Gawker
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montauk monster
The Latest Montauk Monster Theory: A Compleat Accounting
Newsday has supplied a crucial piece of information in the emerging "Viking Funeral" theory of the Montauk Monster's origin, and we've spent all day going over historical weather records to better assess its credibility. Answer: Maybe! But we're dubious.
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By John CookComment by snugbug: "Compleat Accounting"? Are you being ironic here or simply copy-editor-challenged?! WTF, "Complete" is an easy word to spell.. 4 Responses | Other threads
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montauk monster
Has the Montauk Monster Mystery Been Solved?
School's out, thunderstorms are rolling in, and flowers are in bloom. Montauk Monster season is upon us. And to ring it in, ASSME's Drew Grant claims to have finally solved the mystery that seized a nation last July.
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By John CookComment by BxgrlJeri: Last summer I said 250 times that it was a toitle. And I refuse to budge from that position. Gawker had... 8 Responses | Other threads
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recessionomics
Times: Hamptons Just Like Us, Cutely Conserving for "Thrifty" Summer
People in higher income brackets: they're just like us. For example, they're still going to The Hamptons this summer, but they're going to be toning it down. What, you've heard this story before? More »
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By Foster KamerComment by ian spiegelman: Nice juxtaposing of Times stories, new weekend dude. See, this is part of why I quit--having to cover the weekend... 11 Responses | Other threads
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good luck with your hell demons
Montauk Monster Washes Up Again
Somebody forgot to do the exorcism, because the Montauk Monster has been found. Again. More »
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Comment by ADismalScience: Does it have swine flu, or has it grifted anyone? 6 Responses | Other threads
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monsters
British Montauk Monster Washes Ashore
The residents of North Devon, England don't know what to make of the fanged creature found on a local beach. Seal? Sea lion? BEAST OF EXMOOR, PERHAPS? More »
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By Ryan TateComment by Aaron Altman: It's Nessie, gone and escaped from her loch. 5 Responses | Other threads
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year in review
Gawker's Top Ten Posts of 2008
Oh what a year it was! We had some big, boffo posts, primarily about monsters (Cruise, Palin, O'Reilly and Montauk). Yay for riches. Enjoy! More »
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Comment by bigstategovernor: Yippers, 2008 was another busy year for the Palin family...we're running out of Tr- names and will gladly accept suggestions... 6 Responses | Other threads
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advertising
Montauk Monster Stars In Car Commercial
So it's happened: the Montauk Monster has sold out. This Brazilian Volkswagen ad purportedly features a "dogfish," but its true identity is clear. You've come a long way, Monty. Video proof after the jump: More »
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Comment by Minsley Tortimer: Are you sure that isn't a slimmed down Monty? I always knew Monty was headed for big things. (Hey gang!) 20 Responses | Other threads
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good luck with your hartford demons
New Monster Terrorizes Hartford
(No, not insurance companies, har har) The summer of monsters is not quite over! There's a new scaly fellow prowling the Northeast. This one was photographed in swimming in a West Hartford reservoir by some kinda-crackpotty lady. It's got spikes and sorta looks like a stegosaurus mixed with an octopus. A stegopus. Don't worry, no one drinks that water, officials say, so there's no threat of contamination. Monster contamination. Now, everyone go to Hartford! —Sincerely, Hartford Tourism Board
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Comment by Multiphasic: Um, hate to be the one to revisit sad news, but that's totally the waterlogged corpse of They Live. [gawker.com] 6 Responses | Other threads
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monsters
Another Dead Monster Reported In Long Island
Did the secret monster army being bred on Plum Island lose another experimental "marine?" Or did the Montauk Monster simply move from one side of Long Island to the other via an overflowing drainage system? The North Shore Sun received pictures of a dead creature that supposedly looked like Monty and that was seen by at least three Long Islanders before mysteriously disappearing, probably because its body was snatched by a secret Plum Island/Homeland Security commando team. The summer of monsters truly is endless! One witness' report, plus a larger version of the picture at left, after the jump. More »
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By Ryan TateComment by AbelGalokie: "What's brownish-purple, goes to the beach and stinks of rotting flesh?" -headline;foxnews.com with all these dead mysterious monsters floating around i... more » | Other threads
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Listicle
Summer 2008: Our Monsteriest Season Yet
I have terrible news. The Broadway-bound revival of swingin' Godsex musical Godspell has been postponed. And you know why? The economy. Yes the bad economy is even stopping Jesus. What terrible, hellacious times are we living in, anyway? You'd half expect to see demons filling our streets... And! Wait, yes! Look, there they are. Hell beasts, and Bigfeet, and all manner of other two-headed ghouls. It's the summer of monsters, lurching into our world from the ruined corners of this modern world. After the jump we'll take a digested look at this season's many abominable creatures.
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Comment by NotChoinski: Fun fact: Two headed turtles can't walk straight because the heads can't agree where they're walking to. Just ask the... more » | Other threads
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Monster Truths
The Montauk Monster is Not a Damn Movie Prop!
The director of the carnival comedy Splinterheads, whose people had been cynically piggybacking the most important story of the summer by claiming that Monty the Montauk Monster of Montauk was nothing but a prop for the little flick—and that the origin of the story was the producer's sister—is finally admitting that they lied, lied, LIED! "I’d like to go on record and say our movie 'Splinterheads' has had nothing to do with this Montauk Monster thing. We’re shooting a comedy out here in Patchogue—not a horror film. My producer Darren does not have a sister Rachel, but a Rachael Taylor is starring in the film." But even this admission is a little fishy, as it's all put on the shoulders of some anonymous teenager. More »
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Comment by fricchi: @nightwatchman_flamekeeper: I grew up in Patchogue. Loved your joke. more » | Other threads
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monsters
Monsters Attack And Devor Mainstream Media
So remember how Gawker became obsessed with the Montauk Monster, and everyone was like, "Ho ho ho, isn't that funny and delightful, let's laugh at the 'monster' all summer until it kills us all in our sleep, LOL'?" And then CNN did a story but even Wolf Blitzer had trouble maintaing his usual humorless melodrama because he was about to bust out laughing? Well, no one's laughing now because monsters are eating the Main Stream Media alive. The terrified reports keep coming: Newsweek, as we just reported, launched a panicked, desperate effort to claim the Montauk Monster is a Photoshop hoax. CNN aired video of a Chupacabra in Texas. And now multiple cable news networks have picked up on a Bigfoot discovery that even we laughed off initially. BUT NO ONE IS SCOFFING NOW OH NO NOT ANYMORE. More » -
good luck with your doctored photographs
What We Talk About When We Talk About Monsters
Oh awesome. A think piece/interview about the Montauk Monster photograph and what it says about our faith in media. The phenomenon has ascended to a new plane. [Newsweek]
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Comment by MattGaymon: @JacquesPaysan: It's from the Amelie soundtrack. La Valse des Monstres more » | Other threads
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things that go bump in the middle of the day
Where the Wild Things Are
More monster news! The Chupacabra, that elusive bordertown beast, has been videotaped by some police officers in Texas. The cryptozoological narrative rambles on. But we'll always have Montauk. -
hoaxes
Monster In A Hall Of Mirrors
It's been fun while it's lasted, but the monstrous creature that washed up in Montauk, Long Island may have been nothing more than a prop from an independent movie about carnies, and a viral marketing scheme just as everyone initially suspected. There are enough untied loose ends in the hoax storyline to leave open the possibility that the hoax is itself a hoax, meaning the story has now entered a confusing phase where one must carefully sift the professed deceptions from the real deceptions and hard facts from intentional distortions. But one can try. Here's how a hoax would have gone down, according to a theory propagated on a few websites (linked below) over the past few days:
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By Ryan TateComment by chrystaline: Weird. Over at Tetrapod Zoology they seemed pretty convinced (and convinced me) that it was a bloated, decomposing raccoon. [scienceblogs.com] I,... more » | Other threads
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monsters
Montauk Monster In Secret Mutant Army?
Ken Layne over at Wonkette has done some heroic digging into Plum Island, the Department of Homeland Security-run animal horror lab suspiciously close not only to Montauk, where our friend Monty washed ashore, but to a long string of terrifying outbreaks and hybrid animal attacks. We knew from the start of the Montauk Monster mystery that Plum Island was at the center of various conspiracy theories, but when one looks at the entire awful history in one blog post, one must inevitably conclude that, despite its shifty and inconsistent denials, the federal government is assembling there a fearsome monster army that, if left unchecked, will someday slaughter us while we sleep. More »
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By Ryan TateComment by SristiHorae: I've seen that mutant dog before on monster quest. It's just a dead; bloated mutt dog. maybe a... more » | Other threads
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from the mailbag
Man From Florida Worried that Montauk Monster Might Be His Dog
A concerned reader writes to us: "I live in Jacksonville Beach, FL. We just had to put are dog to sleep. From what I see this is an English Bulldog. Now this does not make me very happy to know someone is dumping dead animal into the sea. We paid to have his ashes returned to us. From what I can see this is a male English Bulldog much like are dog. To find out that this was in fact him would make me very mad. I hope you can get to the bottom of this. If in fact someone did dumped dead animal's in the sea how long would it take to show up in NY city. He was put to sleep on July 21 2008." Yikes. I've had to put a beloved dog to sleep before and it's not fun. But, hm, I sort of doubt that... I, uh. Never mind. I'm sorry for your loss. More »
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Comment by rowaan: My golden retriever asked me if she was supposed to go to Montauk, then she asked if she was a... more » | Other threads
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piece by piece
Next item on the eBay auction block: Montauk Monster toast.
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monsters
Stephen Colbert Solves Montauk Monster Mystery!
Our old friend Monty got a shout-out tonight on the Colbert Report. Not only did this illustrate that his story has made that critical third leap — from blog to cable news to cable fake news — the segment also surfaced a highly plausible new theory as to what Earthly form Monty took before he became a demon hellspawn. Kiss the dog, raccoon, pig and vole theories goodbye! Click the video icon to view. -
good luck with your hell demons
The Blog Who Cried 'Monster'
The animal authorities at Plum Island have changed their official statement regarding the dreaded/celebrated Montauk Monster a bit. Out: cat. In: dog. [AnimalNY] -
photo gallery
The 2008 Montauk Monster Yearbook
What the hell happened last week? Yes some guy went insane on a Canadian Greyhound bus, but more importantly a monster attacked our eastern shores. Yes some sort of bloated hell best carcass washed up in Montauk recently and we provided expert cryptozoology coverage from here in our fortified bunker. We've received countless emails positing theories and declaring conclusions. It's a dog, it's a raccoon, it is actually Lizzie Grubman, it's some sort of energy bar called a Nutria, etc. Some of those emails came with pictures, whether they were side-by-side comparisons or Photoshop mashups. So we thought we'd provide a definitive Montauk Monster photo gallery for you which you can look at, if you dare, after the jump. If you have more pictures, send them along. This X-File remains open...
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Comment by vicki27: This has to be an experiment gone bad or total photo shop job! I find it hard to believe that... more » | Other threads
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montauk monster
Is The Montauk Monster Satan's Bacon?
Here's the thing about the beached monster of Montauk: In all the pictures, its big canine teeth are visible on the bottom of its mouth but not on top. Dogs generally have their biggest canines on top plus a couple of smaller ones on the bottom. You know who has big canines on the bottom? Pigs! See the picture, left top, via the wildlife blogger behind Animal Tourism, who first floated the pig theory. Not only are many domesticated pigs slaughtered throughout the country for delicious pork products, but also there has apparently been a huge boom in the U.S. wild pig population. So it's not a stretch to imagine one washing up in Long Island. If this creature is a pig, it would fit with this email tip we got a few days ago:
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By Ryan TateComment by XiangShrew: StormyKnight in Racine; I think the 'monster' is a Tapir...a critter that comes from Peru. It could have been someones... more » | Other threads
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it Came from Hell
More Montauk Monsters—No! Monsters of the Sea
Sadly, "monsters" can be found wherever the sea decides to cough up its detritus. What do you make of this... thing? A reader from Salem, Mass forwards these pictures to us of something that washed up on her shores in May. I say it's a damned witch. Just look at that grin! What do you say it is? More photos after the jump. More » -
montauk monster
Montauk Monster: VOLE Or SATAN?
We've received a lot of different theories about what exactly the Montauk Monster really is (a monster). But one tipster went to so much trouble to assemble a very interesting montage of photos—complete with key encircled highlight areas—that we feel we must bring you their work. "All in all I believe this is no 'monster' or 'Satan' simply a case of mistaken identity," the tipster writes. The monster is not Satan? Ridiculous, we know. But when you get a load of the included X-ray, well, it certainly gives the misguided nonbelievers something to think about. Click through for the full (and colorful!) photo presentation in favor of what we are now calling "The Vole Theory":
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Comment by beachgirl: I have pictures of another Monster, this one just washed up in a Marina off of Fire Island more » | Other threads
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good luck with your hell demons
5 Reasons Why We Are So Fascinated By the Montauk Monster
So that new picture of the Montauk Monster, you know the one from Newsday that makes it look a lot more like a dog? We say it's bunk. The thing is in a completely different position, its little front legs aren't bound, plus they claim the photo was taken on the same day as the original. And I'm no Bill Nye, but I'm pretty sure things don't decompose that fast. So yeah, it's fake! Or it really is a dead dog. But ours is still a monster. The bigger question, though, really, is why are we and many other people so interested? What is it about the Montauk Monster that intrigues us so? I'll try to provide some answers—in listicle form because it's a fucking Friday—after the jump.
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Comment by OrvaGaloof: its a griffin people.... i have walked in the valley of darkness i have spoke to the devil..i was dead... more » | Other threads
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the monstrous is political
Obama Won't Bridge Aisle Between Aliens, Monster
What would President Obama do about Monty, the Lovable Montauk Monster? Based on his divisive and bitter answer to a simple query about Martians and their hunger for our Earth women, it would depend on whether or not Monty's a Democrat. [Wonkette] -
good luck with your hell demons
Scientist Plea From Montauk Monster Finders
Three women who first discovered and photographed the Montauk Monster have issued a desperate plea for scientists to help them identify the devil spawn! Rachel Goldberg, Courtney Fruin and Jenna Hewitt gave their long-awaited interview to PlumTV, following hot on the heals of the CNN appearance by their buddy "Colin," who is keeping the monster's bones safe in his bong or Weber grill or whatever. The ladies revealed they have been in touch with a scientist from Stony Brook University, who supposedly told them it can't be a raccoon (legs/arms not in proportion to body), dog (feet "don't match up" — ??) or turtle (they don't have teeth). So basically we're dealing with a mutant, alien or satanic death hound. "Lock your fucking doors," as one self-described biologist told us yesterday! The women are hoping another scientist will take a look at the remains and give a less terrifying answer. A video except, along with some interesting mail, is after the jump. UPDATE: Plus a new, less decomposed photo via Newsday! More » -
good luck with your hell demons
Montauk Monster Scare Gets All the Way to the C-N-N
Wolf Blitzer and crew have been swept up into Montauk Monster mania, which began on this humble site when we posted about a nefarious hell demon that washed ashore on Long Island's picturesque tip. A reporter for the cable news net hit the streets, showing passersby a photo of the hideous beast. Most were befuddled, some cracked wise ("My husband?"), and one woman was "squirmish." A New York Times Magazine cover story, featuring a photo of the devil "dog" draped across its flaming, Satanic bed, is surely forthcoming. Clip of the coverage is above. Oh, and nice of CNN to get a Gawker screenshot of us calling their elder statesman Larry King "drunk," bee tee dubs.
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Comment by SlickaNicka: @Clevetron: Intriguing graphic link. But, yeah, if you paint a little doggie face on the monster, it looks like... 1 Responses | Other threads
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pic of the day
Movie Theatre Becomes Old Gay Porn Hut for Two Minutes
[A photo of a Portland, OR second-run movie theatre changing its marquee from "Hancock" to "The Dark Knight." It's supposedly not a Photoshop thingie. Just like the Montauk Monster. One hundred percent real; image via Mr. Mark Lisanti]
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Comment by SLUTTY_CHOLA_COBBLER: Leave Obama alone!! I am tired of these subliminal messages. more » | Other threads
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good luck with your hell demons
Fox News Discredits Itself With Wildly Incorrect "It's Not a Monster" Reportage
As Montauk Monstergate continues, the national news media has begun to take notice (and drink companies are trying to piggyback on the buzz). The breezy wind-up toys at Fox News did a segment on our little creature friend (who I suppose we can now call Monty, as suggested by a commenter) this morning, bringing on noted animal expert and possible crazy person Jeff Corwin to resolve the matter. There he sat, reporting live from my beloved home city of Boston, and lied to America. "It's a dog, or a raccoon" he said with shifty eyes. Whatever government agent was off camera almost certainly had a gun leveled right at Corwin's head (or, you know, some hell beast agent of the Dark was pointing a talon). When will this vast conspiracy unravel? When will these portents be accepted as auguring the end of days? For what it's worth, the Fox news lady doesn't believe Corwin's awful lies, because she Wants to Believe. This is a monster folks, plain and simple. I mean, Fox news ladies know their own kind. (Also, "you saw it here first yesterday"? Puhhleeze.) Clip is above.
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Comment by Clevetron: I'm just upset that Jeff Corwin looked at a quite obviouse picture of a dead dog and flat out said... more » | Other threads
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good luck with your hell demons
Montauk Monster Madness Spreads
There's still more information to report on the mysterious decomposed creature that washed ashore on Long Island recently, if not any definitive answers. A slew of clues come from some actual, you know, reporting done by New York magazine, which somehow tracked down our original tipster, who again denied the photo is part of any PR campaign and said it came from "my girlfriend's sister was there with her friends and one of them took the picture." Then they talked to an eyewitness! More »
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By Ryan TateComment by DanteHizat: I still think its simply a large sea turtle without its shell. As far as the feet and tail, simply... more » | Other threads
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good luck with your hell demons
Montauk Monster Update!
Our old friend the Montauk Monster, who washed ashore on Long Island recently, continues to befuddle. Luckily Hamptons-based website Plum will be hosting two eyewitnesses as well as the woman who took the photograph this Friday on their web show The Juice. Plum writes of the hellfire-born nightmare creature: "Four government biologists contacted by Plum were unable to identify the species of the animal from its photo and came to the conclusion that 'no such creature exists.'" Shriek!! That's because it's a monster. A government experiment gone wrong! A Cerberus come to warn us of doom! A MONSTER!!!!
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Comment by clhwi67: When I was on vacation in Gulfport Mississippi I found a dead creature lying on the beach. I didn't know... more » | Other threads
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monsters
Ugh. Update added here.
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montauk monster
That and another update have been added to the most recent full post.
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monsters
Montauk "Dead Monster" Maybe Tied To Cartoon Network Show
Kudos are in order to the public relations company that "tipped" us earlier today about the supposed government-created mutant that washed up in Montauk, if for nothing other than its timing. The firm, described by its owner as a purveyor of "grassroots viral marketing," was wise to try and place a campaign than in the midst of the summer news doldrums. But neither Gawker nor Jezebel (original recipient of the tip) seem an appropriate place to plug a children's show, which a different tipster thinks is behind the Montauk picture. More »
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By Ryan TateComment by LeeroySpitzer: Read More: 1. Montauk Monster Madness Spreads 2. Montauk Monster Update! 3. Dead Monster Washes Ashore in Montauk 4. The Creepy... more » | Other threads
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good luck with your hell demons
Dead Monster Washes Ashore in Montauk
No, Lizzie Grubman's still alive. This is an actual monster, some sort of rodent-like creature with a dinosaur beak. A tipster says that there is "a government animal testing facility very close by in Long Island," but unless the government is trying to design horrible Montauk monsters that will eat IEDs and fart fire at bad Iraqis, we're not sure why they would create such an unthinkable beast. Our guess is that it's viral marketing for something. Ali Lohan's new album perhaps. Click thru for larger dino-damage.
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