglasses at a Sunday night concert. It's because he fell and hit his head and needed stitches on his forehead. The incident involved a hotel room and a wooden parrot. [P6]
• Bloomberg was there. He got moved into a nicer section than he'd originally been given. Surprise. [P6]
• All the celebrities, all of them—Cher and Rihanna and Shakira and Elvira and Pyrex and Josh Groban—were in DC. Someone called it "the new Hollywood," which is true, but only for yesterday. Now DC returns to its rightful position, as the old Atlanta. [Politico]
• Urrsher thinks Obama is "old school." That must that Obama is "means nothing anymore" because "old school" means nothing anymore. [Reliable Source]
• All the celebrities somehow knew where the best restaurants in DC were. Beyoncé had a po'boy and Courteney Cox had sweet potato fries and Dustin Hoffman had mini cheeseburgers and shared one with the people next to him. They must have a Not For Tourists guides or something! Or maybe they just know. [RS]

Image, of Heather Graham, via Getty

• "Mercury" poisoned actor Jeremy Piven first called in sick while holed up with his new model-waitress girlfriend. He supposedly gathered women's phone numbers and sent a mass text reading, "Come to my room - whoever responds first gets me for the night." Quite the courter! [Gatecrasher]
• Here's a fully bearded Marc Jacobs making out with his boyfriend on the beach. [X17]
• Not only is Angelina Jolie not pregnant, she may be incapable of having any more babies at all. At least not for a long time. But only if you trust OK! more than Springfield movie-theater-line gossip.
• Ad jerk Donny Deutsch is for some reason kissing the stepmother of the guy whose wife he's screwing. Or maybe Page Six means "mother-in-law" instead of "stepmother?" So bizarre. [P6]
• Jennifer Hudson might sing the national anthem at Obama's inauguration. [P6]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony went to Puerto Rico to prove they're not getting divorced. At least not before Valentine's Day. [E!]

According to Us, both Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have been sighted lately without their wedding rings on, the Hollywood equivalent of wearing a novelty t-shirt that says, "DON'T ASK ME ABOUT MY FAILING MARRIAGE" in block type. So who's to blame, and who's ready to offer her friend a comforting e-meter to cry to?

Lopez — who once commanded $15 million per film — "blames Marc for her career going down the tubes," says a mutual pal, adding that she's bitter about the failure of their 2006 drama, El Cantante, which only grossed $7.5 million. (Her 2002 flick Maid in Manhattan earned over $94 million.)

"Jennifer looked around and said, 'This is my life now? I'm a Long Island housewife?'" a pal says. "She hates that everything she worked for went down the tubes."

Lopez isn't the only one with growing resentment toward her husband. Her best friend, Leah Remini, also can't stand him.

"It if was up to her, Leah would just break them up today," a pal says.

Duly noted, "Leah Remini's pal"! We had wondered why Lopez hadn't worked in film since 2006, and now we know who to send flowers to was responsible. However, we question the logic behind fleeing one controlling home for a Scientology-approved safe house. J-Lo, you may think you want your acting career back, but is a recurring guest arc on My Name is Earl really the best comeback you can muster?

• EXCLUSIVE: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's Marriage at "Breaking Point" [Us]

"Scientologists don't believe in shrinks. Would you ever call on Scientology if you were having [emotional] problems again?" I ask.

"I do know a lot about Scientology. And I know about the practices. I know all about what the technology is and all that kind of stuff. It's very helpful. So in a sense, yeah, you do call on it."

"Do you consider yourself a Scientologist?"

"No."

"If you were, would you be open about it?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't have a problem saying it because I know what it is. I have no problems with it and it really actually bothers me that people have such a negative feeling towards it."

"That it is too exotic? Too cultish?"

"Just negative feelings."

"Would you consider schooling Emme and Max in a Scientology school?" I ask.

"Yeah. I wouldn't mind. Not at all. Because I know that the technologies that they have are very helpful… It's all about communication. That's the thing I really don't like about talking about this. I do know so many great people who do do it, who choose it as a lifestyle and really follow it and it is their religion…I just wish that people wouldn't judge it without knowing what it is."

Sounds like someone's been comparing notes with Will Smith! Though Lopez still seems to clam up somewhat when asked about Scientology, we'd wager that she's merely saving the good stuff for her TLC reality show. Why blow your wad in an interview on Tina Brown's headache-inducing HuffPo competitor when you could spin a season-long arc (culminating in a finale featuring Jenna Elfman, Nancy Cartwright, and Erika Christensen in a girls' spa day/niacin purification ritual) out of the same material?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Behind the Glow [The Daily Beast]

Hard to fathom but, just ten years ago, the diva known 'round the world was known simply as that hot big-bottomed girl with a shimmy-shaking breakthrough music video in heavy rotation on MTV (remember, in those days, MTV still played videos). But she hadn't quite let go of her penchants for ass-enhancing spandex onesies, nor her not-so-subtle habit of posing with said ass front and center. Few can forget her appearance as Diddy's arm candy at the 2000 MTV Music Awards, with her skin-tight white jeans, taut belly and bandana proving she's so real, from the block, and down with her peeps. For a few more minutes that is, considering no one from the block (any block) would be down with perhaps the most famous fashion faux-pas of the decade, the paper thin maniacally patterned green-ish disaster Lopez wagged tongues with just a few months later. One overly tight yellow polyester skirt and tacky pair of knee-high hooker booties later, and Lopez figured it out (finally): with a, ahem, imperfect eye for style well-proven, ensemble eyesores may appear on Max and Emme in the future, but thankfully, we'll only have to endure them once.

[Photo credits: Wireimage]

• JENNIFER LOPEZ TWINS NEVER EAR THE SAME DESIGNER CLOTHES TWICE [Daily Mirror]

• Kate Moss stormed out of a party at Milk Studios in Chelsea because they wouldn't let her bring three friends into the bathroom, citing a "strict one-person-at-a-time policy." [P6]
• Supermodel and beat-down artist Naomi Campbell had surgery to allow her to have children, since she believes children will fix her life by forcing her to "calm down." As long as they aren't, you know, whiny incompetents like all those assistants she attacked. [Showbiz Spy]
• Not only did Anne Hathaway have a sinus infection when she kissed fellow actor Steve Carrell for a movie, she also had pink eye, and now he probably has it, too. [Oh No They Didn't]
• Uma Thurman's stalker is supposed to be in Maryland after narrowly avoiding a jail sentence, but instead he's handing around in New York, near the courthouse, in the same clothes he had on during the trial. It's over, buddy. Let it go. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Jennifer Aniston had dinner in Los Angeles with a mystery man, so there was speculation the movie star split from singer John Mayer, but it also emerged he's driving her car, so probably they're still together.
• Actress Jessica Alba gave birth to daughter Honor Marie. [Sun]
• Oh, look, it's seven skanks competing to be Paris Hilton's new "best friend," all hoochied up in front of a club in Las Vegas. [Sun]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are determined to spend more on their baby nursery than fellow celebrity-twin parents J. Lo and Marc Anthony. So far, the price tag is north of $140,000. But where are the dedicated baby guards? The hermetically-sealed climate control? The Scientologist consultants? [R&M]

With other guests like Kyra Sedgwick, Eva Longoria and Tobey Maguire attending, it's no surprise the security was so tight, but why the golf carts? Did Tom and Katie really force their guests to go scootering around their mansion just to say, Look! We're Rich! You Knew That Already But, But...Look!

Though paparazzi weren't allowed to snap anywhere near the actual party, they did manage to get a good handle on just how pricey the guests' rides were: Bentleys, Lexuses and Porsches galore. We're just relieved Jeremy Piven wasn't on hand to witness the rides, lest he throw a very Ari Gold-esque fit and begin pounding away at his beloved hoopty chick magnet with his hairy bare fists.

[Photo credits: X17, Splash]

• TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES HOST A-LIST HOUSEWARMING PARTY [Us}
• TOMKAT HOST THE PARTY OF THE YEAR (WITH POSH AND OPRAH ON THE GUEST LIST) [Daily Mail]

When Bravo debuted Queer Eye For The Straight Guy back in 2003, the network's tiny audience and overall lack of buzz went away overnight, replaced by soaring ratings, critical praise and a groundbreaking moment for gay-themed television. Sure, Will And Grace had already proven that a mass audience could accept the sight of two guys kissing, but a sitcom featuring abnormally handsome straight-in-real-life actors couldn't compare to Queer Eye's cast of flamboyantly charming girly boys and their instant appeal among stay-at-home moms and former soap obsessives.

And, intelligently, Bravo capitalized on the show's success by producing endless reality shows featuring gay characters and themes. They started launching shows about styling hair (Shear Genius) to cooking (Top Chef) and, of course, their flagship runaway hit, Project Runway. And as we all know by now, Lifetime (who coincidentally picked up a Queer Eye spin-off starring Carson Kressley) has jumped on the glamour bandwagon by stealing PR away in an effort to exhibit a similar "cool" factor. It was inevitable that TLC would follow suit, and their decision to feature Jennifer Lopez in this upcoming snoozer will undoubtedly appeal to all 6.5 million drag queens who impersonate her on a nightly basis. Our only concern? How exactly will they film Marc Anthony during the day? Don't vampires tend to whither under bright lights? Fingers crossed their solution doesn't include featuring him solely in bedroom scenes (shudder).

[Photo credit: FilmMagic]

• J.LO TO GIVE CABLE'S TLC A GLIMPSE OF HER TWINS' TLC [NYDN]

Reports claim that Cruise has already bought the twins your average baby essentials: You know, like $200,000 worth of christening clothes and a giant aquarium for their nursery. So why the interest in these particular babies, we wonder?

It's well-documented that L. Ron Hubbard was obsessed with numbers, and the fact that Lopez gave birth to 2 babies on 2/22 seems a little unusual. Also unusual? Choosing a godfather for your children who - at least as far as the public knows - has not been part of your life for more than a year. Oh, and did we mention: J. Lo's father, David Lopez, has been a Scientologist for 20 years. So call us crazy, but either Scientology skipped a generation, or some big-bootied girl, who inexplicably shot to stardom after years of mediocrity, isn't telling the truth about which church she's been praying in for the last decade.

• Jennifer Lopez wants to Tom Cruise to be her twins' godfather [Showbiz Spy]

• An anonymous caller told George Clooney about his new girlfriend Sarah Larson, "Dump the bitch before you're sorry." Clooney got his off-duty-cop chauffeur to have the call traced, but it was made from a pre-paid cell phone and they can't figure out who bought the phone. Also, the Sun found a supposed ex-boyfriend of Larson who said Larson had "special love potions."
• Jennifer Lopez wants Tom Cruise to be her twins' godfather and convinced her husband Marc Anthony to go along with the plan. Perfect. Also, the kids' christening outfits cost $200,000. [Showbiz Spy]
• Kitten-and-puppy-hating liar Paris Hilton isn't going to participate in the casting process for her supposed new Best Friend Forever. Surprise, surprise. [P6]
• Talk show host Oprah Winfrey cried on her show over pictures of her dead dog. "I’ve got to get myself together... We’ll be right back." [Splash]
• Rapper Jay-Z married Beyoncé in his New York apartment Saturday, according to Mary J. Bilge, who is on tour with him. [Showbiz Spy]
• Singer Amy Winehouse is going to give her incarcerated husband Blake an album of very special love songs written just for him, and he is going to sell that album for drugs. [Showbiz Spy]
• For her recent incident at the airport, model Naomi Campbell may be barred from British Airways for life.
• Comedian Joan Rivers said of Victoria Beckham, "I dislike Victoria Beckham... Calm down, you were a Spice Girl." [HollyScoop]

"'There were some surprising demands this time around though,' said one source. Among them, it's Jennifer now, and not J.Lo, a point that has been brought up in recent weeks. 'J.Lo' was from her Puffy and Ben Affleck days — she's in a different place now."

According to MSNBC's source, the family insisted that "budding photographer" Marc Anthony take the pictures himself. We suppose when your film career and famous husband career aren't exactly turning you into George Clooney, photography is a wise back-up plan when Lopez inevitably wakes up one day, rolls over to see Marc's cheekbone-dominated mug, and has her "What was I thinking?" moment. At the very least, he'll have his new point-and-shoot skills to fall back on, transforming himself into a celebrity bar/bat mitzvah photographer. Plus, for all three of you who remember, Anthony owed the state of NY $2.5 million in taxes. After tidying up that pricey mess from last year, he'll no doubt cover any repeat tax-related problems with whatever's left from their $6 million People payday. But despite all the alleged diva drama on set, we have to admit that those kids are cute. We have no doubt they'll soon be shaking their diapered booties on some J. Lo—uh, Jennifer Lopez-produced MTV reality dance show in no time.

[Photo Credit: People]

• J.LO'S BABY DEAL NO CAKE WALK [MSNBC]
• WORLD EXCLUSIVE: SEE JENNIFER LOPEZ'S TWINS! [People]

The babies were born early Friday in Long Island, N.Y. The girl was born at 12:12 a.m. and weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz., and the boy followed at 12:23 a.m., weighing 6 lbs.

"Jennifer and Marc are delighted, thrilled and over the moon," Lopez's manager Simon Fields tells PEOPLE exclusively.

So ironclad is their 7-figure "PEOPLE exclusive" that before Lopez's bundles of joy could even be cleaned, they were snatched out of the hands of an attending nurse and plopped into tiny, adjacent makeup chairs in the makeshift photo studio set up down the hospital corridor. Meanwhile, a team of stylists, art directors, photographers, and assistants fussed over wardrobe (the Dolce & Gabbana patent leather swaddling cloths came off looking way shinier than anticipated) and light levels, until a consensus was finally reached. Anticipation was high as the protective backing was peeled off a Polaroid test, and the stunning results were greeted with yelps of approval and a round of high-fives, as the entire creative team realized they "got the shot" of the screaming newborns.

• EXCLUSIVE: Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony Welcome Twins! [People]

Yes, it appears that the fertility drugs are working to J. Lo's advantage; there hasn't been a more famous set of twins born since Julia Roberts popped out her pair (unfortch for her team of ten percenters, she turned down a huge payday from the glossies for her pix). But Lopez shouldn't bask in the baby payday sun too long; in case you hadn't heard, Angelina's packing twins heat as well. As for how much a photo shoot with those Chosen Ones would be, an editor at OK! said "I can't even put a number on it." Well, we will; be on the lookout for a bidding war that's sure to end somewhere north of eight figures.

• THE SCOOP [MSNBC]
• CELEBRITIES EARN MILLIONS FOR MAGAZINES' BABY COVER SHOTS [NYDN]

• How Much Is Your Baby Worth?
• Giving You Baby Max, For $1.5m
• After the jump, gratuitous video of twin baby girls, making dolphin noises at eachother

• MSNBC cancels their Imus-cast. May we tackily say: Told ya! [TV Newser]
  
• Girls Gone Wild impresario Joe Francis has been charged with tax evasion. [LAT]
  
• Speaking of tax evasion, Marc Anthony (aka Mr. Jennifer Lopez) owes $2.5 million in back taxes to New York State and City. Must have been an oversight. [TMZ]
  
• If your apartment building is falling down, New York City might make the repairs on its own and bill your landlord. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. [Empire Zone]
  
• New Times Square "entertainment venue/restaurant/lounge" is looking for professional bloggers to create buzz about them. Sounds shill-tastic. [Eater]
  
• Where is Vincent Gallo? Anyway, it's his birthday! Yay!