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New York, 7:51 PM
Mon Dec 7
48 posts in the last 24 hours
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12/05/09
Also actors.
12/05/09
If he wears an "Ithaca is Gorges" T-shirt he better have fucking bought that shirt in Ithaca, because he genuinely likes Ithaca, a lot. Liking Ithaca better be his weird, quirky, adorable obsession. If he wears an "Ithaca is Gorges" T-shirt and has never been to Ithaca, he is a hipster turd who probably doesn't have a bank account.
12/05/09
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12/05/09
Amen, sister. Does a non-narcisisstic novelist exist?
12/05/09
So, fuck. I'm not datable.
This explains so much.
12/05/09
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12/05/09
I'm datable!!!!!!!
12/05/09
12/05/09
In the meantime I'm going to have to change my business cards that say "Internet Blogging Entrepeneur"
12/05/09
I think I'll send them an email on Monday to make sure they didn't paypal it to the wrong address.
12/05/09
I want cards that read "Hired Gun."
12/05/09
12/05/09
What does 33 euros buy you, anyways? About the same as 50 bucks?
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12/05/09
I usually end up spending about 30 euros and get decently drunk.
Figure 12 euros for the the four carlsbers, another 9 euros for three happy our pints and then three or four zubrovka shots.
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12/05/09
Well I get paid in dollars and the things I like to spend my money on the most are drinks.
Why is this a problem?
A problem would be if I didn't consider how much of my budget went to booze.
12/05/09
This may shock you but I"m not a huge fan of moderations.
12/06/09
02:31 AM
12/05/09
Ok, you've gone over the line there.
Some of us consider the "shaving" a dating ritual that usually leads to the marriage ritual.
12/05/09
12/05/09
Not to get too informy, but mr_msry is bald and plugs would be a deal breaker.
12/05/09
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12/06/09
Nothing says courtesy like a defoliated peen.
12/04/09
12/04/09
Although if you smashed John Carney and Melissa Lafsky's heads together, the empty clang would probably be redolent of Christmas bells and put you in a holiday mood.
So.
I expect it's not all time wasted.
12/05/09
And I like the way you worked in a Christmas moral.
12/04/09
1. Avoid any guy who follows the attention whores on Tumblr. He interprets their acceptance of his adulation as genuine interest.
2. Avoid dating a guy who lusts after bartenders. He just wants a girl who’ll serve him beer with her tits out.
3. Avoid a guy who tells you he likes a girl with a big appetite. He’s planning on using it against you when he gets fat.
4. Avoid Jeremy Piven. He likes the smell of his own shit too much.
5. Avoid any guy who blogs. About anything. I mean, come on.
...
12/04/09
Avoid any gay who uses the word "dish" to mean something other than that upon which meals are served.
Avoid any gay who invites you to a wine pairing. The whines that will be paired will be his drunken self-pitying tirades to your ear.
Avoid any gay who works in PR. In fact, avoid anybody at all who works in PR. "Making horrible people popular" should not be a job.
Avoid any gay who has pictures of himself in a bathing suit on any public forum. (Note: Joshua Stein is evidently not gay, but avoid him anyway.)
Avoid any gay who wears plus-fours.
Avoid any gay who refers to the chap he lives with as "my wife," regardless of whether they live in a state where gay marriage is illegal.
Avoid any gay who talks non-stop about how much they love curvy women. For what, precisely?
Avoid any gay who "helps his girls go shopping," i.e., serves as a free, and most often incompetent source of fashion advice to a group of vulgar women who treat gay men like slightly larger lapdogs.
Avoid any gay who frosts anything about his person.
Avoid any gay who goes to the gym more than twice a week.
Avoid any gay of the following type: over 35, grotesquely fat, sloppily dressed, who shows up at some public event and screams: "I can’t believe they’re getting away with this shit!"
Avoid older gays who like to immediately drop profanity and lurid descriptions of sexual acts into conversation. It’s not shocking, gramps. It’s not really turning me on, either. And it doesn’t make you seem like a sexual warrior. It just makes you seem like a puerile sad old fuck who isn’t getting any.
Avoid any gay who spends an entire evening criticizing other people’s shoes.
Avoid any gay who just looooooooooooooooooooves London!
Avoid any gay whose idea of a night out is positioning himself somewhere near the door at a fashionable restaurant and playing Shag, Marry, Kill the whole fucking night.
Avoid any gay who refers to television as "my shows."
Avoid any gay who makes their own relish. Figs, walnuts, parsley, I don’t care what it’s made out of—get it off my dinner and away from my body.
Avoid any gay with no straight male friends. (Avoid any straight person with no gay friends too.)
12/04/09
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12/05/09
Where exactly are you running into trolls, darling? These types generally don't see the light of day, now do they?
That being said, if you're not into the over-35 crowd, well... more for me. More for me.
Otherwise, this was spot-on perfection.
12/04/09
Servicey!
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