• the way we live now

    Neal Pollack, Stop Writing About Your Son Right This Instant

    You might be wondering what Alternadad author Neal Pollack has been writing about lately. Oh, the same thing he's been writing about for years now—quotidian life with his five-year-old son, Elijah. (We've been on the campaign to make him stop.) Still? you might ask. Seriously? Yeah. But isn't Elijah going to hate him for this when he gets older? Yeah, probably! Latest essay: how he's trying to toughen up his son, who's a wuss like him. More »
    08/05/08
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    By Sheila

    Comment by ian spiegelman: @backseat_driver10023: That never happened. Neal made that up. He made that up entirely and published it as the truth. He's... more » | Other threads

  • kids today

    You Enable Us to Hate Your Kids

    Slate's family correspondent Emily Bazelon was relieved recently to learn that her 8-year-old son has no hits on Google. Not for lack of trying! She writes about her young son, Eli, occasionally, but obviously she doesn't want her child to be an Internet Persona, Fair Game for bloggers and commenters. But then, she's writing about him in Slate. And her husband's name, which is presumably her son's last name, is readily available on Wikipedia. She's dangerously close to crossing into the territory of the chronic familial oversharers whose crimes against their children she ponders in her essay. Like remember Neal Pollack? "His young son Elijah's bathroom habits are fair game for Pollack's blog, but his son's discovery of his sexuality, Pollack says, is not." Jesus, Neal, you just did it again. Dear internet: blogging about your children is child abuse. More »
    06/05/08
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    By Pareene

    Comment by Smirk: @sanyucat: But...but my standards are ALREADY so low! Thanks for the offer, tho! :) more » | Other threads

  • we hate your children

    Hipster Daddy Throwdown A Vortex Of Do Not Want

    Alternadad and struggling writer Neal Pollack (pictured, right) has, of course, his own "alternative online parenting publication" called Offsprung, and the site in turn has a chat section called "the Playground," and Pollack figures no one else should be allowed to ever use the word "playground" in the name of a parental discussion board. But that's exactly what Nerve.com founder Rufus Griscom (pictured, left) has gone and done, with his "Babble Playground," attached to his existing hipster parenting site Babble. And so the hipster parent flamewar is on. Cue the requisite nauseating, passive-aggressive bickering over which site is authentic and which site is derivative and tacky. To make things more fun, lawyers are involved. More »
    04/02/08
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    Comment by Kona: The whole Brooklyn hipster parenting culture is a big part of the reason that as soon as I found out... more » | Other threads

  • In Brief

    Stop Sending Fake Neal Pollack Sightings!

    "Yesterday's item reporting me taking Elijah to a Hives show in New York was flat-out wrong. I don't live in New York and wasn't in New York last week, with our without my son. There are dozens of eyewitnesses who can confirm this for positive. I'd really appreciate a correction. Thanks so much." So cut it out, guys! (To be sure, there were probably plenty of other Alternadads at the Hives show.)
    03/10/08
    803
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    By Sheila

    Comment by gawkimo: Man, if I were "The Hives" I'd be pissed. Who wants to be known as the rock band that Gen... more » | Other threads

  • judgment

    Neal Pollack: Just Not Much Of A Writer

    The preponderance of outstanding evidence has finally and inexorably built up to the point that no reasonable person can avoid coming to the conclusion that "Alternadad" author Neal Pollack, who enjoys both chronicling and defending his decision to chronicle his young child, is just not much of a writer at all. Despite his background as a professional writer with the Chicago Reader, McSweeney's, Vanity Fair, GQ, and other respected outlets—as well as his ability to convince publishing houses to pay him money in order to write books—it is now impossible to deny the fact that Pollack is just not cut out for this whole writing thing. The scale-tipping work is his new Men's Journal profile of Woody Harrelson, in which the sheer lack of insight, or even cleverly redeeming turns of phrase, has us vowing never to read anything by this fucker again. More »
    03/09/08
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    Comment by GregorMendel: @phraser: No sour grapes, just Gawker readers. more » | Other threads

  • critical stalker

    Alternadad Spotted Doing Cool Thing w/ Kid

    "At the Hives concert at Terminal 5... Thunder Music! Alternadad [author Neal Pollack] doing something approximating the Hully Gully through the most of the set; Alternakid looking embarrassed for him, which was kind of awesome. When I came back from getting empanadas, they were gone. Possibly because I kept turning around, pointing and mouthing "Alternadad!" at my companions."
    03/08/08
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    By Sheila

    Comment by TheBigDoggy: Neal Pollack also does something approximating the Hully Gully with his prose. In other words: gut-wrenchingly awkward. more » | Other threads

  • celebrity profiles

    Josh Brolin Gives Neal Pollack Diarrhea

    The March issue of Men's Journal (not online yet; subscribe, why don't you?) features a cover story on Josh Brolin, the mustachioed leading man who is stalked by Javier Bardem in "No Country For Old Men." As if that wasn't exciting enough, the story is written by child-loving Josh Stein nemesis Neal Pollack! Pollack doesn't get a chance to talk about his kids in the piece, but he does throw in some mentions of Brolin's kids, like this telling, priceless anecdote: "We did this one trip to Scotland. Just me and my kids. We had absolutely no plan...We used to have a running joke where I'd yell, 'Where do you wanna sleep tonight?' and the kids would yell, 'We don't care!'" Hahahahaha! We mention this by way of pointing out that this is potentially the least insightful celebrity profile in any magazine so far in 2008. Brolin picks Pollack up, they get stuck in traffic, they drive to Palmdale, they eat tacos, they go home. This is a completely accurate summary. Judge for yourself by this post-taco excerpt, which is, without exaggeration, the crowning achievement of Pollack's story: More »
    02/11/08
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    Comment by famousauthor: I want to sleep in the Balmoral Hotel when I go to Scotland. Hahahahaha!!!!! more » | Other threads

  • pre-hump day

    F/M/K: Neal Pollack, Neill Strauss, Neel Shah.

    11/27/07
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  • vasectomy

    The WGA Strike Is Endangering Elijah Pollack's Welfare

    Alternadad Neal Pollack has joined the Writer's Guild of America strike, which is just a politically advantageous way of saying he's still unemployed. IMDb lists Pollack's only screen credit as playing "Himself" on a 2003 episode of the Daily Show. At any rate, it's bad news for his son Elijah Pollack, who is stuck at home with his silly dad. In this grainy video footage, we see Neal and Elijah dressed in identical mock turtlenecks sitting on a sofa, shooting the shit. The ending is crappy. [CC]
    11/14/07
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    Comment by hazelfredrick: this is worst will farrrell home movie i've seen yet. more » | Other threads

  • nevermind the pollacks

    Will Mordecai Stein And Elijah Pollack Be Torn Apart By Delancey Sohn?

    Our story so far: Neal Pollack's son Elijah and Josh Stein's son Mordecai have enrolled at N.Y.U., where they have begun learning about poor people. It is the year 2025. More »
    10/26/07
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    Comment by CodePink: This is so awesome. more » | Other threads

  • nevermind the pollacks

    Neal Pollack, Unblock Me From Facebook Right This Minute!

    I don't know about you but when I search Facebook for "Neal Pollack," I get two Neal Pollacks, neither of whom are the Neal Pollack that I want to find. (I'm looking for the Alternadad writer and blogger Neal Pollack who writes about his son so much!) But when I search from my friend's account, I get three Neal Pollacks, the last of whom is the Neal Pollack I want to find. How could we tell? Though we couldn't view his profile, we could view his friends. They include Timedouche columnist Joel Stein and his lovely wife, Cassandra Barry; Biblically-living author AJ Jacobs; Defamer editor Mark Lisanti; Gawker's once-upon-a-time editor Elizabeth Spiers; and Sloane Crosley, the indefatigable publicist. Come on, Neal! We want to poke you so hard!
    10/16/07
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    Comment by VenusCloacina: @shesaidwhat: Oh, I think we commenters are the robots who take the humans' snark from the merely hilarious into the... more » | Other threads

  • nevermind the pollacks

    Elijah Pollack And Mordecai Stein Go To College In The Year 2020

    Elijah and I decided to room together at the Dov Charney Washington Square Studiodrome, the new N.Y.U. dorm built where there used to be a park or something. No one understands me like him or him like me. Also, we get a discount on housing costs because the construction is crazy, which is a good thing since we need all the help we can get. My dad Josh and Uncle Neal say that since they became empty-nesters, the writing assignments have slowed to a trickle. And so I must contend with the clamor of jackhammers and the conversations of the rough-necked construction workers. Elijah counsels that one must needs be patient with the proletariat. Though they lack taste, he says, they do have souls. But frankly I find their patois poisonous. How am I to read Baudelaire's divine verse against a background of coarse and vulgar words? More »
    10/11/07
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    Comment by Code6Charles: When Josh used to traipse out to Brooklyn in a safari get-up for those painful video segments, I was convinced... more » | Other threads

  • nevermind the pollacks

    My Son Mordecai And I Read Proust

    It was a Tuesday morning and as I sat down to the computer, a mug of kombucha tea steaming at my elbow. I had made a breakfast ragout of autumnal vegetables (squash, pumpkin). The wife had taken our incredibly self-satisfied dog Leslie out for a walk and my four-year-old son Mordecai was in the other room, reading the Wall Street Journal "Puh-pah," he said, "when I'm in ur gardenz, prunin' teh plants, am I a hedge fund manager?" Smart kid! More »
    10/09/07
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    Comment by Niaiserie: This Pollack guy, he gets paid to write. I wish I got paid to write. I'd say basically anything about... more » | Other threads

  • daddybloggers anonymous

    Will Elijah Pollack Ever Get A Day Off?

    We recently launched a sneak attack against daddy-author Neal Pollack's adorable 4-year-old son, Elijah. Or more accurately, we launched a sneak attack against author Neal Pollack shamelessly exploiting Elijah for his own literary ambitions. Pollack responded. Fark weighed in. Facebook profiles were updated. Pollack expressed a realization: That his constant blogging of Elijah exposes the little tyke—or rather, the trite twee petite-bourgeoise portrayal of him—to public scorn. One might think this would prevent Pollack from sending little Elijah back into the baby mines. But then one would be wrong. More »
    10/02/07
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    Comment by daddydada: I don't really care that Neal is exploiting his kid. I mean, western industrial economies were largely built upon foundations... more » | Other threads

  • kid nation

    Neal Pollack Half-Heartedly Defends His Character/Son

    Understandably unhappy professional father Neal Pollack is understandably unhappy that yesterday we called his four-year old son Elijah the worst and predicted that in a few years he'll be a full-grown horror show. Why did we launch this "disgusting sneak attack," he asks, in an email blast to his "Friends, Colleagues, Supporters, and anyone else who might be interested." More »
    09/28/07
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    Comment by Debussy Fields: Elijah (slapping his dad high five)- Daddy, I love you and mommy. And, thanks to your raising me unconventionally, I... more » | Other threads

  • the sins of the fathers

    Elijah Pollack Is Going To Be A Horror

    When is it okay to hate a 4-year-old? Maybe when the kid's name is Elijah Pollack. Elijah is the son of Alternadad Neal Pollack, the author and oh-so-hip dad who has been remanded to blogging his existence away on Epicurious. This week, they visit a cheese store and, well, Elijah is the worst. Now we know both he and his portrayal are at the mercy of his daddy.He is essentially a formless mass that has been fashioned into what he is by his father. But if we were to come across a sculpture that resembled, for instance, a large penis, we would be remiss not to mention that fact simply because the statue was created by a sculptor and did not form itself. And if you think we are somehow being hyperbolic or unnecessarily cruel in being so harsh on little Elijah, let us show you. More »
    09/27/07
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    Comment by adminslave: I'm late to party/wake: RIP Eli! more » | Other threads

  • the mommy wars

    Amy Sohn And Neal Pollack Think People Are Just Jealous

    "We're really into co-parenting," New York magazine "Breeding" columnist and author Amy Sohn said. "I mean, we only have a part-time nanny." The assembled crowd nodded sympathetically and shifted in their folding chairs, especially the children, who were beginning to get restless. They'd liked it better when Neal Pollack had been reading from his parenting memoir Alternadad a bit earlier. He'd used the word "shit" a lot, prompting a four-year-old girl in the second row to shoot me a way too knowing glance. Clearly, we were at the Brooklyn Book Festival. More »
    09/17/07
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    Comment by joandidionsbitch: As a mother I will say this: parenthood is about sacrifice. not a lifestyle. and I abhor these types of... more » | Other threads

  • corrections

    In our item yesterday on writer Neal Pollack's idiotic ramblings on his child-rearing process, we forgot to refer to Mr. Pollack as "alternadouche." (We were distracted by someone in our office, quitting her jobs.) Boy do we regret the error.
    08/29/07
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    By Choire

    Comment by TheBigDoggy: Don't be so hard on yourselves. You had a good excuse, after all. Besides, the "alternadouche" was implied. Loudly. more » | Other threads

  • we eat your kids

    Bad Taste Runs In Neal Pollack's Family

    Even though he's forsworn spawning again, Alternadad Neal Pollack is still milking all he can from his already existing offspring, Elijah. Baby's daddy has been blogging on Epicurious, Gourmet's site, about the curious and presumably whimsical culinary adventures of parenting, these include chronicling the very weird (and generically precocious) tastes of his 4-year-old. More »
    08/28/07
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    Comment by pbica: You learn to love cold pizza in college, not when you are four and your dad is too lazy to... more » | Other threads

  • there's hope

    Neal Pollack Will Not Spawn Again

    It's so cool that dudes can become parents and still have time left in their busy days to comment on blog posts, right? From the flying typing fingers of Neal Pollack, everyone's favorite Alternadad, comes an overshare that left us feeling this weird, poignant combination of relief and annoyance: Neal and his wife, he claims, are "done" with begetting. More »
    07/09/07
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    Comment by Dickdogfood: OH IT'S ON, BITCHES! FITE FITE FITE! more » | Other threads

  • literary adhd

    What Neal Pollack and Norman Mailer Have In Common

    It's not like Norman Mailer doesn't know that some of his books are way too long and overblown. It's just that he doesn't know that all of them are way too long and overblown! That's just one of the revelations we gleaned from yesterday's roundup of books that famous authors would trim the fat from if they could. We also learned that Ann Patchett thinks that George Orwell's best-known works are, respectively, "awful" and "beyond awful," that Stephen King has a cheesy, punny-science-teacher type sense of humor (duh), and that ubiquitous literary wunderdad Neal Pollack found The Satanic Verses too long by 40%. But the clear understatement o' the year award winner is Joyce Carol Oates, whose voluminous oeuvre includes approx. 400 jillion crappy books and like half of a good one (Foxfire!): "I'm sure I could think of many other titles that would benefit from being cut, including some of my own." More »
    05/21/07
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    Comment by earlytimezone: At the L.A. Times Book Fair a few years ago I was talking with a friend about Joyce Carol Oates.... more » | Other threads

  • we hate your kids

    Neal Pollack, King Of All Dads

    "At last, people in the publishing industry have been listening. This season has seen the birth of what I think it's fair to call a new subgenre in literary nonfiction: Call it 'dad lit,'" writes author Judith Warner on her TimesSelect blog "Domestic Disturbances" today. According to Judith, we should all be rejoicing about the publication of books like Neal Pollack's Alternadad because this trendlet means that men and women are now equal, at least in the realm of being allowed to write narcissicistic parenting memoirs. Whee! But some commenters on her post, which mentions her weepy response to passages from Alternadad, aren't as enthusiastic about Neal and his work. More »
    05/18/07
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    Comment by slinkimalinki: @hodgman: hello my name is slinkimalinki. i enjoyed your comment. however, i am unable to decide whether it is best read aloud... more » | Other threads

  • solipsism

    Parenting Tips From Neal Pollack

    Hey, do you have a burning question along the lines of "How do I best indoctrinate my son into good music? Do you have recommendations for good starter music? When is it too early to take a baby to see The Arcade Fire or Wilco?" Ask America's premiere hip-parenting expert Neal Pollack! His advice column, "Ask Alternadad," can be found on new parenting-blog agglomeration Offsprung, which is sort of like Babble, except it's not called Babble. Offsprung's slogan is "Your life didn't end when you became a parent." Heh. Oh, and for the record, here's Neal's deeply considered answer to the question above: "As far as music goes, Elijah received a heavy diet of punk rock early on, but that's because I was researching a book about the history of punk and playing in a band myself. While there's still plenty of rock in my rotation, I often spend the day listening to nothing but Miles Davis. Hell, I get excited when the theme to The Rockford Files comes up in my ITunes shuffle." Great advice. —Emily More »
    05/15/07
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    Comment by superba: @VenusCloacina: Shriek, yay St. Francis of Asshat, that is the best thing I've seen all day. Lord, make me an... more » | Other threads

  • how hard could it be?

    Where Neal Pollack Gets His Inspiration

    Did this week's Timesian True Life Tale by self-styled Alternadad Neal Pollack whet your appetite for more of Neal's unique brand of rigorous introspection? You're in luck! We've obtained an early draft of Neal's next installment. More »
    05/14/07
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    Comment by ellagood: @superba: thank you. got the first page of the baby book now. more » | Other threads

  • remainders

    Remainders: Alternaparenting Just Isn't Our Style

  • She may be pretty, but Jessica Joffe is too boring for even Socialite Rank. [Socialite Rank] More »
01/31/07
1,347
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By Doree Shafrir

Comment by powder: I wish I hadn't followed that Pollack link. I would've been very happy going through the rest of life without... more » | Other threads

  • neal pollack

    Neal Pollack and the Case of the Shriveled Foreskin

    Salon's got an excerpt of Neal Pollack's Alternadad up, and as is their wont, they've published the section in which Pollack debates whether or not to circumcise his son. In it, we learn that he's got a bit of a mommy complex and that he and his wife neglected to discuss circumcision until the week before their son was born. He's also, kindly, provided us with a lovely description of circumcision, in case you were curious:
    Our pediatrician refused to perform the operation. He recommended a urologist to us. Eight days after Elijah was born, we went to the urologist's office. This is how it works, he said. He would put Elijah on a board and strap down his hands and feet. Then he'd slide a metal ring over the top of the penis, which would cut off the circulation to the foreskin and gradually kill the nerve endings. Over the next week, the foreskin would gradually turn black, and then it would rot off, and then Elijah would be permanently connected to his ancestors.
    More »
    01/09/07
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    By Doree Shafrir

    Comment by benmaimon: Pollack? Considering the excerptt's wussily coy yet overwrought quality, are you sure his last name isn't Weiner? more » | Other threads

  • steve almond

    Steve Almond's Daddy Blog: Watch Your Back, Neal Pollack!

    More in the "a generation of self-consumed male hipsters have suddenly discovered parenthood, and we'll be forced to listen to them for years on end" department: did you know that author Steve Almond, formerly content merely to sit back and vindictively sling mud at bloggers, now has a pro blog of his very own? It's on new Nerve spinoff site Babble, and it's exactly as self-conscious and caught up in the tired 'bragging about how cool I used to be and now I'm not, but it's ok because parenthood is a Higher Calling than coolness' thing as you'd expect it to be. Witness this scintillating tidbit: "So I guess that's what we're doing: we're enjoying this time. Not doing much work. Not going out at all. Just sitting around worshipping our kid. It rules." More »
    01/02/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by Trackback: AYO, EMOSOGYNY by Molly Lambert So we just now saw the 2007 edition of Forbes’s (really silly) yearly list... more » | Other threads

  • neal pollack

    Neal Pollack: Spokesman of His Grup-eration

    In this Gothamist interview with the perpetually self-consumed writer, we learn much we never knew, but probably could've guessed, about Neal Pollack: "I modeled myself back then on Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties, but I wasn't a Republican. I was academically nerdy. In terms of the kind of person I was, I got beat up a lot. It's not like I didn't have any friends, I just had a big mouth and the jocks didn't take kindly to me." Yeah, that sounds about right. What disturbs us more is the news that his upcoming book Alternadad—about the (gag us) foibles of being a "hipster dad"—has been optioned and he's turning it into a movie. We knew the grups were taking over, but now it's apparent that this is a trend that simply will not die. A generation of self-consumed male hipsters have suddenly discovered parenthood, and we'll be forced to listen to them for years on end. Really, it's enough to make you want to just crawl into a little ball and never read New York magazine again. More »
    12/29/06
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    By Doree Shafrir

    Comment by drewheyman: isn't a lesbo mom an alternadad? more » | Other threads

  • stephen glass

    Stephen Glass' new novel

    Stephen Glass, who "was fired from The New Republic five years ago for fabricating details in 27 stories," has written a roman-a-clef. About himself. (Proving thereby that one can do any number of dispicable things and still revive their career with 350 pages of the gory details.) Neal Pollack points out that he, too, has written a roman-a-clef about his days at The New Republic. An excerpt: More »
    05/07/03
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    By Gawker
  • neal pollack

    James Frey and Neal Pollack

    Neal Pollack, apparently feeling a bit threatened by literary bad boy James Frey, throws down the gauntlet (then picks it back up and ceremoniously throws it down again): "You think your appetites are bigger than mine, James Frey? You think you're a bigger rock star and a better writer than I am? Well, motherfucker, I challenge you. I want a drink. I want fifty drinks. I want a tub of acid as deep as the moon. I want a tube of glue that tastes like a dumptruck of peyote. I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend. I want all that stupid old shit like letters and sodas, letters and sodas. I want to be the guy with the most cake. More »
    04/29/03
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    By Gawker
  • neal pollack

    No book burnings at St. Mark's Bookshop

    "Neal Pollack" on slamming the President at the South by Southwest music festival and the resulting wave of protests, or lack thereof: "No one attended the book-burning at St. Marks Bookshop in New York. That would have been SO 1998, and besides, Fischerspooner was playing in the secret basement of a club with an unpublished address in Greenpoint or maybe Red Hook." Neal recants (sort of): "I believe it is the right of every American, especially after a few beers, to call the President a pedophiliac. However, I must admit that this particular President probably does not molest children. My big mouth has gotten me into trouble one time too many." More »
    03/17/03
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    By Gawker
  • observer

    The war is ruining my lovely dinner party

    The Observer examines the polarizing effects of the Iraq debate on social life in Manhattan. Personally, I'm inclined to agree with Gawker interviewee Neal Pollack's line of thinking on the issue, which is basically, "Nobody gives a shit what anti-war or pro-war writers think. Really. So shut up. That goes double for poets. Shut the hell up, poets. Everybody just shut up." But that never works. In my experience, someone always brings it up, and usually in such a way that you want to scream at them regardless of their position. Apparently, this isn't unique. "I've had shouting arguments on both sides," said [Kurt] Andersen. "Frankly and sincerely on both sides, because of the way the other person has drawn the line." Chris Buckley adds, "My idea of a good time is not a screaming argument over the cr me br l e over the Iraqi civilian casualties." More »
    03/06/03
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    By Gawker
  • neal pollack

    Gawker Exclusive: The Neal Pollack Interview

    This is the first in a series of interviews with Random People The Editor Feels Like Emailing. Today's interviewee: Neal Pollack—McSweeney's writer, author of More »
    03/06/03
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    By Gawker
  • neal pollack

    Guess the New York band

    We're going to play a game. (No, not that one. Being drugged and shipped to Zimbabwe is only fun the first time.) It's called "Guess Which One of the Following Is a New York Band." More »
    02/07/03
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    By Gawker