Rafael Nadal Latest Celeb To Regret Looking So Totally Hot In That Magazine

Ghost of Britney Spears Haunts Miley Cyrus

Batman Bale's Family Assault Interview

• Dark Knight star Christian Bale is accused of assaulting his own mother and sister. Police apparently waited to question Bale about the incident because "it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere." Yes, one wouldn't want to interrupt the celebration of a fictional vigilante crime fighter with an awkward attempt to, you know, fight crime. [Sun]
• Alec Baldwin's book A Promise To Ourselves is about how the screwed up divorce and family court system made him very angry, resulting in the famously abusive voice mail he left his daughter. You know what else makes Baldwin very angry? Being rescheduled four times for an interview with Diane Sawyer about the book, just because her husband went into heart surgery or whatever. [R&M]
• Sarah Jessica Parker has an art competition show, and it's headed for Bravo. The creators of Project Runway are involved. [P6]
• Harvey Weinstein's Weinstein Co. is expanding with a full 11,000-square-foot floor in a TriBeCa building. Their credit is still good! Or at least it is with their old landlord. [Post]
• Britney Spears looks good in a bikini again, thanks to the magic of cool, refreshing cigarettes. [Egotastic]
• Madonna is taking time off from her tour under doctor's orders. Supposedly, the pop star fired two dancers and her tour manager was on the verge of walking out. "One of her closest pals says she has never seen Madonna so low." [Sun]
• Alex Rodriguez is negotiating with his wife Cynthia in New York this week to "quickly settle their divorce" and "avoid a public 'slugfest.'" Oh, good. Because one can only imagine the salacious gossip that might emerge from such a situation. [Post]
• Al Reynolds was spotted at Miami Fashion Week with a woman "who was the spitting image" of Star Jones, complete with four-inch stilettos. [Post]
• Larry Mendte, the Philadelphia TV news co-anchor of cop-puncher Alycia Lane, was charged by the feds with reading Lane's email, including during breaks from the 11 o'clock news, and presumably for also forwarding her email to various tabloids, because if low-grade email snooping alone is a federal crime this guy is one unlucky bastard. [P6]
• Miley Cyrus is interested in taking the movie role of "a lovable, lost suburban girl who descends into a life of reckless partying and promiscuity." How does Vanity Fair continue to manipulate her this way?? [Scoop]
• Fashion line Guess wants its lead model to look like Amy Winehouse. On purpose. [P6]
• Paris Hilton is maybe tired of boyfriend Benji Madden, even though she recently wanted to marry him and have his babies, according to rumor and so forth. [E!]

Britney Spears Gives Up Custody Of Kids

• Britney Spears gave up custody of her two sons to ex-husband Kevin Federline, retaining only visitation rights. The singer had been showing signs of steady mental and physical improvement, so it seemed odd she'd give up her custody battle so readily. Meanwhile, Spears' handlers keep trying to nudge her into making some more money for them, already. Sad.
• Amy Poehler is leaving Saturday Night Live for a spinoff of the Office. I think it's safe to blame Chris Matthews. [AP]
• After admitting she was stung by Maxim magazine calling her the "unsexiest woman in the world," Sarah Jessica Parker had her trademark mole removed. Or maybe it had nothing to do with the stupid magazine thing and everything to do with the mole having to be digitally edited out of the Sex And The City movie, which would make anyone a touch self-conscious. [LA Times]
• The Who bandmates Pete Townsend and Roger Daltrey are supposed to do a $100 million tour but are already fighting over song selection and insisting on separate dressing rooms, hotels, travel arrangements and staff, because that's what cranky senior citizens do. [P6]
• Ryan Phillippe sent his brunette girlfriend, Australian actress Abbie Cornish, to get her hair dyed the same color as his blonde ex-wife, Reese Witherspoon — in the same salon. [P6]
• Pictures of British actress Dame Helen Mirren in a bikini: Surprisingly hot! [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Aniston told Miley Cyrus she'd like to make a movie together. Cyrus gave a tentative OK, subject to Annie Leibovitz's approval. [Star]

The Upkeep On Jennifer Aniston Is Ridiculous

• Jennifer Aniston spends $20,000 per month on beauty treatments, supposedly, including twice-a-month, $1,000-a-pop spa treatments for cellulite. All to impress John Mayer, who kissed Perez Hilton? [Enquirer]
• Actress Tatum O'Neal is paying a fine and attending two half-day drug-treatment sessions as punishment for her crack buy. Her dealer? Deported! No wonder he was saying he felt abandoned. [Post]
• Director Mike Nichols had a coronay bypass operation over the weekend and is recuperating. [P6]
• After deciding Sarah Jessica Parker was the "unsexiest woman alive," Maxim magazine is now calling her its "Unexpected Crush." Maxim is a 12 year-old boy. [Post]
• Before throwing herself at actress Drew Barrymore's ex, Justin Long, actress Kirsten Dunst followed actor Emile Hirsch to a club, by herself. [P6]
• Teen star Miley Cyrus gave a "rude hand gesture" to some paparazzi while riding a rollercoaster. But it somehow involved two fingers. One gesture, two fingers — how rude could it have been? [Showbiz Spy]
• The girlfriend of the brother of Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend Sam Ronson is "confirming" they are together. This would be what is meant by "inching out of the closet," right?? [Sun]

Famous Photographers Woo Stars Into Lewdness

Cop-Punch Reporter Wants Dignity Back

• Cop-slugging reporter Alycia Lane sued her former employer, saying the Philly TV station pushed her into an embarassing Dr. Phil interview, as though there is any other kind. [AP]
• Someone wrote an entire song about the night he, then a bartender, punched a rude Russell Crowe in the face. Crowe's flack artfully said Crowe may not "know anything about" the incident, except that it's not true. Convincing. [P6]
• Mike Myers is supposedly some sort of tyrant who demands that Late Night With Conan O'Brien interns fetch him Twizzlers, raspberry seltzer and soy milk. That's a joke, right? You can't be a non-child-star tyrant with that list of demands. [P6]
• Toby Young doesn't think his former Vanity Fair boss Graydon Carter will give any magazine love to Young's Carter-slamming movie. [YoungManhattanite via P6]
• Town & Country magazine just loves this little place in Ireland run by a kiddie porn collector. [P6]
• Britney Spears's 17-year-old sister Jamie-Lynn gave birth to a baby girl, Maddie Briann, not via c-section, in case you were wondering.
• The issue of Vanity Fair with 15-year-old Miley Cyrus' scandalous photo shoot is hot in prisons acorss the country, so Cyrus has been deluged with thousands of, uh, supportive letters. According to HollyScoop, "that's what ya get for posing half naked." Yes, she deserves to be hounded by horny felons. [HollyScoop]
• Katie Holmes sent a $2,000 "congrats-on-getting-knocked-up-ps-help-I'm-being-held-prisoner" gift basket to her husband Tom Cruise's ex-wife, Nicole Kidman. [OK!]

If Bruce Willis Doesn't Really Own This Wine Bar, I'm Leaving Right Now

• Republican-leaning movie star Bruce Willis opened a yuppie-friendly wine bar in the East Village, which prompted protests from neighborhood lefties and counterprotests from the Young Republicans. Turns out? He's not a partner in the bar, he just lent his name as a favor. Because, you know, wine, action movie star Bruce Willis — the connection is obvious. Plus he totally made those wine cooler commercials in the 80s. [Observer]
• Premium seats for Broadway's All My Sons will sell for $251, as opposed to the usual $100, because of sudden surge in the popularity of Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Arthur Miller. Ha ha, just kidding, it's because the play features Katie Holmes, the middling movie star married to insane cultist Tom Cruise. The market works! [E!]
• The threesome involving Scarlett Johansson, Penélope Cruz and Javier Bardem takes up less than 20 seconds of Woody Allen's new movie, according to Allen, but the marketing department is going to milk those precious seconds for all they are worth, starting with the poster.
• OMG a fashiongay is going to ruin the Obama campaign! "Some Dems fear that in the months ahead, [Andre Leon] Talley, a huge fan of Oscar de la Renta, will steer Michelle into a Bolero jacket or an outfit even more ill-advised." Yes, a big public fight about which expensive outfits Michelle Obama should wear is just what Barack "Elite" Obama needs right now. [P6]
• Miley Cyrus' dad, country music star Bill Ray Cyrus, revealed that he left the Vanity Fair photo shoot before Annie Leibovitz took the infamous picture of his daughter in a bed sheet. "Stuff happens. That's life... It's not a mistake to me." [Daily Star]
• Here's a picture of Kate Moss flashing her boobs in Turkey and setting back Islamic/Western relations 20 more years. [Sun]
• Ashey Olsen went public with her dalliance with movie star Justin Bartha, then proceeded to get way too cutesy: "Told they had a reserved love seat in the theater, Olsen affectionately rubbed Bartha's back and giggled, 'That sounds good!'" Awww... barf.
• Matthew McConaughey's wife is pregnant, so he went "surfing" in Nicaragua alone, which of course means mostly carousing in bars. He denies hitting on various women, but admits to losing his left flip-flop, and even offers a reward, which is JUST bizarre enough to make you forget about the cheating. Smarter than he looks. [R&M]
• Police have been searching for Sam Israel, a hedge funder they think faked his own suicide just before starting a 20-year-prison sentence. But it turns out he thinks he can time travel, so the Post wonders if he "FLED TO THE PAST?"
• If her friends weren't here, Naomi Campbell would totally stab you! And then come back the next day to apologize! And then try to put the incident behind her! [Showbiz Spy]
• Britney Spears is selling her house, which means the paprazzi will leave and broke neighbor Ed McMahon may finally be able to sell his place. Spears will be destroying property values in Encino next. [E!]

Miley Cyrus Replacement Features Unremovable Top

Is Celebrity Gossip Really Dead This Time?

Victoria Gotti Unimpressed With Your Debt-Collection Tactics

• Victoria Gotti didn't realize she was getting a $70,000 memoir advance to dish dirt on her mobster dad John. Or maybe she did, but she never thought HarperCollins would have the stones to demand it back. [Post]
• Woody Allen concedes there are threesomes and lesbian scenes in his movie involving Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson and, but explains they constitute "not even 20 seconds of sex." So... about 75 cents per second at the multiplex? Sold. (Oh, the guy: Javier Bardem.) [Showbiz Spy]
• Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend Samantha Ronson posted a MySpace picture of the couple kissing, then thought better of it and removed the picture. [Perez Hilton]
• Someone found an insurance company insane enough to cover Lohan's forthcoming movie, Labor Pains, a romantic comedy that will fix Lohan's life forever. [R&M]
• Still under a spell cast by Vanity Fair mystic Annie Leibovitz, normally chaste 15-year-old Miley Cyrus hooked up with her 22-year-old backup ancer "Marshall." And there are a couple of pictures. [ThinkFashion]
• Heather Mills, yelling in a New York penthouse about puppy mills and feeling a little victimized herself: "I haven't been up for 24 hours and flew here from London to be ignored!" [P6]
• Designed Tommy Hilfiger is going to be in some sort of Bravo special. [P6]
• Meadow Soprano is moving to LA for some TV work. [OK!]