Dawn Kelley is pregnant with a girl, who at 20 weeks bears striking resemblance to Jacko. Said father William Hickman:

None of us are really Michael Jackson fans. I mean I like him, but we're not crazy about him or anything.

Dawn notes, "It is my seventh child, and they say seven is a mythical number." But is the apparition really Jacko? Here are three other celebrities who might be inside Dawn's belly:

Dita von Teese

Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge

Sophia Loren

[Telegraph]

The Associated Press reports that the funeral cost $1m in total and the family were also charged $1,975 for wardrobe, $2,000 for usher costumes, "$959 for embroidery; $11,716 for invitations and programs; $16,000 for flowers; $30,000 for cars and security; and $15,000 for a funeral designer."

I suppose it was naive to even hope that people would stop seeing Jackson as a kind of weird, frail piggy-bank after his death. Cursory investigations reveal that this woman designed the invitations to the ceremony - the ones that cost $11,716. She says the following on her website:

My experience in defining and executing the mood of your special day is my area of expertise. Because of my unique personalized service, you will have the experience you have always dreamed about. In short, I can connect with your desires & satisfy your budget at the same time.

She's definitely good at writing fancy, but define 'satisfy your budget'. I know nothing about the world of high-end calligraphy so I've emailed to ask whether this is a typical price for pieces of paper with nice handwriting on them.

• Radar has a WORLD WIDE EXCLUSIVE that Lindsay Lohan was dating the Heath Ledger when he died. The evidence comes from the umpteenth phone conversation that Michael Lohan secretly recorded with family members, then sold to the tabloid site, because he's just that nice of a guy. In it, Dina says, "She was dating Heath when he died.... I would drop her off and they were friends, very, very close, ok?" Leaving aside the very peculiar decision to drop one's chemically- and emotionally-troubled daughter off at a strange older man's home, does that even necessarily sound like dating? But then the conversation gets sad when Dina says she fears Lindsay will "do something like Heath Ledger did" some day. [Radar]
• 
  
• Dina fires back: Michael's betrayal of his family with the phone conversation sales is "unforgivable." Dina, who also regularly sells candid recordings of her children (albeit through lawyer-vetted contracts to reality TV producers) concluded: "My heart is breaking for my children." [E!]
• 
  
• Finally! Definitive evidence that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are wildly in love: A photograph of them holding hands on their way to the airport in Paris! But wait—what if they're just messing with us? There was an entire Gossip Girl plotline about a situation just like this, I think the lesson was something along the liens of "believe everything you see on TV," in which case: Confirmed! Edward and Bella are making babies. [PopSugar]
• 
  
• Even in death, Jacko knew how to spend. Court documents show Michael Jackson blew a milli on his burial, the L.A. Times reports, including $35,000 for the burial outfit (burned during his cremation) and $16,000 on flowers. Janet, the only Jackson with two pennies to rub together, fronted $49,000, a sum that is paltry only in comparison. [LAT]
  [TMZ]
• 
  
• Kate Gosselin respectfully objects to Jon's characterization, on their reality television show, that she must "pull the stick out" of her butt. Looking back, Kate now sees their relationship's doomed fate foretold in that single, sodomitic exhortation: "Perhaps [that] was a sign of things to come." I like to imagine she said it with a sigh. [Us]
• 
  
• Surprise of the year: America's Next Top Model judge and Tyra Banks' gay best friend Miss J. has a seven-year-old son. The mother is a "French lesbian" who had Miss J. and ex-boyfriend Alex jiz in a test tube. [Us]
• 
  
• Halloween star Danielle Harris' stalker is following her again, on Twitter, leading to an interesting quandary: Does that count? Creepster Christopher Small has a restraining order against him until 2012, but now were sort of curious, does following count as making contact? What about retweets? Christopher tweets things he likes about Danielle as "Stalkr-approved :)" which proves that 140 characters is enough to make an innocent female puke on the spot, and also that emoticon smileys can be really sinister in certain contexts. [TMZ]
• 
  
• This might explains why Josh Duhamel thought he could get away with cheating on Fergie: Apparently she didn't know the meaning of "cheating" until a licensed professional explained it her. "I learned through talking with my therapist that it is still cheating even if it's with girls," she explains in the same breath that she admits that she "also love[s] a well-endowed man." [P6]
• 
  
• Shanna Moakler called Khloe Kardashian a "donkey" on Wendy Williams' show, prompting one of Khloe's friends to call Shanna a "dirty whore." Khloe delivered the ultimate insult: "I have no idea who this girl is." If only we could say the same about both of them. [TMZ]

The music was Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Around (Like a Record)." Donny wears mutton chops and fuchsia lipstick all over his face and a pair of high-waisted track pants with racing stripes made of yellow reflective tape. He falls onto his knees and brandishes a shiny silver cape before a wind machine that (do my eyes deceive me?) doubles as a fog machine. And then, out of nowhere, LaToya Jackson (or is that Rebbie?) appears! She is clapping. Donny earns 8's for his performance. The beautiful apparition disappears; commercials roll; was it all a dream?

This is silly.

• Complete shriveled dick Joe Jackson wants the Michael Jackson estate to pay him serious bones. He wants over $15,000 a month to keep being given awards and honored for raising a kid who turned out to be Michael Jackson, and by that, I mean, beating the shit out of his kids. Joe Jackson makes Jon Gosselin look like Dr. Spock. [NYDN]
  
  
• Hell hath no fury like a Fergie scorned, as Josh Duhamel's about to find out. He took a stripper back to a hotel room and had a bunch of crazy sex and watched porn and now he's in trouble. IF YOU AIN'T GOT NO MONEY TAKE YO BROKE! ASS! HOME! Sorry, it's the only part of a Fergie song I know. Also, Josh Duhamel: trashy, if not, exhausted dick. [NYDN]
  
  
• Aw. The lead in Page Six today is a curiously warmhearted item about Slumdog Millionaire stars Frieda Pinto and Dev Patel being so completely head-over-heels in Swoondog Swoononaire love. For Page Six on a Saturday, this is some pretty soft, a break from your regularly scheduled gangsta ass shit. Apparently, Pinto and Patel stare deeply into each other's eyes while all these other dudes hit on Pinto. Let's not forget that Pinto left her would-be husband in the middle of filming Slumdog for Dev, but hey, he's the "one and only," or whatever. Honestly, he probably just has a huge schlong, dogg. Oh, come on, what am I supposed to do with this? Seriously. It's Saturday morning. [Page Six]
  
  
• The NYDN has an entire story about how Gisele will always be hotter than anyone even when she's eight months preggers. Until then, New England doesn't give a shit, because they're still salivating at the thought of their Newborn God and Savior, The Littlest Brady, to emerge from her womb in the shotgun formation and stay that way until he joins the Patriots in the 2031 NFL season to lead them to nine more dynasty victories. Meanwhile, I can't wait until they find out he's gay. I've already made the bets with my bookie back home. This kid's gonna come out screaming "Everything's Coming Up Roses." Swear to god. [NYDN]
  
  
• The Williams sisters pulled out of another big tennis match because they're both off making money from tennis without actually having to play it, and it's pissing off their fans. They pulled out of the Federation Cup, which is the Davis Cup for women, which, I have no idea what either of those are. But I do know that Serena's losing more money playing tennis than she's making from it for screaming at those bitchass line judges (and really, who hasn't wanted to scream death threats at those people? Who are those people who grow up to be line judges? What were they like in Kindergarten? Did they cry if you wrote on your desk?). Right? Whatever, Williams Sisters, ignore lame tennis fans. Go forth and make dollahs. [Page Six]
  
  
• Ha. Phillies outfielder Shane Victorino invited dickfore Jon Gosselin out to his wedding in Hawaii, because when you lose the World Series to the best team in America, you know what you do, right? You call Jon Gosselin to come to your wedding in Hawaii. [TMZ]
  
  
• Ms. England beat the shit out of Ms. Manchester over some muscle-bound Broregard because both girls want him, which is funny. Because he looks like this: [NYDN] Also see: Semenya, Caster. Penis joke not needed.
  
  
• Some prisoner wrote somebody a letter—TMZ, I guess—and he's saying wacky things like how he impregnated Octomom and Kate Gosselin and how he sued Black History Month and how Jon Gosselin is a woman on steroids. We've done our investigation work and unless he has a big dick or is the biggest dick in the world (not true, see above), only one of these three statements can possibly be true. [TMZ]
  
  
• A Yankee co-owner, James Nederlander—who also has his named adorning the theater where Rent made a bunch of AIDS jokes for ten years—lost his ring in a parking lot and a "hard hat with a heart" returned it to the 203 year-old Nederlander. In return, the ring returner was promised some of the best seats in Yankee Stadium next season, but as for his other request for a bigger bat, Nederlander had to let him down that he hasn't lived in that oil lamp for at least thirty years now, and hey, I was talking about one of these, okay? Jesus. [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh. Ho. Ho. What do we have here? Our sister site, [NSFW, but like you didn't already know that] Fleshbot, is having a porny little award show for their dirty site at The Box on Wednesday night. And guess who's going to be there? None other than Levi "Almost Famous" Johnston. He's being honored as a "crossover star," but really, everyone's just trying to get a glimpse of his dick before it hits newsstands. In other news, this week's Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup has overdosed on the wang. Can we all step off for a moment, here? [Page Six]
  
  
• Adam Durtiz was told by a bar in Savannah when he'd showed up with new girlfriend Emmy Rossum that he'd arrived too late to perform karaoke for the crowd in front of him, and that he'd have to come back another night. So, a karaoke bar turned down the only opportunity they'll ever have - ever - for a performance of "Mr. Jones," "A Long December," or another other Counting Crows song to be palatable under their roof. Shame, shame, shame. Related: Emmy Rossum is with Adam Duritz. You know where this is going. He probably has a huge donger. [Page Six]
  
  
• Michael Jackson's tigers are being taken care of by Tippi Hedren. I hope she's not trying to touch their penises. [NYDN]
  
  
• Are you kidding me? You're Nick Swisher and you just won the World Series. Jeter, A-Rod, Sabathia, Posada all went to 1Oak. You go to Brother Jimmy's in Murray Hill? You should be taken out of the rotation for the first ten games of next season for that. Seriously. Jesus. Sopranos fuckup Robert Iler was there pouring shots of Paaaaatroooooonnnnn behind the bar for Swisher and Lance Bass. The only funny about dicks here is that Brother Jimmy's is almost always consistantly, unanimously filled with them. [NYP]
  
  
• Haha. King Bloomberg got booed at City Hall when he was congratulated on winning a third term, so he kept his speech short. More importantly: does a guy who runs for three terms have a big wang (swingin' dick complex) or is he in need of compensation by Extenze'ing his reign. Or does he just have balls? Or! Is he just an asshole? This is one of the few cases when "All of the Above" is an acceptable answer. [Page Six]
  
  
• Holy shit. Is Paula Abdul back with Arsenio Hall? Can she even pronounce his name, still? You know what movie they met on, right? Royal penis, etc, etc. [NYDN]
  
  
• D! M! X! Lots of barking, that guy. But: big bark, no bite. Well, at least not since his second album, but really not after rap fans find out that he was going to be in a boxing match only if he could have the fight fixed in his name. This would be commonly referred to as a "dickless" notion. [TMZ]

This one goes out to sister Ferg. Don't worry honey; they're all dicks, but the consolation is that there are plenty to choose from. Happy Saturday, guys!

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

Klein donned his very best sequin-enhanced suit for a 96-minute interview with TMZ last night. "I've flown to Tokyo to see a patient. I've flown to the Middle East to see patients, where Jews shouldn't go," he explained. He's treated Charlie's Angels and moguls' wives. He's treated famous singers.

Famous people are not like the rest of us. For one thing, they trust men like this with their corporeal well-being. But they have other peculiar practices, too, which Dr. Klein was only too happy to outline. Here are a few:

• If at first their faces don't succeed, they try, try again. When Klein last saw Jacko, he looked like crap, so "I rebuilt his face." It was so far gone "we blew it up" and started with a fresh slate. "That's why I rebuilt his nose. His nose looked perfectly normal [after he fixed it, in This Is It], right? Michael Jackson looked like a nose ... It's not like rebuilding Babylon, but you have to do a lot of work to do this."
• 
  
• They like to pee in eccentric places. Asked how Jackson's alleged 1993 molestation victim was able to describe "in great details discolorations and markings in Michael Jackon's genitals," Klein doesn't miss a beat, first suggesting that the child had "studied the penis like studying a map," then offers an reasonable explanation for how the study session came about in the first place: "He pees in cups. I guess he was raised in a situation where they peed in a cups. I know a very famous country singer who pees in bed because it was the only way to keep herself warm in bed in the country."
• 
  
• They do not get addicted to crystal meth. Meth, Dr. Klein explains, is physically not addictive. "I could give Michael meth." He had a long line of reasoning for this, which involved asking for a show of hands of who, on TMZ's set, had ever had tried crystal meth. Unfortunately, nobody raised their hands, so I guess we'll never know the secret to non-addictive methamphetamine, now.
• 
  
• They get creative with skincare. Jacko had very bad acne. "Do you know how much acne he had?" Klein asks, full of indignation. "He wouldn't go to school. ... He used to love to go and scrub his face with Brillo. He thought it would cure his acne."
• 
  
• They find Prince rather boring. Bad was supposed to be an M.J.-Prince duet, Klein says. But it fell through when Prince showed up at Jacko's house and wouldn't shut up. Guy just talked and talked and talked and then, when he finally left, Jacko didn't bother calling him back and the two-man version of the song never happened.

• In other fine-on-the-surface-but-what-the-fuck news: Sienna Miller and her boyfriend, a Brit named DJ Slinky (see if you can guess his occupation), were shopping for vintage underwear in Nolita yesterday, which means they're still an item or something. Still, "vintage underwear" is one of those word combinations like "amateur surgery" or "Matthew McConaughey box set" that you just don't want to see in real life. Buy new underwear people! [Page Six]
• Michael Jackson's rabbi, the wonderfully named Schmuley Boteach, is now advising Jon Gosselin. Maybe he has a bet with someone that he has to provide spiritual guidance to at least one disliked celebrity at all times. Anyway, Boteach advised Gosselin to dump his girlfriend Hailey Glassman. But instead he took her to a restaurant on Halloween and ordered staff to keep all the fake Jon Gosselins away from him. [Page Six]
• Talking of Jackson, TMZ says that kids could identify precise details about his penis not because they were made to touch it but because he thought that peeing in front of people was funny and would just do it all the time. Dr. Arnold Klein, a friend of Jackson's, says he would frequently whip it out and urinate into a cup around groups of people. Which illuminates a whole unexpected frat-boy side of the king of pop. [TMZ]
• Tweens so badly want Twlight co-stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart to be a couple that the two have requested to do separate press for the latest in the series, New Moon, to avoid rumors. An insider tells Gatecrasher: "They really are good friends - and that's all - but they want to avoid being seen together. Any time they're photographed in the same place, the rumor mill just starts all over again, and that makes the paparazzi hound them even more." This particular insider is wise, and clearly a body language expert, and a philosopher and also a little sad for the lost love that might have been. "Honestly, it makes it very hard for them to even be friends," he or she says. perhaps with one poignant tear rolling down a cheek. "Maybe there could have been something between them, but it seems like all of the pressure surrounding their relationship has really killed it." Don't cry Mr. or Mrs. Insider. I'm sure you'll be commenting on a whole different story tomorrow. [Gatecrasher]
• Rihanna has given an interview, to Glamour, about the Chris Brown incident. "I felt like I went to sleep as Rihanna and woke up as Britney Spears," she said of the media circus, in what must be the most unexpected swipe of the day. "It was humiliating," she said of the picture of her bruised and battered face that circulated. "That is not a photo you would show to anybody. I felt completely taken advantage of ... like people were making it into a fun topic on the Internet, and it's my life." Apologies on behalf of the internet Rihanna. [Gatecrasher]
• Quote of the day, from Tom Ford: "fashion is one way in which we hold ourselves together. Just because I've become spiritual doesn't mean I can't love crocodile." Ford was telling W magazine about a bout of depression that struck him after he left Gucci in 2004. [Page Six]
• The Kushners treated their son Jared and new wife Ivanka Trump to a plush weekend in Washington, Connecticut. What did the Donald do? Nothing. He just coldly played golf with Samuel L. Jackson and some guy from Law & Order and didn't pay for any weekends anywhere. [Page Six]
• Daniel Radcliffe will go nude in the new Harry Potter. No really. "Daniel Radcliffe appears naked in one scene where Harry and Ron are fighting a magical creature, who fled to confuse and create a vision. In the view we see Harry and a woman embracing and kissing. It's an intriguing scene and very sensual," director David Yates told a magazine. Add your own wands/broomsticks/wizard's sleeve joke here. [Perez Hilton]
• And from last Friday, an ex-girlfriend of Alex Rodriguez tells Us Weekly that he has not one but two portraits of himself as a centaur above his bed. I mean we all have one picture of ourselves as a mythical creature, but two is just vanity. "It was ridiculous," the ex, who apparently has a gift for stating the obvious, told the magazine. She did not comment on whether the lower-body horse associations were justified, but Us did juxtapose this story with one about Kate Hudson telling everyone - including her parents - that A-Rod is a nickname with more than one meaning/he always comes out swinging etc. Also: her PARENTS? I know that in this instance that means Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, and I've seen Overboard and can understand the desire to confide in them, but really. Who launches into stories about fucking with their parents? [Us Weekly]

[Image via Getty]

• Having his tawdry personal life ripped wide open for the world to see isn't doing David Letterman any harm ratings-wise. The Hollywood Reporter writes, "Far from hurting the host's popularity, the sex-and-extortion headlines seemingly have had little impact on his late-night show and possibly even helped the series grow its viewership compared with last year." Season to date, The Late Show is up four percent in viewership, compared to its main competitor NBC's Conan O'Brien who has taken just a tiny 47 percent drop this season compared to Leno's performance in the slot last year. [Hollywood Reporter]

• In the end, Michael Jackson came through. After a back and forth over the past two weeks over whether the hype machine was properly calibrated to the public level of enthusiasm for the rehearsal documentary, This Is It earned a decent $21 million at the US box, although this morning's write-ups focus on the more impressive sounding world tally of $101 million, ample to earn Sony back its $60 purchase price. (Which is odd in that Monday morning box office write-ups almost never mention international grosses, generally taking the US box office as the whole magilla.) The consensus view seems to focus now on the stat that This will become the highest grossing concert film in history. Which is not quite the "Biggest Movie of All Time Ever In History" the media seemed to be heralding a week ago, but still nothing to sneeze at. [Box Office Mojo]

• Elsewhere at the box office, Paranormal Activity continued its run, taking the number two slot and bringing its total domestic haul to $84 million. Saw 6 fell off 60 percent from its already unimpressive opening weekend numbers giving faint hope that the series' day may be drawing to a close (but don't count on it.) [Variety]

• The NBC/Universal drama is on the brink of resolution. Comcast is said to have reached a tentative agreement to buy the studio and network, with an announcement expected at any time. [NY Times]

• Katie Holmes will star in and earn her first producing credit for The Romantics, a film about eight college friends who reunite for a wedding also starring Anna Paquin, Elijah Wood and Malin Ackerman. [Variety]

No, really. Yesterday, there was this tiny item buried in the New York Post. Maybe they wanted to be nice to a publicist? Or maybe because this kind of thing was too ghoulish even for Halloween.

Michael Jackson's dad thinks the singer is "worth more dead than when he was alive." Joe Jackson, 80, let that slip last night in an interview on the syndicated TV show "Extra." Jackson — decked out in creepy sunglasses and a blinged-out, black, chalk-stripe suit — quickly recognized his gaffe and blurted out, "I'd rather have him alive."

One hell of a necrophiliac Freudian slip, right? Extra has the item up on their site, but no video, yet: again, wonder why. Meanwhile, when the early week's numbers for This Is It aren't being praised/castigated/positioned both ways by Nikki Finke, the movie's been predicted by Box Office Guru to possibly - maybe - break the $20M mark by the end of the weekend, which is short of the earlier predicted $30M mark.

Whether or not it's "impressive" or a "disappointment," however? Meh. Leave it to studios and math geeks. All that matters is that Joe Jackson sees dollah dollah bills, y'all. Which means Jackson is a star yet again. Give this man awards, Al Sharpton! Abusive in life, abusive in death. Parents won't stop being embarrassing until the universe just flat-out ends.

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin/Garry Sun.]

How does one properly cover hype? If you're an old time news organ, or even if you are a new one, trying to stay in front of the hype machine, nowadays driven by forces you hardly understand, is a perpetual conundrum. Trying to sort out the fake viral phenomenon from the genuine ones is a losing battle for those of us who haven't been teenagers in the past three decades or so. (And don't think google or twitter trends will save you! Those are for old people too!)

So most of the time what you get is the dog chasing the car, the news media attempting to cover the fan worship of a Twilight, but usually coming on board long after the frenzy has crested, and talking about it in a way which only emphasizes how not-in-touch with it they were in the first place. Watching the great news organs of our land, one can smoothly chart the wave of coverage that sweeps ashore right after everyone has left the beaches.

The cycle is generally as follows:

1. An event occurs, or is announced.
2. Excitement builds.
3. The frenzy gets loud enough that it makes itself heard all the way on the old media mountaintop.
4. Old media assigns a zillion stories.
5. People get bored and move on to something else.
6. The assigned articles hit the front pages and covers.
7. The recycling bins of America are clogged by millions of unread newspapers.

However, once in a blue moon old media's savants think they've gotten ahead of the hype machine, and when that happens nothing is going to hold them back; certainly not extremely spotty evidence of any wave of enthusiasm actually building — apart from officially generated hype.

What makes editors think they know ahead of time when a hype wave is coming? Usually because one washed ashore on the same spot before. So when another Michael Jackson story is coming along, it just had to be as big as the last one, right? Or half as big?

The LA Times for instance, (disclosure: my former employer) put that formula to good use, cover the This premiere like a Presidential Inauguration, complete with daily Countdown items, a live blog stream from the premiere, and reporters standing by at the multiplex as fans exited the first shows.

The NY Times offered similar near-blanket coverage.

(Showing how the tables have turned, USA Today's volume of coverage was in fact, fairly measured.)

Nowhere in these reports does one find any moment of skepticism, any hint of awareness that the wave of Jackson mourning might just have crested. Other than reporting the early ticket sales numbers, in fact and talking with hard core fans, one can't find any evidence that any major paper even attempted to do any real world pulse taking on the excitement level.

Which leaves us to ask, when a newspaper tells us that a frenzy is building, on what are the basing that? The word of the studios? Unconfirmed tracking numbers? Or are they just making it up from their own gut instincts? If it's the latter, then someone oughta tell them that after chasing away ten percent of their readers in a single year, maybe they ought to take a look in the mirror and ask themselves if they are really the people whose opinion about public tastes they ought to be listening to.

And now that the movie has opened to middling numbers,inevitably will follow the stories about why it failed to do as well as expected. But very few of those stories are likely to ask who bought and who created those expectations in the first place; it apparently wasn't the public paying for that particular bill of goods.

Nikki, the internet remembers everything. For instance, it remembers — courtesy our RSS reader which handily enough tracks changes in blog posts — how you originally characterized the opening numbers of the new Michael Jackson movie This Is It as "extraordinary," and changed it to "disappointing" after getting spun the other way. One of those is true!

This isn't the first time she's turned 180 degrees without any disclosure as to what changed her mind. In Tad Friend's profile of Finke in The New Yorker, he retells the tale of how she once posted an item claiming that Jeff Berg was out at the talent agency ICM, only to later erase that text and replace it with a new item that started, "Let me knock down that rumor making the rounds that Jeff Berg is supposedly leaving ICM." She told Friend that the original, completely wrong post "was up for about a minute." There's no real way to tell because she never noted the change and never changed the original time stamp.

There was also an incident concerning her "scoop" about who was going to direct the third Twilight movie:

Finke is conscientious about fixing errors noted by her sources, but she is less hospitable to challenges from colleagues. In March, Patrick Goldstein, who writes the Big Picture blog for the Los Angeles Times, reproved Finke for getting her facts wrong when she wrote a story saying that Summit Entertainment was telling people that Juan Antonio Bayona would direct the third installment of the hit vampire series "Twilight." (The job eventually went to David Slade.) Finke might have simply riposted with further evidence that Summit executives had picked Bayona but were embarrassed that he hadn't taken the job; instead, she wrote a followup story blasting Goldstein: "I'd hate to think Patrick is becoming one of those journalists who, because they can't break news, dump on those who do."

Other bloggers jumped in, delighted to see Finke under fire. One pointed out that Finke had quietly returned to her original post about Bayona and inserted qualifying material, including the sentence "I'm not saying he's been offered the job or hired, which in Hollywood involves deal memos, signed contracts, and the like." She explains, "I didn't change what I wrote-I added to it."

So, here's what Finke wrote this morning about the This Is It numbers:

THURSDAY 10:30 AM: Sony just announced that Michael Jackson's This Is It opened Wednesday to an extraordinary start all around the world in 99 countries with a 1-day gross of $20.1 million. The film opened to 7.4 million domestically and $12.7 internationally. Foreign highlights include strong performances from the UK $1.940, France $1.370, Japan $1.160, Germany $1.050, China $.730, Sweden $.490, Holland $.390, Mexico $.370, Brazil $.350, and Australia $.330. The film opens in 10 additional territories today. The studio believes that the worldwide launch, with very strong performance across North America, Europe, Latin America and Asia, represents an amazing beginning for the film and...

Here's what she says now:

THURSDAY 10:30 AM: Sony just announced that Michael Jackson's This Is It opened Wednesday all around the world in 99 countries with a 1-day gross of $20.1 million. Immediately, Hollywood considered that disappointing after all the pre-sales hype surrounding the concert footage and its 2-week limited run. The film opened to a paltry $7.4 million domestic even including Tuesday's $2.2M late night showings. That's almost 50% less than the $17M Sony hoped for, and 39% less than the $12M Hollywood expected. "This is not promising," a rival studio exec just told me. Even overseas, where Michael Jackson is considered more popular than here, its solid but not spectacular debut was $12.7 million internationally. (Foreign numbers included UK $1.9M, France $1.3M, Japan $1.1M, Germany $1.0M, China $730K, Sweden $490K, Holland $390K, Mexico $370K, Brazil $350K, and Australia $330K. The film opens in 10 additional territories today.) The studio tried to put the best face on the bow, claiming the worldwide launch featured "very strong performance" across North America, Europe, Latin America and Asia, and "represents an amazing beginning for the film and a reaffirmation of the global appeal of Michael Jackson". Uh, no. In North America, This Is It took in the highest gross ever for a Wednesday in October, which is a rather minor record. "The studio expects strong word of mouth and impressive critical acclaim to continue to drive ticket sales," a Sony spokesman said. There was some good news for the studio: the movie received an "A" Cinemascore across the board.

Interestingly, Finke posted the first one at 10:30 a.m., and then got a call or e-mail from some sniping exec telling her how "Hollywood considered" the numbers disappointing, and then traveled back in time and posted the second one at "10:30 a.m.". This woman's powers transcend temporal instantiation. No wonder no one can take a picture of her.

We called Finke to get her reaction and had a delightful conversation. Here's what she said on the record: "You're full of shit. Gawker doesn't practice journalism and lives to impugn those who do." She followed up with an email: "I'm flattered that Gawker reads me so closely, especially when I had the Sony press release up for all of a few minutes. Once I had a chance to analyze the numbers, I updated that they were disappointing." When Nikki Finke regurgitates press releases without analysis, she only does it for a minute.

UPDATE: At 3:44 p.m. EST, we changed the lead tag on this item to "get me rewrite," because this new-fangled tag system rendered our original choice of "do-overs" as "doovers," which looked silly, right?

• Will Wisteria Lane never know peace? ABC has signed a new deal with Desperate Housewives creator Mark Cherry that could keep the show on the air until 2013. [Variety]

• Hollywood has a new profitability King! The Wrap calculates that Paranormal Activity made for under $15,000 and so far grossing $65.1 million has now seen a 433,900 percent return on its budget, which soars past Blair Witch's 414,233 percent return on its $60,000 production. [The Wrap]

• After its first full day of theatrical release, the Michael Jackson documentary This Is It has earned a very nice but not world-destroying This Is It $6.6 million. [Variety]

• Meanwhile at NBC, one shall live while another shall die. The Peacock ordered six more episodes of Chuck, while the dream ended for Trauma as the network announced it would not order more episodes beyond the show's initial 13 episodes run. [Hollywood Reporter]

• While dozens of productions have signed on to keep shooting in California as a result of the state's new tax incentive program, the money set aside for the tax break's first year has run out and production continues to flee its home state, citing bigger tax breaks available elsewhere. [The Wrap]

• Risking stepping into serious bummer territory Vh1 will run a new reality/book camp show, aimed teaching a group of men how to be good fathers. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Tony Scott has singed on to direct the story he was born to tell; a biopic based on the life of Steve Banerjee, the creator of Chippendales male revues. [Variety]

For some there was the fear that the release of This Is It, the documentary of rehearsals for the MJ concert that wasn't, might not mark the end of our mourning period but in fact kick it up to the next level. But it seems our fears were for naught. The first reviews and grosses are in and across the board the over-the-top ecstasy level falls far short of what would be needed to fuel a second era of posthumous excitement.

First the grosses: $2.2 million for a Tuesday night opening isn't at all bad, but it's not the kind of number that sets entertainment on fire either, especially in light of the fact that this film's opening has been more hyped than the first salvos of the Iraq war. "A record for an October Tuesday" Variety calls it, which is basically akin to the Best Garden Salad at Hardees award.

At Hitfix, Greg Ellwood writes of the early dollars:

Many of Jackson's fans showed up last night to pay tribute to their fallen idol at late night and midnight screenings, but it only resulted in $2.2 million in ticket sales. In comparison, summer blockbusters Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen found $16 million and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince set the record for midnight screenings with $22.2 million. Obviously, there is a hug gap there between the summer releases and an October opener like "This Is It," but considering the hype it's actually a tad disappointing.

This Is It could do anywhere from $10-15 million today, but the question will be how it plays through the Halloween weekend. That may make the $60 million plus weekend some were predicting somewhat of a reach.

As for the reviews, those who can be counted upon to gush, have gushed. Roger Ebert calls it "an extraordinary documentary" saying the footage proves that Jackson was sane, in control, generous, kind, visionary....

Other more level heads however have pointed out have pointed out that this rehearsal footage offers a very circumscribed, controlled look at Jackson, leaving much unsaid and unquestioned.

Overall Metacritc gives This Is It a fairly not It score of 62, while Rotten Tomatoes tracks the film at a good, but not stellar 81 percent positive rating.

Dare we to dream that this could, in face, be it?

According to the New York Times, the premiere at both the AMC Magic Johnson theater in Harlem and the Regal E-Walk Stadium 13 in Times Square were a complete bust. There has been a lot of anticipation for the film, cobbled together after Jackson's death in June with footage recorded at rehearsals for the This Is It tour. Well, anticipation everywhere but the Big Apple. Only a few dozen fans gathered at the Magic Johnson, and the Regal only sold out one of the three screens the movie was playing on, even though they managed to attract a bunch of B-listers.

Compare that to L.A., which filled the Nokia Theatre LA Live and had all sorts of A-listers turn out. In France, Germany, and China, thousands of fans—many in their finest Michael Jackson regalia—went to check out the film. In New York, everyone yawned and went home early on a rainy night.

Let us compare some pictures of the evening, shall we?

[Images via Getty]

A fan got all dressed up as a Michael Jackson doll for the film's premiere in Tokyo.
Jermaine Jackson and other members of the Jackson Five walked the red carpet outside the Nokia Theatre, which hosted Hollywood's celebrity-riddled premiere.
A scant crowd gathers outside the Regal theater in Times Square.
A fan busts some of MJ's moves before attending the premiere in Mumbai.
In typical fashion, Joe Jackson made it all about himself, accepting a "celebrity star" before the Las Vegas premiere at the Palms Resort.
Will Smith signing autographs at the L.A. premiere. Other celebrities in attendance included Paris Hilton, Jennifer Lopez, Paula Abdul, Adam Lambert, Neil Patrick Harris, Katy Perry, Allison Janney, Anne Heche, and the cast of Glee.
Julie Henderson, Russell Simmons, Coco, Ice T, and Nile Rodgers arrive in New York. Other celebrities people in attendance included Gayle King, Michael Urie, Rosie Perez, Nikki Blonsky, Carol Alt, Dreama Walker, Sherri Shepard, Nigel Barker, and Dylan Lauren.
The afterparty for the L.A. premiere featured a pack house and the ghost of Michael Jackson as channeled by a giant seance.
A large crowd gathers—including a flash mob—gathers outside the Grand Rex theater in Paris. Le freak, c'est chic!
The German audience in Berlin couldn't wait to moonwalk into the Cinestar theater.
A Jackson tribute show entertained thousands of fans in front of the Saga Theater in Beijing. Apparently, Michael Jackson attire was optional.

• Christopher Walken makes dead chicken sit up, stuffs the Eiffel Tower up its ass, and serves it with pears to discerning cat. It's all very French. [Ezra Klein]
• Angelina Jolie slept with her mother's boyfriend when she was 16 because Andrew Morton says she did, but she definitely did not have sexual relations with Rosie O'Donnell who once talked to her on the phone and was instantly terrified. Donald Trump would like to learn that trick but his combover won't let him. [Dlisted]
• George Clooney makes triumphant return to TV! By sending us a Memphis cop/ Elvis impersonator who lives at home. Yup, sounds like drama. [Movieline]
• Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig are starring in some play - perchance you've heard of it? Just walk to Broadway and follow the screams. And now they're going on double dates together. New York has never been prettier.[Lainey Gossip]
• Bea Arthur is a Golden Girl. She willed $300, 000 to The Ali Forney Center, an organization that helps homeless LGBT youth.The Center plans to use the cash to buy housing for 12 youths and name the building after her. [Towleroad]
• Michael Jackson's latest and last movie, This is It, will debut this weekend. Dame Elizabeth Taylor, who has seen a few movies in her time, thinks this one beats them all hollow. "If you listen to his lyrics," she twittered, "they are those of a modern day prophet and it beseeches us to listen to him and what he sang." Roger Friedman agrees. Jeffrey Wells, on the other hand, has a headache and isn't willing to put out to the Smooth Criminal. [Hollywood Elsewhere]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller, notorious drama magnets and ex-lovers currently working in the same part of the same city, are "self-destructive, self-defeating, horny". Can they remain apart? NEVER! [Celebitchy]
• Brit Hume has guerrilla/pirate fantasies about Obama. [LA Times]
• Diane von Furstenberg got mugged in Spain. However, the next day the Spaniards gave her a "big award" so she's all right. [Page Six]
• P Diddy grabs his junk on a balcony in Rio, offends blogger who runs offensive website who then says offensive things about him. [Drunken Stepfather]
• Mandatory Gosselip Update: Could our long national nightmare be over? HA! As if. [NY Post]

I do like, though, how every weird thing about him is quickly being converted into What We Loved About Michael. More importantly: The deification of Michael Jackson has entered the crucial olfactory stage. This is actually the second step in the immortal pop star canonization process—right after the part where the collective memory of said pop star is subtly altered so that the public begins to believe he/she was born of the coupling of a purple unicorn and a thunderstorm on a midsummer's night, deep in the shadows of the Shenandoah mountains. (That part happened already, right?) And right before the commemorative first class stamp. (Yes, please!)

Also, this would suggest that in addition to allegedly using a body double in the film, Jackson also had a spot-on scent double. Woah.

NOTE: Sorry for the choppy video. I'm new at this!

• The dream has ended for Shrek: The Musical. The stage adaptation of the cartoon which attempted to change the Great White Way forever with this revolutionary classy dramatic rendition of a farting contest (we're not kidding, watch the clip), finally accepted the call of gravity just under a year after its debut. [Variety]

• The immediate fate of Roman Polanski is unclear today. After reports earlier this week that he would not fight extradition to the US, today the picture is muddier, with his legal team apparently hotly debating the question. [Hollywood Reporter]

• This Is It, the documentary based on what would have been Michael Jackson's concert series, is headed for a big opening, with 1600 of its showings already sold out. [NY Times]

• David Fincher has signed on to produce a TV series based on the British political thriller House of Cards. The novels which were adopted into a classic trilogy of mini-series by the BBC a decade ago portray the rise and fall of a ruthless British Prime Minister. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Signaling to the world's geek community that it is time to hurry up and say their last goodbyes, Fox has announced it is pulling Joss Whedon's Dollhouse from its November sweeps schedule. [Hitfix]

• Technicolor has finally taken its place on the bandwagon to shove 3D - and its accompanying higher ticket prices - down the world's throat, announcing it has found a solution that will allow non-digital equipped movie houses a conventional means of projecting 3D. [Variety]

• This is disturbing: When a TV reporter asked Mitch Winehouse how daughter Amy was doing, he replied "Fantastic, fantastic. Her boobs are great as well." Then he backtracked, "I shouldn't have said that should I?" And then he rambled on, "I didn't have to pay for the boobs" and went on to question how she got the cash for them. Apparently Amy is broke and begs him for money a lot. That is, unless she is still mega-rich and shelled out the reported $56K for that glorious rack by herself, which OK says is also a possibility. [OK]
• 
  
• Salman Rushdie rubbed salt in ex-girlfriend Pia Glenn's wound by showing up at a hoity-toity literary event with yet another raven-haired Amazonian goddess on his arm. This one is a Harvard grad who only dates models, which makes it oh-so-enigmatic why she'd date frumpy Rushdie. Hey, did I mention she's an aspiring writer? [Page 6]
• 
  
• When the deejay at 1Oak announced "23 bottles of Cristal for Lindsay Lohan's 23rd birthday," LiLo reportedly "look startled." Not because she is a recovering alcohol with a DUI under her belt, but because it totally wasn't her birthday, her birthday is on July 2nd! [Page 6]
• 
  
• Amber Lee Ettinger suffered "minor cuts" after a rogue lighting scaffold beamed her at that Thrillist-JetBlue junket that everyone went to but no one was supposed to talk about. Apparently the trip was "completely crazy," with freebie Trojan condoms flying everywhere, best all-inclusive junket spring break ever!! [Page 6]
• 
  
• The case against two men accused of extorting $25 million from John Travolta after son Jett's death has ended in a mistrial. The reason was as tabloid as the trial itself: the judge thought the jury pool was leaking information. The judge figured it out when a member of Bahamas' Parliament said he had inside knowledge that defendant Pleasant Bridgewater—a Bahamanian politician with a farcically adorable name—would be acquitted. [NYDN]
• 
  
• Jill Zarin & co. played on their cellphones and were generally bratty at the Memphis premiere. It would actually be pretty disappointing if she showed up somewhere and wasn't a nuisance. [Page 6]
• 
  
• There's a mistake on Jacko's will—or is the whole thing a forgery? Michael Jackson was in New York on July 7, 2002, the same day his will was signed in L.A. His lawyer says they simply wrote down the wrong date, which raises another troubling question: Why, when you are guiding the most famous man on the planet through the most important legal documents of his life, would you not bother to make sure you have the date right? [TMZ]
• 
  
• Trent Reznor, Roseanne Cash, Billy Bragg, and a bunch of other musicians are demanding federal documents explaining how their music was used during torture sessions at Gitmo. This is because they are dutifully liberal, highly enlightened, civic-minded folks who are only somewhat curious to know whether al-Qaeda operatives prefer Nine Inch Nails or country standards. [HuffPo]
• 
  
• Nicole Richie and Samantha Ronson are besties, and Lindsay Lohan is jealous. Nicole is taking the high road, though, and just "wants a better life" for LiLo, thereby employing the deepest and most cutting diss in the Mean Girl manual: Magnanimous pity. [Perez Hilton]

Every year there are a bunch of people who all decide to take something topical as inspiration for a "witty" outfit. We have a good idea what they'll be this year, and you should check yourself before you scare everyone. So, to avoid the great Borat outbreak of 2006 or the Dark Knight/Joker takeover of 2008, here are some pop cultural outfits that you definitely want to leave in the costume shop if you don't want to run into several dozen other yahoos wearing the exact same getup.

Sarah Palin
Why Not: It was a bad idea last year. It's even worse this year. Besides, while everyone who doesn't race snow machines is still trying to forget her, you'll just be helping her sell books.
Safe Alternative: Levi Johnston
What You Need to Make It: This is a boy's only costume. All you'll need is a nude body stocking (or a pair of briefs if you're bold) and attach a vintage copy of Playgirl to the crotch. Bonus points for carrying a baby and/or a bag of pistachio nuts. If you have a friend who will dress up as Tank Jones, your look is made.

Max from Where the Wild Things Are
Why Not: This would have been cute a year ago, but now that the movie's out, everyone's going to try to replicate it. You can do better than that.
Safe Alternative: H.R. Puffinstuff
What You Need to Make It: You're going to need a whole lot of paper machine, fabric, paint, and time to do this other retro children's hero up right, but it will be a huge hit.

Summer of Death Celebrities
Why Not: No, it's not too soon, it's just not very creative. So yes, that means no Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Patrick Swayze, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays, or any of the others we've lost recently. It's not edgy, just lazy.
Safe Alternative: Elizabeth Taylor or Kirk Douglas. They're not dead yet, but they could be any day. Go as the next dead celebrity.
What You Need to Make It: For Dame Liz, a wheelchair, a crazy hat, and some White Diamonds perfume. For Kirk, a cleft chin, a tuxedo, and disappointment in your son, Michael.

Zombie/Vampire
Why Not: Because every movie, TV show and book these days is about one or the other. Every teenage girl and boy is going to be rocking this, so you'll look like you're trying too hard to be down with the youngs.
Safe Alternative: A banshee. They are so the monster of 2010.
What You Need to Make It: Long hair (a wig will do), a long white gown preferably tattered, and a loud shouting voice.

Balloon Boy
Why Not: This is going to be popular because it will be easy to rig together and everyone will think it's funny and current. It's neither. And let's hope that in 11 days this story is officially over.
Safe Alternative: The old man from Up.
What You Need to Make It: Square glasses, grey hair, a sweater vest. Attach a bunch of baloons and a cardboard cutout of a house to your back and it's up, up, and away.

Don Draper from Mad Men
Why Not: Just because you put on a suit, a pocket square, and slicked down hair, you are not Don Draper. Everyone will know that you came up with this at 2pm on October 31 and probably never even watched the show. It is also not an excuse to drink and smoke a lot. Just do that on your own.
Safe Alternative: British Guy from Mad Men. You know, the one who got his foot run over with a lawn mower.
What You Need to Make It: An antique John Deere, a bloody stump, and several blood-sprayed onlookers with a shocked look on their faces. It's disgusting and creative. Perfect for Halloween!

[Image via Getty]