Farrah Fawcett, Rumored Again to be Near Death, Accepts Proposal From Ryan O'Neal

Farrah finally agrees to marry Ryan before she dies, FHM names Megan Fox the hottest woman in the universe, Paris Hilton finds a new animal to ride, Jake and Reese dress up alike and a Fox News divorce. More »

The Megan Fox Topless Photos You've All Been Waiting For

The week she's starring in a blockbuster film release, nude photos of Megan Fox magically appear on the internet, Artie Lange is banned from the Tonight Show, Lindsay Lohan goes berserk in a club, and Paris dishes on boning Ronaldo. More »

Leonardo DiCaprio Just Can't Stop Kicking Supermodels to the Curb

Leo the Great dumped Bar Refaeli, Britney Spears is banging her agent at William Morris, Miley Cyrus dumped her boyfriend and is after Nick Jonas, Lauren Conrad's new novel will be horrendous, and David Carradine bought lots of sex toys. More »

Next Generation Of Hollywood Starlets Is Starting Very Young

A recent post on ONTD begins, "This is exactly what you think it is: Miley's sista." Right. The taller one with the darker hair is Noah "Noie" Cyrus. On a red carpet. In a swimsuit. Noie was born June 14, 1999. She is nine. The caption on these photos reads: [Jezebel]

Mel Gibson's Mistress Seeks Alliance with His Wife

Miley Cyrus is confused by Perez Hilton; Nadya Suleman is confused about just how many beings she wants; and Mel Gibson's mistress doesn't understand why boozy adultery didn't lead to more. More »

Lindsay Lohan in 'It's Complicated' Reunion

All relationships are "complicated," Facebook: Heidi Montag can't sell pictures of her stupid re-wedding, so why bother; Miley Cyrus is sheepishly two-timing and LiLo and SamRo restored a tenuous digital connection. More »

Hulk Hogan on Cutting His Wife and Lover's Throats

Jamie Foxx regrets wishing chlamydia on Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears wishes she'd never met that creep from rehab at Subway. But Hulk Hogan doesn't have to regret "totally understand[ing]" OJ Simpson. More »

Hannah Montana and Cowboy Ride Rocket Horses Past Speeding Toyota

Hannah Montana opened big, meaning we get six more years of Miley Cyrus. Fast & Furious continues to do donuts in America's muddy backyard, and those few who Observe'd did not Report good things. More »

Madonna Should Just Adopt One of the Duggar Children

Madonna and Jolie want more babies, tennis players are lesbians, American Girls: Changes for Whitney, Miley Cyrus is a literary scholar, and Chris Brown is dating again. Shame. More »

Twinkly Jonas Brother Latest Celebrity in Slanty-Eyed Photo Disgrace

The return of China-eyes. Jen Aniston, miserable. What's new? Katy Perry gets peed on, while the Octomom remains bewildered and horrible. Plus, Twilight!!! More »

Miley Cyrus Stalker Filmed By Daily News, Sent On His Merry Way

Miley Cyrus, the chestnutty star of Hannah Montana, is in New York today! A legion of fans has shown up to meet her, including Mark McLeod, a creepy Georgian who talks to her through pictures. More »

Miley Cyrus Twitter Hack Full Of Missed Opportunities, Misspellings

It's a shame that someone went to the trouble of hacking Miley Cyrus's Twitter account, then eschewed the imaginative vagina prose of his forebears to merely imagine X-rated episodes of The Miley and Mandy Show. More »

Woman Seeks $4 Billion Restitution For Miley Cyrus's Crimes Against Asianity

Justifiably, semi-apologies and awards-season censure aren't going far enough to repair Miley Cyrus's SlantyGate-poisoned reputation among Asians. It's going to take a lot more — like $4 billion more — to achieve litigated peace. More »

Margaret Cho Gifts Miley Cyrus With Hit New Ballad 'Chinky Eyes'

If Miley Cyrus wants to make amends with the Asian community in the wake of her scandalous, slanty-eyed snapshots, perhaps she should ring up Margaret Cho, who's just penned her a new tune. More »

Rihanna's Facial Injuries 'Horrific'

The brutal Rihanna-Chris Brown spectacle got somehow worse, as did Miley Cyrus' racism scandal and the gossip about Gwyneth Paltrow's marriage. Must be Tuesday. More »

Miley Cyrus: I Made a 'Goofy,' Non-Racist Face

Miley Cyrus and her buddies here are all squinting and pulling their eyelids, but they're not racist, she explained on her blog. Just being goofy and Oriental, LOL. More »

You Only Think Miley Cyrus Is Racist Because Britney Spears Is Sober

Though Miley Cyrus may have been Oscar-snubbed, at least she's the frontrunner for a Tortured Logic nomination after she blamed the media uproar for her slanty-eyed play-acting on...Britney Spears's sobriety. More »

Will Miley Cyrus's Racist Indiscretions Keep Her From Awards Glory?

Kidding! It's rhetorical! Clearly it's not such a slow news day that we would actually contrive to ask that question, right? Right. But someone would — you get one guess who. More »

Alec Baldwin Promises To 'Go Into The Forest' For New Job

New Year, new jobs: Tom Cruise has assigned Katie Holmes reproductive duties, Alec Baldwin's famous voice finally got him his dream job and Lauryn Hill is testing new mounts. More »

Today in Awards Hell: SAG Noms Revealed; Oscar Favors Mariah, Miley, Clint

The Screen Actors Guild took its finger off the nuke button long enough to select 2008 awards nominations, while the Academy narrowed its Best Song candidates to a modest 49.

It's Senator Fran Drescher

• Fran Drescher announced a run for Hillary Clinton's senate seat, on the basis of being "authentic and honest" and "getting a bill passed in Washington." Presumably having Anderson Cooper in the tank is a plus, too. Pray she's joking. [NYM]
• Miley Cyrus doesn't hate Annie Leibovitz for hypnotizing her into taking those salacious Vanity Fair photos where she wore only a bedsheet. "I would love to work with her again." Trollop! [via P6]

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A-Rod Like a Virgin With Madonna

• Alex Rodriguez said he isn't shagging Madonna. Sure. He's just hanging in Miami, Mexico City and Brazil with her, platonically, and maybe buying an apartment with her, platonically, and meeting secretly with her in restaurants, as friends. He also denied riding on a private jet with Madonna, so I guess this is supposed to be someone else who was photographed with her?
• Breaking: George Clooney flirted with a pretty bartender in London. He first met her a year ago, so is basically stalking her. [Sun]

• Heath Ledger's old landlord can't lease his apartment, probably more because of the economy and the $26,000-per-month rent, we're guessing, than due to concerns over morbidity. [P6]
• Ron Perelman's latest messy-divorce-related lawsuit is finally over. The daughter involved in the billionaire's custody dispute is now a teenager. [P6]
• Maybe Miley Cyrus is going to divorce her parents! Sure, her publicist denies it, but someone did write into a gossip column to ask about it. And there's precedent. So let's all keep talking about. [E!]
• Gordon Ramsay's purported lover, an adultery expert and author, was kicked off an adultery website for doing adultery horribly incorrectly. [P6]

42-Year-Old Stephen Baldwin Reveals Tattoo of Teenaged Miley Cyrus

Allow us to introduce to you our Inverse Baldwin Theory, which goes a little something like this: whenever one Baldwin rises in the public's estimation, another Baldwin must descend to heretofore unknown levels of douchebaggery to balance out the universe. Thus, it is so that as Alec Baldwin enjoys near-universal acclaim and awards for his role on 30 Rock, baby brother Stephen has been reduced to stunts like becoming a right-wing Republican, Celebrity Apprentice, and now... this. More »

Prospectors Prepare To Dig In Montana

[Teen juggernaut Miley Cyrus, daughter borne of an achy breaky heart, at the 17th annual Who Cares! Music Awards last night; image via Bauer-Griffin] More »

Heroic Dog Fends Off Vampires in Deadly All-Ages Box-Office Duel

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your weekly guide to everything new, noteworthy and otherwise avoidable at the movies. Today offers a little more variety than last week's Bond! Bond! Bond! World Tour, but only a little — a total of two major new offerings are crashing the multiplex this week, with a scrappy smattering of indies and upstarts shuffling onto screens behind them. And if that's not doing it for you, there are always a few thrilling DVD's to pick up the slack. As always, our opinions are our own, but you'll never see them schlepping off to Washington for a bailout. Invest wisely after the jump! More »

Miley Cyrus's Faux-Coyness Calibrated To Tell You All You Need To Know About How Much Underwear-Model Ass She's Getting

Miley Cyrus kicked off her "I Wasn't Killed By a Drunk Driver, Regardless of What My Hacked YouTube Page Sez! :D" tour with a stop at Ellen DeGeneres's show, which won't air until tomorrow. Ellen has become somewhat of a tween superstar guidance counselor in recent weeks, having lent Taylor Swift a shoulder to cry on as the country star recounted her brutal, half-minute Jonas brother tele-dumping. Cyrus, however, proved a tougher nut to crack, offering nothing but a series of guttural grunts and snorts in response to DeGeneres's line of underwear-model-boyfriend questioning. So embarrassed is she by the prospect of revealing the true nature of her relationship with the recipient of her obscene, catwalk-side tongue-gestures, Cyrus eventually tumbles sideways inside her chair—a bout of forced-coyness rendered all the more unsettling by her raspy giggles of fake embarrassment. *Shudder.* [Ellen]

BREAKING: Miley Cyrus Not Dead, Says Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus hackers continue to represent one of the fastest-growing segments of the American tech sector, returning to haunt the Disney superstar once again over the weekend. This time around, however, the ambitious intruder bypassed Miley's generically scandalous shirt-chomping escapades in favor of spreading the much more dire gossip that she was dead. Spoiler alert: She's not! But that doesn't mean she won't seek vengeance anyway. More »

Miley Cyrus Turns Into Monster When Fed After Midnight

Life is getting harder and harder for 'Bolt' star Miley Cyrus in her 16th year, faced with so many of the crises that make our mid-teens such a dramatically turbulent era. Like the driving instructor taking less than kindly to her defiance behind the wheel ("I don't wanna turn left, I wanna turn right!"), all those cheapskate hangers-on who won't buy tickets to her shows, and the father whom the young phenom reduced to a punchline last Friday while in late-night conversation with Jay Leno. It must have been 'Miley Day' again; these rituals just get more and more painful for poor Billy Ray. [The Tonight Show]

Courtney Love's 60-Blog-Post Freakout

• Apparently Courtney Love said something about being suicidal amid her 60 (!!) blog posts Sunday but she also said her mood was "pirate" (good, right??) and that "ebaz and mj dresses saved my life." Also putting on a dress made her feel pretty. Also: "Dada, circus."
• NBC's Dan Abrams and supermodel Elle Macpherson are an item. [P6]
• After a fan committed suicide in front of her house, Paula Abdul hired "healers" to get rid of ghosts, and still is convinced the place is haunted. [P6]
• Sean Combs: ""I shave and groom my private areas." Good morning to you too, Sean. [R&M - second item]
• No one tell Ricky Gervais the pound is now worth less than $1.50. The city needs all the economic stimulus it can get [R&M - third item]
• Oil heir Brandon Davis is now said to be a degenerate gambler, in addition to a sponge. [P6]
• Madonna is crushing Britney Spears' only-recently-revived hopes and dreams. [Showbiz Spy]
• Miley Cyrus is not dead. [E!]

Obama Children Protected from the Sins of Miley Cyrus, For Now

Did Barack or Michelle deliver some stern words to Billy Ray Cyrus after he invited the Obama children to be on the Hannah Montana show anytime they wanted? After all, we begged the Obamas not to do it—too much potentially damaging child-star drama!—and now Miley's Dad seems to be backtracking. Billy "Achy Breaky Heart" Ray sounds chastened: More »

'Stage-Parenting Tips For Barack Obama,' By Billy Ray Cyrus

When it comes to satisfying their children's tween dreams, Barack and Michelle Obama have been fairly generous, arranging a Jonas Brothers meet-and-greet on the set of Ellen that found Joe practicing his phone breakup techniques on Malia and left Sasha, weirdly, with a purity ring on her left thumb. Still, there's one place that even the Obamas deem too frightening for their girls: the set of Hannah Montana! After Billy Ray Cyrus issued an invitation for the younger Obamas to make an appearance on the show that was greeted with a firm "Uh...," Miley's father attempted a retraction tinged with some unexpected advice: More »

Aniston Burns Jolie As Hard As She Knows How

• Jennifer Aniston has an "unbelievably warm and respectful" relationship with ex-husband Brad Pitt, but that skank new wife of his? Who recently told the Times she and Pitt fell in love on the Mr. & Miss Smith set, while he was still married to Aniston? She's a piece of work. "That stuff about how she couldn't wait to get to work every day? That was really uncool."
• This one ex-hooker may or may not have tape recorded her phone conversations with Ashley Dupre, call girl to Eliot Spitzer. On this basis, she's been deemed worthy of a pay-to-view porn site in her honor. Looking at naked pictures of a girl who maybe talked to Dupre a few times will set you back $5.99 . [P6]
• A Harlem church's applause for Hillary Clinton was merely "courteous." Scandal! [P6]
• Sarah Jessica Parker would like everyone to know that there is no Sex And The City movie sequel until she says there is a Sex And The City movie sequel. OK? Thanks. [Access Hollywood]
• Miley Cyrus and her boyfriend showed up at a Christian bookstore for Stephen Baldwin's book signing. Cyrus is friends with Baldwin's daughter; Baldwin has a a Hannah Montana tattoo on his arm, because Cyrus dared him to. [E!]
• Either Joe the Plumber was trashing John McCain, or a bunch of bar patrons decided to swarm some McCain-hater who looks like Joe the Plumber. [P6]

Miley Cyrus And Underwear-Jockey Boyfriend Crash Stephen Baldwin Book Signing

As we anxiously await lesser Baldwin brother Stephen's self-imposed exile, the McCain-grieving, born again zealot remains on domestic soil, plugging his latest book—an essential addition to the religio-detective canon called The Death and Life of Gabriel Phillips: A Novel—on the Christian bookstore circuit. And who should pop up at a Tennessee signing table but Disney Channel superstar Miley Cyrus, with Underoos-flaunting man-candy Justin Gaston tucked under her arm. Why? Not even a befuddled flack could say: More »

'Miley Day' Tradition Ends in Bloodshed For Billy Ray Cyrus

We've had an early glimpse at the joys to come later this week on The Tyra Banks Show, where the host will spend Friday with birthday girl Miley Cyrus and family at yet another Miley fête hosted by Disney. Beyond the nuggets of insight into Miley's poo-scrubbing child-labor days ("I worked at this place called Sparkles Cleaning Service and I cleaned houses, I was like 11. ... I can clean toilet bowls”), however, the true revelations begin when Tyra corners Billy Ray Cyrus into a discussion of "Miley Day" — a tradition of parental indulgence during which, says Cyrus, "whatever she said she wanted to do that day we was gonna do it, no matter what it was…" We'll let Billy Ray take it from there in the accompanying video; let it suffice to say they'll never again be allowed to sit beside each other in church. [Tyra Banks Show]

Kirsten Dunst Launches Elections Investigation

• While you were merely voting and watching television or whatever, Kirsten Dunst was personally investigating the voting process, in North Dakota. She was asking America why it's terrible at voting, and hoping the answer has nothing to do with movies. [Daily Star]
• Oprah Winfrey on Obama's speech, post-cry: "I was so, so, so excited and then just sort of a calm came over me." [Insider]
• Jessica Alba was impressed that John McCain dealt with racial issues in his concession speech; Harvey Weinstein called Obama's win "a great day for America;" Obama Girl Amber Lee Ettinger "burst into tears" when the race was called for Obama. As though she had a choice. [R&M]
• It's not an entirely happy morning in America: Lesbian heiress Courtenay Semel lost her allowance. [P6]
• Miley Cyrus is already gearing herself up to just say "NO" to unreasonable posing requests from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Including anything involving bedsheets. [Entertainment Weekly]

Worn and Peace

[Teen sensation Miley Cyrus with her mother in Paris; image via Splash] More »

Billy Ray Cyrus Enforces The Five Feet Rule

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Miley! The Morality Play

It takes a village to raise a child—and to protect a precocious, professionally-sexualized teen's virginity. Disney puppet-performer Miley Cyrus's dad, former country singer Billy Ray, was recently sort-of quoted in the Sun about giving 15-year-old Miley "the talk." Because she has an older boyfriend now! "I told her in no uncertain terms that her career would be over if something stupid were to happen and she would no longer be a role model for young girls," he said. This is no longer about Miley, America. More »