Speaking to CBS This Morning, former Homeland Security secretary Michael Chertoff suggested that the U.S. ought to respond to today’s horrific attacks in Brussels with a useless and silly measure that will make absolutely no one safer.
Heading up the renewed push for those controversial, clothes-penetrating scanners at airports is former homeland security secretary Michael Chertoff. His consulting firm represents companies who make the scanners, but you wouldn't know it from reading the papers.
Surely you've sat around in the midst of your recessionary squalor and thought, "Gee, I'd really love an unpaid internship at the consulting/lobbying firm started by the former head of Homeland Security under President Bush." Well, today's your lucky day!
The Department of Homeland Security is employing the cast of Sesame Street to indoctrinate America's littlest citizens in the nuances of societal distrust and paranoia. This makes sense because Sesame Street is a Leninist television program produced by the socialist government and dating back to the height of fiscal…
Speaking to computer security experts attending the RSA Conference in San Francisco today, Department of Homeland Security head Michael Chertoff announced a "Manhattan Project"-level cybersecurity initiative by the feds, citing the 2007 attack on tiny Estonia.
After 37,258 cyber attacks against government and private networks last year, President Bush and Department of Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff say they need $6 billion to stop attacks on Wall Street and nuclear power plants. (Here's a hint: Don't run a nuclear plant on Microsoft Windows.) The president…
Today's spoooookiest Halloween story is about how a scary troll named Michael Chertoff called up our governor and made him back down from his plan to give driver's licenses to aliens. Because letting Hondurans drive to work will lead to a hundred more 9/11s! The Homeland Security chief bullied Gov. Spitzer into…
We always thought potential Attorney General nominee Michael Chertoff was a dead ringer for Gollum, from Lord of the Rings, but an alert reader points out an even more likely pairing.
"President Bush will likely nominate Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff to replace Alberto Gonzales as Attorney General, senior administration officials told CNN Monday." It's a pretty good move, sure, but if the president is really intent on taking the Constitution, cutting a whole out of it, and fucking it…
Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has a "gut feeling" that the U.S. is going to suffer a terror attack this summer. Considering that this is the same gut that failed to anticipate a major, well-predicted hurricane, we should probably be a little concerned. [McClatchy-Tribune]
So remember how, at the beginning of the summer, the Department of Homeland Security slashed New York City's terror funding by 40%? Well, it turns out that it was all a big mistake. DHS Head/Gollum Impersonator Michael Chertoff told a grant-writing conference that "We've come to the conclusion that perhaps there was…
Good news, New York! Maybe there'll be less money going to protect our ports and landmarks, but it's only because if we spend it, the terrorists win:
![Is Donald Trump’s Hair a $60,000 Weave? A Gawker Investigation [Updated]](https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--77TxG5ce--/c_fill,fl_progressive,g_center,h_180,q_80,w_320/ztr29gygmy3xgp5hcxh3.png)