We reported a little over a month ago that the Today show had booked Blagojevich to appear on the morning he happened to be arrested by the FBI, but bumped the interview so they could flack for Jay Leno's new show. We found that out through a Freedom of Information Act request to the state of Illinois asking for e-mails from representatives of the media to Lucio Guerrero, Blagojevich's press secretary (we got the idea from South Carolina's The State, which did the same thing—to comic effect—after Mark Sanford's Argentinian Rhapsody).

The first raft of e-mails we got were from December 8, the day before Blagojevich got popped, and it included one from Today producer Lexi Dauber apologetically canceling a scheduled remote Q-and-A with Matt Lauer to make room for Leno news. We just got another batch covering the 48 hours after the arrest, and guess what? Dauber and her fellow Today producer Stephanie Siegel all of a sudden really wanted to talk to Blagojevich!

The traditional route for a reporter desperately trying to convince someone to submit to an interview when it's obviously not in their interest to do so is to drop all pretense of toughness and objectivity and lie to them: We will be your friend! Not like all those other mean reporters. While Dauber and Seigel's e-mails to Guerrero are understandably sympathetic, an internal write-up of a phone call with Siegel outlining the terms of her interview request shows what they were really willing to give up. Matt Lauer or Meredith Vieira would call Blagojevich before the interview to "go over the line of questions," and Seigel stressed that "they are sensitive."

CBS's Early Show also went the simpering route, telling Guerrero that there is "far too much hearsay going around" and offering Blagojevich an opportunity to "set the record straight" and "clear his own name." They were even willing to "rent a private space to keep him away from the rest of the media's view." We all know how annoying prying reporters can be.

ABC News' Diane Sawyer, on the other hand, didn't try to buddy up to Blago. To her credit, Sawyer's producer offered a fairly straightforward pitch that managed to avoid over-the-top sycophancy.

Larry King's producer relied on the rogue's gallery that has traipsed through King's studio in the past, positioning the host as the go-to guy for crooks, liars, and other humiliated figures—go with us and you can be in the fine company of Jeffrey Skilling, Gary Condit, and Bob Packwood!

King's CNN colleague Anderson Cooper wasn't even trying: His producers sent in a perfunctory, We-asked-Governor-Blagojevich-to-come-on-the-show requests that they knew weren't going to open any doors.

Likewise the producer for CNN's Campbell Brown dashed off an email that would allow her to dutifully report that a request was in.

Sometimes brevity is your best bet when dealing with a harried flack who's clearly deluged with requests. That's what Andy Shaw, a political reporter for Chicago's local ABC station, decided to go with.

That kind of approach is important when you know your target is dealing with all manner of zany proposals. Like a request for comment from "a representative for Dan Ackroyd [sic] and Jim Belushi" on their call for Blagojevich's resignation. When a press aide forwarded that message to the governor's press assistant, she responded, "What? I want you to explain."

(For the record, it looks like that was a hoax call—we can't find any evidence that one-half of the Blues Brothers and the talentless brother of the other, dead, half ever made such a demand.)

The most pathetic request comes from Pat Curry, the news assignment editor for WGN, a local Chicago station. He wasn't even asking for an interview with Blagojevich—he wanted Guerrero himself to come on, and delivered a masterwork of flattery and faux sympathy. "I wouldn't expect you to be able to comment on a federal investigation, and could easily brush that off," Curry wrote, signing off with, "Humbly, Pat Curry."

A producer for a local Chicago talk radio show hosted by husband-and-wife pair Don and Roma Wade wins the award for discretion, declining to put in writing the "incredible offer" he had for Guerrero.

We'll never know what that offer was, but guess who got the first post-arrest interview with disgraced Gov. Rod Blagojevich?

You can read the whole batch here. Interestingly, not one e-mail from Fox News turned up. It could be that they relied solely on the phone, or that their e-mails somehow got missed by our FOIA requests. Or maybe they figured it wasn't worth trying.

So for the next hour or so he continued to rib her about being selfish and self-involved, giving her weather updates for the places where her other kids live (Stanford and Northwestern, good job Mer!). At one point an exasperated Meredith just looked over at him and said "I hate you." Yeesh.

Was it all theatrics? Were they just making fun coworker morning blather jokes? Or does the awkwardness and the tenseness hint at a rift between the two sunshiny morning folks? We hope it's the latter because maybe that means the problem will grow and swell and eventually burst, raining a parade of embarrassment and discomfort on everyone, most of all poor caught-in-the-middle, good-God-I've-been-doing-this-a-long-time Matt Lauer.

You two don't play nice now, y'hear?

After perky Meredith Vieira struggles to give the debatable superstar a compliment, stumbling over words to question if she's had a "slight little makeover?", Suze, perhaps insulted, forces a smile.

"Just a slight one," she responds with usual British irony. Because, really, in comparison to the old maid who formerly only warbled to her kitty cats, you know the New Improved Miss Boyle's a-feeling like Heidi Klum these days. When asked if she's having a good time, Suze grimaces, and forces out "I'm having a wonderful time" and "I don't want it to end" as if ramming a nail in her hand.

We know all this is "new" to the humble country virgin, and she's supposedly "overwhelmed," but we can't help thinking that puppet master Simon Legree Cowell is there in the background whipping this poor lass out into the spotlight, else he must eat crow. Next up, a spread in Harper's Bazaar! The strong arm of the press machine keeps on churning...

Full interview airs on NBC July 22.

Newswreckers caught the awkward exchanage between Vieira and Colbert, in which he replied, "I have twatted." What's even better: Vieira's head-snapping response, where she veered from shock ("Oh my God") to cool-cat playing along ("So have I") back to shock (a second, breathier "Oh my God"). Sure, Internet commenters are going to claim they came up with this Twitter-twatter thing before Colbert. But did you get to say it on national TV? Kids, Colbert has given your people a moment of victory.

They, along with 22 other estimable names, including Ogilvy & Mather Chairman-CEO Shelly Lazarus, aren't forming an agency in the traditional sense, but will be part of a "panel" offering marketing and general business advice to NBC Universal and its clients on how to reach women. The group will also blog, write and appear on air for the media company's women-oriented properties and contribute to a quarterly newsletter, "Power of the Purse," covering marketing to the demographic and the latest female trends. The panel will convene for the first time Feb. 10. In effect, it could become the most powerful female-focused agency in the country.

Ha. Um. As you can see, when times get tough, media companies just stop giving a fuck about anything except pulling in more revenue. Which this may or may not succeed in doing! This is a bit like Dan Abrams' comically unethical new PR firm featuring working journalists, except even more ambitious. Reportedly "Journalists and other members of the group will be able to recuse themselves as necessary to avoid conflicts." So all 'journalists' on there, just get out now, before things get ugly.

The revenge upon those who embrace this idea will be having to listen to Tori Spelling give paid advice. [Ad Age]

How else to explain Cruise wandering into the shot two hours before his scheduled interview to unsettle Lauer and Meredith Vieira? As his offscreen underlings attempted to muster a "Great idea, Tom!", Cruise awkwardly interrupted the hosts' top-of-the-show news reading, prompting Vieira to ask him what he knew about Bush. The loaded question caused Cruise to flash back to an uncomfortable 1987 query from Mimi Rogers until Vieira helpfully added, "The President?" Later, Cruise would actually sit down for his Lauer tete-a-tete, a weirdly downbeat affair that saw Cruise virtually unable to complete a thought without a groggy digression. Glib? More like glub. Clip above.

• Today [NBC]

Whether she's introducing her audience to the magic of whiskey sours, or waxing enthusiastic about her love of vodka to Mer, or simply listing every single drink imaginable to poor perplexed Dave (um, did she really just say "wine spitzer"? We knew she had a funny bone, but among all the Luv Guv-related scandalicious terminology thrust at us from every media outlet we tune in to, that's gotta top our lists), Martha is no longer just the Queen of napkin-folding and flower arrangements. We're hiring her to bartend our next birthday party.

• THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW [Official Site]

Moments later, a pacified Meredith takes a look at a big ol' bottle of Bombay and announces, "I love the blue bottle!" Aging daytime diva antics aside, look out for an eerie moment when Martha's shaky robotic hand "chills" the martini glass. This is the first time we realized that not everything she touches turns to stone. Make sure to catch the end, when Meredith (are we sure she didn't down at least three of these things before taping?) utterly fails Straining 101, spilling ice cubes all over the set, herself and a visibly perturbed Martha. Shudder.

[The Today show's Al Roker and Meredith Vieira stand in the rain today; image via AP]

CaptainFantastic's fantastic new line beat out original, Last Vestiges Of Today Show's Dignity Disappear During Simultaneous Nero Wolfe, Willa Cather Homages

According to a report in today's NY Post, that friendly face will belong to Today show personality Meredith Vieira, who in addition to lending a sympathetic ear to the tale of Hilton's harrowing, weeks-long confinement, will be carrying a burlap sack filled with $1 million in cash. This news should certainly come as a shock to family friend and confidant Barbara Walters, the vessel through whom Paris so memorably transmitted the story of her jailhouse conversion from "dumb girl" to God-fearing, compassionate fabricator of playhouses for sick children. As we write these words, an enraged Walters is cashing in some favors to get a personal message delivered to the disloyal inmate, who will discover that today's bologna sandwich is slathered in a special broken-glass mustard and comes with a note reading, "You are fucking with the wrong bitch, little girl. We'll be exclusively seeing you on The View very soon, or that million bucks won't even cover the repairs to that pretty face of yours."

In other Hilton news: Paris's menagerie continues to be ill-tended in her absence, and she's keeping busy in prison by corresponding with her fan.

• NBC'S $1M DEAL FOR PARIS CHAT [NY Post]
• Previously: WeHo Residents Girding For Next Week's Hilton-Related Media Invasion [Defamer]