Neal Boulton is the upstanding one here, see? He was forced, forced by his conscience, to tell Keith Kelly that he had no choice but to quit his job as editor of Men's Fitness, in moral protest, when the magazine got Tiger Woods to be on its cover in exchange for covering up news of his dirty, sexxxy affairs.

"We were going to [do a quid pro quo with] America's favorite sports star, just to get his name on the cover of a magazine," said Boulton. "That was too much for me. That's when I high-tailed it out of there."

David Pecker, CEO of AMI [which owns both the National Enquirer and Men's Fitness], denies this and calls Boulton a "disgruntled former employee." The truth is, there are no winners here, ladies and gentlemen. None.

[Disclosure: Neal Boulton once commissioned a freelance article from me and then never paid me for it so I am biased against him.]

• So Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo got into a huge fight at some event for Jet Blue, just another one of a bazillion events they'd attend together to scoop up appearance fees, when they got into a huge fight and before you know it, it was over. [Hollyscoop]
  
  
• If you're wondering what future seasons of Jon and Kate Plus 8 will be like, it's rumored that it'll feature some scenes with Jon's new girlfriend. Ooohhh...catfight! [Daily News]
  
  
• Lindsay Lohan tried to get up on a drunk Justin Timberlake at Noah Tepperberg's new club Avenue the other night, but Timberlake was all "get on out of here ho!" and shooed her away. This gave Lindsay a sad and she went on Twitter and tried to start a rumor about him. [Page Six]
  
  
• Anne Hathaway keeps her friends looking stylish by giving them loads of clothes out of her own closet. Surely, many of them come free from designers and stylists or were purchased by her swindler ex-boyfriend, but still, a nice gesture. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Megan Fox is working on a film in St. Francisville, Louisiana (I've been there!) and almost burned down the whole town after some explosion on the set spread to some of the surrounding "historic" buildings and land. Her crappy thumbs are probably to blame here. [Page Six]
  
  
• Creepy Men's Fitness editor Neal Boulton and his wife have begun shooting scenes around town for their reality show about the bi-sexual swinging life in New York City. Consider yourselves warned. [Page Six]
  
  
• Madonna is so upset over having to be away from her English country home that she's ordered architects to redesign her Upper West Side apartment to create the feel of a house on the English countryside. Naturally, she's driving everyone involved with the project insane. [Mirror]
  
  
• Courtney Love is looking kind of like she needs one of those Steve Jobs style liver transplants or something. She's just withering away. [Sun]
  
  
• Daryl Hannah is now an environmental activist and she was arrested yesterday for sitting on top of a coal mine or something. [EOnline]
  
  
• This video of Zachary Quinto being dragged to the ground by his dog as a man dressed as a t-bone steak walks by is one of the most bizarre things you'll ever see. [DListed]

• Film star Kelly McGillis confirmed she's lesbian, as long rumored. It must have been Tom Cruise's unquestioned heterosexuality that really sold those Top Gun love scenes, then. [Daily Mail]
  
• Sean Penn is separating from his wife Rob Wright Penn. For the second time. So presumably he won't have to remember to forget to thank in her in his Oscar speech ever again. [P6]
  
• Elizabeth Edwards writes in her new book she cried, screamed and threw up when John Edwards confessed cheating on her. Maybe because she knew she'd have to coax the full truth out of him: Edwards originally "left most of the truth out" and said he'd only slipped up once. Good thing those days of lying about tabloid allegations are completely behind him! [Daily News]
  
• Rihanna's dad thinks the singer is completely over apparently abusive ex Chris Brown. "Chris sounds like old news to me," he told Us Weekly (in print only, it would seem). [Scoop]
  
• "Pansexual" cad Neal Boulton entered rehab after finding out he has liver cirrhosis. Apparently giving up booze on his own didn't work out for the former Genre editor.
  
• Police detectives and social services visited Nadya "Octo-Mom" Suleman after the fourth complaint against her, this time for possible child neglect and endangerment. Suleman said some teacher saw a black eye one of her kids and just, you know, flipped out. All reactionary and nanny state like. GOD. [Us]

• Rihanna's tattoo might be nonsensical, since it's spelled wrong, even though the guy at the parlor totally swore he knew Sanskrit from biking across India one semester in college. [Sun]
  
• Rihanna's ex Chris Brown swore he was only with that pretty lady at the tattoo parlor for her proofreading services and platonic friendship. [People]
  
• Neal Boulton announced he will quit drinking. It's been interfering with the caddish bisexual editor's infidelity. [P6]
• Sad Jay Leno has to settle for being best buds with Jimmy Kimmel, since David Letterman won't talk to him, not even after Leno sent the Late Show host a heartfelt letter after Letterman's open-heart surgery. Leno's "greatest regret" is that "the Tonight Show came between us." But then if he hadn't stolen it away from Letterman his biggest regret would have been not trying, right? Way to hide behind the passive voice, Leno! [Gatecrasher]
  
• John Mayer developed a neat trick for making Jessica Simpson not talk, revealed in a very servicey edition of Page Six. [P6]
• Candy Spelling begged her daughter Tori, via open Web letter, to get in touch and let her see her grandchildren. Will the mother and daughter reunite in time to get some more free publicity for Tori's memoir, Mommywood, due out Tuesday? Meh, who cares. [ET]

With his BastardLife website launched and a book deal (working title: "Sex Across America") under his perpetually unfastened belt, Boulton is all set to complete his transformation into the walking, self-branded embodiment of screwing anything that moves, throughout the country, constantly. Genre would just get in the way at this point, so Boulton decided to quit.

Is there some way you, Neal Boulton, might be able to leverage this moment to inject some comically transparent self-aggrandizement into the celebrity-industrial news pipeline?

"It's been a good run," Boulton told [Page Six]. "Hell, Anna Wintour had to close Men's Vogue - we're still standing."

An absurd comparison of yourself to the legendary editor of Vogue? Our pants are off to you, Mr. Boulton.

(Pic via Queerty)

RapRadar: Elliot Wilson, former editor of hip hop magazine XXL, is launching what he hopes will become the Huffington Post of Hip Hop. Which is just a horrible slogan. Basically it'll be some HuffPo-ish mix of blogging, journalism, and hip hop celebrities writing guest columns. "If Jay-Z wants to express his feelings about Obama, there's not really a forum where he can do that right now," Wilson says. This is false.
Chance of Survival: Not great, but theoretically possible. XXL was a quality magazine. If he can replicate that online, he could build an audience. Problem: XXL already replicated itself online. Problem 2: Audience doesn't mean advertisers. See Vibe magazine, currently.

The Wrap: Ex-NYT correspondent and Gawker opponent Sharon Waxman launched this Hollywood/ entertainment news site thing last month. Bad timing, but hey.
Chance of Survival: Ehhh.... moderate? It'll have to get better. Waxman has some money at her back, which is good. But she has some very entrenched competition in Hollywood. If something happens to Nikki Finke, then... slightly less of a chance of failure.


BastardLife: This is Genre magazine editor Neal Boulton's "pansexual sex & relationships site for ALL men." No idea what that means. Is 'pansexual' different than 'bisexual?' It's a question you may be able to find the answer to at Bastardlife.com
Chance of Survival: As a forum for Neal Boulton's personal musings, decent. As a moneymaking venture, very low. Unless pansexuality takes off as a recession thing.


Alpha Kitty: Atoosa Rubenstein was a big shot editor at Seventeen magazine. Then she left to run this "Alpha Kitty" project. Which, as best we can tell, now consists of her Myspace page and a Youtube channel.
Chance of survival: Ummm.. good? But the chance of making money with this is nil, as far as we can tell. Although to be completely honest I'm still not sure what this thing really is.


The Daily Beast: I made up a little haiku about The Daily Beast, ready?:
Tina Brown glamour
Fancy online articles
No advertising

Chance of Survival: Unless Tina comes up with a brilliant plan to monetize this site, it will be a victim of its launch timing and its utter lack of urgency to come up with a workable business plan. She will burn through Barry Diller's millions, subsidizing many worthy writers in the process, then eventually fold. It will be a nice place to go back to and read the archives one day, though.

[Disclosure: Neal Boulton has owed me freelance money forever, so I may be biased.]

• In a metaphor for the New England Patriots' season, Pats quarterback Matt Cassel went to a Super Bowl party and got peed on. [Gatecrasher]
• "Though [heiress] Courtenay Semel beat up [lesbian lovah] Casey Johnson... and set her hair on fire last month, the lesbian lovers spent a romantic week together at Sundance." Good to know. [P6]
• SHOCK: Brandon Davis, rich wastrel and Lindsay Lohan enemy known primarily for being a stupid rich club kid, was spotted "grinding on some bimbos" in a Hollywood club. Will he be able to recover from this scandal? [P6]
• Britney Spears has a designated prayer area to pray before each concert. This makes abundant sense. [Mirror]
• Loudly bisexual Genre editor Neal Boulton is "bringing gay to the straightest part of Brooklyn by teaming up with the straight guys who run South Brooklyn Pizza for a Monday-night gay night called, and you'll laugh, Fondle." Ha. Another funny true story: Neal Boulton rips off his freelancers. [P6]
• The former fiancee of Drew Peterson, famous wife killer, tells the CBS Early Show today that her engagement to him was just a stunt on his part, so he could be in the media. After much consideration she's decided not to be engaged to him, because of the stunt aspect, and also the penchant for wife killing.

A tipster tells us that NYT advertising reporter Stuart Elliott "stormed out" of a Pepsi press conference this morning. "In a huff," no less! The press conference was supposed to be about Pepsi's Super Bowl ads, but the company was acting cagey, "and finally he was like, you invited us down here to preview your super bowl ads for us and now you won't even show them," and out he went, our tipster says! This is just reason #1,346 why you don't fuck with Stuart Elliott. He is a delightful man (Reason #267). Stu, if you'd like to give us your account, we're all ears. [UPDATE: Stuart emails to say, "did not storm out. was told the event would last an hour or so (10-11 am) and as a result had scheduled a meeting back at the office at noon with some other super bowl advertisers for an interview. as the pepsico event went on and on and on, got anxious, so when it finally ended at noon-ish i ran out to make my meeting...ended up almost 30 minutes late, much to my dismay."]


Aw, first Mass Appeal goes online only, and now its sister Brooklyn mag Missbehave is going the same way. This is actually much better than permanently folding, so you shouldn't be too sad, unless you are, like, a female Bushwick tattoo artist who believes computers are evil. Which is to say, a member of the third largest demographic in Bushwick.


There's a lot of media "chatter" about a comical suggestion by an analyst that it would be a good move for Yahoo to buy either the New York Times, or Gawker Media. Is Yahoo prepared to make the monetary commitment necessary to ensure the Times can continue to produce its vital international coverage, which is ever more important to our democracy in this age of shrinking foreign bureaus and growing US military commitments abroad? Or, alternately, to buy a new jacuzzi for our rooftop parties? Yea, I didn't think so. Come back when you're ready to support real journalism, Yahoo.

Village Voice Media has decided to stop running syndicated cartoons like This Modern World in all of its papers, to cut costs. So then everybody starts in with the typical whine of "There goes the last reason to pick up your crappy paper!" But since they've also fired all the writers, in this case, that whine is true.


Tracey O'Shaughnessy, a reporter from Connecticut, won an award last August from the Missouri School of Journalism. The prize was $1,000, but she hasn't received anything, all these months later! "Should I keep asking? I feel really churlish doing so," she writes to Romenesko. Don't worry about that, Tracey; shame is the only way to get deadbeats to pay up, so keep on yelling, which reminds me, Neal Boulton does not pay freelancers.

• Hard-partying Jeremy Piven suddenly quit his Broadway play three months early after flaking on two shows, citing mercury poisoning. David Mamet wasn't buying that excuse: "My understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer." [Variety]
• Bernie Madoff's recruiter was nearly punched, for showing up at a party. It seems he took commissions on now-worthless investments that were likely fraudulent. Wall Street people, who apparently do not believe payback is fair play, were very offended. [P6]
• There were rumors that Mark Anthony and Jennifer Lopez wanted to see other vacant people, because they were bored, so the couple staged a public, romantic dinner involving "feeding each other Wagyu Kobe meatballs." Feeding each other tender balls. Is that a metaphor for something? So subtle, these Hollywood stars.
• For once, someone was drunkenly falling into Lindsay Lohan, instead of the other way around. [Reuters]
• Britney Spears has reportedly been wanting to get back together with Kevin Federline, but Federline would rather hook up with this hottie from his bowling team. [Sun]
• Neal Boulton and his wife made out with the same guy in public (yawn), and Boulton didn't even bother to use a fake name when he called in the "tip" to Page Six. [P6]

However, they'll be happy to tell you their sexploits themselves: they'll be reading at the In the Flesh's True Sex Confessions series this Thursday at the now-nightclub but former "massage" parlor Happy Ending in Manhattan at 8, the same place where "Love guv" Spitzer partied with Slate earlier this week.

Also, "Neal Boulton's wife, Claire, will also be in the audience, and it's her birthday." Those two have an open marriage, as they happily told Page Six Magazine. (We saw Boulton's former makeout buddy, Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner, in an Upper West Side Starbucks this Sunday.)

Update from Neal: "you forgot to mention that claire will have her hot girlfriend with her, and I will have my 21 year old boy toy with me and we will all be nude. :-) "

We'll be there with bells on.

Page Six first reported on Boulton and Wenner last year — that they were running around town together and making out in front of the Time Warner Center. But Wenner denied, and we heard the gossp was all manufactured by Boulton himself — a "weird press play by Neal." Which no one at the time understood. "What motivation would Boulton actually have for this?" a commenter asked.

Someone whispered to New York that Wenner and Boulton were still dating, but the magazine's website didn't see fit to stand behind that story. It's the story that just won't stick.

But Boulton, not at all shy about emailing bloggers, or being quoted, somehow stayed in the news. An "irate lady source" in February sent Queerty two remarkably well-photographed and posed shots of Boulton nuzzled up to her model-perfect body (including the one at top). Boulton protested, probably a bit too much, without actually denying he had sexed the vixen. Did he send, or arrange to have sent, the tell-all email from his statuesque "lover?"

As time went on, Boulton started making direct appeals. In July he sent us a bizarre letter advising women not to flatter themselves that he might be hitting on them in bars, because he's just being friendly. Then we got seemingly random emails from supposed women admirers trying to get in touch with Boulton, and from people claiming to see him leaving MTV's offices (that was him, he merrily confirmed for us, in talks about a pilot, which we never heard about again).

And now, with the book agent deal and the purported reality show, we finally see (duh) what motivation the Genre editor might have for whipping up interest in his WILD and CRAZY "pansexual" lifestyle, "pansexual" being a pointless synonym for "bisexual," presumably plastered on Boulton's website because it sounds sexier and more marketable than the latter.

The endgame is familiar to any fameball, straight out of the Julia Allison playbook: Reality show, book, internet startup. A pedestrian play rooted in already-pedestrian notions of sexual decadence and roleplaying. Neal Boulton, you're boring us.

After they separated for a time last year (and something was rumored to go down between Neal and the couple's nanny, not mentioned in the article and which Boulton denied to Page Six),

...instead of returning to work, in mid-April, Neal told friends that he was going to a hospital—but secretly, he went to rehab in Westchester for a month.

Um, "going to a hospital" is the worst excuse for going to rehab we've ever heard. What about the old "visiting an aunt in Arizona"? Anyway,

The couple say they're monogamous now and forever more. As for their kids, Neal says, "they've grown up with the children of same-sex couples. They don't know a world without bi's and gays and lesbians. Our kids understand that we have loved men and women, but that the key is love—and respect. I prefer to be open because when sexuality and sex are kept close to the vest, people start making up their own truths." After 14 years of marriage, they've stuck it out and are still going strong.

(Our most recent e-mail from Boulton, whom we've never met: "Happy Thanksgiving, hot woman.")

[Page Six Magazine]

The site has ten posts so far—all uploaded by Boulton himself. "Not as good at this as you yet—but what the fuck. I have two generous investors thank god. Like John Lennon said, "I can't be what I am not," and THIS is what I am," he told us.

THIS = the following subjects: strap-on sex (for straights!), erection tips n' tricks, hottie pinups (male and female), and advice on female orgasms from a lesbian. Thanks for that last one, Neal.

(Neal, I am only swayed by cash and alcohol, dollface!)

"Yeah, I have had several meetings with the MTV Network folks, yes. And yes, they have asked that I work on two pilots. One for a digital show, and the other for a show I created. But just stay tuned America anyone out there can make a pilot—the trick is getting it on the air. And who knows. God knows I love the camera, but—just stay tuned."

Good rumor control, Neal! Even though you may have started the rumor. Oh, and here's the P.S., from a previous e-mail:

"Page Six magazine is doing an at home with me and Claire soon. They shot it and interviewed us already. It's hilarious because Claire during the interview proves that she is much wilder than I am. I'll let you know when it comes out."

We're sure he will.

Boulton is with his wife mainly because she is mother to his children. And as he himself recently pointed out, "I am a horrible catch, as I am more married to my work and my guitar than I would ever be to any man woman or child."

Perhaps Boulton will be ready to settle down eventually. But, in the meantime, he should conjure some more sympathy today — now — for gays who would like the option to get married sooner. Gays like Paul Colichman.

(Photo via Queerty)

To my friends at Gawker,

It has been brought to your attention that I carouse around among my local watering holes, occasionally brawl, and, when I can, try to bring the house down with my music. All of this is true—when I am not editing or writing for the magazines I relaunch. Along the way I have left a considerable amount of roadkill in the hook up department.

However, at 41 and back with my love of 16 years, I have resigned and sort of enjoyed evolving into a benign chap who, yes, does love to throw his arm around a couple of stunning blonds (boys or girls) as
was alleged. But for those of you who are a bit mad at my basically tearing through your lives, let me use this vehicle to write to you, personally, and say that I am sorry. Do consider yourself lucky that I am no longer with you though—I am a horrible catch, as I am more married to my work and my guitar than I would ever be to any man woman or child.

Thank you. God bless, and peace to all.

Thanks for letting us know, Neal. (Sorry about sending those photos. We'll stop.)

"I was at my bar American Trash last night and Neal Boulton was there. One of the usual meatheads got wasted and picked a fight with a guy he thought was a fag. He called him a fag. and some guy who we figured out later was Neil stepped in and gave the guy who called the gay guy a fag a major pounding out on the sidewalk. Boulton got hit pretty hard but slugged back big time. It was nothing till we realized who was fighting who and that Neal is gay and all. Dude had balls. The cops came but Neal had already fled on his bike [probably his motorcycle - Ed]. The guy's got some balls man. The guy he beat down was DOWN as in down for the count, too. fuck!"

According to Neal,

"Too funny. The only reason I sing Springsteen is because I am old and I can't sing. At the end of the day the only reason I do this is because I'm still just trying to impress Claire really. (..and wear sunglasses and play guitar in front of the two or three unsuspecting tourists who might be in attendance). Sorry, no videos exist that I am aware of thank god. Please apologize to New York City for booking me, I love to jam but I kind of know I suck. Maybe I should hang up the shades and start selling my wingman skills. They seem to be in demand."

"It's nothing really. Just another fuck up of mine probabably. I've relaunched alot of magazines...Outside, Country Weekly, Food & Wine, Shape, Natural Health, The National Enquirer, oh and that really homophobic one: Men's Fitness... (my friends at the National Enquirer were the coolest) and at some of those magazines just because of the changes you MIGHT make, hell just your damn presence (Cut here to a VOICE OVER of Drexel from the flick True Romance, "I know I ain't pretty.") gets people mad - even if the changes you are making are cool ones.

In the case of HX, if we are to believe Queerty, someone is, well, pissed at yours truly. But I promise, and I really mean this...with the seriousness of the Monica era Clinton, when he wagged that well hung finger at us, denying it, "I did not, and I want you to listen this now, have a Prada suit from last year on last week."