Hey dummy, what do you do with trash? Let it sit around, I bet. Think about throwing it away, get up to get a drink, forget to throw it away. Stuff it in your pocket. You stupid idiot. This elephant—not even a human—knows exactly what to do with it:

Eight new gay groping claims, two scrotum assaults, and one anus attack later, John Travolta's masseur-gate is in full swing—not that you'd know if you only got your news from The New York Times, which has yet to file a report on the megawatt star accused of manhandling nearly enough service industry employees to…

A brainwashed American might look at Mr. Clean and think to themselves, "A man used as an icon in cleaning product advertisement rather than the stereotypical housewife. That's the opposite of sexism!" Try turning off the television propaganda some time, Yankee imperialist! The European Parliament has taken up the…