Saucy LiLo shows up to the Kardashianganza dressed in a long white gown accessorized with major cleavage. Chely Wright weds. Christina Aguilera wants to wed. And Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller might wed again. Today's Gossip Roundup is an overworked bridesmaid with cake all over her dress.

Kelly Osbourne tweets—then deletes—an epic rant about her gold digging ex-fiance. Rihanna breaks up with her boyfriend. Charlie Sheen skipped Christmas to party. Taylor Momsen calls herself "a product." Wednesday gossip is a painful realization.

I've come to believe the Kardashians are but an optical illusion designed to put viewers in a fugue state, wherein brain use stalls and the ability to recognize pores diminishes. Come, let us gurgle at the Kardashians' uncanny Christmas pictures.