We didn’t think it was possible, but the insanely dateable John Krasinski is not looking so hot these days. Due to an upcoming role in the Sam Mendes-directed Farlanders, John is sporting a nasty beard that resembles something one of the Geico cavemen would wear. And while we’d never judge an actor for tossing out their razors for months for the sake of their craft, this terrible beard inspired us to take a look back at the most cringeworthy facial hair in cinematic history. From one actor’s frizzy salt-and-pepper rat's nest to one mustache’s journey inside another man’s taint, our top five lie after the jump:

Though most Napoleon Dynamite obsessives instinctively recall that Napoleon envied Pedro's ability to quickly grow a mustache, we were far more grossed out by Kip Dynamite's stringy gelled strip. As for Daniel Day Lewis' portrayal of Bill the Butcher in Gangs Of New York, his Dali 'stache served to heighten the character's intimidation factor. And of course, there was poor Tom Hanks, whose Castaway role forced him to grow out a tangled mess of curls covering his entire mug. Though really, we feel sorrier for wife Rita Wilson. Shudder.

Insisting for months that he would only appear as Borat in public and during interviews, jet-black puffy 'stache and all, Sacha Baron Cohen claims he "woke up one morning and was quite hung over, and I accidentally shaved my mustache off.". But topping our list of the most horrendous facial hair grown for a movie role is the most tragic tale of all. After spending months growing out a woolly, scraggly beard for a role in Darren Aronofsky's sci-fi bomb The Fountain, Brad Pitt abruptly quit the picture and started work on another bomb, Troy. Rumors that Brad just couldn't jibe with Aronofsky's script abounded, but some suspected he just couldn't stand sporting that greasy uncomfortable mop on his face for so long.

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In today's Rush & Molloy column, it is reported that McLovin (aka Christopher Mintz-Plasse) attended a Super Bowl party thrown by Playboy just this past weekend. Perhaps spurred on by his friends or a healthy dose of liquid courage, McLovin proceeded make his way into the DJ booth, grab the mic and scream out out the following quote to the crowd of rowdy partygoers: "Allow me to reintroduce myself ... I am McLovin!" Naturally, this concerns us just a smidge. Not because McLovin isn't allowed to go out and have fun, mind you, it's more because we already know how this story ends. And it ain't pretty. We hope that by pointing out the similarities in career trajectory that McLovin shares with Pedro now, he'll avoid the indignity of spittin' rhymes alongside American Gladiator's Militia and the "I Can Do 200 Of These" guy in Season Two of MTV's Celebrity Rap Superstar.

[Photoshoppage done by Seth, natch]

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UPDATE: A friend from back East informs us that Heder might be a victim of an opportunistic stock photo agency, rather than a brain-freeze-courting sellout: "The Jon Heder photo is also used in some sort of free computer circular handed out in NY. I think he posed for a stock agency pre-Napoleon Dynamite."

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