Oh hey, a 747 just circled around lower Manhattan today, and then some fighter jets showed up. That isn't the sort of thing anyone should've been warned about!

So this guy in Staten Island is going to prison for six years because he sold a satellite TV package of Arab news stations that included Al Manar, which is Hezbollah's TERROR CHANNEL.

Hey, CNN: You've got a long sit-down with Dick Cheney. Would you like to maybe ask him about the newly-revealed assassination squads that reported directly to him, bypassing all military commanders?

The New Yorker's Seymour Hersh just spilled the beans on the roving killer team in Minnesota, leaving everyone terrified

So the media, financial, and entertainment industries continued to melt down this week! So no one has any work! So your monkey tried to kill a woman! Get over it, America!

We feel your pain, hysterical Cathay Pacific passenger lady. In a way, everyone, somewhere inside, has missed a Hong Kong to San Francisco flight, and felt like staging an impromptu Chinese opera.

Viva Rod Blagojevich! We hope he stays in office forever! Did you know that his little corruption deal was basically his own personal 9/11? Or Pearl Harbor?

Bomb in Paris Department Store leaves secular godless French baffled—how much more coddling do these terrorists need?

Are you a Republican who feels some sort of responsibility to aid in the creation of a whitewashed false memory of an uneventful, maybe mildly successful Bush presidency? Yes? Then the White House has a memo for you!

In the battle against global terror, ridiculously childish reverse psychology remains one of the most powerful weapons. It is used both by the enemy—al-Qaeda totally doesn't want you to reelect Bush, that would be terrible for them!—and, increasingly, by us. So five Guantanamo detainees have all confessed to plotting…

In 1996, Leslie Owen Collier pleaded guilty to killing three bald eagles. Naturally, President Bush has just pardoned him. Back in 1995, Collier, some sort of rabble-rousing anarchist farmer, crushed pesticides into delicious hamburger meat and left it outside to kill any adorable little animals that might cross his…

Pakistan's new president, Asif Ali Zardari, had some amazing stories to tell Fox News' Greta Van Susteren Tuesday. He might have even impressed viewers with the one about how his late wife, former prime minister Benazir Bhutto, called President George H.W. Bush in 1988 to complain about the destabilizing influence of…

"Trinity Church, which became an emotional refuge amid the fallout at ground zero, is offering services to its neighbors during a time of crisis: free spiritual and psychological counseling for workers who have been affected by the current Wall Street financial turmoil." Oh ha, it's the 9/11 of bankers getting fired!…

Seven years after terrorists attacked New York and Washington in a stunning feat of gargantuan destruction that instilled a seemingly permanent sense of fear in Americans pretty much everywhere except New York and DC, we at Gawker have not forgotten to never forget! And guess what, there is a very difficult new quiz…

MSNBC is replaying, in real time, its coverage of 9/11. Happy anniversary, New York! Relive the magic! Apparently Keith "no responsible newsroom plays this graphic footage anymore" Olbermann does not actually have a stranglehold on that cable news network. No one watched MSNBC's coverage on that terrible day, of…