Barring a huge public works project the likes of which the world has never seen, south Florida is doomed. Its end will come not from Bugs Bunny wielding a saw, but from the gentle lapping of waves higher and higher upon the shore. Three points to ponder:

Miami. A beautiful city, but also many other things. A city of class. A city where people casually eat other people's faces. And now, it's also the first city to be charged with fraud by the SEC.

Anna Burgese was enjoying another humdrum stay in Miami at the five-star W Hotel when, out of nowhere, she was beaten by a gang of prostitutes who believed the New Jersey mother (in her traditional Jersey attire) was another, rival prostitute.

This magnificent specimen of American womanhood, who was photographed flipping off NBA player Joakim Noah at last night's Bulls-Heat game, is so much more than just an angry sports fan. She's also a serial wife and once-accused husband-murderer.

Wantin' a cheeseburger real, real bad. We've all been there. I'm there right now, because I'm having falafel for lunch. Busta Rhymes was there last night, when he reportedly threw such a fit in a Miami restaurant (after his cheeseburger was served to him with ketchup on the side) that the restaurant's owner called the…

Most people wouldn't consider a bond hearing to be an appropriate time to joke around.

Sofía Vergara's softest body parts stuck to their resolution to not be confined to her clothing for 2013, as witnesses say the actress unintentionally flashed her breasts to a roomful of people in the midst of a nightclub fight on New Year's.

Everyone knows that after the sun sets on another sizzling Miami day is when things really start to heat up, dale.

Earlier today, a man learned the hard way that, no matter how funny your joke might be, it's never a good idea to make it if it's subject is dynamite and you're in an airport. When a TACA Airlines agent asked Alejandro Hurtado if he was carrying any hazardous materials, Hurtado joked that he packed dynamite in his…

Which dangerous, trendy nightmare drugs was Rudy "Miami Cannibal" Eugue "tripping balls" on when he tried to eat the face of 65-year-old Ronald Poppo in May? Was it "bath salts" — "the new LSD"? Or "Spice," the "synthetic marijuana"? Or was he on LSD, the "old LSD"? Or was it cocaine psychosis? Or was it all of the…

Since news broke last Saturday that a Florida man was caught in the act of tearing into the face of another man with his teeth, people everywhere have been asking the same question: What the Hell happened?

These two really, unbelievably gruesome photos, allegedly of the Miami man whose face was partially eaten off over Memorial Day weekend, have been circulating around the internet, because the sight of rended flesh is a visceral reminder of the unbearably thin dividing line between life and death, and also because…

Police in Miami are still baffled by what transpired Saturday afternoon on the MacArthur Causeway's off-ramp to Biscayne Boulevard, where a naked 31-year-old Rudy Eugene was found consuming the face of another naked man.

More "fiction" says John Travolta's legal team: yet another masseur has come forward with allegations against the actor. This, of course, begs the question, how often does John Travolta get a massage?

NBA legend and star of the 1996 film Kazaam Shaquille O'Neal received his doctoral degree in education this weekend from Barry University, a private Catholic school located in Miami.

The Miami Aviation Department is holding its annual lost and found public auction this weekend and, holy balls, if you are, or are looking to become, a hoarder, this is the gig for you.

Two women in Miami face zero charges after transporting two fetuses into the U.S. from Cuba in their suitcases on January 30th. So I guess it's a cool new thing to do?

On Sunday, a 24-year-old Florida woman filed a police report that accused domestic abuser Chris Brown of "snatching" her iPhone from her outside of Miami's Cameo nightclub.

The strange case of the toxic tushes expands: Corey Eubanks, indicted medical assistant of crazed fix-a-flat butt injection doc Oneal Ron Morris, taped an episode of Telemundo show Cristina last night, and ended up brawling with several of his alleged victims, including Rajee Narinesingh. (Red dress, trying to keep…