• Didn't see this coming: GLAAD has released a statement approving ABC's decision to cancel two Adam Lambert appearances in the wake of his controversial AMA performance. Glambert was not cut for kissing a man and simulating oral sex on stage, they explain, but because he did so without telling anyone he was going to do it. It means he can't stay on script, which is a fate that perhaps befalls stars who get their start in quasi-reality show settings. GLAAD buys ABC's excuse, noting that the letwork lets gays, lesbians, and trannies kiss on air from time to time. (Go, Ugly Betty, go) TMZ, however, notes that Adrian Brody and Halle Berry had an impromptu kiss at the 2003 Oscars and never suffered consequences. Update: Wanna know what GLAAD isn't okay with? Saying that they're okay with banning gay performers. GLAAD issued a mealy-mouthed "clarification" of their previous statement that doesn't really change anything: They're against double standards for gays and disappointed that Lambert's not appearing on ABC, but they checked with ABC and this is not one of those situations, so ABC's fine to ban him, or something. Anyway, here's the whole thing from GLAAD PR director Rich Ferraro

  Update on Statement from GLAAD on ABC's Decision to Cancel Performances by Adam Lambert

  Since his American Music Awards performance occurred GLAAD has consistently advocated that Adam Lambert and openly gay artists not be held to a double standard. As we have expressed publicly, it is disappointing that ABC will not give Lambert a chance to perform at this time. GLAAD's discussions with ABC focused on confirming that his sexual orientation was not a factor in their decisions. ABC confirmed this is not about a same-sex kiss or his sexual orientation but about being "caught off guard." GLAAD asked ABC and calls on them for clarification on "caught off guard" so that the community knows why Lambert is being denied the opportunity to perform on the network.

  [TMZ]

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• Miley Cyrus got Lindsay Lohan's "breathe" tattoo, but under her boob [fig.1] instead of on her wrist. It's all part of young Hollywood's plan to merge themselves into one big Transformers-like monster of indiscernible mom-nightmare. Miley was photographed cavorting in an ill-fitted hot pink bikini with visible boob pads. Her "Just breathe" tat is definitely new, because there are pictures of her pantomiming "it iches." [fig.2] [DailyMail]
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• As if Rihanna wasn't intimidating enough already: Asked about the rumor that she is a size queen, Rihanna laughed in a radio interview and replied, "guilty as charged, guilty as charged." She also likes tall men, and wearing heels. "If it's a one-night stand situation there's only one thing that matters. I don't think personality matters right there." Sounds like she's on the rebound? [TMZ]
• 
  
• Oh, so now he's all holier than thou: Chris Brown would like alleged Tiger Woods-beater Elin Nordegren to know, from one domestic abuser to another, that it's not okay to hit the ones you love. [Gatecrasher]
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• Speaking of Chris, his 20/20 interview airs tonight. His PR team's tenacity is unrelenting. [NYDN]
• 
  
• The Salahi Saga continues. Three Secret Service members are on administrative leave for their role in admitting the D.C. party crashers to Obama's state dinner. Nonetheless, the Prez sez he "could not have more confidence" in his security, probably because everyone knows this was actually social secretary Desiree Rogers' fault, even though the White House is defending her. [NYP] [LAT]
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• Pamela Anderson is recording a single with Richie Rich, called "High," which is about high fashion, not drugs. [P6]
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• Alleged Casey Johnson vibrator victim Jasmine Lennard says the Johnson & Johnson heiress "turned up screaming, 'I love you'" yesterday and begged Lennard to drop charges for the time Casey broke into her home, stole her panties, and left a used vibrator in her bed. Somehow Nicky Hilton gets pulled into the mess, as does a P6 meta-reference: "I considered dropping the charges until I read her claim in Page Six that I somehow fabricated what she did to me. It has made me more determined for her to suffer the consequences." [P6]
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• Taylor Lautner is in the running to be Max Steel in the comic-book-turned-movie of the same name. He's also hosting SNL this week. Sweet as the boy is, my prediction is "wooden." [LAT]
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• Kate Moss bought a bracelet straight off a woman's wrist, which must be one of the most powerful proofs of stylishness this world has to offer. But this item smells like a PR plant: Ad hoc bracelet-seller Ann Dexter-Jones is a professional bracelet-seller, too. Her debut jewelry line debuts this weekend. [P6]
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• Celebuspawn romance! 16-year-old Patrick Schwarzenegger has supposedly been dating 15-year-old Tallulah Willis since Halloween. I can think of few things more awkward than reading about your teenage relationship in the New York Post, but celebuspawn know not awkwardness, born of grace and lightness are they. [P6]
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• "Destiny's Child Gals Reunite—For Lawsuit." Kelly Rowland is pissed because the copyright infringement suit that is dragging them to Chicago is all Beyonce's dad's fault, for pushing to get his daughter's name in songrwriting credits she didn't deserve. The catch-22 of stage parents is that the ones capable of making their kids into stars are also the one who end up sabotaging them later, inadvertently or otherwise. [Gatecrasher]
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  Figure 1.
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Figure 2.
  

Earlier: Oprah's Favorite Things 2007: The Audience Freaks Out!

• Last time we heard from Mitch Winehouse, he was talking about daughter Amy's hot new rack. Now he's explaining the real reason for Amy's trip to the hospital last weekend: "It wasn't because she had a cold. She's fine, she just had a little [points to his chest] leaky something or other." Does that really happen? Brand new breasts just spring a leak? I was always under the impression you had to be skydiving into ice-cold water or boxing Layla Ali to apply enough force to bust one of those open, but then, Wino has always been somewhat impervious to the laws of physics. [Sun]
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• Demi Moore was totes photoshopped on her ragingly hot W cover. [fig.1] But, despite the overwhelming evidence, she's still denying it! [fig.2] Mrs. Ashton Kutcher retweeted several fans' defenses of her weirdly photoshopped hip, cheering "I have no hips!" and "I love the pic and can only say I wish I had good lighting like that following me around all day!! Haha" and "i am in the skinny side lately." [HuffPo]
• 
  
• Levi Johnston went to GQ's Men of the Year party and no one gave a crap about him. Apparently Hollywood isn't as into Ricky Hollywood as ol' New York is, probably because their sense of irony is weaker. [HuffPo]
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• Everyone's still mad at Kate Moss for saying "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" a couple days ago. Now activists are pulling the mommy card, since Moss has a seven-year-old daughter. Moss' modeling agency stands by her, though they are suddenly reminded why the Kate Moss policy was always "look pretty, don't open mouth." [Us]
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• John Kerry has rushed to daughter Alexandra's defense regarding yesterday's DUI arrest, and seems cautiously optimistic about his daughter's fate, since she was under the legal BAC limit and was pulled over for expired tags. TMZ says "it's unlikely prosecutors will file charges," which probably has nothing to do with My Daddy the Senator, but then again, it probably doesn't hurt. [TMZ]
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• Out editor Aaron Hicklin got pissed at Adam Lambert for faking straight too many times, and Lambert is pissed right back. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, the American Idol star says Hicklin "really crossed a line," took statements "out of context," and unfairly pigeonholed him. "Not every gay man is the same gay man," Lambert said. "It's just sexuality." That's right, nobody can take your sexuality away from you, other than marketing executives with big plans for making your album go platinum with teen girls. Anyway, now that we've entered the "critical discourse on the nature of human sexuality" phase of this story, I'm officially jumping ship. Get back to me when you date someone interesting or make a sex tape, Adam. [EW]
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• Tina Fey's nefarious plot to destroy NBC continues. At an Ad Council gala the 30 Rock star joked, "NBC is sadly the fourth-place network; actually, we're in ninth place if you count the radio stations ahead of us right now." The crowd laughed uproariously and as it slowly dawned on a room full of NBC-Universal executives that they might not be in on the joke any more. [P6]
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• For her seventeenth birthday, Miley Cyrus dressed up as Julia Roberts' character from Pretty Woman, A.K.A., a whore. Jesus Christ, Billy Ray, rein in your daughters. [P6]
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• Top fashion model Daul Kim, a 20-year-old from South Korea, was found dead yesterday in her Paris apartment in an apparent suicide. Kim shot video diaries and had a popular blog. Her last post, dated the day before her death, read "say hi to for ever." [P6]
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Figures 1 & 2

A tipster forwarded us the above video, produced by and starring people who are supposed to be superhuman smarties: Google employees. And yet here they are pulling a Julia Allison. Maybe it's a simple case of geographic envy. Though they're singing about Los Angeles and filming the palm trees outside their office windows, these Googlers are in San Francisco, where the weather is getting damper, foggier and colder as the fall wears on. And the BART's been all full of morotists displaced by the broken Bay Bridge.

Or maybe this bunch just wanted a chance to show off their hip-twirling (especially the guy with the square design on his shirt, who clearly has been practicing in his moves in his bedroom mirror for like days). In any case, we couldn't help but notice a few things about their playground-y office environment:

UPDATE: The Googlers got shy and yanked the video; we've captured it and appended it to the end of the gallery, so you can enjoy the full experience of how workers play behind the Google curtain.

Notice the office fan. Who at the hugely profitable online company has been depriving these poor souls of proper air conditioning? At least they'll have those nifty Google zippered hoodies when the climate control fails them again this winter.

The free drinks fridge is fully stocked; apparently CEO Eric Schmidt was telling the truth about the company's return to growth mode after all!

We can't decide if that huge picture in the background is a cast promo for a late 1990s sitcom, or a picture of everyone in this office impersonating a Friends poster. (It's like we're always stuck in second hear...)

A massage chair, fun! We're not going to ask what the masseuse does behind that privacy screen back there. (Shameful, shameful lipdubs, probably.)

Work it! And when you're done could you mix us a very dry martini from the "lava lamps" sitting on the bar back there? Thanks!

"We're going to keep dancing until we've raised enough money to fix our office's crippling flat-panel-TV shortage! Our storage closets and several feet of our hallway are completely without gigantic flat panel monitors over every square inch and it's very sad. Operators are standing by for your donations."

"And I will keep rapping until there is a third flat panel monitor on this structural support beam, yo."

More evidence of the Googlers' sincere love for singer Miley Cryus and their selfless willingness to be the next internet company to host her ramblings now that she's gone and left Twitter.

It would seem Google lacks those fancy and super-comfortable Aeron chairs that became an icon for the c. 2000 dot-com boom. And it's already undermining the quality of its lipdubs; this account manager couldn't slide smoothly onto the screen, thanks to Google's cheap Office Depot chair.

When you learn to lip-sync more accurately you can be sent to the real LA. Until then, here's the Embarcadero's remarkable simulation!

We're not sure why Googlers got shy and yanked this video off of YouTube; one would think they'd be proud that the company retains a playful spirit despite the three rounds of layoffs early this year. And we've seen far worse lip-syncing! (Well, slightly worse, at least.)

Justin Timberlake's stalker—surprisingly, not Brittney Spears—one Ms. Karen McNeil, was busted on Timberlake's property last week. When asked to leave, she wouldn't. So Timberlake danced out a restraining order on this psycho, who'd also tried to follow Axl Rose. Which is sad for Justin Timberlake's publicist. So is the fact that, instead of just loving Justin, she's apparently being possessed by witches. Witches? Witches!

In the nonsensical ramblings, Karen states that she has been targeted by "Babylon witches" who seek to cast their "evil" on her.

Babylon witches? WTF? Has Robert Moses State Park really gotten that bad?

But Timberlake isn't the only one. Ryan Seacrest has a creepy leprechaun who thinks he's been made in Seacrest's image, or something. No, but seriously, this guy's scary, and he has a knife, and now Seacrest has a restraining order against him:

Lawyers for Seacrest got the order from a Los Angeles judge on Friday after Chidi Benjamin Uzomah Jr. was detained at the E! Entertainment Television headquarters the same day. Records show the 25-year-old man is already on probation for a previous incident involving Seacrest. Last month, Uzomah pleaded guilty to three misdemeanours, including carrying a switchblade knife as well as assault and battery. That was after he attacked one of Seacrest's bodyguards outside an event.

Who else? Miley Cyrus has had a ghoulish, pervy, 53 year-old stalker. Who just went free today. This was the guy who thought he was getting secret messages from Miley through the television a la Videodrome. Whereas we all hear "this music sucks, listen to something else," this creep hears, well, someone telling him to do creepy things. Which makes him crazy.

So what's there to understand about these people? Why do they think famous people give a shit about them, you know, besides the fact that they're mentally ill? What causes it? If the Stalker button on the top of this page is blatantly evident voyeurism, among other things, what goes beyond it? I'm sure it's still being studied, somewhere. In the mean time, Bret Easton Ellis plans on showing us the answer. Who else? Ellis is adapting a book for TV about Young Hollywood as seen through the eyes of a stalker. Wonder if he did his research on subjects close to him. Then again, considering his definition of "scary," he might be trying to teach us something. The stalked are scarier than the stalker, maybe?

Nah. Despite the fact that Hollywood's full of scary people, the people they spawn and inspire are even scarier.

Celebrities: they're nothing like us.

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

• So, what does Lindsay Lohan have to say about her disastrous Ungaro show in Paris? She just didn't have time to make a collection that didn't totally suck. And those pasties? She didn't even know about them! "I wasn't aware of the nipple tassels on the girls until they were walking out..." Don't worry, though, because the actress says she's "still learning," which gives us an iota of hope her next effort won't fall so flat. [People]
  
  
• A crazed "in love" fan waited in line five hours so that he could punch singer Leona Lewis at a book signing. She cried a bit, but has made a full recovery. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Neither side will admit it, but Fox Business and MSNBC are both working double time to make sure their respective morning hosts — rivals Don Imus and Joe Scarborough — beat one another at the ratings game. Scarborough's winning, but newcomer Imus could still come up from behind. [Page Six]
  
  
• Here's something none of us could have ever predicted. Britney Spears, who once lost custody of her two tots, has been named "best celebrity mom" in a completely scientific poll put out by a Christmas savings company, the most important source on Earth. [Mirror]
  
  
• Hillary Swank will stop at nothing to have children — someday. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• We're really sorry to be the ones to tell you this, but we're sure you've predicted it, so here it goes: Jon Gosselin vowed to continue a career in television. [NYDN]
  
  
• All wait staff should be on high alert: Miley Cyrus does not tip well. You've been warned. [Splash News]
  
  
• A former bodyguard claimed Howard K. Stern helped Anna Nicole Smith shoot valium. Because, at that point, why not? [NYDN]
  
  
• The late Stephen Gately's Boyzone bandmates will sleep in the chapel with his body the night before his funeral because he wasn't fond of being alone. [Mirror]
  
  
• Eminem must be quite the diva: he refused to work with Madonna. Chump. [NYDN]
  
  
• Because domestic life no longer appeals to viewers, the fifth season of Tori Spelling and family's reality show will be a cross-country trip. Next season? Ultimate fighting. [ET]
  
  
• Rather than simply pleading insanity, one of the men accused of extorting John Travolta after the actor's son's death claims that Travolta's lawyer offered him the $15 million as "hush money." [NYDN]
  
  
• Former Seventeen editor Atoosa Rubenstein will appear at Baruch Barnard College today to discuss the trials and tribulations of Iranian... hair. [Page Six]
  
  
• It's officially official: Avril Lavigne has filed for divorce from Sum 41 singer Deryck Jason Whibley. Now perhaps we'll never have to hear those names again. [AP]
  
  
• Joe Francis recently boasted that if he saw rival Brody Jenner, Jenner was "dead." Then he ran into Brody and his friends and did nothing. What a cock. And a tease. [Page Six]

• Dear Twilight fans, I'm not the only one who thinks your property is boring and stupid. Kristen Stewart does, too! Princess Frumpire thinks talking about Twilight is boring because she has to talk about it all the time. "The sad thing is that I feel so boring because Twilight is literally how every conversation I have these days begins - whether it's someone I'm meeting for the first time or someone I just haven't seen in a while. The first thing I want to say to them is, ‘It's insane! And, as a person, I can't do anything!' But then I think to myself, God damn it, shut the fuck up." Oh, no, Frumpracula, keep talking. If you want to get back at your psychotic teenage vampire fans, just tell them all what it's like to have sex with Bobert Patterson. They'll all scream like, well, vampires, the real kind, the ones that explode when sunlight hits them. And if you could make all Twilight fans explode out of pop culture existence, that'd be fine, too. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Jimmy Kimmel is so over Sarah Silverman, and is now dating one of his show's co-head writers, Molly McNearney. Kimmel's 41, McNearney's 31. The best part about the story, really, is the sole comment that's been left on the page: "Better wed her quick now. A wife can't be made to testify." Word. Also, oh, hey, remember that one time we were pretty sure McNearney had it going on with Kimmel long before this? [NYDN]
  
  
• Wow, Daily News is really on fire with the galleries. They call this masterwork "Hottie and the Nottie" based on a list of celebs who are with guys maybe supposedly uglier than them. Wonderful. So you're saying I have a chance? Etc. [NYDN]
  
  
• Miley Cyrus is a shitty tipper. She got $70 worth of food to go and didn't tip because she didn't know you were supposed to tip when you get takeout. Girlfriend. Sigh. Even worse: she was a shitty tipper at Outback Steakhouse. Why hasn't this been done yet? A list of Hollywood's shittiest tippers. I need to get on that. That way, these people could never eat in a restaurant without being shamed again. There's only one person who can get away with not tipping, and he's fake. [NYDN]
  
  
• The Boris and Natasha-esque gossip team known as Rush and Molloy set their trained sights this week on...Marc Rich? Yes. Marc Rich. The sketchy billionaire was pardoned by Bill Clinton, and he's been in exile in Switzerland. He didn't come back to America because of one man: Rudy Giuliani. Can you blame him? [NYDN]
  
  
• Bill Maher thinks Roman Polanski should just come back and go to jail. In other news, since Bill Maher didn't condemn Roman Polanski to die by sharks with buzzsaws attached to their faces, Bill Maher is pro-rape. You heard it here first. [NYP]
  
  
• Anderson Cooper was riding in Chelsea yesterday without a helmet. [NYP] I'll be here all day, folks.
  
  
• No, you can't. Giuliani made a young couple who had his old seats at Yankee stadium switch it up because he told Judith he wanted them back. Security swooped up the young couple, put them where Giuliani was sitting before, and plopped them back in their old seats. Giuliani, if you ever did that to me, I'd pour a beer on your head and put it on Deadspin. I don't know why this couple didn't do that. Honestly. That's beer-on-head meriting behavior. Dick. [NYP]
  
  
• Jon Gosselin: familiarize your self with the term "putz." It's Yiddish for "Jon Gosselin." Jon says he's going to be celebrating Hanukkah this year because everyone in his life is Jewish right now. No, really. That's what he said: "Everyone in my life is Jewish now, my attorney. I love it. I'm now half Jewish and half Korean. The family values are great....They gave her a free tummy tuck, worth $20 grand." Okay, Daily News, I don't know if you took the end of that quote out of context or what, but Jesus, really? Really. And he has holiday plans, too: "I'll see my kids [on Christmas] during the day for a couple of hours." [NYDN]
  
  
• Is A-Rod hitting better because of Kate Hudson's attendance at Yankees games? asks the Daily News. They even find some college professors to talk to about this kind of thing. And you know this is the highlight of these guys' week. Not that they made some kind of advancement in the field of psychology or whatever, no, it's that they get to talk about A-Rod getting laid in relation to the number of times he can bat someone in from third base. Ah, academics. [NYDN]
  
  
• Here's a gallery of celebrities running. It's oddly compelling in that "I will not eat this sandwich" kind of way. [NYDN]
  
  
• Tiger Woods is cheating on Gatorade with some kind of "focus drink." Adderall juice? Gimme. [NYDN]
  
  
• T.I.'s doing time for a weapons conviction—always, these guys, with the guns. Oy.—but that won't stop him from winning awards while he's in the slammer. No bars can hold The People from throwing down bars. It's true. [NYDN]
  
  
• There's a new book called "Growing up Bin Laden" coming out, and it's about growing up in Osama Bin Laden's family. Whee! The best part's when they move to Bel-Air for a while because Afghanistan got too rough during the early 90s. Hijinks ensued. [NYP]
  
  
• Mischa Barton's staying in New York. Suck it, LA. We've got Barton. Who do you have? Seriously. [NYP]
  
  
• So, Page Six's big story is that Madonna's not working out with Tracy Anderson anymore. Anderson's the trainer used by Gwyneth Paltrow to get Goop-y with it. The most exciting part of the story, however, is at the bottom. They totally buried the lede on this. You see, Tracy Anderson was apparently arrested for failing to pay a chimney sweep. The Dickens? Exactly! Dickens-esque, no? [NYP]

And, in celebration of T.I.'s award, we should all be able to feel liberated under imprisonment. Me, in front of my computer. You, in front of your computer. Princess Frumpire, in front of her Bobert Patterson. All of us, in the universe! Or something. I don't know. Here's an awesome song. Happy Sunday! Live your life! I'm gonna go eat a bagel.

[Photo via DZilla/JK/Bauer-Griffin]

MSNBC entertainment sleuth Courtney Hazlett has spent days tracking down sources, rummaging through trash and breaking legs to come up with the latest spoilers from the series-turned-movie sequel. And, no, they don't concern Samantha's hormone therapy. Thank god.

No, this one involves real testosterone: the ladies and their nameless friends — seriously, these broads rarely talk to anyone else but each other — will allegedly head to Connecticut to watch their homo friends Stanford and Anthony get gay married. Everyone will wear crazy outfits and toss out a string of double entendres and generally have a fabulous time.

Life & Style is reporting that the shooting schedule calls for a wedding scene to take place at a Connecticut Inn, and the guest list includes Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, plus Carrie's pal Stanford Blatch and his mother and father.

"All signs point to a gay union between Stanford and Anthony Marentino, who's required to wear a black tuxedo in the scene," according to the magazine. "Slated as the entertainment: Liza Minnelli."

Other plot details include a trip to Morocco (Dubai's authorities disapproved of all the sexy talk, we suppose) and perhaps a Miley Cyrus citing, which would dampen our gay spirits. Why is she everywhere?!

The Lady will perform on September 13 at this year's MTV Video Music Awards, and she's planning something big. In an interview with Newsweek's Ramin Setoodeh, she says: "I'm going to be performing one of the most recent singles off my album. But it's going to be a different and more dramatic interpretation. And it is most certainly rooted in New York-style performance art." Setoodeh asks — and who could blame him — "What does that mean?"

Gaga explains:

It's less of me singing the song, and more of an art installation. A performance-art piece. It's very well-designed and thought out, and we've been planning it for months and months. It is for me a very meaningful performance, [for] where I am in my career, as well as the experiences I've had, as well as the co-headlining tour I'm going on in the fall. […] I sort of have this philosophy about things: there's never a reason to do something unless it's going to be memorable, unless it's going to change things, unless it's going to inspire a movement. With the song and with the performance, I hope to say something very grave about fame and the price of it.

Does that clear anything up? Hell no. But even more cryptic is her answer to the question, "what are you going to wear?"

I would say that the fashion for the performance is a representation of the most stoic and memorable martyrs of fame in history. It's intended to be an iconic image that represents people. I think after watching the performance and maybe studying it after you watch it on YouTube, you'll see the references and the symbols come through.

And, when talking about her lighting scheme, Ms. Gaga says: "I like it to be moody. I like it to evoke an idea more than light my face. It's not about what you see. It's about what you don't see, and sometimes that vacant space can be very scary."

Perhaps you find it tiring to hear about her "philosophy," her "art," "symbols" and "meaning." Maybe it would be easier if she just said, "I'm going to dress like Joan of Arc. It's gonna be dope." But the other women topping the chart right now? Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. Those two aren't exactly… interesting.

Back when that song "Beautiful" was all over the radio, a DJ friend of mine once said, "The devil didn't invent rock and roll for James Blunt." And I can't help but agree, as a woman raised on filthy Prince lyrics, Madonna writhing to "Like A Virgin" (at the VMAs!) and sexual innuendo in George Michael hits. Lots of people can sing. Lots of people write songs. Pop music should be more that that. Not a lot of people sing well, or write catchy songs; Lady Gaga does both. But more importantly: Lady Gaga makes it exciting. Titillating, unexpected. With Muppet coats, teacups, awful (untrue) hermaphrodite rumors and general pantslessness. Without her, pop would be a bland landscape right now. And think about it: People mocked what David Bowie and KISS wore, too. In addition, she uses her Haus of Gaga to "propel" friends and young designers into the spotlight, using her fame to further their careers.

You might think Lady Gaga is pretentious, a phony. But if she is, it's as someone once said of Holly Golightly: She's a real phony… She honestly believes all this phony junk that she believes. Asked, "How old were you when you first wanted to be famous?" Lady Gaga replies:

I think I was in my mother's womb. But it's not about fame, you see. It's about "The Fame." It's about a life of glamour. I believe in a glamorous life.

Lady Gaga Will Rock the VMAs [Newsweek]

Earlier: Questions About The High Fashion & Domestic Violence In Lady GaGa's Video
Before The Teacup & Blonde Wig, Pants Were Still A Problem
Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Lady Gaga Visits The View

• She's already recently dated Jude Law and Leonardo DiCaprio, so it makes perfect sense that Cameron Diaz is now rumored to be dating Keanu Reeves. They were recently spotted looking "cozy" getting burgers..."Cameron was stuffing her burger in her mouth and playing up the fact that she has that wide mouth." Yeah. [Sun]
  
  
• Gerard Butler dumped Jennifer Aniston in the trunk of a car during filming of their sure-to-be-horrible romantic comedy. The picture accompanying this story is the stuff of metaphoric legend. [Mirror]
  
  
• Spencer Pratt says in his new book (Good God they gave him a freaking book deal?!) that his goal is to become the new Brad Pitt. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Michael Jackson's alleged gay lover says that Michael had been acting weird in the weeks leading up to his death by saying goodbye to people, as if he knew he'd be dying soon. [Mirror]
  
  
• Hayden Panettiere is now dating Harry Morton, the 28 year-old founder of the Pink Taco and one of Lindsay Lohan's many former ex-bangs. [Page Six]
  
  
• Stupid Lindsay Lohan left her stupid phone in a stupid diner in stupid Manhattan and when she went back to try to get it the stupid waitress who found it refused to give it back to her. The whole thing is just, well, stupid. [Sun]
  
  
• Barbra Streisand's lover from 1959 is selling three tapes he has of her singing back when they were together before she became a big star. Bidding starts at a million bucks. [Page Six]
  
  
• Miley Cyrus has a new boyfriend, some Australian kid named Liam Hemsworth. They were recently caught having a good ole fashioned teenage make-out session. Yawn. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Penelope Cruz is either getting fat or she's definitely been knocked up by Javier Bardem. Lucky bastard! [Daily Mail]

So, as we know, Miley Cyrus pole-danced at the Teen Choice Awards. Or, rather, she leapt up onto an ice cream cart with a pole in the middle and executed a single shimmy, obviously pole-dance inspired. Then she got down.

The dance itself wasn't that big a deal; yeah, it was completely inappropriate for a show that targets kids (because I think real "Teens" have moved on by this point), but not especially more so than her minute booty shorts or the parade of scantily-dressed dancers grinding behind her. It was, as the Examiner blog points out, a whole lot less raunchy than the pole-dance 'Fire Burning' number co-performer Sean Kingston indulged in.

Kingston is only 19, three years older than Cyrus, and he had not one but two poles. He also had two very scantily-clad ladies dancing around those poles with moves that were much more provocative than Cyrus's one shimmy. So why then is only Cyrus getting called out her inappropriate dancing and for using a pole in her performance, whereas no one is blinking an eye at Kingston's very sexy, very racy stage outing? Double standards, anyone?

Well, sure - and Scores doesn't seem to be clutching its pearl G-string over his two-pronged approach - but it's also true that Cyrus made her name as a good girl, has very young fans, and has recently started a spate of deliberate provocation: far from the remorse she espoused after last year's Vanity Fair fracas, now Cyrus is defiantly making her mark as an older entertainer, posing on the cover of magazines in overtly sexy getups and, yes, thumbing her nose at us fogeys with that half-assed gyrations.

Yes, she's just a kid. There were choreographers who put it together and parents who sanctioned it and managers who thought it was a good move, or at least trusted a 16-year-old's judgment. She doesn't deserve anyone's hate mail or the blame for society's ills. Maybe people are pissed off about it because a) it's August and people enjoy histrionics and b)now it feels deliberate. The Vanity Fair thing, most of us didn't mind: whatever, she was in over her head, it was Leibovitz, weird call on dad's part but really what's the big deal? But now, she's trying to throw off the yoke of exactly what made her famous, and while I understand chafing at Disney's stranglehold, it also feels, well, unfair to those little girls who look up to her. And she's playing deliberately with the clean Hannah Montana image that made her big. Says Salon's Tracy Clark-Flory,

That's some potent imagery: an emblem of childhood (an ice cream cart) juxtaposed with a symbol of modern young womanhood (a stripper pole). Looks like her managers are following the Britney Spears sexy-virgin path to success — or self-destruction, depending on your perspective.

Was the dance a big deal? Not in itself - it's short, not especially sexy, and frankly the song she was caterwauling was unlistenable. But will it negatively influence little girls? Frankly, I seriously hope most little girls weren't allowed to watch it, because it sucked, and the entire show was completely inappropriate. I maintain that girls are smarter than they're generally given credit for being, however impressionable their age, and that the behavior of one already-tarnished TV star isn't going to change the course of their lives.

But it does kind of depress me, because this is obviously what Miley Cyrus and her handlers/parents want for her, and for her career. I'm depressed for all the usual reasons - sexualization and cheapening and objectification and growing up too fast, and the lack of wholesome role models - but I think it's something more. I'm offended on behalf of little girls. Being a role model whom younger children look up to is not second-class. It's not a necessary minor-league servitude before the big leagues. It's not less important than attracting their older sisters. (It's certainly not less renumerative.) No, being a role model, someone who has the influence to touch and influence younger girls at a formative age, is an honor, and it's not an honor a lot of people are accorded. When I saw Miley Cyrus on that crummy pole, my heart sank a little: because, once again, she was saying that what she does, and her market, isn't important and she's eager to leave it behind. I get that for a young girl playing to kids doesn't feel sexy or glamorous, and it's natural to be rebellious. It's why kids shouldn't be in the public eye, arguably, in the first place - they have no control over what they're getting themselves into, and then, inevitably, they resent the pressures. That's sad for a lot of reasons, but not least because it plays havoc with the young girls whom Miley's growing up and abandoning, rather than the other way around.

(Oh, and in case you're wondering, here's what "Ed Norwick, General Manager of SCORES, the legendary NYC gentleman's club" had to say: "While Miley did show off some skills, we at SCORES cannot encourage this kind of behavior for women under the legal age. If she'd like to come try out in a couple of years, our door's open!")

Miley Cyrus, 16, Shows Off Her Pole Dancing Skills At The Teen Choice Awards [Daily Mail]

Miley Cyrus: Too Young To Pole Dance? [Salon]
Miley Cyrus Vs. Sean Kingston: It's A Stripper Pole Dance-Off At The Teen Choice Awards [Examiner]
"Party In The USA" At The Teen Choice Awards (FULL VERSION)(HQ) [YouTube]

• Farrah Fawcett, rumored again to be on her deathbed, and Ryan O'Neal are finally getting married after all those long, tumultuous years together as a Hollywood couple. And surely this will be filmed and turned into a primetime television special. [Sun]
  
  
• Fox News anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle, the ex-wife of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome, and furniture designer Eric Villency are ending their brief marriage. [Page Six]
  
  
• Horrible lad-mag FHM has named Megan Fox the sexiest woman to ever live in the history of the universe, or something like that. [Sun]
  
  
• It's rumored that Paul Giamatti may replace Sean Penn in the upcoming Three Stooges flick after Penn decided to take an extended period of time off to spend time with his family. [EOnline]
  
  
• Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon go to the gym together wearing matching outfits from head to toe. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Matthew McConaughey has announced that he has knocked up girlfriend Camila Alves with their second child. Further, he did so shirtless while running on the beach with a bandana on his head. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Have you seen how Drew Barrymore and Justin Long dress up to attend baseball games? Good God this is obnoxious! [DListed]
  
  
• Paris Hilton has taken her act to Dubai and has discovered the joys of riding camels. She's there to try on some clothes or attend a nightclub opening or something important like that. [PITNB]
  
  
• When Justin Timberlake flies to Paris, he does so with a large bodyguard carrying an automatic weapon to scare off any potential autograph seekers. [TMZ]
  
  
• Miley Cyrus took a "provocative" picture with her 44 year-old director and posted it to her Twitter. [Sun]

• So yeah, it perfectly stands to reason that a set of nude photos of Megan Fox would emerge this week leading up to the release of the new Transformers movie. But hey, I give her credit for having a landing strip instead of waxing her lady-parts bald. Megan Fox gets a gold star. UPDATE: Lux at Fleshbot pointed out that these photos actually surfaced a while back. So why is the Daily News making an issue of them again now with their "Megan Fox Falls Victim to Leaked Topless Photos" story? Pageviews?! Who knows, but whatever. [Daily News and Fleshbot]
  
  
• Artie Lange claims that Conan O'Brien's producers won't have him on as a guest on the Tonight Show because he's a screaming alcoholic, which is sad, because we're pretty sure that the old Conan would have encouraged having drunk guests on his show when it was on in the later time slot. [Daily News]
  
  
• Lindsay Lohan, fresh from possibly perpetrating a European jewel heist, went out in the city over the weekend and was seen "acting weird." Well there's a shocker! According to eyewitnesses, Lohan walked into The Box and headed straight for the stripper pole, and then she screamed at some random dude. Sounds about right. [Page Six]
  
  
• Paris Hilton claims that she and soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo are "getting to know each other" and that he's an "incredible athlete." He's also now probably stricken with every social disease known to modern science, but whatever, he's rich. [Mirror]
  
  
• Entourage douche Adrian Grenier and Twilight star Ashley Greene appear to be boning each other furiously at the present time. [Page Six]
  
  
• Here's a "world exclusive preview" of Sacha Baron Cohen's new Bruno movie to shock and repulse you while making you feel guilty for laughing at it. [Sun]
  
  
• Miley Cyrus was caught making out with some dude in a lake while she was fully clothed but soaking wet. Unfortunately for all of you sickos, all of this was staged. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Jamie Kennedy and a very weird looking Jennifer Love Hewitt were photographed out on the town in London, provoking Perez to make fun of her wrinkles and "saggy" boobs. So sad. [Perez]
  
  
• Jon Gosselin went to hang out with the dudes at American Chopper to make him feel like a man again after all the emasculation he suffers through with his wife. [EOnline]

• Leonardo DiCaprio has dumped his latest supermodel girlfriend, Bar Refaeli, because she wanted to get serious and settle down to start a family. Meanwhile, Leo has been spotted out and about in New York City trying to pick up girls in downtown bars. You've been warned ladies. [People]
  
  
• Miley Cyrus has dumped that little boyfriend of hers, Justin Gaston, and has set her sights on winning the heart of Nick Jonas. Surely Disney has absolutely nothing to do with all of this, right? [Star]
  
  
• Britney Spears just didn't feel comfortable giving her agent at William Morris only 10% of what she earns, so now she's banging him on the regular as well. [TMZ]
  
  
• Lauren Conrad's sure to be horrible novel, L.A. Candy, sounds a lot like an autobiography of her pampered little life, except Lauren's name in the book is "Jane" and Brody's name is "Ignatius." Actually we're kidding about the Brody part. [Daily News]
  
  
• Mark-Paul Gosselaar said that his live performance as "Zack Morris" on Jimmy Fallon's show the other night was the most "anxious and nervous" he's ever been in his life. [Starpulse]
  
  
• David Carradine made a slew of purchases at his favorite Los Angeles sex toy shop only weeks before his tragic death-jerk, or at least that's what the Ninjas who killed him want us to believe! [TMZ]
  
  
• Colin Hanks recently became engaged to his flack and as a gesture of appreciation for marrying her son, Rita Wilson gave the lucky fiance a $10,000 handbag. [Page Six]
  
  
• Chris Martin says that if his Goop-y wife Gwyneth ever left him, he'd probably just quick Coldplay and embark on a solo career. We're not sure what one has to do with the other, but whatever. [Sun]
  
  
• Michael Jackson is demanding that he have a children's choir to back him up on stage and travel with him on his upcoming comeback tour. [Mirror]
  
  
• Usher has barely been married for two years and he's already running around on his wife and doesn't even seem to be trying to hide it. [Page Six]

"Noah Lindsey Cyrus & Emily Grace Reaves, with Emily's dog Bunny, pose for the cameras at Brittany Curran's Retro 50's Poolside Bash on Saturday, May 30 in Burbank sporting Juicy Couture vintage bathing suits. The two friends filmed an episode of their Noei and Ems Show at the party. So pretty!"

The birthday girl in question — Ms. Curran, an actress — is 19 years old. Why were an eight-year-old and a nine-year-old photographed in swimsuits going to her party? Clearly the goal is to get Noie and Emily — who have their own show on YouTube — publicity, visibility, a fan following and press in the tween mags. (And, as a former editor at a tween mag, I'm sure it worked.) The photo credit on these images is someone named Terri Tex, who happens to be Emily's publicist. (Emily, who was in Hannah Montana: The Movie also has a foundation to promote.) But are there dangers in exposing these young'uns to magazines and gossip websites so early? Here are some comments from ONTD and the source site, Ocean Up:

The observant:

lol i don't even wear that much eyeliner. creeptastic.

The rage-y:

WHY ARE THOSE CHILDREN POSING LIKE THAT?!?!

Also, GET THAT RED BULL OUT OF THAT CHILD'S MOUTH.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PEOPLE, BE PARENTS TO YOUR CHILDREN.

The living-in-denial:

are these little girls wearing makeup and carrying handbags? seriously? is this a fucking joke?

The apathetic:

what the fuck is this shit, seriously, no one cares about a couple of 7 year olds that will be jaded as fuck in 4 years

The (possibly) creepy:

woah noahs gonna have mileys gooorgeous long legs

The cruel:

the girl on the right has faT THIES.

when they grow up theyre gonna be so stuck up and probs sluts. no offense yeah yeah i know their only like 7 but im just stating the facts

The concerned:

That's disgusting, who lets a nine-year-old wear that much make-up and parade around in a bathing suit while posing like she's on the cover of Sports Illustrated? The only people who would appreciate these pictures are the idiots who put their kids in beauty pageants and pedophiles. Take the red bull away from that girl and send these two to play in the kiddie pool like NORMAL nine-years-olds! I have a nine year old daughter of my own and I just find this sad, thank goodness my child isn't growing up in L.A.

Ah, yes, thank goodness. Because every child who lives in L.A. is required to walk the red carpet barely dressed!

This Is Exactly What You Think It Is ... ISH MILEY'S SISTA [ONTD]
Noah Cyrus AND Emily Grace Reaves JUICY COUTURE Bathing BEAUTIES [Ocean Up]

• Mel Gibson's ex-mistress Diana Alouise is offering to team up with Gibson's soon-to-be ex-wife in her divorce case against the actor. Gibson told the mistress he was married, but she was convinced their "sex, alcohol and partying" would lead to a healthy, committed relationship, so obviously she has cause to be bitter. [Daily Star]
  
• Nadya Suleman is adopting a shih tzu dog, to go with her 14 kids, and to just generally see how many breathing things she can accumulate before she's actually stopped. [Scoop]
  
• Andy Samberg funded short films at NYU using $5,000 that mysteriously appeared in his bank account, due to some kind of miraculous error. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Miley Cyrus on her constant heckler Perez Hilton: "I don't know how old he is, but taking it out on me is a little strange. It's like going back to high school." [Daily Mail]
  
• An angry newspaper editor in Burlington County, New Jersey will not have Jay Leno mocking his dueling "School Taxes Going Up" and "School Taxes Going Down" headlines, because they're NOT MISTAKES, DAMMIT. [P6]

• Samantha Ronson upgraded her Lindsay Lohan relationship to "It's Complicated" on Facebook after blanking her relationship status during the couple's breakup. The two have also resumed talking on the phone again, instead of just texting. At this rate they should be romantically screaming at one another again in a matter of days, just like old times. [Us]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt couldn't close a deal to sell their wedding pictures exclusively to any of the celebrity magazines. Maybe because it's their second ceremony and nobody cares anyway? Naww, better to blame the economy. [Scoop]
  
• Miley Cyrus can't bring herself to dump her 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend in person, so she's doing it though the tabloids. She's growing up so fast! (That said, the 16-year-old singer's new/old boyfriend Nick Jonas isn't allowed close his bedroom door when he makes out with her.) [Gatecrasher]
  
• Jennifer Aniston is supposedly afraid to leave her hotel room, because she might run into Angelina Jolie on the streets of New York, where both actresses are shooting movies. Please. Even Aniston isn't paranoid enough to think she's just going to accidentally walk onto Jolie's set in the oh-so-teeny-tiny city of New York and bump into her. [Life & Style]
  
• Courtney Love is talking trash about Pamela Anderson in the Post, saying she's white trash who lives in a trailer park and doesn't even have a credit card. Perfect. [P6]
  
• Jessica Lange is refusing to step aside into the Emmy awards' Best Supporting Actress slot so Drew Barrymore can have be the only Grey Gardens nominee for Best Actress in a Movie. [P6]
  
• Stephen Colbert used to get stuffed into lockers in high school. "If there was no locker, they would stuff me into a wall." [Gatecrasher]

• Hulk Hogan's not saying OJ was right, but "I get it... You're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife... I could have turned everything into a crime scene... cutting everybody's throat." In fairness, Hogan meant a pro-wrestling-style throat-cutting, after which the director yells "cut" and his wife and her lover stand up and start naked fake-blood fights. [P6]
  
• Jamie Foxx went on Jay Leno to beg forgiveness for saying on a radio show that Miley Cyrus should do heroin, turn lesbian, smoke crack and catch chlamydia. We believe his exact words were, "It's been three years since Dreamgirls, please help me unshoot The Soloist in the head. Please?"
  
• Steve Wozniak developed something of an attachment to his Dancing with the Stars partner Karina Smirnoff. Now he's going to walk her down the aisle during her wedding to Masim Chmerkovskiy, who he likes to geek out with. Then, depending on how many cocktails he has, the Apple co-founder may or may not offer a raw critique of the couple's first dance together. [P6]
  
• Britney Spears is either dating her backup dancer Geo, her backup dancer Chase Benz, or a 40-year-old real estate developer who proposed to her in a Subway sandwich shop after meeting her in rehab. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Did you know that Marc Jacobs mailed Lil' Kim every week when she was in prison for perjury? Every week for ten months. [P6]
  
• Michael Jackson somehow convinced Julien's Auction House not to sell all his stuff. It sounds like it's going to end up in some sort of freaky Michael Jackson museum. (As opposed to a non-freaky Michael Jackson museum.) [The Insider]