Update: Well, Google didn't want to pull the image, but whoever was running the spammy blog that was turning up high in Google searches has decided to remove it. "Hot Girls" (hosted by Google-owned Blogger) appears to mostly be spammy linkbait. The post that used to have the image now has a message in Chinese and English generated by Google Translate:

對於此文章感到非常的抱歉，這是由程式自動發文的文章。請勿對種族與政治的議題做過度偏激的討論，誠摯希望世界是非常和平的。

I am very sorry for this article, andthat this is the program automatically issued a document from the article. Do not the subject of race and politics make the discussion too radical and sincere hope that the world is very peaceful.

(We will not reprint the photo here, since that will boost its rank. But if you're feeling too optimistic about the world just do a Google image search for "Michelle Obama"; the photo should be in the first page of results. Or you can check out TPM's coverage here.)

The image was hosted on one of those obscure malware-spewing blogs that seem to have no point except to contain phrases like "Jennifer Lopez Sex Tape Free Cadillac Adam Lambert Boyfriend" in order to lure unsuspecting searchers. (It's been removed from the site, but still appears in search results.) Somehow, the picture rose through the ranks to become often the first result seen by anyone googling "Michelle Obama". (IRONY ALERT: The Washington Post reports that a Google spokesperson posited the pic's high ranking might be the result of people linking to it to condemn it.)

About two weeks ago, the blog Search Engine Roundtable pointed out that, Uh, Google? You're image search is acting sort of like a guy who lives in a compound in Montana and searches the web for tips on cleaning his high powered rifle while muttering misremembered passages of the Declaration of Independence to himself! But Google refused to take the image down, instead appending a little ad which directed offended searchers to a page explaining that:

The beliefs and preferences of those who work at Google, as well as the opinions of the general public, do not determine or impact our search results... We do not remove a page from our search results simply because its content is unpopular or because we receive complaints concerning it.

Don't judge a company by its search results.

It's hard not to agree with Google on this: If they start removing every image someone finds offensive then the only results left will be pictures of babies dressed up as flowers. (Although: child labor!) But it's also hard not to really wish that picture was gone. So, here is a plan: If someone can get their social security number imprinted on every copy of the image then Google will take it down, as social security numbers are one of the few things they're willing to remove from search results.

Come on, take one for the team!

1.) Toes
Tyra had guests this week who get fake toenails put on.

And there were these idiots, who pay $65 a session to have their toes read.

2.) Mariah
She made the talk show rounds. She stumbled on Leno.

Then she went on Larry King Live, where she blinged out his logo.

And then smelled her tits.

Also, Larry serenaded her.

3.) "Where are you?"
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew premiered this week. One of its cast members, Nicole Narain, was on The Joy Behar Show, where she answered Joy's question a little too literally.

4.) What happens when you slouch in Judge Judy's court.

5.) Cougars
The Insider is taking this taking this cougar thing way too far. Although, I do like the little glimpses of Wasilla townies we get.

Niecy Nash is now literally referred to as "the resident cougar," and for the past two weeks, she's been going on dates with younger men.

Is this supposed to be sexy? Chest stubble and exaggerated nipples?

It reminds me of when Homer got plastic surgery so that Marge wouldn't leave him for a younger man.

And his nipples cried.

6.) Heather from Rock of Love on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
She played a hooker.

7.) Why did Sandals have to ruin a perfectly lovely song?

8.) Jon Gosselin implied that he's on the same professional level as Mary Hart.
And she didn't like it.

9.) Kirstie Alley on her coke days.

10.) Michelle Obama is fun.

Michelle Obama is the honorary chair of the commitee which focuses on "arts and humanities education, cultural diplomacy, economic revitalization through the arts and humanities and special events dedicated to recognizing excellence in these areas." Looks like all the time Anna spent raising money for Obama is finally paying off! Anna is one of 26 private citizens appointed to the committee that were announced on Monday night. We would say that she would take over the whole thing, except Hollywood power gay Bryan Lourd, the über-agent who is managing director and co-chairman of CAA, is also on the committee. If she can't get her main gay André Leon Talley to call in some velvet mafia favors, he's totally going to try to rule over this whole thing.

Joining them on the list are Sarah Jessica Parker, Ed Norton, Forest Whitaker, Alfre Woodard, Yo-Yo Ma, almost first lady Teresa Heinz Kerry, Kerry Washington, and a bunch of other people we don't care about.

Some may see this is a minor posting, but we see it as a stepping stone to her real destiny, being installed as the monarch of a small European country full of very fashionable people, tasteful architecture, and tennis champions, where only the very slender are allowed inside its borders.

[Pic of Wintour with Obama Social Secretary Desiree Rogers by Alex Geana]

• BFFs Lindsay and Dina Lohan are strikin' out! Against Dina's drunk, trashy, hot mess of an ex-husband, Michael Lohan. Mostly for contravening house style of keeping the "hot" in Hot Mess as dictated by the Lohan Family Tradition. Oh, also, he's Lindsay's father, have you heard? If you've met him, he's probably told you. And told you. And told you. In fact, that's what Dina's taking issue with. Besides the fact that he wants to make what more or less amounts to a citizen's arrest of his daughter and cart her off to rehab, he's gone off the reservation when it comes to television appearances. And by "off the reservation" I mean "Dina's not seeing any of the cash from them." Or anything else, supposedly. She went and screamed at Page Six. I'm sure Neel enjoyed this call:

  "He is hurting Lindsay. It breaks my heart. She's like, 'Mommy, when is he ever going to stop?' " Dina said. "He is also six months behind in his child support. On Monday, we will file a violation order, and if he doesn't pay, he'll go to jail. "He's getting paid for these shows he's doing talking about Lindsay," Dina said. "He's flying all over the country and not paying for his other three children he's hurting every time he goes on television. "It is horrific that a father could do this. We are afraid he's spiraling out of control. [Daughter] Ali is scared and will be getting an order of protection. Lindsay is getting an order in California and in New York. "He's desperate, he's running out of options because none of his children is talking to him. Doors are closing for him, and he's getting a little nervous, which makes us nervous. We're scared. "But I believe in karma, and his leash is getting tighter," Dina said. "He just needs to zip his mouth."

  Yes, because the swirling, chaotic forces of the universe that dictate what karma goes where gives a shit about the Lohan family. For one thing, they've already moved on to the Kushner-Trumps. For another, Doors are closing for him, and he's getting a little nervous, which makes us nervous. We're scared. is also, incidentally, what's Lindsay's team at CAA keep saying about her career. And why's Dina Lohan asking Michael for child support? Because they need it? Or because she just needs something ridiculous to hold against him? Trying to hold delinquency on child support payments over Michael Lohan's head is like holding Kim Jong-Il's strange table manners against him: you couldn't find anything better? Anyway, Lohan Ladies: keep on fiercing on, I guess. Also, I have no idea what that headline means. [Page Six]
  
  

• You know who Karma will be a complete dick to, however? Rudy Giuliani. Does anybody remember that time three weeks ago when Rudy made security remove a young couple from their seats at Yankee Stadium to make way for the First Asshole of New York and his moll, Judith? I do. And so do the swirling forces of karma, Rudy. Guess who bumped you from your seats last night because (A) she knows what an asshole you are, (B) has more power than you, and (C) probably did it just because she could? Go get 'em, Michelle. Even better: she didn't show up in the seats because of the rain. Like an actual Yankees fan! How authentic. [Page Six]
  
  
• Andre Agassi. More startling revelation: Meth, or WIG? [Page Six]
  
  
• Haha, Jon Gosselin's just as big an asshole today as he was yesterday, with the revelation from Hailey Glassman that he used to throw "mantrums." People has a conspiracy theory on how she wasn't dumped, or something. [People]
  
  
• UGH. The Boris and Natasha-esque gossip suckfest known as Rush & Molloy have yet again fucked the dog by boring me to zzzzzzz's on Sunday morning. This time, they set their moose-and-squirrel sights on Sarah Palin muckracker Joe McGinniss' new book, which basically says "Todd and Sarah won't get divorced, but if they do, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this and find out." Congratulations, dude. You just gave your book the shittiest piece of press I've ever seen. Meanwhile, Rush & Molloy, you guys are still the worst. Step up your game, please, for the love of god. [NYDN]
  
  
• Damn. GQ knows how to get down...exactly how their readers would dream of doing so. At their party the other night, Mark Wahlberg shlubbed-out by showing up in sweatpants. Also, Kid Cudi inquired about the color of a woman's vagina. She responded: "Pink." Is this like asking someone which way their flag flies, or something? Do not get. Pause. I didn't know what a complicated question this was until now. Also, and I say this as a straight man: Gross? This is not a hangover-queasy-friendly item. Related: obligatory Kid Cudi-reference jam goes here. [Page Six]
  
  
• Here's some item about some charity thing with kids and whatever, but LOOK. It's Clint Eastwood's daughter. ["Million Dollar Baby" euthanasia joke, TK TK.] Seriously. She might be the only 16 year-old in Hollywood with a thousand-yard stare ("THANKS, DAD.") I wonder if she asks her hookups if they're feeling lucky. Punk. I can't imagine teenage boys being able to date her. Fuck, I'm intimidated by her. [Page Six]
  
  
• Carly Simon's been in a very special relationship, one where time brings both parties closer together, instead of doing like it normally does and pulling them apart: with weed, man. No joke. Carly didn't used to do it back in the day when EVERYONE smoked the kindbud, but now, that type of shit happens ev-er-y-day. I bet you think this bong is about you, don't you? [Page Six]
  
  
• Former Knicks player Stephon Marbury was nice enough to sign some autographs outside of one, but found himself too scared to go inside a haunted house. Besides the fact that Page Six is basically calling Marbury a pussy (the lame-unless-you-get-it headline: "Scaredy Cat"), this would also explain why he can't get messy in the key. Because he's a girlyman. [Page Six]
  
  
• The owner of the Dodgers and his wife are getting divorced, and like almost every other divorce in LA, it's messy and nasty and mean. Billionaires: they're just like us. [NYDN]
  
  
• Uh, here's a weird one: Mick Jones—yeah, that one: from Foreigner—has a son who's modeling for Roc-A-Wear and working on an album with Scott Storch. What's more amazing: that Mick Jones' kid is dropping an album with Scott Storch, or that Scott Storch is still getting work? [Page Six]
  
  
• Colin Farrell had a baby! It was born with a beanie on its head, like so. Mazel. [NYDN]
  
  
• "Is Page Six to be blamed for the worldwide fame of Andy Warhol?" asks Page Six in the lede to an item about a new book on Warhol. Even if it's true, I think it's safe to say that the "blame" for Andy Wharhol can be offset by any number of New York Peoplethings you've hoisted on our brains. You're "forgiven." [Page Six]
  
  
• Dennis Hopper has prostate cancer. This is sad and scary because Hopper's what my grandmother would call a "tough old bird," and she'd be right. [Page Six]
  
  
• Page Six has a sighting of an NYU law professor buying a pen. No, I'm serious. Look. In other news, I was just reported puking out all the water I drank this morning. [Page Six]
  
  
• Nic Cage's financial adviser screwed him for money. If Nic Cage can't trust his moneyman, who can? [People]

Are vampires dead, yet? Did you enjoy your extra hour of life? Here's a song about how it's going to waste away unless you do something with it! Like reading us, today! And look, I'm only half an hour late! Altarcation's coming at you at 2:30. At 3:30, we're interviewing Harvard's Nieman Journalism Lab! And a special report from the Vice Party, coming up. Happy November!

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

Leibovitz's commercial day rate is $250,000, according to New York magazine. We certainly hope taxpayers didn't pay her that much to document for posterity the fundamental adorableness of the First Family. Perhaps the Obamas, or Obama's campaign arm, footed the bill. Or maybe Leibovitz performed her duties gratis. That would have been especially admirable, however, seeing as how this picture was taken on September 1, one week before Leibovitz's deadline to repay the $24 million loan she owed to high-end artsharks Art Capital Group or lose possession of her photographic legacy. That deadline was eventually extended, but there must have been a lot on Annie's mind when this photo was taken.

Trend originator Michelle Obama competed in a hula hoop contest and scored 142 rotations.

Kathie Lee and Hoda were impressed with how "fit" Michelle looked swinging her hips, so they gave it a whirl, at 5:30 in the below video. Kathie Lee was way better, her eyes falling into a trance-like stare as she swiveled to and fro.



MSNBC's Natalie Morales and Erin Burnett tried it in front of a live audience. Natalie is the clear winner here.

Well, if these are any indication, Obama likes a place with a good reputation, nothing too spicy or out of the ordinary, and prefers to be downtown, especially in the Village. His visits may temporarily cost restaurants business because of the crowd outside and the inconvenience of Secret Service agents, but they make up for it in the extreme afterwards because of the flocks of Obama-loving yuppies who will pay dearly for a bit of the nation's first family sheen.

Restaurant: Blue Hill
Location: 75 Washington Place
Date: May 30, 2009
Occassion: Date night with Michelle
Description: "Blue Hill's menu showcases local food and a wine list with producers who respect artisanal techniques. Ingredients come from nearby farms...Guests can choose from the regular menu or opt for the 'Farmer's Feast,' a five-course tasting inspired by the week's harvest."
Meal: Ate from the tasting menu. Barack had wine, Michelle had two martinis, that lush.
What Critics Say: "Although not as extreme or innovative as Craft, Blue Hill is the city's other seminal Greenmarket haven, so expect a certain amount of hushed reverence here, a certain amount of ecstatic whispering about the quality of the summer peas." [NY Mag]
What It Says about Obama: He likes to support local agriculture, while keeping a low profile.

Il Mulino
Location: 86 West 3rd St.
Date: September 14, 2009
Occasion: Lunch with Bill Clinton
Description: "Il Mulino...brings the Italian tradition of fine food and hospitality to your table. Simple, straightforward, wholesome and always fresh—it's the Il Mulino tradition."
Meal: Both had fish, pasta, and salad.
What Critics Say: "For more space, more invention and more restrained portions and sauces, you go elsewhere. But for trend-resistant cooks and tuxedoed waiters eager to pummel you into gastronomic submission, you go to Il Mulino." [NY Times]
What It Says Obama: He likes a safe place with a good name recognition. Also, he's trying to keep Bubba out of McDonalds.

Craftsteak
Location: 85 10th Ave
Date: October 20, 2009
Occasion: We're not sure yet.
Description: "Craftsteak New York redefinies the concept of a steakhouse by focusing on beef sourced from the world's top ranchers and artisanal producers and dry-aging it in the restaurant's own aging room."
Meal: He's probably placing his order right now. Suggestions?
What Critics Say: "The decor of the place is beautiful. I would definitely go there again, but would try something different. Love this new area it is located in. The last time I was in that area (16 or so years ago) it was swarming with prostitutes and some really bad looking ones at that!" [Yelp]
What It Says about Obama: He likes something that is sure to please everyone and won't be too controversial. Just like his policy decisions!

[Image via Getty]

Yes, like her husband — and other political luminaries — the First Lady will be immortalized as an action figure, thanks to Jailbreak Toys. And, since she's so fashion forward, Michelle will be available in three different outfits: all inspired by some of her signatures looks, like the black and white ensemble worn on The View. So she's really more of a Barbie than anything else.

But back to our original question, or a variation. All of last year's big political players — Hillary, John, Sarah — have been shrunk down to action figure form. Even crazy GOP congresswoman Michele Bachmann has a plastic replication (although, the poor thing, only 50 have sold).

And then there are comic books: Barack Obama and John McCain were both featured in Spider Man adventures, and the Female Force series features Hillary, Sarah, Michelle and even Caroline Kennedy.

Are these baubles and funny pages proof of how consumerist cultures fabricate unnecessary "needs"? Or are they a more playful form of political idolization, an idolization that's born in the cult of personality? These people are, to millions, literal heroes, so why not put them in superhero form so that the public can have and hold those who inspire them more than some silly Transformer? And then, much like politics itself, toss them aside or sell them to the highest-bidder?

Perhaps this phenomenon's a little bit of both, but one thing's for certain: these products prove that great American camp continues to evolve. Just the way God intended...

The big news in the Times piece is that Michelle Obama's great-great-great-grandmother, Melvinia Shields—a slave girl in South Carolina and later Georgia who survived to see freedom after the Civil War—bore three children, including Obama's great-great-grandfather, by a white man. It's not clear who, but the Times suggests that the father could have been Melvinia's owner, Henry Shields. And at least one child listed in a census as "mulatto" was born to Melvinia after emancipation, suggesting that their liason (whether coerced or consensual) outlasted her enslavement.

But Michelle Obama's ancestry isn't really the point: It's that the distant monumental evil that lives in history books can be tangibly connected to her, and to see the actual lives of her ancestors who lived with slavery and its consequences recounted with texture and detail is all the more moving because it is so rarely done. It's of course obvious that most African-Americans have similar genealogical trails, and there is no shortage of historical narratives about slavery and the Jim Crow South. But as Henry Louis Gates has pointed out with his genealogical research, one of slavery's many subsidiary crimes is the extent to which is has denied its inheritors a detailed sense of family history and mythology. It stands as a roadblock to the past. Family trees are fuzzy and uncertain; deeds of sale, when they can be found, don't contain as much information as birth certificates. Even with the resources of the Times and a genealogist it consulted, we still don't know for sure who the father of Melvinia Shields' children was.

So Michelle Obama had no idea who Dolphus Shields, her great-great-grandfather and Melvinia's son, was. Born into slavery in 1859, he settled in Birmingham, Alabama, became a co-founder of a Baptist church there, started a hardware store in the white part of town, owned his own home, and carried around candies to hand out to the children. "There was no smoking, no cursing, no gum chewing, no lipstick or trousers for ladies and absolutely no blues on the radio, which was reserved for hymns," in his house, the Times reports, and he went to church nearly every night of the week.

Dolphus died in 1950, just 14 years before the birth of his great-great-granddaughter. Yet she didn't know that he existed, and it took the efforts of a newspaper to inform her, via the front page, of such an intimate part of her own life and past. The historical blind spot may have been in part self-inflicted:

As for his ancestry, Dolphus Shields didn't talk about it.

"We got to the place where we didn't want anybody to know we knew slaves; people didn't want to talk about that," said Mrs. Heath, who said she assumed he had white relatives because his skin color and hair texture "told you he had to be near white."

Maybe that reticence carried forward to his subsequent generations, and maybe that explains how it can be that the First Lady of the United States never learned anything about Dolphus. (Maybe it also explains why she declined to comment for the Times story at all.) Which is why the Times' unraveling of that history is so moving—the lack of solid information, compounded by that sense of shame harbored by people of Dolphus' generation, has obscured that sense of rooted American-ness for so long. Reading it, we couldn't help but think of WASPs who trace their ancestry back to the Mayflower, and that Michelle Obama should be just as proud.

(Our night editor, you may have read, disagrees.)

[Photo via the Virginia Foundation for the Humanities and the University of Virginia Library.]

The story of Ms. Shields is not a terribly uplifting tale, no, nor is it terribly original, but the paper seems to think it's newsworthy because — well, Mrs. Obama's the President's wife. And we're torn about this peg.

Michelle Obama didn't offer any comment on the findings, because, say aides, it's a personal matter. Of course few things are personal when it comes to the President's family and this story will be getting lots of play over the next day, at least.

On one hand the tale's an important, if not unpleasant, reminder of this nation's ugly, noxious past.

On the other, however, it may only inflame all those anti-Obama racists roaming out there. You know, because that slave blood's tainting the White House, or something, even though none of this has anything to do with the President himself, since his father hailed from Kenya. But reason has never been that camp's strong suit.

But perhaps we're being too cynical about this. Perhaps this story will realign oppositional misgivings and make people realize the error of their discriminatory ways. Would that be too much to ask? Probably...

Not merely Julia Allison come the Valley, but a Jullia Allison only the Valley could breed; a fameball selling California's tech-money nexus on the notion it can turn its business ethos into a spiritual conscience. For attention-hungry Zuckerberg, the mildly political video above is just another in a series of high-profile lip dubs; for venture capitalist Tim Draper, another chance to clown. Kataoka, though, describes herself as a "Silicon Valley artist," and seems determined in certain scenes to elevate the clip into something of a performance piece.

Art and spirituality are, in fact, key to how Kataoka sells herself in the Valley. She is, on the most basic level, a blogger and Web entrepreneur, like virtually everyone else in the California tech enclave. Kataoka even attempted to hit her wedding guests up for free venture capital. But her ValleyZen blog offers big shots something special: the rare chance to blather on about their inner philosophy and intricate belief systems.

They leap at the chance. In one of four videos, Draper hugs and dances with Kataoka; book publisher Tim O'Reilly gives her a tour of his treehouse at home in Sebastopol; TV host Charlie Rose and Tesla CEO Elon Musk consent to backstage interviews.

The archetype for a ValleyZen sit-down is the one Kataoka did with her partner in the venture, uber attorney Bill Fenwick, who counts Apple Inc. among his clients.

Fenwick pitches Zen Buddhism as excellent preparation for corporate battle. With militaristic East Asian music in the background, he says:

There is an awful lot of similarity between the principles of Zen and what happens in a battle... If you can get enough people... to find commonality, you've got a force that's going to have to be reckoned with.

Kataoka also touts the practical benefits of Zen for venture capitalists:

It's a composure, a poised kind of calm that would allow to innovate and create and think of new ideas.

Innovation is not exactly a traditional religious selling point. But the dubious repurposing of Eastern religions into corporate strategy is hardly new, either; like Gordon Gekko in the 1987 movie Wall Street, Oracle CEO Larry Ellison has taken to using Sun Tzu's Art of War as a tactical business manual.

Kataoka is the perfect icon for this sort of awkward fusion. In a region overloaded with computer scientists and MBAs — men obsessed with numbers and code — there's something deliciously off-kilter about a "classical and jazz flutist" who claims "Japanese Samurai heritage" and specializes in a "2000 year-old art form of Japanese brush painting." She's drawn cover artwork for Wynton Marsalis, completed a commissioned portrait of 49ers Coach Bill Walsh and done extensive work for Stanford University. In fact, according to a student who attended the college in the late 1990s, her work became comically ubiquitous:

She... somehow managed to wrangle some deal doing art for the vast majority of official Stanford posters. So... every time you'd get a flyer for like homecoming or something, it'd look as though you were being invited to formal tea in Kyoto. It was weird.

Kataoka has drawn approving notices for her fashion choices. A pre-election encounter between the artist and Michelle Obama led the Fashion-y Blog to assemble the collage at left, adding,

"Drue does a really good job balancing funky and classic pieces. Her signature sleek '20s-style bob, bright red lipstick, and matching nail polish always make a statement, and she clearly isn't afraid to stand out."

Brush strokes, music, fashion, Zen: Everyone in Silicon Valley wishes they were this eclectic. The Bay Area man is supposed to be a renaissance man; it is not enough to be merely a venture capitalist or a programmer or a journalist, one should also be a rock-climbing, spiritually involved yoga instructor with a quirky electronic pop band on the side. Hence the local obsession with the annual hippie drug and art fest that is Burning Man.

If you feel like something of a let down in this regard, well, why not look to Kataoka and ValleyZen? In New York, where attention is worshipped via the media industry, those feeling insufficiently self promotional can look to the high priestess of fameballing, Julia Allison. In the Valley, where long hours coding or selling so often conflict with the eclectic ideal, Kataoka sells instead a facade of well-roundedness, with Pacific Century Asian flare to boot. And, soothing music and talk of Zen aside, she does so just as aggressively as her East Coast counterpart.

[top video via VentureBeat]

Berlusconi, who has an endless paper trail about his alleged affairs with hookers, didn't have the best meeting with Barack and Michelle at the G20 last week week. Rather than hugging him, like she did many other leaders and his outstretched arms invited, the American First Lady gave him a cordial handshake. Perhaps because, after last year's election, Berlusconi cracked about Obama's race, "[He's] young, handsome, and even has a good tan." Note the look at the President's face in this picture. He's not impressed.

Flying home to Italy after the G20 meeting, Berlusconi again brought out the t-word when he told supporters about his presidential encounter:

What's his name? Some tanned guy. Ah, Barack Obama... You won't believe it, but the two of them sunbathe together, because the wife is also tanned.

Now, we can understand him going after Obama. Well, we can't, but in theory we can imagine a billionaire scoundrel who suppresses public opinion in his newspapers taking a cheap shot at a wildly popular politician. But taking on Michelle Obama, who's just cute as pie and only sometimes gets into the political fray? That's inexcusable.

[Image via TrexFiles23 Flickr]

• She's unlucky in love and the frequent butt of jokes, but now that her dog's dead, Jessica Simpson's friends think the singer "will put her into the worst place ever" and send her into a "tailspin." The final straw comes in many forms. [People]
  
  
• The investigation into Anna Nicole Smith's death took some twists this week. Court documents reveal that a pharmacist tried to warn Anna Nicole Smith's doctors that her over-the-top pill-popping was bad news. One described the drugs prescribed after her son's death as "pharmaceutical suicide." Meanwhile, court documents show proof that the doctors — psychiatrist, Dr. Khristine Eroshevich, and internist, Sandeep Kapoor — had sexual contact with Smith.[LA Times]
  
  
• John Travolta will take the stand in the Bahamas today to testify in a trial against a paramedic and lawyer who are accused of using information on his son's death to extort $25 million. [People]
  
  
• Nick Prugo, the 18-year old who police think broke in Lindsay Lohan's house, was spotted hanging out with the actress on the set of her straight-to-tv movie, Labor Pains. Prugo, by the way, was busted for cocaine possession back in February. [TMZ]
  
  
• Mad women were trying to get into Barack Obama's pants during the campaign, and that really pissed off Michelle. So, what did the future first lady do? She gave him the silent treatment. And, maybe, had a female campaign staffer sent into exile on Martinique. [Page Six]
  
  
• Tax dollars well-spent: The Clinton tapes reveal that secret service agents once had to maintain order when a drunken, underwear-clad Boris Yeltsin tried to hail a cab to go get pizza. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• David Hasselhoff went to the hospital this weekend because of ear infection medicine, not booze. That's what he says, at least. [Page Six]
  
  
• All of the Los Angeles Lakers have been invited to Khloe Kardashian's wedding to forward Lamar Odom. [TMZ]
  
  
• Oh, the humanity! Anna Wintour had to sit next to Alexa Chung and Pixie Geldof during a show at London's fashion week. And she doesn't look happy. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Kate Gosselin's broke down in tears recently because she was filming a talk show, is going through a divorce and misses her eight children. [Page Six]
  
  
• Chaz Bono, who's currently transitioning from female to male, will write a memoir called Coming Clean. [TMZ]

Though most people are fascinated by the economic and political repercussions of Japan's latest election, we're more intersted in Mrs. Hatoyama and how she will no doubt forever change what it means to be a first lady.

In a book published last year, Hatoyama readily admits that she met her husband while she was still married to her first husband, discusses her time in an all-female theaterical troupe and, yes, spills the beans about her time on a space ship:

While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus. It was a very beautiful place, and it was very green.

So cute! In addition to space travel, Mrs. Hatoyama enjoys pottery, cooking and Tom Cruise. Apparently she and the Hollywood star met in a previous life, when he was Japanese. Hmmm, perhaps that shit movie, The Last Samurai, wasn't so off the mark.

Rodale, which publishes health-conscious magazines like Prevention, will feature the first couple on the cover of four of its titles, Prevention, Men's Health, Women's Health and Children's Health, a new publication. Three will hit the stands in October.

According to Peter Moore, editor of Men's Health, which will endorse the President's plans, the publications have a direct stake in the political debate:

The whole issue of health care in the U.S., it's something that we have to feel strongly about. We're health journalists. We know, if anyone does, what's broken there, and so if this comes off as more of an advocacy piece, it's because we're advocates for health.

Um, well — obviously everyone has a strong opinion of health care. If not, they should be sent to the emergency room, an experience that will no doubt teach a valuable lesson. While certainly this sounds like a good idea, it may not be. You see, the President's opponents, especially the toothless masses, may see the President's relationship with the media as, for lack of a better word, elitist.

Though only Men's Health and its lady counterpart explicitly address the political debate — Prevention will keep to neutral topics, like diet — the writing's on the wall: these magazines are in the ring for the Commander-in-Chief.

Many Americans see the publishing industry as nothing more than a legitimization of liberal politics, so having the President and his kin appear in the pages of monthlies — especially three at once — could be seen as a tad offensive. But, at this point, Mr. Barry has little choice but to be offensive. Or, rather, go on the offensive.

Also, having an Obama, namely: Michelle, on the cover doesn't necessarily mean huge sales, so this whole thing could turn out to be a big disaster. But, of course, there aren't many other options. Except, of course, back channel negotiations and actual politics.