Our sister site Fleshbot reports (link NSFW) that Vivid has announced that it has the tapes in its possession, and TMZ has published a letter from Vivid chair Steve Hirsch to Prejean's lawyers seeking the right to distribute "erotic footage that Carrie Prejean, former Miss California, produced for her boyfriend following their four (4) day rendezvous in February 2007." Here's where everyone purses their lips, nods slowly, and says "Four days? Nice..."

Ever the persuader, Hirsch explains that Vivid's platinum-leafed "Vivid-Celeb" imprint boasts starlet titles including Kim Kardashian Superstar, Shauna Sand Exposed, and former Miss USA Kelli McCarty's Faithless. Unfortunately for Vivid (and fans of teen masturbation) Carrie's mother—who is also her rep—has already said "No, not at any price" to the proposal.

If Hirsch's date is right, then Carrie didn't lie about her age in the video(s). She was nineteen, the "teenager" she repeatedly described herself as in her "worst mistake of my life" monologue—and above the age of consent. Everyone wins!

November 15, 2009

Law Offices of
Charles S. Limandri
P.O. Box 9120
16236 San Dieguito Road
Suite 3-15
Rancho Santa Fe, CA 92067

Re: Carrie Prejean

Dear Mr. Limandri:

Vivid Entertainment ("Vivid") is interested in acquiring the rights to distribute the erotic footage that Carrie Prejean, former Miss California, produced for her boyfriend following their four (4) day rendezvous in February 2007 (the "Footage").

We would like to present Carrie with several options where she could certainly earn millions of dollars

Vivid is the world's leading adult film company. It places a heavy emphasis on high quality erotic film entertainment. Vivid has been in the adult business for over 25 years and has built an excellent reputation for integrity and fair dealing.

Carrie is a beautiful woman. We believe the Footage will be a huge success and has the potential of being the most successful adult video of all time. We will do it right the first time.

The Footage, starring Carrie, would be distributed on Vivid.com and under the "Vivid-Celeb" imprint, which prior releases include: "Kim Kardashian Superstar" an adult film starring Kim Kardashian and hip hop star Ray J; "Faithless", an adult film staring [sic] Kelli McCarty, former Miss USA and finalist in the Miss Universe pageant; and "Shauna Sand Exposed" an adult film staring [sic] former Playboy Playmate Shauna Sand.

We trust that you will discuss our offer with Carrie, and we look forward to establishing a long term business relationship with her.

Very truly yours,
Vivid Entertainment, LLC

/Steven Hirsch/
Co-Chairman

[Fleshbot] NSFW
[TMZ]

Did you know that God wanted her to be Miss Universe but then I guess God changed his mind and made her a martyr to political correctness instead, or something? It's true! But don't worry: "even though I didn't win the crown that night, I know that the Lord has so much of a bigger crown in Heaven for me." That's right: she is going to die and become Jesus.

You can watch all 15 engrossing minutes of her speech here.

Everyone wanted to strip Prejean of her crown because of her inarticulate embrace of bigotry, but that didn't happen. Donald Tump didn't allow it. But when she became a right-wing martyr and started making her own media appearances while ignoring Miss California-related contractual obligations, they decided she was not working out so well, as Miss California. On the whole, that was a boon for Prejean, because it was harder to sell the "martyr" thing when the only bad thing that had actually happened to her was getting talked to by Perez Hilton.

So now that she is a famous professional conservative family values advocate who posed for racy photos before having a beauty pageant pay for her breast implants it is time to sue the terrible people who thrust her into the public eye in order for her to make her fortune. Specifically, Miss California USA officials Keith Lewis and Shanna Moakler, and publicist Roger Neal.

The complaint cites damages to Miss Prejean including libel, public disclosure of private facts, religious discrimination, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and negligent infliction of emotional distress.

Oh no, not negligent infliction of emotional distress! That's the worst kind of infliction of emotional distress!

This seems like a nice time to remind everyone that getting made fun of for stupid shit you say is not actually an example of religious discrimination. Oh, also we should probably remind everyone of these hilarious emails full of all the bias and stuff.

When Prejean's name came up in the Late Show interview, Trump offered his admirable but weak defense of her for being a dolt, prompting Letterman to jump in with an "anybody who wants to get married ought to be able to get married" comment. The studio audience then went nuts while Trump sat silent, all alone in the world for a few seconds with only a banana-yellow tie and a big, garish head as his friends.

Near the end of the segment, Trump spit out a bunch of names of judges he has lined up for the pageant, and he mentioned Andre Leon Talley as being one of them. Neither Dave not the audience seemed to know who the hell Andre Leon Talley was, which was oddly refreshing.

Prejean, who made the media rounds last week floating a similar "I was set up by haters" theory, and her lawyer Charles LiMandri are launching an offensive against California pageant officials, telling E Online that Keith Lewis, the poor sap whose horrible lot in life is to be director of the California pageant organization, tried to get her to see some gross gay movie knowing full well that it would assault her delicate anti-gay sensibilities and that she'd refuse to attend.

"[Lewis] wanted her to go to the debut of a docudrama supporting same-sex marriage," the attorney claims. "The people [who] produced it were going to be there explaining their journey as gay men toward same-sex marriage. She said, 'I'm just not comfortable doing that.' I wrote back to [Lewis'] attorney saying, 'She won't do the pro-traditional marriage stuff as Miss California. But don't ask her to do the pro-same-sex marriage stuff either.'"

Prejean's lawyer also claims that Lewis tried to trick her into posing for Playboy, knowing full well that his client's high moral fiber would never allow her to do such a thing like taking off her clothes in front of a camera.

"She had just gotten a request to do a Playboy shoot with partial nudity-this was several days after [Donald] Trump reinstates her," LiMandri says. "[Lewis] knew she wouldn't do that stuff, and he was trying to set her up, saying, 'You can pick your photographer. You can pick the photos.' And then he'd be able to fire her for sure."

So yeah, Carrie's the victim of ill-timed wind gusts and some sort of vast left-wing conspiracy. So now she'll "write" a book about it all and pose for Playboy and in two years she'll be a co-host on Fox & Friends, which is right where she belongs.

Carrie Prejean's Lawyer: She Was Set Up [E Online]

Technically, TMZ is reporting, that she was let go for "breach of contract." Prejean was originally granted amnesty by The Donald, after gay rights activists got up in arms about her hateful rhetoric and—oops!—some nude photos turned up. But now the axe really has fallen, because Carrie California just got too wrapped in fame—becoming a vocal anti-homo advocate and even guest-hosting on the execrable Fox & Friends. All of these after-beauty-school activities were supposed to have been cleared by the pageant, but what are rules, really?

So, she's losing her title not because she's an ignorant bigot, but because she didn't read the fine print. Doesn't much matter anyway, as another beauty queen from the Golden State, Miss Malibu Tami Farrell, had already assumed most of the day-to-day pageant duties when the whole nude/gay/Perez scandal broke out.

It'll be pretty hard to blame the wind for this whole mess, Carr.

Star reported today that Prejean's mother, Francine Coppola (Of the Francis Ford Coppola's?!?!?!), has been secretly indulging in the sapphic love arts for years!

Openly gay sales rep Valerie Vetrano tells Star exclusively, "Yes, Francine and I dated."

However, the affair was doomed, says a source. "Francine explained how she was a Christian and that her loved ones would never accept her if she were gay," the friend says. When Valerie asked her what would happen if she told her daughter Carrie about the two of them, Francine responded, "Carrie would never believe it!"

According to the friend, Francine's family knew nothing of her affair, although during her 1996 divorce from Carrie's father, Wil Prejean, both parties made gay allegations against the other.

Star promises more on this in their upcoming issue, including photos from the night Francine picked up Valerie at "lesbian night" at a California bar. Now how long before we learn that Carrie's dad was sucking off the local preacher at prayer retreats? I mean, can't you just feel that one coming?

Miss California Shocker: Mom's Gay Affair [Star]

Gawker video ace Mike Byhoff and intern Jess Shaffer were kind enough to subject themselves to watching all of California Carrie's mind-numbing interviews and put together this awesome mash-up, though we suspect that right now they're drinking Drano-tinis together under a bridge for having to do this sort of stuff to earn a paycheck in this economy. Thanks Mike and Jess!

In an awful display of intolerance, bloggers, TV types, and hunt-and-peck letter-writers crucified, tormented and threatened Carrie...
The forces of diversity and inclusivity are lying. There is no room in this country for difference of opinion.

If the New York Post doesn't know diversity and inclusivity then who does? For the record Andrea has no problem with Miss California's topless photos, nor with her long, smooth legs. We support you in full, Andrea.
[NYP. This little pic was right in the middle of Andrea's column, btw.]

A (Free!) speech about feelings and beliefs and freedoms and her grampa who fought in World War II and God's divine countenance and His divine winds that blew open her shirt during a photoshoot, exposing her breast. It's hard to tell whether she's thanking all these things or blaming them. All we really know is that Donald found Carrie's speech "beautiful."

The best lines from Carrie's defense:

• "I would like to thank God with this large task."
• "I am a strong woman."
• "I am not an activist. Or anything."
• "I'm an advocate. I'm a model. I am a Christian."
• "I am proud to be an American." (Where at least I know I'm free?)
• "I had not been photographed in nude or semi-nude publication."
• "My grandfather served under General Patton in World War II. He did speak about the freedoms he fought for and taught me to [voice cracking] never back down and never let anyone take those freedoms away from you."
• "This should not happen in America. It undermines the Constitutional rights for which my grandfather fought for."
• "A windy day."

  (Thanks go to Gawker video maestro Mike Byhoff for this excellent clip.)

  
  Update: Oh, and MSNBC's David Shuster's reaction is priceless: "Can I vomit right now?" (via Newser)

Of course, heh, all of this officially has to do with the fact that Miss Prejean took some nude pictures, and not the whole gay thing:

"Shame, shame, shame," [coexecutive director Keith] Lewis said, adding that if Prejean is stripped of her crown, it will be "not for her beliefs, but for the breach of contract you so willfully encouraged.

Whatever. We all know that this is still totally about her dim, moth-like ideas about "opposite marriage" and gay people who do gay things.

Anyway! The bigwigs (quite literally, actually) inside the storied, Masons-like Miss California board of directors were scheduled to make a decision today about whether or not Prejean should be stripped of her title. But instead of issuing a proclamation of yea or nay, the notorious cabal simply decided to sidestep any culpability, saying that they're just going to have her runner-up be their ambassador and that it's up to the Donald, who runs the whole Miss USA scholarship program/robot army, to announce whether or not she'll retain the crown.

He'll do just that in a very important New York press conference tomorrow morning. Should he decide to kick her off the rhinestone pedestal, expect a full-blown Reign of Terror to ensue, in which the streets run red with the fag-hating blood of random Nebraskan housewives and Gawker commenters—not to mention the precious viscous goo of Free Speech itself!

Stick with us for all the coverage on this Issue of Our Time.

Who won the Miss USA pageant? Anyone? Miss... Guam? We don't know, and don't care! But we alllllll know Carrie Prejean (Related searches: "carrie prejean racy"), Miss Proposition 8, the pageant loser who won't get off of our TVs or our popular celebrity gossip blogs. She's in commercials! (Because NOM couldn't get any real actors for their miserable commercials, but still: it's work!)

So, yes, Carrie, you are being persecuted for your beliefs. You have the right to hold whatever beliefs you like, and everyone else in America has the right to call you a bigoted moron. The Liberal Elites are all-powerful and have passed judgment on you! And, obviously, Gay Elites control the portions of the Media not controlled by Jews, so you will never work in this town again, because that is how the Liberal Gay Elites treat dumb skinny blondes who espouse half-baked conservative talking points.

Oh, no, wait: they coddle them and throw them on TV all the time.

So yeah, it sure sucks that everyone is seeing those embarrassing "topless photos" of you, that you posed for, professionally, as a professional model, and sure, people are only republishing them to make you feel bad (the photos offer very little masturbatory appeal, the usual explanation for the popularity of racy pageant contestant photo scandals), and it sucks that TMZ is all delving into the divorce of your parents, but hey, that is the trade-off: we get to "persecute" you and you get to now become terribly famous, like you wanted.

Don't worry! There is an entire economy set up to promote and sustain resources like you and Bristol Palin and any other mildly famous person with right-wing beliefs!

And oh, that TMZ marriage thing? Maybe you have issues with gay people because during the messy dissolution of your parents' traditional opposite marriage your fucked-up mom kept telling you your dad was a fag because he had a mustache? The hell is that about?

Perez says Miss California judges Keith Lewis and Shanna Moakler told Access Hollywood about this little silicone gift — but his post links to the Access Hollywood main page, not to a specific story. In facd, we can't find any mention of Carrie Prejean on the (admittedly, badly-designed, difficult-to-navigate) site.

As for the pageant itself, the Miss California pageant has a noble quest to find "outgoing, intelligent, confident, attractive young women excited to represent the beauty of California." And what is the beauty of California exactly? The website has a helpful definition: "The Beauty of California embodies the unique landscape, distinct business, progressive ideas, and the beautiful spirit of the people of California." Progressive ideas like "opposite marriage," presumably?

Of Carrie herself, the website tells us that in addition to her appearances as "Super Taste" centerfold in "Blisss" [sic] Magazine" and shill for "Naughty Monkey" shoes, she's also "an advocate for encouraging healthy lifestyles for young women. Carrie wants people to remember her as being compassionate and real."

If it turns out that Miss California organizers bought her new breasts, they should be called on the carpet; and Prejean may need to rethink that last statement.

Jesus Loves Fake Titties! [Perez Hilton]
Miss California Emerges As 'Opposite Marriage' Spokeswoman [Politico]
Carrie Prejean Bio and Gallery [Miss California Pageant Official Site]

Drug-addled Demagogues

Rush Limbaugh is the leader of the popular entertainment wing of the new conservative tabloid leadership. We all know he's a thrice-married former junkie, but he's mostly a harmless, unlikable slimeball, these days. A rich unlikable slimeball who is currently working as hard as anyone to destroy the Republican party for a generation, but he finished his worst work twenty years ago, when he invented the Fox model of radicalizing the cantankerous old white men who make up the natural audience for conservative media. His audience is still huge, but they're a minority now.

It's hard to tell whether borderline case Glenn Beck actually knows what he's doing. His transition from standard-issue talk radio jerkoff to evangelical Bircher stoking violent rage was obviously a calculated decision that's reaping financial rewards, but one still gets the impression that he's too dumb to actually realize what he's playing with (like Charles Johnson but with an audience of millions, basically). He, of course, is a recovering alcoholic and probably worse who "found God."

The Tabloid Families

For a look at how well John McCain's pick for running mate turned out for the Republican party, just have a gander at Us Weekly's Levi Johnston tag page. In a different era, this sort of sordid family drama would not be playing out in the glossies. Of course, even in this era this sort of sordid family drama doesn't play out in the glossies if the family is halfway decent at managing the press.

But McCain's own family wasn't immune from hilarious tabloid coverage during the election.

The Plain Morons

For some reason, supposedly smart conservatives think most "regular Americans" are unlikable idiots, and so they prop up unlikable idiots as party spokespeople.

Like Joe the Plumber! He, like all regular blue-collar guys, is a lazy moron who is oddly obsessed with a fantasy about Barack Obama hating Israel. His name is not Joe and he is not a plumber. He is proudly misinformed and works as a perfect representative of what rich conservatives think of the working classes.

And now, there is Carrie Prejean. She is a beauty pageant loser who coined the term "opposite marriage." Conservatives apparently decided everyone was infringing on her First Amendment Rights when they roundly mocked her for being inarticulate and dumb in addition to bigoted. Now anti-gay activist Maggie Gallagher basically wants to adopt her and Tony Perkins' Family Research Council is praising her "fortitude." Go ahead, anoint Miss California your new traditional family values mascot! Because Americans have a great deal of respect for the intellect and opinions of losing beauty pageant contestants

Matt Lauer, after having a sorta belligerent interview with lady blogger Perez Hilton, the Miss USA judge who asked her about the gay marriage, basically held Ms. Prejean's hand and kissed her and told her she was good and special and that her pretty beliefs were attacked and it's just not fair. Because, you know, people are claiming that she didn't win the crown because she wasn't properly 'politically correct' when answering the gay marriage question ("Should more states allow gay marriage?" "I only believe in opposite marriage. No offense.")

Ms. Prejean batted her eyelashes and smiled her brave smile and said "It's not about being politically correct, it's about being biblically correct." Which, you know, is that kind of terrific specious reasoning that has let religious windbags turn the halo of persecution upon themselves. So good work everyone!