Gawker
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geniuses
Mark Penn Discovers Pessimism
Mark Penn, failed campaign strategist and head of one of the world's most ostentatiously amoral PR firms, has used polling and research to ferret out a new microtrend: People are pessimistic, these days. That will be one million dollars. [WSJ]
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Comment by bowel_and_the_obstructors: Does he have a comb over or just a terrible hair cut? 1 Responses | Other threads
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pollster grifter
Mark Penn Now Helping to Destroy the Housing Market
Does trying to convince people unsure about the shaky economy and plunging home values to sign mortgages seem like a good idea, right now? Pollster Grifter Mark Penn thinks so! More »
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By PareeneComment by wasurhandle: Crack makes you feel good too. Just thought it was time someone told the other side. 1 Responses | Other threads
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science
Men: poor dumb fat drunk losers. It's a microtrend!
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losers
Microtrend: You're No 'Professional'
"Everyone today wants to be a professional and most people believe they are." But most of you are deluded. Mark Penn is here to tell you why. And to spout further generalizations, for money! More »
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Comment by LGgeek: I guess I'm strange I never let other people classify or define me. I have no desire to be controlled... 9 Responses | Other threads
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antitrust
Uh Oh, Google's in More Antitrust Trouble!
Google's G1 is the biggest enemy of Apple's iPhone. And Apple is making a big push into the Web. So it's totally hunky-dory that Google and Apple share board members, right? Wrong, say antitrust cops. More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by dontmindme: I absolutely have no pity, nor compassion, for any of those companies: Microsoft, Apple, or Google. May their... more » | Other threads
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poll
Hillary Clinton Asks You to Pick Your Poison
Hillary Clinton is holding a contest to sucker people into paying her debt to Mark Penn. You can choose a prize, including a not-creepy-at-all day with Bill Clinton. We ask, which is the most bearable? More »
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By John CookComment by Pamela Strangeways: OKay to drop the snark for a moment... I would love to hang out with Bill Clinton for a day. That... 5 Responses | Other threads
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microtrends
Mark Penn Can Help You Make Thou$and$ on the Internet!
Just in case you had any remaining shred of a suspicion that inane Microtrend maker-upper Mark Penn might actually have some worthwhile advice about something, today he touts blogging as a good job opportunity. Ha! More »
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Comment by Mount_Prion: Unrelated: Anybody here randomly not able to reply to people today? When I hit the reply button it just bounces... 3 Responses | Other threads
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mark penn
'Pollster Grifter' Bilks Innocent Secretary Out of $2.3 Million
To answer Time's headline: NO. Mark Penn should not get paid. He should be put in a box with insects. But apparently that is not an option! More »
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By PareeneComment by scouts honor: Put him in a box with insects? What did the insects do to deserve that? 2 Responses | Other threads
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public relations
Failed Political Flacks Jockey For Crown of Evil
Yesterday we asserted that former Bush roboflackMale Ari Fleischer was America's most irrelevant talking head. Today, however, we learned that former Bush roboflackFemale Dana Perino is joining forces with Microtrend maker-upper Mark Penn. Revision: More »
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Comment by bytememehard: Can someone explain to me what this story has to do with Julia Allison? This is still Gawker, right? 3 Responses | Other threads
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flackery
Microsoft's Secret Campaign Against Google Includes CEO's Ex-Girlfriend
Marcy Simon, the former mistress of Google CEO Eric Schmidt, has landed a PR gig at Mark Penn's Burson-Marsteller. We hear her new job is stirring up antitrust trouble for Google at Microsoft's behest. More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by Paul.B.Dodd: Why do all PR people look like that? Either young tarts or over-tanned cougars? 2 Responses | Other threads
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get rich quick
Mark Penn: Either Buy or Sell Right Now
Oh. Damn. Microtrend-spotting evil flack Mark Penn has struck upon the way to get rich. And he reveals it today, in his microtrend column! Totally. Ironclad. Moneymaking. This is why he's much wealthier than you: More »
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Comment by Mount_Prion: "Truly amazing that this man is paid money for whatever it is he does." Penn's damn good at looking coy. I... 3 Responses | Other threads
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failanthropy
Inept PR Guy Mark Penn Invites You to His 'Dungeon of Rotting Humanity'
Mark Penn, the Burson-Marsteller PR guy known for giving terribly inept advice to everyone from Hillary Clinton to Bill Gates, is opening his home to help the poor. Everyone's welcome! More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by saintjim: Bet you anything James Carville will be there. He and Mark can spend the evening crying in their Grey Goose... more » | Other threads
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mark penn
Great Thinker Able to Use Current Pop Song to Explain Obvious Thing
Thoroughly discredited PR man Mark Penn enjoys being dominated by Rachel Maddow, and charging outrageous fees to package common sense as insight for out-of-touch corporate mouthbreathers. Today: poor people like cheap things! More »
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Comment by blix: So in a nutshell, "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have... 19 Responses | Other threads
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public relations
Rachel Maddow Now Raping Mark Penn Daily
Last week Rachel Maddow called out failed Clinton consigliere Mark Penn for running an evil PR firm, Burson-Marsteller. The firm is evil, and Penn should just shut up. But he didn't! So he paid: More »
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Comment by SinisterRouge: She needs to deliver one newscast without that stupid smirk on her face. 11 Responses | Other threads
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public relations
Maddow on Mark Penn: "When Evil Needs Public Relations, Evil Has Burson-Marsteller On Speed-Dial"
Rachel Maddow, what do you have against Mark Penn, anyway? Oh, right, all the vile people his firm has represented throughout its history. Microtrend: as long as there are scumbags, flacks will have work. More »
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By PareeneComment by TheHonJudgeSmails: I get the impression that Mz. Maddow doesn't really understand what PR companies do? 8 Responses | Other threads
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mictrotrends
Mark Penn Discovers Unemployed People
Today's Mark Penn "Microtrend": lots of people are out of work! Well, that is just a "trend." The "micro" bit is that the sort of people the famous pollster knows personally are out of work! More »
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By PareeneComment by CaptainFantastic: The quoted paragraph identifies lawyers, but it describes many professionals (e.g., engineers, architects). But I guess Penn only knows lawyers... Also,... 3 Responses | Other threads
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polls
Oh, Honestly, Mark Penn
The world's best pollster in history ever conducted a poll that found that Mark Penn's own "3 a.m. Ad" was the best political ad ever, and that is why Hillary Clinton is president now. [Wonkette]
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By PareeneComment by saythatscool: That poll also concluded that Mark Penn smells wonderful and has no personal hygiene issue whatsoever. Polls- it's what's for... 2 Responses | Other threads
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no depression
Tina Brown on the True Victims of the Recession
Tina Brown, author of a best-selling book on Princess Diana and editor-in-chief of a neat blogsite that is like HuffPo but without the faux-populism "anyone can blog" shtick, is really sweating this new media environment. More »
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By PareeneComment by katastic: Yes, welcome to my impoverished little world. Want some of my can of tuna fish? 4 Responses | Other threads
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trendwatch
Knowledge is Priceless
Hawk-eyed sociopolitical trendspotter and inexplicable WSJ columnist Mark Penn unveils his latest Microtrend: People are using the internet, to learn about things. [WSJ]
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Comment by Smitros: I call bullshit. People are using the Internet to look at funny cats and pron. 5 Responses | Other threads
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Listicle
The Top Ten People Who Should Be Unemployed in a Just 2009
Obviously we live in a cruel and absurd universe of well-rewarded idiocy and undeserved second chances, but if we didn't, these are the ten people you'd meet in the nu-depression's breadlines. More »
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By PareeneComment by CodePink: Those women in the LIPSTICK BUNGLE picture really have shiny legs. Holy crap, those are shiny. Are my legs supposed... 13 Responses | Other threads
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c.r.e.a.m.
Clinton Writes Off Loan to Self, Still Owes Mark Penn Millions
Hillary Clinton "loaned herself" $13 million last January, when she was losing to Barack Obama in the primaries, and now she has written that loan off, so the 2008 primaries are finally over. More »
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By PareeneComment by dado: The fact that she was able to amass $13mm while occupying a Senate seat is the amazing part of the... 1 Responses | Other threads
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failures
Inept Man Invents Trends For Imaginary Audience
Professional loser Mark Penn—the strategist who can tell you exactly how to become disliked by each individual microsegment of the population—has a newbook adWSJ column. Let's talk about how stupid it is: More »
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Comment by HK_Guy: Wow, Ham, take a Midol and call in sick. The guy may be a phony, but this seems kind of... 1 Responses | Other threads
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losers
Mark Penn Has a Well-Compensated Newspaper Job, Still No Justice in Universe
Mark Penn should be shot from a cannon into the deepest part of the ocean. Instead he has a new Wall Street Journal column! Let's read it, and cry. More »
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By PareeneComment by Moff: What about the macrotrend group of people who understand that Mark Penn is a fucking retard and don't ever want... 12 Responses | Other threads
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strategerists
Mark Penn, Folks!
What pollsters call the easily manipulable people they are paid to manipulate when they are no longer being paid to make up quippy little euphemisms for "emotionally-motivated ignoramuses" such as "Hockey mom": "I think the best argument to get those voters is that he's going to follow a really strong but sensible course in terms of turning around the economy. I think a lot of those voters, particularly the downscale voters who saw Hillary Clinton as a champion for them, are looking for someone who's going to be able to champion their cause, particularly in the economic area." [CBS News] -
politics
Mark Penn: Unkillable
Good news! You thought the career of Mark Penn, scurrilous bastard Clinton pollster and world's worst PR guru, was finished? You thought he'd never ineptly manage the press strategy of another big Democrat again? Especially after those wonderful, wonderful Clinton campaign memos all got dumped on the Internet this week? The joke, as always, is on you, where "you" means "common sense and the hope that the Democratic party won't once again shoot itself in the foot." If Barack Obama chooses Even Bayh as his running mate (please, no, not The Ethanol Ticket), Penn's back on top! "For years, Penn and his wife, Nancy Jacobson, have been close advisers to Indiana Senator Evan Bayh." He'll lose this one for us yet! We'd be happier with fucking Biden. At least he's poor! [Atlantic, Photo-illustration]
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By PareeneComment by Nemesisesq Got Banned: I say this with all the sincerity I can muster. I am a republican I am black, I will vote... more » | Other threads
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mark penn
Hillary's flack told Bill Gates not to bother "being human"
Mark Penn, the CEO of Burson-Marsteller, will likely never work in politics again. He's in hot water over his advice to Hillary Clinton. A series of memos obtained by The Atlantic show Penn offering Clinton unsavory advice. (For example: highlighting Barack Obama's childhood abroad as a way of suggesting he was too foreign to be president.) But the fallen flack has a promising career as consigliere to tech CEOs, based on his advice to Bill Gates: "Being human is overrated." More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by Shadowlayer: I'm not human, I'm a robot! I run on corn! more » | Other threads
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politics
Mark Penn Ages You
The best that can ever be said of the Clinton consultants turned pundits is that they're right except for all the times they're wrong. That's certainly the case with Dick Morris, who previously said a conniving Hillary had the nomination in the bag, then adopted an air of insider omniscience in setting everyone right as to Obama's sure-thing triumph. As for the other chubby triangulator on speed-dial, Mark Penn is wrong even when he's right, and he's hardly ever that. As Hillary's chief political strategist, he thought using the word "cocaine" repeatedly on television by way of denying his camp was trying to portray Obama as a cokehead was subliminally savvy. It was not. He thought focusing on all the big states and ignoring the little ones with caucuses meant an easy glide to the Denver convention. It did not. He thought his own party's primaries allotted state delegates in a winner-take-all-fashion. Alas, they did not. Now Penn's written a piece for Politico in which he claims to have spotted the decisive voter bloc for the '08 showdown. Even if he's right, broadly speaking, he fucks his own thesis into demographic incoherence by sentence two. More »
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Comment by Jeezabub: I used to think he was the funnier one but now I'm all in for Teller more » | Other threads
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public relations
Two Big Losers Will Repair Your Image!
Is your brand in crisis? You may need the expert help of mega-PR firm Burson-Marsteller! The firm is run by public relations expert Mark Penn, who recently did a fantastic job selling Hillary Clinton to the nation until he had to quit as her top advisor because his firm met with the Colombian government to represent them on an issue the Clinton campaign had taken the opposite view of. Whoops! Then Hillary lost. So hey, Mark Penn understands why maybe you wouldn't turn to him to manage whatever PR disaster you're undergoing. Which is why he's brought on another superstar from the world of politics: Karen Hughes! More » -
In Brief
An Idea
China needs some serious professional PR help to tidy up their image for the upcoming Olympics. Mark Penn, back to being CEO of PR giant Burson-Marsteller after being dumped as Hillary Clinton's campaign chief, obviously has some time on his hands, and needs to land a big new client. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? The leadership of China and Mark Penn should come together to start a homemade noodle company! What with thousands of years of Chinese expertise in making noodles, and Mark Penn's apparent fondness for eating noodles, it's a natural fit. I'd sure like to see Amnesty International and Harold Ickes try to talk bad about a homemade noodle company.
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Comment by Edward Bulwer-Lytton: Holy Shit! Lara Flynn Boyle has really let herself go. Let's hope it's for a role. more » | Other threads
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politics
Roger Stone Loves How His Name Springs Off The Page
Roger Stone is not some shady Republican political operative who plants items about his enemies in the press secretly. No, he's a shady political operative that ensures that he gets credit for planting things about his enemies in the press! Stone's latest shady press leak coup: he gave info to columnist Robert Novak about questionable billing practices at the PR firm Burson-Marsteller. Now that Burson CEO Mark Penn has been booted as Hillary Clinton's campaign chief, Stone is being credited as a player! If he had a dollar for every "Roger Stone" Google Alert, he would be a fairly compensated man. [via Alex Balk] -
In Brief
Next For Mark Penn: Copy Editing
The good news about Burson-Marsteller CEO Mark Penn being booted from Hillary Clinton's campaign, according to an internal Burson email: "Momentum will only improve with Mark's return to our day-to-day business." Ha. The bad news: they can't spell their own (former) clients' names: "We've all received a good number of inquiries about the news reports related to Mark Penn's work with the Clinton campaign and developments in our relationship with the Columbian [sic] Embassy in Washington, which was until Saturday our client." [WSJ]
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Comment by MrInBetween: The most outrageous part of the press release is putting the words "momentum" and "Mark Penn" in the same sentence. more » | Other threads
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public relations
Mark Penn: You Fool
So Mark Penn, Hillary Clinton's doughy chief strategist, finally got booted from the campaign last weekend. The majority of her campaign team hated him for some time, so his departure will be welcomed by insiders. They felt that his strategy was unsuccessful, and they were right. But the specific reason for Penn's departure was his idiot move of meeting with the Colombian government, in his day job as CEO of massive PR firm Burson-Marsteller, to represent them on the opposite side of an issue from Hillary Clinton, while running her campaign. And you know what? This moment was inevitable. The very idea of having a man simultaneously running a presidential campaign and an international PR firm is stupid, and never should have happened in the first place. You fools! More »
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Comment by the57chambers: @karion: im all for free trade with colombia as well, though im sensing we may have something different (and possibly whiter)... more » | Other threads
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