[Agency Spy. More new ads at Valleywag]

The "theme" of the new spots is the standard, vapid "Windows. Life without walls." Whatev. And Microsoft has decided to fight back against all those vicious Mac ads by co-opting the phrase "I'm a PC."

In the new ads, you will see: a John Hodgman doppelganger, and "everyday PC users, from scientists and fashion designers to shark hunters and teachers." And, of course, more random celebrities!!

Mr. Gates makes a cameo appearance in the new Microsoft spots, along with celebrities like the actress Eva Longoria, the author Deepak Chopra and the singer Pharrell Williams.

[NYT]

Vagina-touting comedian Sarah Silverman!

Weed-burning singer Willie Nelson!

Motorcycle-riding person Travis Pastrana!

Laid-back actor of sorts Matthew McConaughey!

Hopeless politico Ralph Nader!

Mockery specialists Rob Cordrry and Stephen Colbert!

Deceased jokester Bernie Mac!

Sounds like a fine plan.

[Tina Dupuy at FBLA]

"They are not seen as cool," says Robert Passikoff, president of Brand Keys, a New York branding firm. "Apple is cool. Can anyone even recall a Microsoft ad? No."

And they won't be able to remember this one either, because using Seinfeld humor in ads was already considered tired three years ago.

Good luck with alll that!

[WSJ]

"'The challenge Microsoft has when the founder departs is remembering its heart,' said analyst Rob Enderle of the Enderle Group in Silicon Valley. 'At some point the firm has to take the essence of what made Bill Gates successful and make sure that is preserved. Whether it is a company or a person, once you've lost your heart there isn't much left but a shell.'

"'They are in trouble on the desktop (computer software),' Enderle said. 'Microsoft started as a desktop vendor and suddenly it is its weakness.'

"'Microsoft has to leverage its strengths; right now it is thrashing a bit,' Enderle said. 'The company is on its own. The training wheels are off. It needs a way to point itself in the right direction and peddle like hell.'

"Microsoft's server and tools division is its most profitable unit. It's entertainment unit, which sells Xbox videogame consoles and gaming software, has yet to make a profit.

"'You could see Microsoft struggling after Bill Gates stepped out of day-to-day roles,' Enderle said. 'A founder takes such a larger-than-life role and directs a company in very subtle ways that are often forgotten when a founder leaves. That gap, for a lot of companies, has been almost terminal.'" [Breitbart via Drudge]

"This comes after meetings late this week between the two didn’t yield anything, and then a press war ensued. The latest letter, signed by Steve Ballmer, and send to the Yahoo board, has the following points (most of which aren’t new): "

• We’ve seen no indication that you have authorized Yahoo management to negotiate with Microsoft...this is despite the fact that our proposal is the only alternative put forward that offers your shareholders full and fair value for their shares.
• By any fair measure, the large premium we offered in January is even more significant today.
• If we have not concluded an agreement within the next three weeks, we will be compelled to take our case directly to your shareholders, including the initiation of a proxy contest to elect an alternative slate of directors for the Yahoo board.
• This action will have an undesirable impact on the value of your company from our perspective which will be reflected in the terms of our proposal.

[PaidContent]

Cajun,

I know in the the past you've written about Apple and Microsoft and the way that they market themselves, so I thought that you might find this interesting.

A few nights ago, I participated in a focus group. Though the company conducting the focus group wasn't revealed to us, it was obvious that it was Microsoft because all of the marketing material that we were presented with dealt with, well, MICROSOFT. What became apparent to all 8 of us in the group was that Microsoft was in the midst of preparing an advertising campaign that would make it appear that its software and the PCs that run them are a younger, hipper product. They showed us a number of sample ads that seemed to emphasize global community, peace, love, happiness and environmentalism, etc., and how Microsoft products can bring the world together and make it better place. All of us in the group were struck by how Apple-like the ads were. Some even expressed thoughts that they appeared to be straight rip-offs.

But what struck me as the funniest thing out of all of this was that it appears as though Johnny Knoxville might be their answer to Justin Long. We were shown some marketing material featuring Knoxville, including one commercial in which he falls and drops his PC in Jackass type stunt, but then a "don't worry about losing your data if your computer becomes destroyed because you're a jackass because the new Windows automatically backs up to files for you" message was delivered.

I thought you might find it interesting. And please don't use my name if you mention anything about this on my blog because they made us sign confidentiality agreements.

Cheers,
[Redacted]

HIP HOP LEGEND ICE CUBE READIES FOR
HIGHLY ANTICIPATED NEW ALBUM “RAW FOOTAGE”
DUE ON JUNE 17TH

AWARD WINNING RAPPER PARTNERS WITH MICROSOFT SILVERLIGHT TO BRING LIVE BROADCAST OF SxSW CONCERT PERFORMANCE TO FANS VIA UVNTV.COM

(March 10, 2008) Following a triumphant return to the mic after 6 years in 2006 with the critically acclaimed release of Laugh Now, Cry Later, which debuted at #2 on the R&B/Hip Hop sales chart and #4 on the Top 200 sales chart, making it the years highest selling independent release in hip hop, the Godfather of Gangsta Rap, Ice Cube is ready to take center stage once again with his ninth solo effort. The highly anticipated new album, titled Raw Footage will be released on June 17th courtesy of his own independent imprint, Lench Mob Records.

Raw Footage is expected to include guest features by artists such as Musiq Soulchild, Nas, Scarface and Dub C. The hip hop legend also collaborated with producers Maestro, Emile, DJ Crazy Toones, Fred Wreck, Palumbo Beats, and Teak “Da Beatsmith” Underdue and Dee Underdue to name a few.

Currently in the studio, putting the final touches on Raw Footage, Cube is also gearing up for his own headlining concert at this year’s South by Southwest (SxSW) festival in Austin, TX on March 15th at 8pm CST/9pm EST. Performing for an expected crowd of 20,000 plus fans, Cube will carry out crowd pleasing, classic material along with current hits, which includes the controversial, breakout record, “Gangsta Rap Made Me Do It” featured on his forthcoming new album.

For those not able to attend the free event, Cube has partnered up with Microsoft Corp. to live stream the performance exclusively on UVNTV.com utilizing their groundbreaking, Silverlight technology, a cross-browser, cross-platform plug-in for delivering richer user experiences on the Web. Co-created by Cube and hip hop legend DJ Pooh, UVNTV is the world’s first real-time streaming television network online, complete with individual channels broadcasting unique content, a TV channel guide and broadband social network.

"We are excited to partner with UVNTV.com and SxSW to bring this live concert into the homes of people globally, using our Silverlight technology which delivers the high-def experiences that Ice Cube's fans will love," said Rob Pulciani, Microsoft’s senior marketing manager. To download Silverlight and watch Cube perform live at SxSW, visit www.uvntv.com. For more information on obtaining tickets to the concert, visit www.sxsw.com.

About Ice Cube

Known to be one of the Most Important figures in rap history, Ice Cube began his career with the Notorious West Coast Gangsta Rap Group N.W.A two decades ago. At the height of the group’s success, Ice Cube broke away to start his own solo career. His initial release, “Amerikkka's Most Wanted” (Priority, 1990) sold over a million copies. His sophomore solo effort, "Death Certificate" (Priority, 1991), a concept album about the fall and rise of the black man, debuted at #1 on the R&B Album chart, #2 on the Top 200 album chart and went on to sell over two million copies. His impressive musical career also includes the multi-platinum success of both his double album “War and Peace,” and hit albums “Lethal Injection,” “Bootlegs & B-Sides,” “The Predator,” and the gold certified, independently released “Laugh Now, Cry Later.” Ice Cube has sold over 10 million albums to date.

About Lench Mob Records

Launched in 2005 by Ice Cube and his management company The Firm, Lench Mob Records is independently owned and operated by Ice Cube.

About UVNTV.com

Launched in early 2008 and co-created by Ice Cube and DJ Pooh, UVNTV.com is the world’s first real time streaming television network online. UVNTV revolutionizes television with delivery via the internet utilizing Microsoft Corps’s groundbreaking Silverlight platform, a cross-browser, cross-platform plug-in for delivering richer user experiences on the Web. Through UVNTV’s patent pending database, UVNTV rivals cable and satellite television. Beyond real-time transmission (the first on the net) UVNTV’s channels are capable of full screen DVD quality resolution, Dolby surround sound and comes complete with a channel guide with video window. Over 2 years in the making, founded by entertainers for entertainers and fans alike, UVNTV is home to the next generation of filmmakers, music makers, and onscreen talent. UVNTV is more than Broadband Television; it is a Broadband Social Network.

About Silverlight™

Microsoft® Silverlight™ is a cross-browser, cross-platform technology for delivering the next generation of media experiences and rich interactive applications for the Web.

# # #

This is a conscious move by Microsoft, which bypassed more traditional super-agencies to give the account to CPB, which prides itself on making ads that are too smart by half. Maybe that's what Microsoft needs to kickstart its image, but it's a big gamble, considering the size of the market at stake. Or maybe CPB will pull back a bit on the wackiness. But in all likelihood, that's what they were selling, and that's what the company wants.

No word yet on what the campaign is gonna look like, but you can use your imagination, based on this small and selective sample of some of CPB's past work:

BK's Kick'n Chicken

Miller Lite Man Law

Volkswagen Unpimps The Auto

10. Tony Kornheiser: But only a bit, because god, what media personality hasn't tried to get a rise out of bloggers? Even Garry Trudeau did it.

9. Lee Siegel: The New Republic editor who coined the term "blogofascism" was fired for "blogodouchism" when he defended himself on his own blog using a fake commenter account. Slamming (liberal) bloggers was bad enough. But he got caught pumping himself up with messages like "Siegel is brave, brilliant, and wittier than [Jon] Stewart will ever be. Take that, you bunch of immature, abusive sheep." Yes, he called himself better than Jon Stewart in every way. With a fake name. On his blog. His defense: "I am too childlike to be immature."

8. Andrew Keen: His book, The Cult of the Amateur, is subtitled "How the Internet is Killing Our Culture and Assaulting Our Economy." Subtle! Keen argues that citizen-generated media is unadulterated crap and nothing good will ever shine on the Internet. If he toned it down, Keen would have an interesting viewpoint. But then he wouldn't have sold any copies.


7. Steve Jobs: Over a year after an apparent truce with rumor blogs, Apple shut down Think Secret, and the death of free speech for industry blogs caused a great outcry for about an hour before Fake Steve Jobs pretended Apple shut him down and probably sold an entire new book off that story.


6. Anna Wintour: Not a hater so much as a disdainer. But being disdained by the Vogue empress-in-chief is better than being ignored, and all she really did was avoid calling herself a blogger.


5. Microsoft: Apple was nothing; at least they're nice to the bloggers who just use their stuff. But after Microsoft (CEO Steve Ballmer pictured here) gave free laptops to bloggers and angry Internet users accused them of bribery, the company asked for the machines back. The recipients were not happy, but most gave them away to charity instead. I can imagine Microsoft giving a weak little "Tada!" like GOB from Arrested Development.


4. Dan Rather: The former news host treated bloggers rather well, considering it was conservative bloggers who started discrediting his reports on George Bush's sketchy military service records. Rather still insists that the records, which were also disputed by the Post and Times, have still not been proven false. Still, he lost his job shortly after the controversy.


3. Best Buy: It's kind of the friend of bloggers, because the incompetent retail chain makes so many great stories for angry consumer bloggers. Gawker Media's Consumerist has explained how Best Buy is basically a giant box of Fuck You. The founder of Best Buy's Geek Squad fix-it service, asked to defend himself, instead picked on Consumerist for running stories before he responded. Dude! The complaint gets one post, then your response gets another. WE CALL THAT BLOGGING.


2. George Bush: Ha! Ha! "Rumors on the Internets" joke! But honestly, when the House of Representatives didn't give the White House more spying power, Bush's press secretary blamed them for believing "the fantasies of left-wing bloggers." Miserable failure.


1. Cory Doctorow: Critics call bloggers self-centered, egomaniacal, and shrill. All of which kind of describes Cory Doctorow! The Boing Boing co-founder, one of four writers on one of the Internet's most influential blogs, writes plenty of cool stuff. But because he whines about consumer rights and copyright fairness as if they're equivalent to global warming and world poverty, and because he sometimes rips on annoying people in his daily life on his million-viewer blog without asking their side of the story, he's (maybe a bit unfairly) pegged as the biggest crank among bloggers. Oh bloggers, you fools, your enemy was yourself all the time! Now let me explain to you my evil plan and put you in a death machine that doesn't work.

Photos licensed from Getty Images, except: Siegel from NYT, Keen from Keen, Doctorow from Scott Beale

Media conglomerates such as Time Warner, which went through its own disastrous mega-merger with AOL in 2000, seemed finally to be recognizing that size wasn't everything. “Whether [Time Warner] is the biggest is not the main thing," said Jeffrey Bewkes, Time Warner's incoming chief executive. "It needs to be the most profitable." Sumner Redstone last year spun out Viacom's traditional media businesses such as TV network, CBS. And Barry Diller's IAC is, even if only after pressure from disgruntled shareholders, being broken up.

Now one can be sure every media company chief executive is running around like a headless chicken. They know that their future depends on internet advertising. For the moment, the bulk of the growth appears to be going to those properties with the biggest audience reach, which scares smaller media companies. Add in a mega-merger they don't understand: it's the perfect environment for media bankers to present consolidation as inevitable and their hair-brained schemes as urgent.

Most of these ideas will come to nothing. But someone who understands the web just enough to be dangerous, will be panicked into a moronic deal. (Arthur Sulzberger of the New York Times, maybe, though he's hampered by the family legacy). Microsoft will survive the hugely expensive and wearying combination it is now proposing. Traditional media companies which follow its example don't have the luxury of making the same mistakes.

Are you bugged by the Apple commercial where John Hodgman is the PC, and he has to undergo surgery to get Vista?
I've never seen it. I don't think the over 90 percent of the [population] who use Windows PCs think of themselves as dullards, or the kind of klutzes that somebody is trying to say they are.
How about the implication that you need surgery to upgrade?
Well, certainly we've done a better job letting you upgrade on the hardware than our competitors have done. You can choose to buy a new machine, or you can choose to do an upgrade. And I don't know why [Apple is] acting like it's superior. I don't even get it. What are they trying to say? Does honesty matter in these things, or if you're really cool, that means you get to be a lying person whenever you feel like it? There's not even the slightest shred of truth to it.

Finally, Vista Makes Its Debut. Now What? [Newsweek]