Not yet recovered from M.I.A.'s 9-months-pregnant body dressed to resemble a Minnie Mouse head? Coldplay in colorful, matching melody-pirate outfits? You have a Grammy hangover. Take some box office numbers and go back to bed:
What a game, eh? The first half was kinda slow until that last play, when Elvira the Catahoula Cur Mix made that unbelievable Nylabone interception. Let's see who else was a winner this weekend:
What color is your Monday morning misery? Pink slip? Blue pregnancy-test result? Black asymmetrical mole? Desaturate the pain with some box office numbers:
Greetings from the 2009 Sundance Film Festival, where your Defamer team is currently piled into a Park City youth hostel, blissfully unaware that we'll soon be tortured by international-film-buyers for sport. Your box office numbers:
No remedy works better for that piercing Golden Globes hangover than the all-natural, FDA-approved wonder drug that is Monday Morning Box Office:
The Holidays™ are over. We hope yours ended on a lighter note than ours did—curling up with a 60 Minutes story about a seven-year-old girl decapitated in the back of a limo by a drunk driver.
Studios found no happy surprises beneath the Chrismukkah bush today, as snowed-in audiences opted out of Will Smith's messianic broodiness and Jim Carrey saying "yes" more times than Tara Reid at the Promises buffet line.
Rainy days and Mondays got you down? Buck up your holiday mood with a bit of apocalyptic egg nog we like to call Monday Morning Box Office:
The weekend kicked off with a mild rumbler and closed out with a sputter, as not even Lionsgate's completely stupid Punisher remake of a remake of a remake managed to connect with completely-stupid-movie-loving audiences. Still, things continued to bode well for indepe—we mean specialty films—with Milk, Slumdog…
Fears that the R-word would keep audiences from the movies this weekend were unfounded, as the name "Reese Witherspoon" still proved an impressive multiplex draw. Have another helping of turkey-chip pancakes topped with cranberry syrup and a pat of yam, as we grind down to the last of the leftovers and run down the…
It was the weekend that moviegoers gave blood whether they wanted to or not; take a moment, relax and recover with us as we comb through the Monday Morning Box Office: 1. Twilight - $70.6 million Multiplex chains were forced to summon crisis counselors after Twilight's $33 million opening day, the screeching tween…
Congratulations—if you're reading this, you've survived another round of layoffs. Everyone else: double congratulations. You may no longer be employed, but you're also still in bed, where we all really should be right now. Your box office numbers: 1. Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa - $63.5 million Exceeding even…
Never in our wildest dreams did we think our Halloween gift to you—the Do-It-Yourself Grazerhead mask—would become the runaway success that it did, with literally tens of thousands of the Officially Sanctioned Headshots™ swarming the streets of L.A. Friday night, each accompanied by their very own candy-appraisal…
Low energy? Have a nutritious boost with this recipe for a Defamer Monday Morning Power-Up Smoothie: · 2 cups weak coffee · 47 hazelnut Coffee-Mate single servers · 128 Sweet n' Lo packets · Container of papaya yogurt with Post-It on it reading "Charlene's. DO NOT TOUCH." · Just the turkey slices from leftover platter…
Time to unzip your Happy Weekend Suit and step back into your Monday Morning Iron Maiden: The work week is again upon us. Quick—jumpstart your productivity with some box office numbers before someone finds your position detrimental to the bottom line: 1. Max Payne - $18 million Fresh off his ass-whispering turn on an…
It might be a holiday for some of you, but even on Columbus Day, the whip cracks for the number-crunchers and trend-spotters at Defamer HQ. Their work today yields the surprising latest installment of Monday Morning Box Office, in which a low-budget thriller surprised even its own studio and Leonardo DiCaprio is…
Hard times got you down? Well don't expect the weekend's box office numbers to cheer you up any: 1. Beverly Hills Chihuahua - $29 million Since we first glimpsed its trailer—a jaw-dropping depiction of 45,000 CGI chihuahuas line-kicking to a song about burrito condiments on the steps of a Mayan ruin—we've made little…
We realize that it's not exactly Monday morning anymore, but we're hopeful that you'll find it in your hearts to forgive us for scrambling a bit at Defamer HQ today. Won't you play along as we recap the weekend in which America finally ditched the outdoors and regained its collective appetite for boxes of Junior Mints…
We're finding out the hard way this morning that an Emmy hangover is the worst kind of malaise: All rank breath, regrets and resentment, bundled up in a headache of knowing there must be something else you missed while watching the television industry implode. And now we know — it was an only slightly less torpid…
It's a special day for moviegoers — the first time in three weeks those studio jokers didn't leave the equivalent of a flaming bag of crap on our doorstep Friday morning. Thanks, Hollywood! Their reward? One of the best non-Labor Day September weekends in years, as illustrated by our regular browse through the…
