And right now there is a bit of panic afoot in showbiz, that with a mere 138 days until showtime, the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences still hasn't decided on a helmer for the trophy trot. Nikki Finke reported last week, that last year's host and producer, Hugh Jackman and Bill Condon, are planning not to return to the Kodak stage. The pair's up-market, olde-timey glamour version of the show, gave Oscar its first ratings uptick in seemingly forever; a dramatic break in its long slide into irrelevance. ("What an honor for the Aussie actor" grandma Nikki writes of the of the Academy's desire to bring Jackman back to the show.)

UPDATE: Since the writing of this item, the producers have been named...and they are...Hairspray director Adam Shankman and former Fox CEO Bill Mechanic.)

Every year, Hollywood debates the question of how to update an event that is inherently the stodgiest thing thing on Earth. For starters, the thing that Oscar was conceived to honor — big glitzy prestige films — don't exist anymore, so the show will from now until forever be torn between giving their statues to little independent films that no one saw (and hence, that no one wants to see an awards show celebrating) or trying to find ways to squeeze nods to Dark Knight into a show that will never actually honor such popular films.

And for that matter, what with the media attention span being half a second long these days, if you are talking about movies that came out last year, you might as well be giving a lesson in like, the Cold War or Vietnam or something.

Not to mention — three hours of people in tuxedoes getting trophies and making speeches?!? In the epoch of cat videos!? Is this some kinda of Twilight Zone episode? Is America being punk'd by Oscar?

So what the heck do you do with a still huge but dwindling monstrosity like Oscar? Basically you can embrace the future or deny it, and either route has its merits. Here's our suggestions for the roads Oscar could take:

EMBRACE THE KIWANIS WITHIN
Oscar is never, ever going to win over these kids today, so go with your strength. Lead with the stodgy; you'll play well to your base and once every decade and a half, catch a retro wave. These days the Hollywood establishment is the aging Baby Boom generation, who are bound to actually become cool one of these days.
Host: Billy Crystal
Producer: Jeffrey Katzenberg
Ideal Best Picture Winner: Braveheart
Opening Number: A Rockettes lead a musical tribute to the films of screenwriter Ron Bass, high-stepping to the greatest moments from Rain Man, Snow Falling on Cedars and Dangerous Minds.
Clips Reel: A complete recap of The Today Show reporting the weekend grosses every Monday morning of the past year.
Log Line: This IS your grandfather's Oscars.

DRINK THE GLOBES UNDER THE TABLE
The reason why the Golden Globes have held their own against the declining Oscars is liquor. The dinner setting of the Globes show has traditionally meant well-lubricated winners making some of the more free-wheeling, demented speeches of awards season. Well, two can play at that game. Mandatory tequilla shots and forced picks from the mystery wheel of amphetamines for all attendees.
Host: Jack Nicholson
Producer: Ben Silverman
Ideal Best Picture Winner: Couples Retreat
Opening Number: Stars careen to their seats on a giant Slip 'n Slide placed down the aisle.
Clips Reel: The best moments of buddy comedies, guys who love to laugh with each other.
Log Line: Come and Get It!

POST-MODERN OSCAR
Pander completely to Hoodie Nation with an all self-referential celebration of quirk.
Host: Michael Cera
Producer: Spike Jonze
Ideal Best Picture Winner: (500) Days of Summer
Opening Number: Michael Cera sits on the floor of the Kodak stage listening to the mix tape he has made for an impossibly cool girl featuring acoustic remixes of John Hughes soundtrack songs. As we watch, the audience travels inside a giant movie screen and from the perspective of the Oscar nominated films, we watch Cera go to the movies with the impossibly cool girl, but never get to first base.
Clips Reel: Great Moments in Mentioning Bands During Movies.
Log Line: Oscars? What?

LOGANS RUN
The tweens have taken over entertainment; how long does Oscar think it can hold out anyway? Show Oscar's commitment to staying relevant by terminating the careers of any actor over 35 on live TV.
Host: Vanessa Hudgins
Producer: The Kardashians
Ideal Best Picture Winner: New Moon
Opening Number: 50's style sockhop dance number as George Clooney, Angelina Jolie and all the old people in the audience are loaded onto the original Sputnik rocket and blasted into outer space.
Clips Reel: The progression of Taylor Lautner's abs, from flaccid to six pack.
Log Line: This is on, bitch.

GANGSTA OSCAH
When you get down to it, the Academy is the original original gangsta.
Host: 50 Cent
Producer: P Diddy
Ideal Best Picture Winner: Final Destination 3D
Opening Number: The Kodak Theater is transformed with gold plated chandeliers and stripper pole while a car chase screeches through the lobby, ending in a cataclysmic explosion on stage.
Clips Reel: The history of on-screen bling.
Log Line: Don't Forget Who Brung You.

THE REALITY ACADEMY
Turn the show into a real time competition with bug eating contests, relay races and back stage confessionals.
Host: Ryan Seacrest
Producer: Nigel Lythgoe
Ideal Best Picture Winner: Step Up 2: The Streets
Opening Number: Nominees forced to perform a Polish mazurka, with one catch; one mis-step and the plummet into a tub of a million centipedes — and lose their shot at taking home Oscar.
Clips Reel: Night vision cameras placed in the hotel rooms of the stars while on set reveal secret celebrity hook ups — and a few drunken nights with a key grip or two.
Log Line: Oscar Wild!

THE TMZ OSCARS
Why fight it anymore? Throw down the barricades; let the paparazzi hordes loot and sack the kingdom, enjoy the rush of attention that the train wreck will bring. And whomever is still alive after showbiz has been reduced to smoldering ruins — let them figure out what to do next.
Host: Perez Hilton
Producer: Harvey Levin
Ideal Best Picture Winner: One Night in Paris
Opening Number: Celebrities are vivisected before the audience's eyes, the last remnants of their souls are ripped out and and then eaten, buffet style by the nation as a whole.
Clips Reel: A million Tweets are simultaneously projected directly into viewers' frontal lobes.
Log Line: We're Here.

Below we evaluate the field and try to make sense of this all-important contest. Whose name are tomorrow's independent book store clerks going to scribble with little hearts around on in their mock-elementary school notepads?

The critical attributes: anemic complexion and disposition; fixed expression of terror at the big, scary world; credible devotion to obscure bands; still owns and fits into his childhood summer camp warddrobe. Past work with Kristen Stewart or Zooey Deschanel vital. Stutter strongly encouraged.

Candidates who were initially child stars have the strong advantage of being raised in hothouse environment which enforces stunted emotional development, like Catalina Island buffalo.

The Contenders:

Joseph Gordon Levitt
Strengths: Looks as though he has been protected from sunlight since birth. Had small role in hipster ironic landmark Family Ties. Appeared in two classics of hoodie cinema — Brick and 500 Days of Summer. In the latter, had a relationship with a girl based on their common love of The Smiths. Went to Columbia University where he studied French Poetry. Maintains a website on which he features short films.
Weaknesses: Also appeared in 3rd Rock From the Sun which is decidedly not part of the ironic canon. Didn't ever wear a hoodie in 500 Days.
Kristen or Zooey: Zooey in 500 Days.
The Morning Line: On paper, this kid has it all. Would be a serious contender for the title even if Cera were still at his height. The only question is has he peaked and revealed too many hipster credentials too fast?

Jesse Eisenberg
Strengths: Has perfected world class look of terror and befuddled amazement. Mother was a clown. Did entire film in 80's garb. Appeared in indie films while still very young.
Weaknesses: Despite perpetually adolescent jew-fro, mature range of expression is upsettingly evocative of burgeoning adulthood.
Kristen or Zooey: Kristen in Adventureland.
The Morning Line: A strong contender; making an 80's period piece was an inspired play to the hoodie base the importance of which can not be underestimated. However, outbreaks of adulthood can not be ignored and ultimately may prove crippling.

Emile Hirsch
Strengths: Mother designed pop-up books. Specializes in playing intense and offbeat dreamers. Learned how to skateboard for Lords of Dogtown.
Weaknesses: Cleans up a bit too well, as demonstrated in Speed Racer. Conventionally not quirkily handsome. Tends towards athletic, active characters.
Kristen or Zooey: Kristin in Into the Wild.
The Morning Line; Has some strong off-beat appeal but ultimately might have soaked up a bit too much California sunshine in his Malibu youth to effectively represent Hoodie Nation.

Jon Foster
Strengths: Hippie parents. Steady run of indie films. Broke into public view in a landmark young-man-confused-and-frightened-by-sex role in The Door in the Floor. Has experimented with alternative facial hair.
Weaknesses: About to go into the least hoodie realm in entertainment — CBS primetime sitcom land.
Kristen or Zooey: Neither, but appeared in The Informers with America's Ur-hoodette Winona Ryder.
The Morning Line: A long shot candidate, but if the front-runners falter, has some indie credibility.

Robert Pattinson
Strengths: British. No one does silently suffering better. Plays guitar.
Weaknesses: Way way too good looking.
Kristen or Zooey: Owns the Kristen franchise.
The Morning Line: Naming Pattinson Tweeheart would essentially be like the Republicans nominating Dennis Kucinich, but with a candidate this strong, stranger things have happened in politics. If Hoodie Nation feels itself in danger, it may be willing to take some extraordinary risks.

Jason Schwartzman
Strengths: A Tweeheart Emeritus, in the event of a deadlock, could come out of retirement to serve one more term.
Weaknesses: In Funny People made a fatal change in type from mopey guy to annoying roommate — a hard role to position yourself as a heart-throb.
Kristen or Zooey: Neither but appeared a short feature with Natalie, which is kinda the same.
The Morning Line: America loves a comeback, but in the end being the Tweeheart is a young man/boy's game.

And most of all we wish good luck to the hoodied girls of America who will make this fateful choice. Our future is in your hand.

Seems only yesterday, the Arrested Development alum's trademark slack-jawed, blinky-eyed terror of fast-talking girls too hot to go out with him in real life was the sensation of Brooklyn and Silverlake. Youngish film critics gushed. Emo girls cooed.

But the worm has turned. Perhaps the moth flew a little too close to the flame with Paper Hearts, revealing the hipster machinery a little too openly for any self-respecting hipster to admit to be fooled by. But whatever sparked, it full-fledged rebellion in hoodieland is in progress and if Hollywood wants to preserve the street creds that have brought his last three films (Hearts, Year One and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist) approximately 450 box office dollars combined, they better find some way to roll back this tsunami pronto.

Just last week New York, the Old Person's official guide to Young Persons, published a blistering "The Many Hoodies of Michael Cera" photo gallery. And now, official Jew Cool site, Heeb has blacklisted Cera under the rubric "Stuff Hipsters Hate." Their expose declares, "after Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist let loose its stream of sugary-sweet earnestness all over the silver screen, hipsters turned their plaid-clad backs on the stuttering star."

All of this is a shame because his upcoming film, Youth in Revolt, actually looks to be possibly his funniest film to date. But as they say in film marketing 101, as goes Greenpoint, so goes Williamsburg.

The attached video, assembled by Gawker video wizard Mike Byhoff, alternates between Cera's role as precious bumbler George Michael in Arrested Development and his work as precious bumbler in Paper Heart Superbad, Juno and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. At least his preciousness is getting more sweary, over time. That's a form of growing up, right?

Another sign of maturation: Charlyne Yi has shot down rumors that she and Cera were real-life dating during the filming of Paper Heart, meaning Cera's been party to a cynical publicity stunt. How adult!

This sad news comes in the middle of the young couple's publicity tour for Paper Heart, the fake documentary about how their real-life (now real-dead) romance came to be. Or perhaps this is just some publicity stunt? Some kind of meta-advertising gimmick affirming Paper Heart's notion that true love is hard to find and hold? In this era of put-ons and fakery (yeah, yeah, we know you may very well be reading this right next to a banner ad for Paper Heart — it's not our call) who can trust anything? Certainly not dating gossip about America's Twee-hearts from an outlet like Star.

Still, the Yi-Cera relationship gave the sweatpants community of geek girls hope that their precious wit and song writing skills were enough to keep a sensitive young man away the dopey taneroxic starlets of Hollywood. So doesn't this news make you want to pout?

What's even more pout-inducing is what else Star's source told the tabloid:

"Charlyne is beyond sad. And the break-up is so much harder because she'll have to see him on tour."

Michael Cera, how could you? We know we gave you guff for being a mopey hipster but if we take it all back will you snuggle back up to Yi?

As a whip-smart commenter pointed out a love-affair with between Yi and Cera would have been like a "gummi bear getting it on with the Velveteen Rabbit." We speculated that a boy with Cera's sexual persona may in fact not have genitals, just a rainbow colored fleshy patch that sparkles when excited. If this is true, which is likely, then could Cera and Yi ever really have dated?

Whether put-on or physical impossibility, both theories leave room for a Cameron Crowe-style reconciliation. Young geeky outsider chooses to go after a popular beauty but discovers she is shallow and small minded thus forcing him to look in his own backyard. There he sees a girl with unwaxed eyebrows, in sweatpants, strumming a guitar and she embodies beauty in her own independent way.

Drinks are on us, Charlyne!

Box office battle of the peens this weekend! Who will win? Judd Apatow's self-effacing, sarcastic but ultimately tender peen? Or the magical, wonderful, man-craving peens of the wizarding world?! The wiz-kids up the ante by projecting their weens in IMAX this weekend! [HWT ]

Nope, Universal's not nervous at all about Judd Apatow's Funny People opening. Not one bit. They just signed a three picture deal with Hollywood's most prolific comedy producer. Unreported is whether the new deal calls for all three titles contain the words "Dick Jokes." [THR]

Have you been itching to watch a group of beloved Hebrew sitcom stars who's discussions center around the baffling ordinary exchanges of life but you believe that reunion show would be too 'low end'? Good news! It has been announced that Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis Dreyfus and Jason Alexander will all appear on the new season of Larry David's Curb your Enthusiasm.[THR]

Leave it to Vanity Fair to dole out karmic justice in this world! The magazine is set to have an expose of the ugly in-fighting surrounding embattled production Moneyball. The Brad Pitt project has gained a notorious reputation after squeezing out its writer/director Steve Soderbergh. The rumor is that the piece will be as so many things in this world should be: Pro-Soderbergh. [Hollywood Elsewhere]

Mom populated book clubs rejoice! Billy Crudup, the guy attached to the giant, floating, bluberry toned wang in Watchmen, will join Julia Roberts in the movie adaption of 'Eat, Pray. Love' [Variety]

We don't know about you but it has been exhausting to sit through movies that don't have the basic element of 'franchise' or some kind of 'origin' story. So we're pleased that Ridley Scott has the courage to come along and do a prequel for Aliens! Wait there's more! Disney just bought the domain name Monsters Inc. 2! Haha, in your face, Originality! [ Variety ]

After years of research t box office scientists have concluded that the ingredients to a blow out success are : robots, mammoths, and Meryl Streep [THR]

You know exactly what we're talking about: well-meaning, fragile, cerebral, maladjusted boys with an anemic sexual persona and child-like notions about women. It was cute for a while! And we certainly needed someone besides Matthew McConaughey to fill our wasted nights. But now ladies in their twenties are stuck with these infants in Morissey onesies as our leading men. No wonder tweens and mommies are swooning for the pasty boys in Twilight, at least those guys will leave a couple of marks on you after a romp!

It's not just an aesthetic thing. It's a (lady) boner killer for a any woman who has a dark streak —and really, what self-respecting woman doesn't? These awkward young men are so soft, so emotionally naive that it's clear that any one woman with a penchant for a couple cocktails and hair pulling would shatter these precious, cutesywutesy little boys. Bring back the angry young men who could at least make you feel like a woman instead of a girl.

Examples! Run the clips please:

Jesse Eisenberg in Adventureland. Sad, smug, virgin who tries to save a slutty K. Stew.

John Krasinski in Away We Go. Cheerful, smug, bookish Dave Eggers stand in who tries to shield his unborn child from the ills of normal people who lead unmeaningful lives.

Demetri Martin in Taking Woodstock. He even has the haircut of an 8 year old (actual age: 36).

Joseph Gorden-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer. Morrisey loving nerd tries to pin down his manic pixie girl.

Micheal Cera in Paper Heart. I like Michael Cera a lot. But I'm pretty sure he doesn't have genitals — just a fleshy, rainbow colored patch that rests under his corduroy pants.

Hugh Dancy in Adam. Maybe Hollywood is getting the point? Adam is the same kind of nerdy, quirky, sort of hunky outsider. Except this movie blames all of his quirky awkwardness on Asperberger's syndrome. Fine! That's it! No more! Jokes over.

Despite the fact that creator Mitchell Hurwitz has said he couldn't begin work on a script until every cast member signed on—and then, everyone but the erstwhile George Michael proceeded to do just that—Cera had remained publicly opposed to the project for months. Now, though, E's Kristin Dos Santos is reporting the news (straight from her Arrested Development source, which is probably Jason Bateman) that Cera has changed his mind and will indeed sign on to the movie, which could shoot as early as this winter with Ron Howard succeeding Hurwitz at the helm. Update: A rep at Imagine Entertainment writes in that Hurwitz still has sole claim to the director's seat, presumably leaving Howard confined to the voiceover booth.

A beloved franchise cut loose by its network and eventually revived elsewhere with all its major players intact. Hmmm. Sounds like something we can get behind.

• Sources: Michael Cera Joins Arrested Development Movie [E!]

Several tipsters sent us the following casting notice, which just went out over the wires:

"THE ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
FEATURE FILM" SAG
PROD CO: ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT PRODS
SHOOT: 1ST WEEK OF MAY
LOCATION: NYC

SEEKING:

[GOLDSTONE] An appealing Caucasian man in his late 20s to early 30s. Goldstone is a graduate of the Yale School of Drama who is frustrated with his stalled acting career and desperate to get it onto the fast track. He meets life head on with fearless determination. He is an optimist, a problem solver and a go-getter. Goldstone is intelligent and charming, well bred, reliable and good at heart. He is in a long-term relationship and is very committed and faithful. But, he has a dark side - he can be almost ruthless in his ambition to succeed, self-centered and brutally hard on others as well as himself. Willing to pay SAG Low Budget Rates for this role.

As visions of a Manhattan-set romp danced in our heads (with a brand-new supporting character that surely would befriend struggling actor Tobias), we did a little more digging and discovered that the project was set to be directed by unknown Stephen Marro, not Mitch Hurwitz or Ron Howard as previously rumored. And what's the last credit on Marro's IMDb resume? A short film entitled (yup) Arrested Development, with Jonathon Schaech as "Goldstone." Now, when Marro's feature-length adaptation of his short corrals a very confused Jeffrey Tambor, we'll know exactly what went wrong.

Enjoy this clip taped during reshoots for Cera's upcoming Youth in Revolt, in which we suppose the actor is satirizing Bale's starry sense of self-entitlement (which would only be more ironic if Joaquin Phoenix then satirized Cera satirizing Bale). "Maybe this would be a funny thing to do on my downtime," Cera no doubt mused, and then it wasn't really, yet it still made it to YouTube, regardless. If it all this fake fighting seems familiar, maybe that's because Cera already pulled a similar stunt when visiting the set of Knocked Up, which was almost two years ago. Suddenly, we have a new idea for Arrested creator Mitch Hurwitz: write a lot of improvised feuding scenes for Cera, then pitch the movie to him as a series of viral videos. Problem solved!

• Michael Cera Flips Out [YouTube]

Here's what Bluth patriarch Jeffrey Tambor said about the matter, as related to the NYDN:

Michael Cera will do the highly debated “Arrested Development” movie, according to his on-screen granddad, Jeffrey Tambor.

“If I have to call him up and say, ‘Get on set right now, young man,’ he’ll be there,” the comic said at a recent Upright Citizens Brigade L.A. performance of “Word Girl.” “The movie is going to happen this year, and Michael Cera is on board. Trust me.”

We're not going to believe it until we hear it from Cera's mouth, but it's still encouraging that at least one cast member has vowed to grab him by the hoodie and drag him onto set if need be. They aren't just handing out big-budget superhero movies to skinny Apatow players anymore, Cera—take the four-week gig for peanuts, assuage your fanbase, and then move on to the next installment of your unofficial film series: Stammering Guitarist Finds Awkward Young Love.

• 'Arrested Development' movie is on! [NYDN]

We've got video above where Howard tells the hosts of Morning Joe that the film isn't quite greenlit yet and will need a completed script first— a comment which reminded us that creator Mitchell Hurwitz said he can't write the script until he knows which actors are on board. If only there were some sort of shared (three-season-long) history between Hurwitz and Cera to instill faith in the erstwhile George Michael.

In other news, it's been pointed out that we missed this little tidbit from TCA, which necessitates a Film Tracker update:

Count Portia de Rossi in for an Arrested Development movie: Despite calling her new character in ABC's Better Off Ted her all-time favorite, she'd be up for reprising Lindsay Bluth on the big screen. "I would love to do a movie for Arrested," she said — before adding to the confusion surrounding the project by saying "the cast are all on board." If that gets off the ground, she'd be a busy lady: She also wants to start a vegan shoe line.

And with that, the Film Tracker is complete: each and every actor, director, and trade paper has weighed in, and Cera is the lone holdout (lacking even a powerful excuse like the demands of a hemp-derived shoe company on his time). Come on!

• Ron Howard Defends "Punk" Michael Cera, Talks "Arrested Development" Movie [HuffPo]

MTV cornered the actor to ask just what exactly was the holdup, and Cera—while fully embracing his unlikely new role as a meddling antagonist—explained that he wouldn't sign on because there's no script yet. Of course, as creator Mitch Hurwitz has explained, there won't be a script until Hurwitz knows for sure which cast members are coming back. What a hilarious, Arrested-worthy Möbius strip of stalled misunderstandings. We are never getting this movie.

• Michael Cera On ‘Arrested Development’ Movie: ‘More Hypothetical Than People Think’ [MTV]

· Sophia Loren will star in an Italian TV biopic of her life, playing her own mother Romilda Villani. And for the record—Angelina? She still shits bigger than you. (Maybe that expression doesn't work so well for timeless sex symbols.) [Variety]
· To give you some indication of how slow a news day it is, THR published a list of networks around the world that broadcast the inauguration. Here they are: BBC1, BBC News and BBC World News, Sky News, Euronews, France 24, TF1 i, I-Tele and BFM, Spain's TVE 1, nTV and N24 in Germany, Euronews, TV Al Jazeera, Indian broadcaster NDTV, Japanese broadcaster NHK World TV, and Chinese broadcaster CCTV9. Dutch Cartoon Network passed, however. They're all Obama'd out. [THR]
· Fox has ordered seven pilots: Comedies The Station (from Ben Stiller), Walorsky, Two Dollar Beer and Sons of Tucson, and dramas Maggie Hill, Human Target, and "an untitled reincarnation-themed project." [THR]
· Character actor Kurt Fuller joins David E. Kelley's Legally Mad. [THR]

Despite the fact that nearly every cast member has signed on (though we're still waiting for Portia De Rossi to finish restocking Ellen's green room with votive candles so she can issue an official announcement) and creator Mitchell Hurwitz says he can't proceed in writing a script until he knows whether Cera will commit, the actor has remained indecisive, Bateman said at TCA.

"I think you really have to get him on the phone to get his answer about whether he's going to come back and do it or not. I know he's thinking about it, and we're all awaiting some finality to that."

"I do feel bad that people are a little misinformed about what's going on with him," Bateman said. "He's certainly not said that he won't do it. I think he's, you know, Michael is clearly the guy that has come out of 'Arrested Development' with a very, very big plate. And so I think he's trying to really give some responsible thought to what makes sense for him to do with his career.

"The guy's 20 years old and I'm sure he doesn't want to screw up this opportunity, and trying to figure out whether an 'Arrested Development' film would be right for him and his future, I think, again, he's just trying to give responsible time to that decision. And he may or may not have come to a decision. I really can't speak to that."

If Cera hasn't come to a decision, he might be forced to after a rabid Sundance press pack accosts him over the next week. There have been many times in history when a fine, upstanding Bluth was pressed into service because the members of his family demanded it; Michael, we ask you, what's one more?

• Bateman Defends Cera's 'Arrested' Decision [Fancast]

• Michael Cera Still Not Signed for Arrested Movie [E!]

First, Will Arnett reconfirmed his involvement with the film, which was under some scrutiny after Hale mentioned that cast members' new children might present some scheduling conflicts (Arnett just had a baby with Amy Poehler, as was mandated by a Jennifer Hudson-obsessed Creator).

"Arrested Development has such a special place in my heart,” he tells EW.com, “and I can't wait to strap that fake hand back on and fight the seal once and for all—wait, which guy did I play?...It’ll be fun to get back together with everybody and work on it. It’s been so long now, we almost have to do it. It’s like we have to finish the joke.” What details can he spill about the project? “I’m sure I’m not speaking out of turn when I say Christmas Day ’09, 12:01 a.m. is the first show,” he shares. “We’re opening on—this is unprecedented—13,000 screens. This is going to be mind-blowing. We start shooting this summer. It’s going to be directed by Obama’s Secretary of the Treasury, I’m not sure how [series creator] Mitch Hurwitz feels about that."

Also, thanks to commenter bronx51, who pointed out that Alia Shawkat did in fact confirm her AD involvement to a long-ago, pre-zombified Radar (ironically, the news flew under ours). And what an eerily prescient interview it was!

I got a call from Mitchell Hurwitz, the creator, and he said "so have you heard about this movie we're supposedly doing?" and I said yes. And he said he was in and it was great. And Jason [Bateman], when he was doing all the Juno press, he basically just talked up [Arrested Development] the movie. He got the publicity going before anything was real. So Mitch talked to Ron Howard, who said he would direct it, and he's down. So I think Mitch was like, "I guess I'll write it then," and that's what I think he's doing now. And yes, I'm involved. I think everyone is.

[...]

Who do you see most often from the cast?
Sadly, I don't see everyone that often. I see Michael Cera every now and again, but he's famous now so he doesn't want to talk to me.

Cera, you're making a huge mistake. What will it take before you reconsider? Gross points? Henry Winkler's participation? A lifetime supply of American Apparel hoodies?

• 'Arrested Development' movie: Will Arnett is ready to go [EW]

• Arrested Movie Developing: Maeby [Radar]

In an interview with Fancast, the show's creator Mitchell Hurwitz dishes on some of the ideas he's had for the AD movie: a prequel? A film within a film? A straight-ahead story with an animated recap? There's just one problem: he can't begin writing a script until the entire cast signs on, and there's one key dissenter...

So what of the rumors that new dad Will Arnett and shiny movie star Michael Cera are the only two remaining holdouts?

"I don’t want to talk about who is holding out right now because we might still work that out and I don’t want to pressure anyone through the press," said Hurwitz. "Although I will say that Will Arnett is gung-ho, so there’s a big clue!"

Arnett's confirmation provides one more "yea" vote for the Film Tracker™ now we can only wait for someone, somewhere, to interview Alia Shawkat, hopefully providing the final inducement Portia de Rossi will need to return to the screen instead of languidly flipping through Life & Style in Ellen's green room. Will a united, unanimous Bluth clan change Cera's mind? Or will the role of George Michael suddenly be played by a stammering Haley Joel Osment?

• Arrested Development Movie, Still Developing, Says Mitch Hurwitz [Fancast]

The latest is Tony Hale, who played Buster. Delicious! Here's what he had to say to Paste (not as delicious) about the subject:

"Pretty much, we’re all willing to do it," he says. "I think it’s a matter of everybody’s schedule just being crazy. After the show, everybody did their own thing. We all had babies. So it’s just tough to pull everybody’s schedule together. And it’s also a matter of the budget and what they can do it for. I’d love for it to happen because I’d love to get together with everybody and just play and have a great time. There are a lot of other factors involved, but it seems like everybody’s excited about it."

That leaves Will Arnett, Portia DeRossi and Alia Shawkat left to confirm, and gives Cera a month to revise his opinion before he begins his Sundance press tour. Careful there, Superbad... we have a feeling that if you stick to your guns, there may be a one-armed man waiting in Park City to teach you a lesson.

• Tony Hale optimistic about Arrested Development movie, Boldly Going Nowhere TV show [Paste]