• What is Demi Moore's problem? She and her husband Ashton Kutcher did everything to publicize their Twitter presence. But now that she's queen bee, she's becoming more picky and totally dissed Sarah Brown, wife to Britain's prime minister. The nerve! [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Victoria Beckham arrived to New York for Fashion Week, but finds it unfashionable to discuss whether she had her chest reduced: "We should just not talk about each other's boobs." Why? We always have to see yours. [Just Jared]
  
  
• Oh no! Chef Mario Batali and his business partner are being sued for nearly $75,000 after failing to pay their rent. [Page Six]
  
  
• Could Anna Wintour's "Fashion's Night Out" be costing people their jobs? Rumor has it that modeling agencies are threatening to blacklist their models unless said models work for their company's events this evening. That business is ugly! [Page Six]
  
  
• Chris Matthews had to miss Obama's big speech because he fell ill after some diabetes tests. He'll be out for the rest of the week, thanks to American health care. [TVNewser]
  
  
• Former New York City mayor and alleged homosexual Ed Koch knows the word "fuck." Pass it on. [Page Six]
  
  
• Katherine Heigl and her nameless husband are adopting a child. Because that woman needs to be influencing another living thing. [ET]
  
  
• A Prairie Home Companion star Garrison Keillor remains in the hospital after suffering a minor stroke. That's too bad. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Speaking of potty mouths, Kate Moss didn't appreciate when comedian James Nesbitt poked fun at her sex life during GQ's Men of the Year Awards. Her reply to his joke that they had screwed: ""He's so fucking rude. I'll never come to one of these fucking awards ceremonies again!" Oh, also, she totally got drunk and had zits. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Playboy mogul High Hefner has filed for divorce after his wife allegedly cheated on him. Here's a lesson, ladies: don't cheat on Hugh. It's simply not done. [Reuters]

Buford, the former editor of Granta and the fiction editor of The New Yorker, wrote in Heat about how he bought a whole pig and carved up every last part. That pig was dead, but this one is very alive and potentially filled with horrible, deadly swine flu. It'll be shown as part of the exhibit "Wild Things! Photography for Animal Lovers" at Stricola Contemporary starting this weekend.

Two guys toting a shotgun knocked on the back door, then busted up in Esca at closing time and headed straight to what they wanted. Very suspicious! Perhaps they were trying to conceal their inside knowledge by then being incredibly stupid?

After pushing the worker aside, the pair went straight to the coat closet and snatched several envelopes...

But the crooks managed to botch the holdup and walk away with only the receipts, sources said.

They had meticulously planned out their entrance, masks, weaponry, target, and escape route. Everything except, you know, what might be in the envelopes they were stealing.

If those envelopes had been full of calamari we would have suspected Mario himself. As it is—probably just the usual suspects. [NYP]

• Alex Rodriguez must be into Madonna again, because he's resumed his hunt for an apartment two blocks away. [P6]
• How does a steakhouse beat the recession? Have artist Julian Schnabel decorate a closet and bill it as the most exclusive private dining space in the city. [P6]
• Woody Allen wasted no time signing Slumdog Millionaire's Freido Pinto to a role in his new movie. Maybe his former "muse" Scarlett Johansson can write a weepy song about it. Or, you know, just cover something by Tom Waits that reasonably approximates her feelings. [Mirror]
• Bernie Madoff's wife totally scammed a deli owner into selling her the Post at half price. [P6]
• Mario Batali denied calling a rowdy South Beach food festival crowd "weasel fuckwads," but more and more people keep confirming the story to the Post. [P6]
• Sharon Stone and Andre Balazs are apparently an item. [Gatecrasher]
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have been photographed sitting together on a park bench in Paris. Experts are still debating the deeper meaning and layered symbolism of this encounter.

Ron Burkle: Our tipster reports: "Ronny Burkle was lurking around the William Rast show last night with his pal Danny A. (Model wrangler extraordinaire who is BFF with Leo DiCaprio. Danny A. is the guy who is mostly responsible for filling Burkle's jet with attractive females.) A cloud of around 15 teenage girls swarmed Justin Timberlake (Rast is his label) as he left the show; I can't imagine Burkle was far behind." Yea, if he looked more dashing he might be able to get away with it. But that ratlike visage just sinks him. Give it up, Burkle.


Bill Clinton: You need to stop hanging out with Ron Burkle first of all, Bill! Even a serious Bill fan who considered the whole blowjob-in-the-Oval-Office thing to be really punk rock has got to admit that the time has come for Bill to retire from skirt chasing. (Not that there's any proof he still is!). Now you can enjoy sleeping with the Secretary of State, Bill. Can we call you Bill?


Steve Bing: Real estate heir, big time developer, Hollywood money man, Burkle and Clinton pal. He's 43 and he fathered a baby with Elizabeth Hurley out of wedlock. And he had another paternity battle with his other ex, who was Kirk Kerkorian's gal! All we're saying here is find a nice lady and settle down for fuck's sake. This Burkle-led triumvirate has spent more than enough time being the old dudes up in the club.


Mario Batali: The portly ginger-haired restaurateur enjoys whizzing around on his moped, wearing Crocs, manipulating salamis, traveling about Spain with Gwyneth Paltrow, and doing who knows what to young lasses in the back rooms of restaurants across Manhattan. We like your Olive Oil Ice Cream dude, but you're almost 50, and we just don't want to think about Mario Batali's sexuality. That's all there is to it really.


Ron Perelman: The bald-headed corporate raider is thrice-divorced, richer than god, and prone to playing the field, as many billionaires are. We don't like your looks, your gruff personality, or your shady PR firm, Perelman. When you next get married, consider very carefully whether you would like to stay married to said lucky woman.


But we do like:

Salman Rushdie: Yes, he could be accused of being a creepy old man, what with his hobbit physique and penchant for dating women absurdly out of his league (you would think, at least). But give the man his props. He writes some bitchin' books. Stares down death threats. Then goes out with Padma and, currently, with Pia Glenn, who we saw in Will Ferrell's Broadway show and, we must say, does one mean dance. So Salman Rushdie can't be put down. He's smarter than all the guys above and cavorts with badder women.

Karlin signed a contract for a book that was going to be tie-in for a new PBS series called "Spain ... on the Road Again," which starred flame-haired fatty celebuchef Batali and blonde actress Gwyneth Paltrow.

But in November 2007, a conflict arose when Mr. Pinsky allowed Mr. Batali to engage designers for the book, including one of Mr. Batali's relatives, instead of leaving the design to Mr. Karlin, as previously agreed, the lawsuit states. Mr. Karlin contends that Mr. Batali also expected him to write the book in its entirety, and refused to contribute recipes, pictures, or other material to the project, claiming to be too busy.

When Mr. Karlin asked to lessen his involvement in the book, the lawsuit states, Mr. Batali asked that the writer be fired from the project. He has not been paid, and is suing for $125,000, including the cost of two trips to Spain, according to the lawsuit.

Well, it sounds like Batali really flaked out here, and Karlin deserves to be paid for his hard work. Unless he's just making it up because he's, you know, a little bit of a dick.

[NYS; pic via NY]

smartster's line line beats the original, Chefs Scan The Horizon For Danny DeVito.

It's just people who hate things. But you know what? If they don't like my beef-cheek ravioli and the rock-and-roll we play on the sound system at Babbo, they can suck my dick. I don't care.

For years, New York's restaurateurs had been used to worrying only about the New York Times critic, who could be relied upon to come at least three times and as many as five. A bad review from the Times, usually written with all the wit and energy of a church sermon, might be devastating for business, but at least the chefs and owners knew it was properly researched. Nobody could or would say the same about the bloggers.

Gwyneth Paltrow was taken to New York's Mount Sinai Hospital Monday for "a little gastrointestinal situation," her pal, chef Mario Batali, told Usmagazine.com.

"It's now been straightened out," he said at the grand opening of The Palazzo Hotel in Las Vegas Thursday. "She's [doing] great."

In three weeks, he said they're going to Majorca, Spain, and then Valencia, Spain, to shoot a PBS cooking show, set to air in October.

We hope that allays your fears: Gwyneth is over her gastrointestinal situation and feeling great, madly in love with husband Chris Martin, having the time of her life raising his two beautiful children, and presently prepping for her trip across Spain where she'll discover that region's culinary traditions with guide and chaperone, Mario Batali. We know you couldn't be happier for her.

• Mario Batali: Why Gwyneth Paltrow Was Hospitalized [usmagazine.com]

Batali, who could not be reached for comments, has since signed on to co-host a PBS cooking "on the road" show about Spanish cuisine with non-meat-eating actress Gwyneth Paltrow.

If you follow the blue bold link, it takes you to the original piece driven by a factoid written by the hapless NY Post real estate/food hack Braden Keil who has hated me for as long as I can remember, not that he has any value to journalism anyway. That's who.

Dubious Spots

MARIO Batali's Spotted Pig is more like a pigsty, according to a city health inspection last month. The Post's Braden Keil reports the West 11th Street gastropub, where the globetrotting chef is a partner, was slapped with 34 violation points (27 is passing) for numerous infractions - including conditions conducive to vermin harborage, unsanitary food contact surfaces, and flying insects. Earlier this year, Batali's flagship, Babbo, squeaked by inspectors with 19 points but was still cited for food cross-contamination and workers handling food with bare hands.

But Braden denies any antipathy. Kind of. We asked Braden what the truth was, and he wrote:

Some sympathetic soul brought the item to our attention after Mario's molto meltdown on Eater. Mario thinks I hate him. But I don't know him well enough to love him or hate him. It would seem that if a journalist isn't gushing about him he must think the writer is driven by hate. If he can't stand the heat he should get back in the kitchen.

White was demonstrating a flaming Sambuca trick to pals Mario Batali, Tony Bourdain, [Glamour lunch dater] Carole Radziwill and others, the burning booze spilled on his shirt and the table. In the ensuing group effort to extinguish the flames, several champagne flutes and wine glasses were broken and White "was accidentally stabbed in the hand," our source said. "Blood went everywhere but he didn't want to go to the hospital . . . very macho." White stuck his hand in a bucket of ice water, wrapped it with some napkins and was put in a cab.

Why is everyone always nearly being run over by Batali on his moped? Does he think he's in Italy? Does Batali just spend his days whizzing around the East Village hoping to be spotted in his rubber shoes? This guy is a total weeble.

Susan Magrino doesn't have an extensive roster of restaurants but the ones she does have, or did have, accounted for no less than 10 NYT stars, an impressive 2.5 average. Ms. Magrino's client list reads like a culinary boldface names: Alain Ducasse, Mario Batali, Gordon Ramsay. (Sadly at least two of these names have flown a little too close to the sun recently.)

Magrino started her career off in publishing before making the switch to PR to launch O magazine AND Celine Dion's personal fragrance, "Coty." These days her company has clients in the far ranging fields as travel, luxury, publishing and, of course, food. It is to the last family we turn our attention. Magrino's three clients (excluding Le Cirque) consist of Mario Batali's Del Posto, Gordon Ramsay's Gordon Ramsay and what was until recently Alain Ducasse at the Essex House.

In 2006, Alain Ducasse received 3 stars from the Michelin Guide (another Magrino client) but that's where the story goes awry. After the breathless multiple star petit mort, a harsher reality set in. Bruni downgraded the restaurant to a "mere" three stars and soon, Ducasse's New York flagship was in the merde. Ducasse picked up and shipped out on December 31st, 2006, thus forfeiting his chance to be starred in the 2006 Michelin guide. And, as of now, Ducasse is a restaurant only in the memory of a few foodie minds. 1 down, 2 to go.

The next Magrino restaurant that deserves examination is Gordon Ramsay at the London, the insanely hyped American outpost of Gordon Ramsay. As has been much noted, in short, the restaurant is good, not great. And, by all accounts, and especially as compared to the fiery loins from which it sprung, boring. Bruni breezed through, writing, "And seldom has a conquistador as bellicose as Mr. Ramsay landed with such a whisper. It's not an unappealing sound, but it's nothing that's going to prick up your ears." Thusly did Ramsay's descent into madness start.

Soon thereafter, he fired his long time lieutenant Neil Ferguson. Bill Buford ends his maddeningly hagiographic bio of Ramsay in the New Yorker with this sad scene

"When I came here," Ramsay told me, "I expected to get kicked in the nuts. I have been. I have also been knocked down." He seemed subdued, vulnerable, confused. He asked his wife to fly out from London. He was lonely. America was turning out to be such an elusive, difficult country.

But how long can anything attached to that hefty last name founder? Within a year, Del Posto had collected 6 stars, 2 Michelin and 3 Timesian. And with the opening of the Enoteca at Del Posto, it has been high on the lists of many critics. But one must wonder if it is due to or despite Magrino's efforts that Del Posto has survived.

As Eater points out, the Suzie Magrino school of PR involves a lot of scapegoating high-level personnel changes. Neil Ferguson got booted from Ramsay, Chef de Cuisine Christian DeLouvrier was ousted from Ducasse and Pier Schaedelin left at the train depot when Le Cirque left town. So what commends Magrino to the hearts and wallets of some of New York's biggest names? Clearly the length and loveliness of her fingers and the varied pies in which she sticks them must have something to do with the decision. It is no surprise Michelin bestowed 2 unlikely stars upon Del Posto. And surely the fact that Ms. Magrino reps numerous publications like Reader's Digest and Harper's Bazaar and some rag by a homemaker named Martha Stewart can't hurt her restaurant clients. Or that her husband, Jim Dunning, is the president of Doubledown media, a boutique publisher of magazines for the superrich. But in the end, the loss of stars speaks for itself, leaving her clients subdued, vulnerable, confused. —Josh

• Factory Girl director George Hickenlooper was "forcibly ejected" from oily heir Brandon Davis's hotel room for... not being French or medicated enough? [Transom]
  
• Speaking of trashy hotel rooms, who do you think is the "old-school MC" who managed to get vom on the ceiling of his? [Gatecrasher, last item]
  
• TrimSpa CEO Alex Goen casts aspersions on the veracity of those Anna Nicole fridge photos. Seriously, how dare they imply she used Slimfast! [NYDN]
  
• Mario Batali and his fingerling won a round in the battle against their bad landlord. [Page Six]
  
• Howard Stern is going to marry his girlfriend. [Us Weekly]
  
• Can Brit singer Robbie Williams kick prescription drugs? Yes he can! [AFP]

Top Chef Says "I Quit!" [Snack]
Earlier: Top Model Horrible, Horrible Spoiler DO NOT READ!

FOR GAYS:

Gay marriage finger puppets make a great passive=aggressive gift for the children of your most intolerant relative.

FOR COKEHEADS WHO LOVE IRONY:
Haha, it looks like a McDonald's coffee stirrer, but it's a gold coke spoon! Oooh, so many levels. This one shows your drug friends that you didn't go to art school for no reason.

FOR HATERS WHO LOVE TO HATE MARIO BATALI:
Winding up little Mario and watching him walk blithely to his doom at the end of the tabletop will satisfy these giftees' twisted needs.

More to come as the holidays loom closer! And please feel free to send in suggestions.

• The undercover cop who fired 31 shots at Sean Bell in Queens had previously worked undercover at Bungalow 8, where "it was clear to everyone who knew him that he was doing more than just drinking." [Radar]
  
• Mario Batali thismuch closer to being allowed to remain in the Del Posto space. [NYM]
  
• Does the "Borat Slept Here—NOT" package at the Wellington Hotel include a weekend of endless movie references? [NewYorkology]
  
• R.I.P., Astroland. But what'll happen to Shoot the Freak? [Gowanus Lounge]