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the decade in review
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Mike Bloomberg
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the decade in review
disasters
Last night, the D.C.-based Atlantic magazine celebrated 150 years of thought at the Kimmel Center Loading Dock at N.Y.U. In a striking display of awful judgment, the VIPs (Arianna Huffington, Moby, the Mayor) were allowed (forced) to mingle on stage. The poors sat in chairs in the auditorium and watched. Jared Kushner was either wryly funny or a dick. Porn queen Robyn Bird went unrecognized by Robert DeNiro and Boykin Curry claimed he doesn't rent his island paradise to whores. God, 'Ad Age' even turned against local goddess Patti Smith. Richard Blakeley was there to tell us what social apartheid looks like. That's satirist P.J. O'Rourke trashing the party from the stage, by the way. Welcome to the social disaster of the season!
'The Atlantic' Attempts A New York Party, Bombs
Last night, the D.C.-based Atlantic magazine celebrated 150 years of thought at the Kimmel Center Loading Dock at N.Y.U. In a striking display of awful judgment, the VIPs (Arianna Huffington, Moby, the Mayor) were allowed (forced) to mingle on stage. The poors sat in chairs in the auditorium and watched. Jared Kushner was either wryly funny or a dick. Porn queen Robyn Bird went unrecognized by Robert DeNiro and Boykin Curry claimed he doesn't rent his island paradise to whores. God, 'Ad Age' even turned against local goddess Patti Smith. Richard Blakeley was there to tell us what social apartheid looks like. That's satirist P.J. O'Rourke trashing the party from the stage, by the way. Welcome to the social disaster of the season!
time to settle
Bloomberg Confesses He Still Moonlights At His Day Job
The lil' ladies suing both Mayor Mike Bloomberg and his company Bloomberg LP for being discarded after they became pregnant have claimed they knew the Mayor talked regularly with Bloomberg's CEO—despite the wee helicopter-flying oligarch's loud protestations that he has nothing to do with the company. Oh guess what? "After a week of distancing himself from the company he founded and owns," says the Times, "Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg said yesterday that he talked regularly to senior executives at the firm and was kept abreast of what was happening there." Please, can please everyone please not use "abreast" when writing about sex discrimination litigation please?
tiny tyrants
Bloomberg LP "Family Friendly" For Fratty 30-Something Guys
Oh ho, Mayor Bloomberg's in trouble.... It seems last week's EEOC sexual discrimination lawsuit against his company, Bloomberg LP, was just the tip of the iceberg. Bloomberg's been kind of douchey for years, though he says the outfit is a Disneyland of family values. More »
deep discounts
Get Close To The Jew God, The Governor, For A Low, Low Price
"Hey, Hymie! Wanna get in on the best deal of the fall? Shh, c'mere. I've got a pair of tickets to the High Holiday services at Temple Emanu-El — you know, the one that Spitzer and Bloomberg go to — that I'm willing to part with at a major loss! You will not find a better deal than this all season, Jewish word of honor! Everyone knows that God only listens your prayers if you're praying alongside famous people! Don't be a schmuck your whole life, snap up these scalped temple tickets today!" Actually, we didn't even need to go with a joke on this one. The Craigslist pitch alone is enough. More »
Mayor Bloomberg has jury duty today. (Commute-wise, it's perfect: Right off the 4/5/6!) Hey, Mike, tell 'em you write for Gawker, you'll be back at your desk in no time! [NYS]
not terror
The Great Manhattan Steam Pipe Explosion '07
Here's the tally from yesterday's big bang: One dead, thirty injured (two severely). We're not sure what it says about where we're at when a statement from the mayor like this one is viewed as comforting ("There is no reason to believe this is anything other than a failure of our infrastructure") but there you have it. Oh, also, it may have rained asbestos all over midtown. Happy Thursday!
Steam Blast Jolts Midtown, Killing One [NYT] [Image: Jimmy]
autogeddon
Stubborn Jew Rolled By More Stubborn Jewier Jew
You know, if the main selling point on this whole "Mike Bloomberg for President" thing is that the guy is such a genius at running things, you've got to wonder what the hell he was thinking with the way he managed this whole congestion pricing plan. The plan - which would have charged motorists entering Manhattan during peak hours anywhere from $8 to $21 for freight carriers - died yesterday after Assembly Speaker Shelly Silver declined to reconvene his chamber, and Senate Democrats figured that if the Assembly wasn't going to stick their neck out, why should they? The mayor comes off sounding a lot like Governor Spitzer. More »
first responders
The pundits have had their say on whether or not Mike Bloomberg can be elected president. Now it's time to see what real New Yorkers think about the whole thing. The Assimilated Negro and Richard Blakeley canvass the voters. More »
Bloomberg For President
The pundits have had their say on whether or not Mike Bloomberg can be elected president. Now it's time to see what real New Yorkers think about the whole thing. The Assimilated Negro and Richard Blakeley canvass the voters. More »
The BBC on Mike Bloomberg's possible presidential campaign: "The rumour has been tickling Washington's political gonads for months now." [BBC]
little america's mayor
Mike Bloomberg May Run For President
"It's the Republican National Committee. They're calling to say thanks." More »
as mayor of munchkin city in the county of the land of oz
Mike Bloomberg, Independent
Mike Bloomberg, the Democrat who turned Republican because he wanted to be mayor and anyone with a valid New York address could have beaten Herman Badillo, has renounced his ties to the G.O.P. in yet another "subtle" signal that, hey, he might be running for president. The move allows the mayor to skirt some pesky state ballot issues concerning candidates affiliated with the two major parties. Apart from that whole "this is what you will eat, this is how you shall live" thing (oh, and the billions of dollars with which he flooded Republican party coffers), we're not averse to the mayor: He's probably been the most efficient city executive of the last fifty years. But come on, what is he thinking? This is supposed to be a sharp-eyed businessman with a keen sense of what works: Does he really think America wants a Ross Perot with less crazy but more Jew? There's no chance. The guy only got elected in the first place due to the uncertainty after 9/11; you only get one of those in a lifetime. Uh, we hope. More »
the age of fake terror
Mayor Bloomberg: Unbunch Your Panties, People
We give the mayor a lot of guff because we feel he is sort of the living embodiment of someone who has so much more money than you that he can tell you (and, by extension, your whole ill-informed class) how you should live your life and—even worse—he has the juice to make it stick. Still, there are certain times when we can't help liking the guy. Take yesterday, when he was asked about the half-assed plot to blow up the fuel lines at JFK:There are lots of threats to you in the world. There's the threat of a heart attack for genetic reasons. You can't sit there and worry about everything. Get a life.More of that and less of the other, please. More »
one billion dollars
Mike Bloomberg So Not Running For President
Mayor Bloomberg's presidential campaign continues its early strategy of Mike swearing up and down that he's not running while his aides and associates provide the press anonymous confirmations that he sure as heck is. The latest gambit: "Personal friends" of the mayor told the Washington Times that he's "prepared to spend an unprecedented $1 billion of his own $5.5 billion personal fortune for a third-party presidential campaign." That's a significant chunk of change and raises the prospect of a three-way race between a cousin-fucking associate of known criminals with an authoritarian streak, a tiny Jew with a Boston accent and a penchant for telling you what you're not allowed to put in your mouth, and a cold, controlling Senator from a liberal Northeastern state (or a semi-liberal Midwestern state, or a semi-conservative Southern state, depending on the day) who, in spite of everything, would be the only candidate still in her first marriage. Oh or maybe the black guy who smokes. He's fun, but we're starting to regret saying all those bad things about Canada. More »
vanity fair
White House Correspondents After-Party: What's The Hitch?
More excitement in the battle between Bloomberg and Vanity Fair to see who can host the more fabulous after party for this weekend's White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. Sure, Vanity Fair is offering Christopher Hitchens and all the alcohol he doesn't drink himself, but the Bloomberg bash will feature both pigs in a blanket and, possibly, our mayor-king himself! While the Bloomberg party is famously a snooze—and really, who wants to stand on the pavement smoking while the host gives you dirty looks from inside, a la Tina Brown's—consider this: "Bloomberg is proud to boast that its dozen toilets should better accommodate guests than the two bathrooms Hitchens' house reportedly has for its 100-plus guests." Plus, you know that Hitch is gonna be puking in one of them. Maybe the best choice is no choice at all. More »
crime
That Giant Thing Bulging From Your Trenchcoat At The Cineplex Had Better Be Your Wang
Take care the next time you sneak your videocamera into a movie theater to illegally bootleg a first-run feature: The City Council has passed legislation raising the fine for such behavior to $5000. In addition, Variety reports that the mayorhas tasked his administration to boost efforts through undercover investigations and inspections, documenting trademark infringements, and using nuisance abatement law to hold accountable the owners of buildings where movies are duped and sold.The story notes that more than "40% of all counterfeit CDs seized in the U.S. are made within the New York metro area," which kind of makes us proud to call this city home, but if the crackdown proves as oddly successful as the rest of Mr. Bloomberg's War on Fun it's goodbye, grainy copy of Blades of Glory. Is nothing illegal in this city sacred? Costs up for illegally videotaping films [Variety]
mike bloomberg
Mayor Bloomberg Can't Understand Why Everyone Didn't Just Wait Out The Storm In Bermuda
Times reportorial machine Sewell Chan takes a look Mayor Bloomberg's response to the criticism he's received for failing to suspend alternate side of the street parking rules after this week's storm. The mayor seemed a little disgruntled with the disgruntlement: "It was easy to move your car. I don't like to get up early in the morning and have to do anything, either. I'd like to sleep in, too." The mayor closed the press conference with a spirited impression of griping citizens: "This is you: 'Waaaah, waaaah, waaaah, I have to move my car!' Grow a goddamned pair already. You're supposed to be New Yorkers; you're whining like a bunch of bitches from Boston. You sicken me." More »
clips
More »
Rudy Can't Fail, Keep Eyes Open For More Than Three Seconds
Rudy Giuliani made an appearance on "Today" this morning to discuss President Bush's State of the Union address. The appearance fueled speculation that - holy crap, did he have some kind of eye job? Watch this brief clip from the interview and see if you can count how many times his peepers pop out or blink. He's definitely looking a little softer around the edges. It's kind of creepy. Okay, it's a lot creepy.More »
