The UK does not want Martha Stewart no matter how many lines of crockery she's designed for Wedgwood! The UK Border Agency has barred the felonious lifestyle queen from entering the country, presumably because of her criminal ways here in America. It's admirable consistency for the agency—famous star criminals must be kept out along with the common scum. But it may turn out to be a crippling blow for England's Toad-in-the-hole industry:

Martha Stewart "loves England." Her spokesperson says so! Just look at some of the English businesses that have benefited from mentions on Martha's website:

Toad-in-the-hole

Exceptions to all such general rules exist. Toad-in-the-hole, from England, and pannukakku, from Finland, are baked rather than fried.

'Transferware Cake'

The nineteenth-century English pottery that inspired this cake (top left) was known for intricate scenes and border patterns. Here, a border detail is repeatedly piped in chocolate.

Some kind of plant

Bred in England and introduced by Graham Thomas in 1961, 'Bobbie James' bears small, fragrant, creamy blooms in large clusters

Crumbles

Recipes for these desserts were primarily passed by word of mouth from mother to daughter, not created by and attributed to a particular chef. Many date loosely to colonial America (some, like crumbles, hark back farther to England), where a necessary efficiency prompted home cooks to look in their larders and out their windows into the fields or orchards before whipping up dessert for the family.

Consider the consequences, England.

[Telegraph UK]

The company's stock price since 2004:

So yes, Lyne oversaw a decline of more than 75% from the stock's February, 2005 high point. Was that due to her incompetence? Keep in mind that that high point came in anticipation of the company's resurgence when Stewart got out of jail. And Wall Street didn't seem to react ecstatically to Lyne's departure; the stock fell another 3% in the wake of the news this morning.

Magazines are on a longer, slower decline than the newspaper industry is, but an inevitable decline all the same. Public publishing companies with a big stake in magazines are going to see their revenues decline, their stock prices fall, and their investors get angry. They can fire people left and right, doing their best to momentarily assign blame for what is, in reality, a tectonic shift in the media marketplace. But they won't start seeing a real turnaround until the Internet has been fully monetized by old-guard media interests. And that day is a long way off.

Maybe Lyne's successors with do a better job; maybe they won't. Either way, magazine company stocks are a dangerous bet—for investors and CEOs alike.

UPDATE: From an interview conducted two weeks ago with Susan Lyne: "Q: Assuming you finally get some time off, what would be your dream vacation? A: My dream would be going somewhere I've never been that's reasonably exotic." Now she can! Also: Slate's Daniel Gross used Lyne's career path from journalism to the executive suite as the prime example of why journalists shouldn't become CEOs. Back in 2004. The more you know!

We are sad for Martha, but ultimately feel she's acting out her grief in an inappropriate and rather unforgiving venue.

For example, the photo captions: "One of Paw Paw's final smiles." "Paw Paw the day before - he just wanted to sleep." "I went outside for one last pee." "I'm not even dreaming anymore." Stop, Martha; we are practically crying at work!!

Oh, no: and then she photographs Paws, presumably right before he was put to sleep. Paws looks so stoic, so ready for the afterlife. Martha has her head buried in her fur.

Excuse me; I need to step outside for a moment for a cigarette and a cry. Rest in peace, Paws.

[The Martha Blog]

Knucklehead Babylon's new line beats the original, The Last Thing You Will Ever See.

"This is my dear friend, Charles, in his Institute for Advanced Studies sweatshirt."

"On my way back to the house I started to photograph all the beauty of nature including the allee of ancient apple trees, recently pruned and shaped."

"What a darling little Eli."

Big Idea: To publish a special magazine that offers delicious allergy-friendly recipes, making life for people with food allergies and sensitivities easier and more delicious. Millions of people, including myself, can't eat nuts, dairy, wheat or gluten, and I'd like to empower people to make great recipes.

Big Idea: To create a yearly or biyearly publication focusing on pets and pet crafts, where readers will be encouraged to create their own pet-related products, and we'll also offer tips for including your pet in your life.

Big Idea: A huge Martha Stewart store right here in New York, and soon to come to a city near you! Imagine floors and floors of shopping, learning, creating — all under one roof. Meet celebrities, join in live demonstrations, get one-on-one help from our editors, advice from our experts, be a guest on our radio shows, eat fabulous food, take a class, make the perfect cappuccino, and maybe even get to drink it with Martha.

From: Communications Sent: Monday, December 10, 2007 10:51 AM To: MSO Subject: Memo from Susan Lyne

MEMO FROM SUSAN LYNE
After much discussion and analysis we have made a decision to produce Blueprint as focused special interest issues within the home category, which we will introduce to brides-to-be through our Martha Stewart Weddings magazine. Bluelines, the Blueprint blog, will continue and we plan to grow Blueprint digital content across our websites. We will discontinue publishing Blueprint magazine on a stand-alone basis after the January/February 2008 issue.

Our strategic plans also call for continuing to build our overall Martha Stewart Weddings business by adding destination weddings issues and further developing our weddings website.

We believe Blueprint will be more sustainable if leveraged as part of the established Martha Stewart Weddings franchise. Both appeal to women at a similar life stage and we believe this strategy will allow us to better take advantage of the synergistic relationship between the two publications. By publishing Blueprint in a special interest format, we can provide newlyweds with useful ideas and inspiration for their homes; and advertisers with a targeted platform to reach this highly desirable consumer.

The moves enable us to redirect a portion of our investment dollars into other high-potential digital media initiatives, further develop our Martha Stewart Weddings franchise and create efficiencies in our Publishing business. There will be a reduction in staff associated with not publishing Blueprint as a full-frequency magazine, but we expect to re-assign a core team of employees to existing businesses and new projects at MSLO.

I want to take this opportunity to thank Sarah, Deb, and Amy, and the entire Blueprint team for the talent, passion, and devotion they brought to this start-up. We love what they created and we'll miss reading Blueprint in print on a regular basis. But we believe these changes will position the company well in this evolving marketplace. We look forward to working with Sarah, Deb, Amy, and other members of the Blueprint team on the new special interest issues and other company endeavors.

Susan

The cookies look a lot like Martha! 1970s stoney Martha.

And these look just so much like Howard Stern and yet they do not smell of personal lubricant.

That sign also says in tiny type, "Don't fuck with my motherfucking tree, you fucks."

When I was a media reporter, there were many high-profile editors, and God knows they had big egos, but you could still get them on the phone. Remnick, Carter, Fuller, even Martha Stewart. But Wintour? She just never talked to peons like us. It was beneath her. And all the while I'm thinking, 'Who is this skank?' She plays up this aristocratic, Marie Antoinette 'Let them eat cake' routine, but, excuse me, can I get some proof that she holds a title of nobility that goes back to the 13th century? No. All she does is edit a magazine. That's it. So what's with the royalty routine? . . . I mean, for Christ's sake, the woman slept with Bob Marley, one of the most soulful people ever to walk the face of the earth. If that didn't spiritualize her, nothing would.

'DEVIL'ISH PLOT TO MURDER WINTOUR [NYP]

Subject: Summer Wear (including Jeans) - Brought to us by the Editors of Blueprint.

As the weather warms up, it's natural for your wardrobe to lighten up—but not all of these laid-back items are office-appropriate. Here are some tips on how to make some summer staples work for work any day of the week.

How to Wear: Jeans Save ripped, stained, bleached, whiskered, or otherwise overly distressed denim for the weekend. Ditto for any styles that sit so low that they reveal flashes of your midsection when you reach up to grab a book, or your bottom when you bend down to grab your bag. Sometimes, wearing a longer top can be the solution. But the basic rule is, no peeks of skin between the top of your jeans and the bottom of your shirt. Pair jeans with a nice shirt and shoes (not a T-shirt and sneakers).

How to Wear: Sundresses
Many summer skirts and dresses are made from gauzy material, so make sure the fabric's not see-through (don't forget the back view). Coworkers should never be aware of what color/cut of undergarments you are wearing. Wear a cardigan over a dress that's strapless or low-cut. Bra straps should never be visible. Putting on leggings does not make a super-short hemline any more appropriate. Keep hems somewhere right above the knee, or lower.

How to Wear: Sandals
Feet should be clean, well-groomed, and generally presentable. If you aren't sure what this means, stick to closed-toe footwear. Flip-flops can be worn in a fashionable way, but the rubber kind—generally associated with the beach, the pool, and the dorm shower—should be saved for the weekend.

How to Wear: Tank Tops
Those tight, ribbed cotton tanks are usually better as layering items than as stand-alone tops. Bra straps should never be visible. Wear a cardigan over a strapless top.

How to Wear: Shorts
Capris and "city shorts" (the type that reach the knee) are fine, especially when paired with nice flats or heels. Short-shorts, cargo shorts, board shorts, and pretty much any other kind of shorts, are not.

Once upstairs, and past a third red carpet—one which featured Joel Stein, grasping a Time 100 microphone, interviewing luminaries (including his boss, Time managing editor Rick Stengel, who had Cate Blanchett on his arm) for the Time website (for the young people!)—one entered the main room. Someone told a story about Matt Lauer—who was there with his once-rumored-to-be-estranged wife—making a beeline for Craigslist's Craig Newmark, who seemed confused that he was worthy of Matt Lauer's attention. Queen Rania of Jordan posed gamely for the cameras, and was saved by Mayor Bloomberg. Arianna Huffington told us that the Huffington Post's new comedy website, 23/6, was "going into beta" in the next couple of weeks.

We cornered Mr. Stengel and asked him about the quote he gave New York Magazine about Joel Stein, in which he referred to Mr. Stein as a "god to people in their 20s and 30s."

"People love him," Mr. Stengel assured us. "They search for him. He's his own brand!" Mr. Stein wrote a piece called the "Alt-Time 100" for the issue, in which he brought together Xzibit; Hugh Hefner girlfriend Bridget Marquardt; Ultimate Fighting Championship fighter Eddie Sanchez; krumper Tommy the Clown; Shear Genius contestant Dr. Boogie; "spray tanner" Jimmy Jimmy Coco; and party planner Glenda Borden for a lunch, and asked them who the people that mattered over the past year were. Later, Mr. Stein told us that he had asked 60 to 70 people to lunch, and these seven were the only ones who could make it.

Bill Belichick, the coach of the New England Patriots, told us he was not granting interviews. We heard that Julia Allison approached Martha Stewart and told her, "You've always been one of my role models." Mr. Newmark's girlfriend, who works in design for Banana Republic, told us that her dress was a sample.

At dinner, we were seated way up in the third tier, at Table 35 (out of 36), along with a producer from CNN, a Canadian gossip columnist, an American gossip columnist (ah, "media reporter"), a TimeWarner lawyer, and, in perhaps the most surprising turn of events of the evening, the director Whit Stillman. We pressed him for information about what had become of the actors from his 1990 film Metropolitan. The last he had heard of one, he told us sorrowfully, was that he had ended up giving guided tours of Toronto. As we ate the lobster tail appetizer, Mr. Stillman told us about his upcoming projects: a film set in early 1960s Jamaica, and an adaptation of the Christopher Buckley novel Little Green Men.

Mr. Stengel stood up to welcome the crowd, and said, "Is there a better place to be tonight? I don't think so!" As Youssou N'Dour sang, a video of images of Africa played on the large screens set up around the room. (Africa: Still hot.) Mr. Stengel said that the magazine had many discussions about "who is going to write about who." "Whom," hissed Mr. Stillman. "Who is going to write about whom."—Doree

Time 100 Gallery

Scrapbookers are very upset with some comments...as I am sure your aware of. Retail favorite stores where put down. Someone at MS camp should have there head hanging out on a pole! Most scrappers don't care for Micheal's. We all have had bad experience in these chain stores. Personnally, I don't care if they gave it away!! And I live in Upper State NY (rural). If they wanted to make a go at this...they need something that no one else has! And Martha should "hit the East Coast"!! Why?? UTAH is the capital of Scrapbooking. But it takes yrs. if at all for any of the Eastern chain stores to carry...if at all. Creative Keepsake Co. is on the west coast. We need a Eastern Co. Or a Eastern Retreat for scrappers. MS would be GREAT at that! If I where working as a P.R. 's I would do also non-profit fund raising ...since most are parents, grandparents. Her P.R. has been tarnished. I think she should of hired a few scrappers who either make a living doing so. You know? I just don't believe she has been lead to a true path!

Related: Scrapbookers Called Dowdy by Wall Street Journal Author [(Scr)apropos]
did you email Brooks Barnes re: WSJ article (and did he email you back?) [DISboards]
[Image via]

The domestic guru has a plan to make American's time-frittering ladies more productive, or at least to get them to spend more money. She's rolling out a line of scrapbooking products that make those cutesy little Mrs. Grossman's stickers look like such lame cheese! But not everyone is buying her upscale-crafting schtick.

In January, the company dispatched Ms. Stewart and a dozen executives to Anaheim, Calif., to give a group of "elite" private craft dealers a sneak preview of the line ...The dealers, who had started lining up for Ms. Stewart's demonstration two hours in advance, reacted positively to most of the products. But some references to Ms. Stewart's deluxe lifestyle didn't play as well. When Ms. Stewart described how she converted an entire floor of her "winter house," located on her Bedford, N.Y., compound, into a craft-making studio, several dealers rolled their eyes.

Dowdy Craft Business Gets Martha Stewart Makeover [WSJ]

"He's in excellent spirits," Stewart, 65, said after their tete-a-tete. "He's very fit and very well trained."

Stewart and Simonyi, a computer programmer who helped develop Microsoft Word, have been romantically linked for about a decade.

Look, "treason" is not a term we throw around lightly here. But if it looks like duck confit, and has the mouth-feel of duck confit, it's duck confit. And as noted, foot soldiers for Martha's secret lifestyle confederacy are already taking up positions in New York:

Ellen Moynihan said she conceived the project a year ago as a way to highlight "how much of a second home the subway system can be for millions of commuters."

But mostly, she said, she wanted to see how straphangers and the MTA - which was not told about the project - would react.

At Avenue U, a police officer peered in the car and shouted, "What are you doing?"

When the four women responded, "It's an art installation," the officer seemed skeptical, but waved in disgust and the doors closed.

It took 40 minutes to complete the decorations, including welcome mats that were duct-taped by every door.

The snazzy subway car brought smiles to many riders' faces, but some were displeased.

"This is criminal," a woman said. "It may be beautiful, but that's not the issue. They are obstructing the subway."

Astro-Knot Buzz for Martha [NYP]
Railroad Apartment [NYP]

The Martha Stewart Show

Things are looking up for Martha Stewart these days. The stock price of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc, has gone up, she is in complete creative control of her company, and NBC canned her horrible Apprentice show. But for a woman famous for her tantrums and for terrorizing chopped salad, clearly her business success cannot explain her euphoric bid of "have a good evening" to her pipsqueak assistant. Indeed, this repulsive, infectious glee can only be explained by one thing: sexification.

That's right, Martha Stewart has a boyfriend — tech nerd billionaire Charles Simonyi. The two, who have been dating for some time, have many things in common: they both enjoy cleaning houses, they both have giant bags of money, and at ages 65 and 58, respectively, they both enjoy a fulfilling geriatric sex life. Don't believe that Martha is doing very bad things? Geriatrics generally remain sexually active until their 80s, despite loss of lubrication and other gross things. However, in her unauthorized biography Just Desserts, Martha is quoted as saying "I can will an orgasm whenever I want." Sounds like someone is spritzing her crotch with Evian.

Though Charles may not be as jacked as his doppelganger Mikhail Baryshnikov, he is a vast improvement over some of Martha's ex-boyfriends. After having her legs pinned back with suspenders got old, she dumped Larry King and started dating Sam Waksal, the disgraced CEO of ImClone. But in true Something's Gotta Give style, Sam dumped old bag Martha for her supple vivacious daughter Alexis. Hey, if you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family. Hey-o!

Sadly, like Romeo and Juliet, Martha and Charles are star-crossed lovers. Though the two have managed to maintain a long distance relationship — he lives in Seattle, she in New York — the distance is about to get exponentially greater. In March of 2007, Charles will blast off into space as the world's fifth space tourist. So much for rocket man ... the bitch is back.

Gawker Stalker

Martha Stewart was on 'Today' this morning, but it wasn't just another of her frequent synergytastic drop-ins. No, she was there to promote her book, which we believe is entitled How To Be An Even Better Housewife. One of Martha's hot tips is about how to remove red wine stains; apparently it's not a very good one, judging from her expression when Meredith Viera accidentally sloshed where she wasn't supposed to slosh. Watch and judge for yourself whether Meredith is just uncoordinated, or maybe doing the old Couric Irish-coffee routine.

Like many busy Americans, Martha Stewart has a to-do list. But unlike the mundane chores filling most people's lists — pick up dry cleaning and pay the bills come to mind — the goals stuffing Martha's list reflect big plans. They include, but are not limited to, designing a "large car," because she's never done it, she told Life magazine in a cover story that hit newsstands on Friday...
Ms. Stewart also says in the interview that she still doesn't understand why she went to jail. "Ultimately, I don't know why I was accused," Life quotes her as saying. She may want to consider adding "read books on securities law" to that to-do list.

Hahaha, totally! Other book topics that should be on her reading list: "Having a vagina," and "Being a widely-hated figure who makes an easy target for publicity-hungry prosecutors who would never bring charges against better-known figures that commit far greater crimes."

Is That a Bouquet Inside That Buick? [NYT]